{"id":23861,"date":"2017-10-24T11:00:31","date_gmt":"2017-10-24T10:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=23861"},"modified":"2022-05-16T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2022-05-16T11:00:00","slug":"7-myths-about-sex-addiction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/7-myths-about-sex-addiction.htm","title":{"rendered":"7 Myths About Sex Addiction You Need to Know"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>

By: cg.lindstrom<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Secretly worried you are a sex addict? Or suspect someone you know might be?<\/p>\n

Learning the myths vs reality of sex addiction<\/strong> can be helpful.<\/p>\n

7 Myths About Sex Addiction\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/h3>\n

1. Sex addicts have sex all the time.<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n

Addiction<\/a> is never actually a quantity issue.\u00a0<\/strong>Yes, if we drink often we might be more likely<\/em> to be an alcoholic<\/a>. And if we have a lot of sex, we might be more likely<\/em> to be a sex addict.<\/p>\n

But some sex addicts,\u00a0for example, merely think about sex nonstop and have very little (if any) real<\/strong> sexual encounters.<\/p>\n

We are\u00a0<\/em>an\u00a0addict not because of how often we engage in a behaviour, but because\u00a0we are out of control to stop a behaviour <\/em>even when it is resulting in negative consequences.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So sex is an addiction if your\u00a0thoughts and actions around\u00a0sex run your life in ways that<\/strong> damage your relationships<\/a>, social life, family life<\/a>, and possibly even your career<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course an addict often spends a lot of time convincing him or herself there is no problem and they are in control<\/a>.<\/strong> But note that the very fact you are questioning if you are in control likely means there is an issue worth looking at.<\/p>\n

[Read our comprehensive\u00a0\u00a0Guide to Addiction<\/a> for more about the symptoms of addiction.]<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

2. You can easily spot a sex addict.<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n
\"sexual

By: jenn<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Yes, some people evidently lack sexual boundaries<\/a><\/strong> and\/or come across as overly sexually available. This is often a sign of not just addiction but codependency <\/a>or even a personality disorder<\/a>, such as histrionic personality disorder<\/a> or borderline personality disorder<\/a>.<\/p>\n

But many sex addicts are the last person you’d suspect. Addiction is often by it\u2019s very nature hidden.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The pain and shame <\/a>that drive addiction thrive in secrecy. This is why such an important part of any 12-step recovery process is to admit the problem to others.<\/p>\n

3. Sex addicts love sex.<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n

Many sex addicts engage in sexual fantasy or behaviours that leave them feeling mired in shame<\/a> and self-hatred after. <\/strong>They might think about things that repulse them yet turn them on, or have sex with people they don\u2019t even like.<\/p>\n

In therapy, a sex addict might discover they are<\/strong> very out of touch with themselves and their desire. They have to go back to square one with discovering what they truly like and don\u2019t like when it comes to sex.<\/p>\n

4. Sex addicts are always players.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n

You can be in a relationship <\/a>and still be a sex addict.<\/strong> Perhaps, for example, you constantly self-pleasure and fantasise, or have ongoing sexual chats with strangers over the internet behind your partners back.<\/p>\n

Or you might use sex addictively with your partner,<\/strong> demanding it constantly and getting angry or upset if they can\u2019t meet your needs, and using sex over communication whenever the relationship falters.<\/p>\n

Some sex addicts carry out their addiction by always thinking they are \u2018in love<\/a>\u2019.<\/strong> They have many intense relationships<\/a> one after another (this can overlap with love addiction<\/a> or romance addiction).<\/p>\n

5. Sex addicts are predators.<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n
\"sex<\/a>

By: Nicky Rowbottom<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

A sexual predator seeks<\/strong> power over another person, and the rush or \u2018high\u2019 is about degrading or hurting the other person. They often show little to no remorse, blaming the other person<\/a> for the interaction or claiming it was beyond their control.<\/p>\n

A sex addict is seeking<\/strong> relief from inner pain. Sexual addiction is not about the other person at all. The person they hurt is themselves, and they suffer shame <\/a>and guilt<\/a> after.<\/p>\n

Note also that sex addiction does not always involve other people. It can be carried out via<\/strong>\u00a0compulsive self pleasuring, or through things like excessive visits to strip bars or use of online chat rooms.<\/p>\n

6. If you are a sex addict, it\u2019s because you have sexual issues.<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n

Sex addiction is not at root about sex at all.<\/strong> Like all addictions, it is rather a maladaptive coping mechanism and a response to trauma<\/a>. Addictive behaviour allows us to even briefly escape who we are, and all the thoughts and feelings we don\u2019t like.<\/p>\n

It is true, however, that the trauma<\/a> driving sexual addiction is<\/strong> often sexual abuse as a child<\/a>. This can leave you with problematic thoughts, feelings, and boundaries<\/a> around sex. That said, other forms of trauma can also lead to sex addiction, including neglect, physical abuse<\/a>, manipulation, or lack of attachment<\/a>.<\/p>\n

7. Sex addiction is fun.<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n

Many people like to joke they are a sex addict. But for those who truly do suffer<\/strong> sexual addiction, life is far from fun.<\/p>\n

Sex addiction brings a constant cycle of<\/strong> highs and lows that leave you out-of-control, mired in self-hatred and shame, and unable to trust yourself<\/a>. It often comes hand in hand with depression<\/a>, anxiety<\/a>, high levels of stress<\/a>, other addictions like overeating<\/a> and overuse of alcohol and drugs<\/a>, and severe loneliness<\/a>. And there is nothing enjoyable about any of that.<\/p>\n

Would you like to talk to an experienced counsellor or psychotherapist who deals with sexual addiction<\/a>? Harley Therapy connects you with registered and professional therapists across the UK, and also worldwide via Teams & Zoom<\/a><\/span><\/strong>.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Still have questions about sex addiction? Want to share a personal experience with other readers? Post below in our public comments box.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Secretly worried you are a sex addict? Or suspect someone you know might be? Learning the myths vs reality of sex addiction can be helpful. 7 Myths About Sex Addiction\u00a0 1. Sex addicts have sex all the time. Addiction is never actually a quantity issue.\u00a0Yes, if we drink often we might be more likely to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":23875,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[91,9],"tags":[15,174,316],"class_list":["post-23861","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction","category-sex-problems","tag-sex","tag-sex-addiction","tag-sexual-issues","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"\n7 Myths About Sex Addiction You Need to Know - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sex addiction can be something we joke about. But for those who suffer, it's far from a laughing matter. 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