{"id":4277,"date":"2014-02-13T11:00:08","date_gmt":"2014-02-13T11:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=4277"},"modified":"2023-03-04T13:56:56","modified_gmt":"2023-03-04T13:56:56","slug":"partner-enable-flourish","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/partner-enable-flourish.htm","title":{"rendered":"Does Your Partner Enable You to Flourish?"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Ruth Nina Welsh<\/span><\/p>\n

\"good<\/a>

By: Katie Tegtmeyer<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

When you think of embarking on a relationship,<\/strong> whether or not your partner will enable you to flourish may not be the first thought on our mind. Attraction can often blind us to deeper issues.<\/p>\n

The problem is, this means that we can sometimes<\/strong> find ourselves in difficult situations with a partner who isn\u2019t good for us emotionally. A partner who doesn\u2019t enable us to flourish. This can then lead to unhappiness and discontent.<\/p>\n

Is it a happy relationship?<\/h2>\n

While it\u2019s desirable to have these deeper thoughts in mind while finding a partner, it\u2019s also never too late to assess how good our current relationship is for us.<\/p>\n

One of the key ingredients in a happy relationship is whether or not a person supports you or undermines you: whether, emotionally, they enable you to flourish or cause you to shrivel and wither away. Consider for a few moments your own relationship. Does your partner enable you to flourish?<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s look firstly at being a positive enabler and then, secondly, at the importance of flourishing.<\/p>\n

Being a positive enabler<\/h2>\n

Often, in psychological usage, the word \u2018enable\u2019 is used negatively. We may see it used in the context of a partner of an alcoholic who \u2018enables\u2019 this poor behaviour, who \u2018enables\u2019 a partner\u2019s negative actions by supporting their drinking. But enabling can also be a positive term. Here is a useful definition of enabling:<\/p>\n

Verb – to enable:<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n

a. <\/b>To supply with the means, knowledge, or opportunity; make able: b. <\/b>To make feasible or possible (The Free Dictionary)<\/a><\/p>\n

By enabling a person, we can help make things possible for them. Used in a positive sense, this means that we would support our partner\u2019s plans and encourage their dreams. We wouldn\u2019t undermine and belittle them as this would inevitably lower their confidence and self-esteem.<\/p>\n

\"better<\/a>

By: jean-louis Zimmermann<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Being a positive enabler is selfless behaviour. It occurs because we love and want the best for our person. We long to see them happy, and we constantly offer ways to help make this possible. This is not about taking over or bossing our partner around. It doesn\u2019t involve overtly or covertly controlling them. It\u2019s also not about being a doormat. It is about being a supportive presence.<\/p>\n

HOW IS YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP – ENABLING OR UNDERMINING?<\/h2>\n

Is this how your relationship works? Does your partner look for ways to support you, to enable you, or do they spend time undermining you? Do they consider your plans and thoughts and factor these into their own decisions? Or do they run roughshod over your dreams and prioritise their own?<\/p>\n

When looking for a partner, or looking at your partner now, consider how much they help you to flourish and make your life possible. Conversely, how much do they contribute to undermining you, and thwarting you? It\u2019s also equally important to look at the example you offer on this. Are you a supportive presence in the relationship? Do you actually enable your partner to flourish?<\/p>\n

ARE YOU FLOURISHING?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

When you think of flourishing perhaps your mind gravitates, like mine, to plants and flowers. Imagine a border of beautiful, vibrant flowers. Perhaps a mix of roses, lupins, geraniums, dahlias, set in contrast to low-lying bedding plants. The flowers are thriving, they look healthy and strong, they stand out as beacons of colour in our border – they are flourishing. They are admired and appreciated by those who see them.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s unlikely that this has occurred by accident. The plants and shrubs have been nurtured, originally as tender plants, stripped of any disease as it occurs, and watered at various times during their growth cycle. These flourishing plants have been tended to and cared for. The gardener has enabled the border to flourish.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

By: Tony Hisgett<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

This is a metaphor for our relationship. This is what we can hope for in a relationship. This is what we can hope a partner does for us. They tend to us, care for our needs, check things are going well and make things possible for us. All so that we can flourish, all so that we can thrive. This is the selfless act of a loving partner. It\u2019s a vital facet of a good healthy relationship and it provides us with a deep sense of love and contentment.<\/p>\n

AN EXAMPLE OF UNDERMINING vs. ENABLING TO FLOURISH<\/h2>\n

Let\u2019s look at a simple example to develop our topic. John has come home from work and looks to his partner, Hilary, and tells her about an amazing idea he\u2019s had for a new project. Here are two possible ways in which she responds:<\/p>\n