{"id":99980,"date":"2018-09-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-09-18T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/?p=99980"},"modified":"2023-03-10T18:34:38","modified_gmt":"2023-03-10T18:34:38","slug":"how-to-help-a-partner-with-depression-anxiety-trauma","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/how-to-help-a-partner-with-depression-anxiety-trauma.htm","title":{"rendered":"How to Help a Partner with Depression, Anxiety, and Childhood Issues"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"

By: Christian Gonzalez<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

by Andrea M. Darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

You love your partner. But you are worried because they are struggling. <\/span>How can you help a partner with depression<\/a>? <\/span><\/p>\n

What if they suffer anxiety<\/a>, or had a difficult childhood<\/a>?<\/span><\/p>\n

[Are you overwhelmed by your partner’s problems? Not sure whether to stay or leave<\/a>, need to talk to someone? Our sister site provides affordable online therapy<\/a>, fast.]\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

How to Help a Partner With Depression or Mental Health Issues <\/span><\/h2>\n

The first golden rule here is one that is very hard for most partners to hear. <\/strong>It is hard to see someone we love suffer. We want to help.\u00a0<\/span>But let\u2019s get this on the table loud and clear first. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

You cannot make your partner better. You can not make them go to therapy<\/a>, you can not make them change, you cannot fix them. The only person who has the power to do any of that is them. Yes, you can do your best to support them and love them, but accept that this is up to them.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

That said, there is a lot you CAN do. That really matters and really helps.<\/strong> So let\u2019s look at what those things are. <\/span><\/p>\n

1. Constantly remind him or her you are there for them. <\/span><\/h3>\n
\"How<\/a>

By: bigbirdz<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

When someone is depressed, anxious<\/a>, or suffering from long-term PTSD<\/a> from childhood trauma<\/a>? <\/span><\/p>\n

They tend to act as if they don\u2019t need other people.<\/strong> They tell you to leave them alone. They let you get close, then push you away. Or even turn things around and blame you<\/a> for upsetting them.<\/span><\/p>\n

Depression<\/a>, anxiety<\/a> and trauma<\/a> all have one very big side effect<\/strong>\u00a0— shame<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Shame makes people push others away or be confusing and even mean, when deep down they are desperate for support. Not to be smothered, or be told what to do, but just to know they are not alone. So keep letting them know. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

2. Don\u2019t push your partner to talk.<\/span><\/h3>\n

Yes, it’s true that talking about things can help. But when we are ready to talk. So trying to manipulate your partner into sharing when they are not ready or don\u2019t want to will make them less likely to turn to you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3. But do listen if they do talk. PROPER listening.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n
\"\"<\/a>

By: painteverything<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

This means you don\u2019t interrupt to share your similar experiences, you don\u2019t give advice, you don\u2019t try to act wise. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Good listening<\/a> means you simply stay quiet, allow pauses, and reflect back what they said to be sure you heard them right. And you ask good questions<\/a> if it seems appropriate.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

It\u2019s not that you can\u2019t share your experiences. In fact in <\/strong>a healthy relationship<\/a> there has to be equal sharing.\u00a0 It\u2019s just that you need to allow space between their sharing before you do, or even save your story for another time. Otherwise he or she will feel unheard. <\/span><\/p>\n

4. Stop the \u2018diagnosing\u2019.<\/span><\/h3>\n

You want to help. And you want to understand. And yes, you might have found really good information on the internet and be 99.9% sure your partner has some disorder or other.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But if he or she actually wanted that information they would have looked for it themselves. And labelling someone makes them feel judged and cornered. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

You are not a psychologist and psychiatrist<\/a>, and a lot of the ‘information’ on the internet is faulty. <\/span><\/p>\n

There is a good chance you are entirely wrong and your partner is going through something else entirely. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

If you really think your partner has a disorder, at the very most ask if they\u2019ve heard of it and suggest they might find it interesting. Or mention an article, but don’t tell them they have to read it. If they want to know more they can and will do their own research. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

5. But do the research for you.<\/span><\/h3>\n

It\u2019s not that doing research is bad. In fact it\u2019s necessary.<\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Depression and anxiety<\/a> make people act in strange ways. And if you don\u2019t do research you might not realise when it\u2019s the anxiety and depression talking, and not your partner. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The more you make an effort to understand, the better,\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong>both for your wellbeing<\/a> and theirs.<\/span><\/p>\n

6. Keep up your own life. <\/span><\/h3>\n

It\u2019s that old airplane mask scenario. We really can\u2019t help others if<\/strong> we don’t help ourselves first. Self care<\/a> is crucial.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Giving up all your own hobbies and your social life to help a partner with depression will just leave you on empty. <\/span><\/strong>Instead of being able to support your partner, you are more likely to find yourself\u00a0\u00a0picking fights<\/a>, or feeling trapped. You might even start to suffocate your partner<\/a> until they leave.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

7. Absolutely do suggest to them they seek help, but in the right way. <\/span><\/h3>\n

Again, you are not a psychologist or psychiatrist<\/a>. And this means it’s not your job to <\/span><\/strong>totally take care of someone who has mental health problems.<\/span>Trying to do so will not only kill your relationship, it will leave you with more of your own problems.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That said, telling someone in the heat of an argument ‘you need help’ is a very bad idea.\u00a0It is insensitive and can push someone towards feeling completely rejected<\/span><\/a>. They might even attempt suicide<\/a><\/span> if they are in a depressed state.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It’s very important to let someone know they could use support in a calm moment. Learn exactly what to do<\/strong> and not do in our article, “How to Tell a Loved One They Need Counselling<\/a>“.<\/p>\n

The best thing to do? Seek help yourself.\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

If you are in a relationship with someone who has not sought support but chooses to suffer through<\/strong> anxiety<\/a>, depression<\/a>, and the effects of childhood trauma<\/a>? If, actually, this is not the first time this has happened to you? But you often end up\u00a0 in relationships with people who are ‘intense’<\/a> and exciting or ‘need’ you?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Then the truth is there is a very high chance you have your own matching psychological issues. This often includes<\/strong> codependency<\/a>, coupled with low self-esteem<\/a>. You might even have your own\u00a0childhood trauma<\/a> to process.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Seeking help yourself not only helps you<\/strong> divide your own issues from your partner’s, it also shows them how beneficial therapy is. And one of the best ways to help others is to lead by example.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Harley Therapy manages some of London’s top relationship counsellors<\/a><\/span> and talk therapists in central locations. Not in London or the UK? Our sister site harleytherapy.com<\/span><\/a> means you can book affordable therapy<\/span> from any location.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

\"AndreaAndrea M. Darcy <\/b>is a mental health and wellbeing expert and personal development teacher with training in person-centred counselling and coaching, as well a popular psychology writer who often writes about relationships. Follow her on Instagram for useful life tips @am_darcy<\/span><\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Andrea M. Darcy You love your partner. But you are worried because they are struggling. How can you help a partner with depression? What if they suffer anxiety, or had a difficult childhood? [Are you overwhelmed by your partner’s problems? Not sure whether to stay or leave, need to talk to someone? Our sister […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":99985,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"yes","_lmt_disable":"no","footnotes":""},"categories":[4,6],"tags":[375,332,378,379],"class_list":["post-99980","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-depression","category-relationships","tag-childhood-trauma","tag-codependency","tag-depression","tag-relationships","has_thumb"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Help a Partner with Depression, Anxiety, and Childhood Issues - Harley Therapy\u2122 Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"How to help a partner with depression, anxiety, or childhood trauma? 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Darcy","author_link":"#"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"by Andrea M. Darcy You love your partner. But you are worried because they are struggling. How can you help a partner with depression? What if they suffer anxiety, or had a difficult childhood? [Are you overwhelmed by your partner’s problems? Not sure whether to stay or leave, need to talk to someone? Our sister…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99980","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=99980"}],"version-history":[{"count":26,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99980\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":138844,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99980\/revisions\/138844"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/99985"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=99980"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=99980"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.harleytherapy.co.uk\/counselling\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=99980"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}