{"id":52320,"date":"2018-01-16T11:00:47","date_gmt":"2018-01-16T11:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=52320"},"modified":"2023-03-08T11:57:22","modified_gmt":"2023-03-08T11:57:22","slug":"judging-people-why-we-do-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/judging-people-why-we-do-it.htm","title":{"rendered":"Judging People – Why We Do it and the Price We Pay"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"judging<\/a>

By: Brian Smithson<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

You can tell yourself it\u2019s only something you do with close friends<\/span><\/a>. It\u2019s just a bit of humour, or \u2018you don\u2019t really mean it\u2019.<\/p>\n

But deep down, most of us know that judging people isn\u2019t a good idea.<\/strong> It\u2019s as if something inside of us feels not quite right with each snide remark that leaves our mouth.<\/p>\n

So why, then, can judging others feel so hard to stop?<\/em><\/p>\n

Why we judge people\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

A basic premise of personal coaching<\/span><\/a> is that if we can’t stop a habit, it’s because we aren’t acknowledging what it actually gives us that we want. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

See if the following unconscious<\/span><\/a> reasons for judging others<\/strong> feel familiar.<\/p>\n

1. It brings you attention.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Judging others when they aren\u2019t around can make people laugh. Of course it\u2019s not a positive form of attention. But if something in you craves attention, then judging can be your way to get it.<\/p>\n

2. It helps you feel accepted.<\/span><\/h3>\n
\"Judging<\/a>

By: Ben Stephenson<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Dropping judgements behind someone\u2019s back tends to be something we do with people we expect to agree with us. In this way it acts as a form of bonding. You are seeking connection<\/span><\/a>, and judgement might be the only way you know how to get it.<\/p>\n

3. It gives you control.<\/span><\/h3>\n

What about judging people to their face, however hidden in \u2018jokes\u2019 or \u2018feedback\u2019 \u00a0it may be? This can be a way to feel in control<\/span><\/a>. It puts the other person in his or her place and asserts your power.<\/p>\n

4. It stops intimacy.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Of course asserting your feelings of authority via judging others means the other person will close down to you in order to protect themselves. So if something in you is afraid of intimacy<\/span><\/a>, then judgements might be your secret way of keeping everyone at arm’s length.<\/p>\n

5. It helps you feel better about yourself.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Judgements are often projections<\/a> – things we secretly worry are true about ourselves that we then dump onto another person. This can create momentary relief, as you can convince yourself the thing you find so unsavoury is nothing to do with you.<\/p>\n

The Price We Pay for Judging Others<\/span><\/h2>\n

The above reasons for judging others might make it clear to you what you are actually losing out on with your habit. But let\u2019s review:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n