{"id":82290,"date":"2018-02-08T11:00:16","date_gmt":"2018-02-08T11:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=82290"},"modified":"2022-05-16T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2022-05-16T11:00:00","slug":"what-is-love-addiction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/what-is-love-addiction.htm","title":{"rendered":"What is Love Addiction? (And Do We All Suffer Now and Then?)"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"is<\/a>

By: marc falardeau<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

How could love be addictive? Isn\u2019t it supposed to be a good thing we all want?\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Love is a broad term. And the ways we throw around this term in modern day society aren\u2019t always about love at all.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This becomes very clear when it comes to what is referred to\u00a0in psychology\u00a0as \u2018love addiction\u2019.<\/p>\n

What is love addiction?\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

First of\u00a0all, we need to clarify what ‘addiction’ is.<\/p>\n

Addiction<\/span><\/a> happens when we have a habit that we are unable to control. Because we are not<\/strong> in control, the habit takes over our attention to the point that other parts of our life suffer. Our daily routine becomes more and more of a challenge. Another strong marker of an addiction<\/span><\/a> is secrecy<\/span> <\/a>and feelings of shame<\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n

So\u00a0then what is love addiction?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Love addiction is a\u00a0 dysfunctional way of seeing relationships<\/span><\/a> and\/or behaving within relationships that is unconsciously used to avoid facing our real self – complete with our real pain, our real responsibilities, our real needs, and our real personal power<\/span><\/a>. Such is our need to avoid ourselves that these ways of seeing and behaving in and around relationships grow to dominate our lives and control us.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

When we are a love addict, we look to romance or to another person to provide these things we are unconsciously refusing to provide for ourselves.<\/strong> We want a big romance or the object of our affections to give us self-worth<\/span><\/a>, safety, and purpose.<\/p>\n

I don’t get it – What is Healthy “Love” Then?<\/h4>\n
\"what<\/a>

By: Rachel Hofton<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

When we are a love addict we make an unconscious contract with other people – you take care of<\/strong> my feelings and make me feel good, and I’ll take care of yours.” We think it’s the other person’s job to make us feel happy and whole. We don’t realise that this is\u00a0a dangerous, soul-destroying game.<\/p>\n

In her popular book, “Is it Love, or Is It Addiction?”, psychologist Brenda Schaeffer puts it this way, “Rather than a bonding, it [love] becomes a psychological bondage.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In a healthy relationship, you\u00a0realise\u00a0that you can care for another person, and help them in practical ways while doing your best to support them. But their feelings and their sense of completeness are up to them, and yours up to you. Nobody ‘owes it to you’ to make you feel\u00a0good or whole. Rather, you owe it to yourself, and make consistent steps to achieve it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The different types of love addiction<\/h3>\n

Some divide love addiction into different strands, which you can have one or several of.\u00a0These include:\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n