{"id":5214,"date":"2023-03-21T11:00:36","date_gmt":"2023-03-21T11:00:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=5214"},"modified":"2023-05-19T14:02:33","modified_gmt":"2023-05-19T13:02:33","slug":"jealousy-head","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/jealousy-head.htm","title":{"rendered":"Jealousy in Relationships &#8211; Is it all in Your Head?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_11988\" style=\"width: 439px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-11988\" class=\"wp-image-11988\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2426168846_f4db990447-500x375.jpg\" alt=\"jealousy in relationships\" width=\"429\" height=\"322\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2426168846_f4db990447.jpg 500w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/2426168846_f4db990447-400x300.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 429px) 100vw, 429px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-11988\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/rileyroxx\/2426168846\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\">Richard Riley<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Dealing with the &#8216;green-eyed monster&#8217; lately? You\u2019re not alone. Jealousy in relationships is common.<\/p>\n<h2>Why does jealousy in relationships happen?<\/h2>\n<p><strong>Yes, jealous feelings are often triggered<\/strong> by real situations. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-people-cheat-on-partners.htm\">Partners do cheat<\/a> sometimes, or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/workaholic-symptoms.htm\">prioritise work<\/a>, or otherwise leave us <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/overlooked-again.htm\">feeling overlooked<\/a>. Jealousy happens as we need to talk and sort things out.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">But if you are constantly jealous in relationships, the roots of jealousy will lie in how you feel about yourself. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>When we feel happy and secure<\/strong>, we are unlikely to experience jealous feelings over mere suspicions. But when we feel vulnerable, or less than? It becomes <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/trusting-others-hard.htm\">harder to trust<\/a> that your relationships will thrive and that your partner will not <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/fear-of-abandonment.htm\">abandon you<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>This means that jealousy can particularly be a problem if we:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>suffer<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/self-esteem-and-depression.htm\"> low self-esteem<\/a><\/li>\n<li>live with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-change-your-core-beliefs.htm\">negative beliefs<\/a> about ourselves arising from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-can-i-remember-childhood-trauma-abuse.htm\">childhood trauma\u00a0<\/a><\/li>\n<li>have<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-anxious-attachment-style.htm\"> anxious attachment<\/a> from not feeling safe\/loved as as child<\/li>\n<li>have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/emotionally-unstable-personality-disorder.htm\">unstable personality disorder<\/a>, where we have a deep <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/fear-of-abandonment.htm\">fear of abandonment<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Are you more jealous than you let on?<\/h2>\n<p>We can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/shame-definition.htm\">feel ashamed<\/a> to admit we are the jealous type. But telltale signs it&#8217;s our issue can include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/different-types-of-anger.htm\">being angry<\/a> at your partner all the time<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/coercive-control.htm\">monitoring their activities<\/a> or spying on them<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/controlling-behaviours-actually-guilty.htm\">being controlling<\/a> and demanding, such as forbidding them from seeing certain people<\/li>\n<li>giving them ultimatums, &#8216;if you don&#8217;t do this I&#8217;ll do that&#8217;<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-passive-aggressive-behaviour.htm\">passively aggressively<\/a> punishing them (showing up late, not answering texts, etc)<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/psychological-projection-are-you-making-everyone-else-responsible.htm\">turning it on them<\/a> and claiming they are the jealous one<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/medically-unexplained-symptoms-counselling.htm\">getting &#8216;sick&#8217; all the time<\/a> to force them to give you more attention.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Are we becoming more jealous in general?<\/h2>\n<div id=\"attachment_11991\" style=\"width: 310px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-11991\" class=\"wp-image-11991 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/6223744145_b5ddd3df72-300x400.jpg\" alt=\"jealousy in relationships\" width=\"300\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/6223744145_b5ddd3df72-300x400.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/6223744145_b5ddd3df72.jpg 375w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-11991\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/dno1967b\/6223744145\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\">Daniel Oines<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p>The rise of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/quit-social-media.htm\">social media<\/a> and online communication has certainly changed the way in which we can relate to our partners. We can more easily spy on them, and be in constant contact.<\/p>\n<p>A <a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/272422336_Examining_How_Gender_and_Emoticons_Influence_Facebook_Jealousy\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">research study<\/a> showed, for example,\u00a0 that the ambiguity of communication through<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/psychology-of-facebook-social-networking.htm\"> Facebook<\/a> <strong>can create apparent threats to a relationship where there really are none at all.<\/strong> Participants were asked to envision a hypothetical situation, such as discovering a message in their partner\u2019s inbox from a person that reads \u201cWhat are you up to later?&#8221;.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">A significant number reported feelings of suspicion and jealousy, with women reporting higher levels than men. But when a winking emoticon was added to the innocuous message, it was the male participants who reported stronger feelings of jealousy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2>Is jealousy a necessary part of love?<\/h2>\n<p><strong>It&#8217;s not necessary, but nor is it something to be ashamed of, as it happens to the best of us.<\/strong> Sometimes it&#8217;s a sign that something really isn&#8217;t right in your relationship and needs addressing. Or even that it&#8217;s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/leave-unhappy-relationship.htm\">time to leave the relationship<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Other times, again,\u00a0it&#8217;s often more related to <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-can-i-remember-childhood-trauma-abuse.htm\">unresolved issues from the past<\/a> than meaning there is something wrong with you. In this way jealousy can be seen as a sign it&#8217;s time to commit to some work on yourself.<\/p>\n<p><strong>What about using jealousy to inject a sense of passion, and make things feel exciting and fun?<\/strong> Yes, having a partner who feels jealous of our interactions with other people can also remind us that we are attractive and wanted. But seeking out jealousy in endless games of power is not the base for a healthy relationship. It leads you away from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/authentic-relationships.htm\">authenticity<\/a> and trust.<\/p>\n<h2>How to deal with jealous feelings? 5 tips<\/h2>\n<p>If you&#8217;ve been experiencing persistent jealous feelings, don\u2019t panic. There are several ways to tackle them.<\/p>\n<h3>1. Pay attention to what\u2019s going on in your life.<\/h3>\n<p><strong>Jealous feelings can actually be a way of distracting ourselves from other issues.<\/strong> It&#8217;s easier to blame our relationship or put our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/types-of-stress.htm\">feelings of stress<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/self-compassion.htm\">low self-esteem<\/a> onto our partner than, say, admit we worry we are about to be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/made-redundant-covid-19.htm\">fired from our job<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Has anything happened recently to cause you to<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/low-self-confidence-how-much-of-a-problem-is-it-really.htm\">feel less than confident<\/a>? Work stress, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/dysfunctional-family-help.htm\">family matters<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/cyberchondria-addicted-looking-illness.htm\">physical illnesses<\/a> can all contribute to feeling insecure about relationships.<\/p>\n<p><em>It might help to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-use-a-self-help-journal.htm\">write down everything which is currently causing you stress<\/a> before you focus in on your relationship as being the cause of your feelings.<\/em><\/p>\n<h3>2. Ask what the jealousy has to teach you.<\/h3>\n<blockquote>\n<div id=\"attachment_14039\" style=\"width: 410px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-14039\" class=\"wp-image-14039 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/4851436544_4d3e800f3f-400x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/4851436544_4d3e800f3f-400x300.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/4851436544_4d3e800f3f.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-14039\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">By: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/zoetnet\/4851436544\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer\">zoetnet<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">&#8220;Jealousy is a motive of immense potency&#8230;. what you really value in life is more often revealed by asking yourself who you are jealous of rather than asking yourself directly &#8216;what do I value&#8217;. &#8220;<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>When we are jealous it&#8217;s because something we deeply value is being triggered.<\/strong> Jealousy gives us a moment to look at what our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/values-and-beliefs.htm\">deeply held values<\/a> are, and how we have made life choices that might align with them. If your jealousy is showing you that you value <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/being-honest-does-it-matter.htm\">honesty<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/authentic-relationships.htm\">authenticity<\/a>, then why, for example, do you constantly choose partners who keep <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/keeping-secrets-from-family.htm\">secrets<\/a>? Is it time to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/personal-values-know-yours.htm\">get clear on your values<\/a> with yourself, and with your partner? And see where your values do or don&#8217;t align?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Also note if the characteristics that you attribute to the person you are jealous of are<\/strong> characteristics you wish you had yourself. Do you wish you were more charismatic? <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/difficult-employee.htm\">Liked at work<\/a>? Able to chat up strangers? If you can recognise this you can begin to work towards attaining the attribute yourself instead of following the jealousy.<\/p>\n<h3>3. Don\u2019t give in to destructive behaviour inspired by jealousy.<\/h3>\n<p>Remember that the only solution to jealous feelings is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/communication-problems.htm\">safe and open communication<\/a>. There is no other way to soothe your fears, rational or irrational.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"color: #333399;\">If you feel the urge to check your partner\u2019s texts or otherwise invade their privacy, try to see this as a sign that you need to talk with them, rather than<a style=\"color: #333399;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-impulsivity.htm\"> an impulse you must act upon<\/a>.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3>4. Be honest about your past or your emotional issues.<\/h3>\n<p><strong>Is the hard truth that you are\u00a0<em>always\u00a0<\/em>jealous and insecure in relationships? <\/strong>That something about intimacy just turns you into a panicked or even <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/why-am-i-so-mean-to-my-partner.htm\">mean person<\/a>, always on edge? Or that you constantly get jealous and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/the-private-hell-of-rejection-why-does-it-keep-happening-to-you.htm\">afraid of rejection<\/a>, then <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/push-pull-relationship.htm\">push-pull people<\/a>?<\/p>\n<h3>5. Consider <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/common-issues-in-couples-therapy.htm\">couples therapy<\/a>.<\/h3>\n<p>Not just your issue but the relationship itself? Sometimes there is nothing better then a third party to help you and your partner communicate how you really feel. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/couples-therapy.htm\">Couples therapy<\/a> helps you sort out what&#8217;s really going on, versus living by your worries and fears about what the other is thinking and feeling.<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #800080;\">Time to stop drowning in jealousy and have healthy sane relationships? Or take the relationship you have more seriously? We connect you with some of London&#8217;s most highly rated<a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/relationship-counselling-london.htm\"> therapists for relating issues<\/a>\u00a0and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/couples-counselling-london.htm#view-therapist\">couples therapists<\/a>. Or you can try our <a href=\"https:\/\/harleytherapy.com\/therapists?specialism=relationships\">therapy listings site<\/a> where UK-wide therapists advertise their services and are ranked by users.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333399;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-117271 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673-150x150.png\" alt=\"Andrea M. Darcy mental health expert\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673-200x200.png 200w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673-50x50.png 50w, https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-content\/uploads\/headshot-yellow-e1675110089673.png 268w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amdarcy.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Andrea M. Darcy<\/a> is a mental health and wellbeing expert and writer who has written hundreds of popular articles about relationships. Find her on Instagram @am_darcy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jealousy in relationships- why do we feel jealous? What can you do about it and what is jealousy really about? Read our 7 tips to manage jealousy now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":14039,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[161],"class_list":["post-5214","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-jealousy","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.0 (Yoast SEO v27.0) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Jealousy in Relationships - Is it all in Your Head? - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Jealousy in relationships- why do we feel jealous? 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