{"id":99923,"date":"2018-09-11T11:00:04","date_gmt":"2018-09-11T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=99923"},"modified":"2023-03-08T13:59:12","modified_gmt":"2023-03-08T13:59:12","slug":"the-mother-wound-under-mothered","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/the-mother-wound-under-mothered.htm","title":{"rendered":"The Mother Wound – Were You Under Mothered?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"mother

By: Kim Str\u00f8mstad<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

The mother wound is not a clinical diagnosis.<\/p>\n

But is a useful short hand to describe a very real psychological issue<\/strong> – being under mothered.<\/p>\n

Those with a mother wound are left to navigate adulthood without the base of confidence<\/a> and security that enough mothering instills.<\/em><\/p>\n

[Do you feel your mother issues are so big you need help, fast? Harley Therapy booking platform<\/a> provides affordable online therapy as soon as tomorrow.]<\/span><\/p>\n

But my mother was so ‘nice’\u2026.<\/h2>\n

Sometimes it\u2019s very apparent we were not mothered. Our mother had<\/strong>\u00a0psychological issues, or an addiction<\/a>, or a physical illness<\/a>. She was clearly unable to provide the consistent love and support needed for a child to prosper.<\/p>\n

But there is another type of mother that can leave us an adult who feels guilty<\/a> for daring to think we <\/strong>have a mother wound. This is the fun, generous mother everyone else loved. The mother who took care of us in a physical sense. We had a nice home, nice clothes, we were driven to after school classes, we never wanted for anything.<\/p>\n

Except we did. We wanted for love and acceptance. A child has an innate need to<\/strong> feel loved and accepted no matter what their moods, thoughts, and actions.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

A mother can appear very together and even do her best, given what she learned from<\/strong> her own mother, to follow her idea of ‘good parenting<\/a>‘.<\/p>\n

But if our mother was emotionally absent or unreliable, often distant and preoccupied, emotionally cold, or only loved us when we pleased her? Then we were essentially \u2018under mothered\u2019.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What does under mothering look like?<\/h2>\n
\"mother

By: Loren Kerns<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

Under mothering has many faces – and voices.<\/p>\n

In fact one way to know if you are under mothered is to tune in to the little voice in your head,<\/strong> shaming<\/a> and criticising<\/a> you. Often this little voice takes its cues from our parents, or can even sound exactly like one of them.<\/p>\n

If we are under mothered this little voice will be telling us we are not wanted, not good enough, too difficult to love<\/a>. That we have to try harder, that we are second best, that we annoy people.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Or cast your mind back to childhood and try to remember how you felt growing up. If you were under mothered it would mean that you felt:<\/strong><\/p>\n