Hi Jill, thanks for sharing this. It does sound like dissociation. If as a child we trained ourselves to zone out when we felt in danger or like someone would think we were not good enough and hurt us, that pattern can continue to adulthood. Whenever stress arises the zone out will start. Breathing techniques are good, as is mindfulness. But if you suspect it might be all connected to a certain experience or time in your life when you felt unsafe, and if this pattern is making life really difficult, it’s worth talking to a counsellor about it.

It does sound like dissociation. You can’t ‘control’ dissociation as it’s an ingrained reaction to stress of the primal brain. What you can do is get to the bottom of what is behind it, often a childhood trauma or a stressful experience later in life. If you are open to chatting to a counsellor, it’s might be worthwhile to do so. If you don’t have the budget, try googling ‘low cost counselling’ with your area code.

Hi Shannon, it would be a great idea to talk about this with a mental health professional if you haven’t already. A counsellor or psychotherapist, for example. Those are fairly serious lapses of memory, and it might be connected to something other than just dissociation. We can’t give any kind of diagnosis or advice without knowing you, as it would be inaccurate, but, for example, euphoric highs with blackouts of memory can be part of bipolar disorder. Hope that helps.

It’s a term many people who actually experience dissociation use to describe what they go through. But words are of course personal, and depend on what works for the person experiencing it. To us, what matters is that you find whatever word helps you communicate best with your therapist so that you can deal with any issue you have. If zoned out doesn’t work for you, use something else. We’d personally, for example, use ‘brain fog’ to describe the state which results from exhaustion or dehydration. We have an article on that too http://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/foggy-brain.htm

First of all, good for you for trying to seek support. Secondly, try not to panic and analyse yourself via internet articles. We can all find many mental disorders we have apparent symptoms of, but a real diagnosis involves having such symptoms for a long time and in a very pervasive way. It could just be that you have experienced enough trauma as a child it’s causing all of this – trauma is really powerful stuff, it effects the brain, and can cause anxiety, depression, and mood swings as well as dissociation. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who give drugs, but it’s often a better idea to go to a (much cheaper) counsellor of psychotherapist first, who can help you get to the root of your issues and give you support and processing your childhood and traumas. If he or she actually thinks it’s a disorder that will need more help, they can let you know and might be able to refer you to a psychiatrist who was more reasonable. The point is to seek help, and take it from there.

Is this a new thing? If so, go to your GP/doctor to have a physical checkup just in case. Many physical conditions can cause such symptoms and it’s important to catch them if so. Otherwise, have you had difficult experiences lately? It could possibly be depression. If your doctor doesn’t find anything wrong with your health, mention that you are stressed and see if they can refer you to a therapist.

Hi Laura, thanks for sharing this. If you experienced a trauma as a child/teen, even if you did therapy, it might be that something else in life, a challenge, relationship, could be anything, has re-triggered something. Dissociation is often related to trauma. And it sounds like your body is exhibiting quite high anxiety. To be honest we’d suggest having another round of counselling in this situation, because it’s affecting your daily life and wellbeing by the sounds of it, even putting your life at risk if you are running red lights. We wish you courage!

Thanks for sharing this. We’re sorry to hear that you were brave enough to reach out to someone but were told your issue isn’t important. There can be any number of reasons why it is happening. It might be simply that you do not like what you are studying. IF you are at high school, it can be a case of trying to find an angle that keep you interested, but if you are at university, it’s worth talking to a careers guidance counsellor to see if maybe you are studying things to gain your family’s approval that simply are not your heart’s calling. Otherwise, have you suffered great stress lately? Or a difficult experience? This can cause dissociation. If it has been an ongoing problem in your life, it could be related to an old trauma. We’d suggest you talk to your school counsellor, who will be more understanding and can offer some customised advice! Hope that helps.

Oh my goodness that is a very, very tragic thing for a child to go through, we are so sorry to hear this. And to be followed by constant moving, right when the best thing would have been stability and a chance to mourn. Such trauma causes post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, even if you are young. And feeling unattached to reality, often floating away, is a part of PTSD. As is crying and being very emotional. We actually have an article on PTSD in children https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/ptsd-in-children.htm. If you don’t feel you have PTSD, then it can also be that you are depressed, and disassociating to avoid painful feelings. It’s a survival technique that might have served you well at first, but at some point all those feelings have to be faced so you can feel alive again. The most important thing is that you deserve support. Is there any way you could somehow get in touch with a counsellor or therapist? Would your family be okay with helping you with that? If not, is there a school counsellor you might feel okay talking to?

Hi Caroline, it sounds less like dissociation, where we are watching ourselves in real time, then a form of coping. You are using fantasy to perhaps feel better when life is really hard and you feel lonely, which is entirely understandable, and shows you have a powerful imagination. You inner self is finding a coping mechanism to help you get by. What worries us here is that you are seeing a psychiatrist and a counsellor and yet neither of them wants to talk about this. Have you made it clear this is upsetting you and you want to talk about it? As for ‘is it normal’ what is normal? We all do the best we can with what we are given. Your brain is trying to cope. And there is nothing ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ about that.

Hi there, that sounds like dissociation. Worth having a chat to a counsellor about!

Hi Lucy, it makes sense. Dissociation occurs due to trauma. And it doesn’t matter when the trauma happened. For example, adults who go fight in wars often experience dissociation after as they have PTSD. Hope that helps.

Travis, it sounds like you are really suffering. So yes, help would be wonderful. The tiredness, zoning out, overthinking and underachieving might be related to past trauma and therapy could help you find a road through. It also sounds like there is some depression going on. Would you be willing to seek some support? If so, do read our articles on here on finding a therapist that is right for you. The most defeating thing of all can be that the first time we seek therapy we think we have to accept any old therapist and end up with one we don’t feel right with, then we reject the support. Make sure you find someone you can click with and who offers a type of therapy that clicks with your issues. We wish you courage!

Hi Sirine, thanks for commenting. First of all, do get a medical checkup to ensure it’s not related to a physical illness. Then we’d suggest you talk to a counsellor. It could be simply down to the fact that you are making life choices you don’t like, such as working a job your parents thought was a good idea and you don’t. This alone can cause dissociation. Or it might be that there are things you have glazed over about your childhood that you now need to look at. Whatever the case, very worth seeking support over and taking seriously.

Kathryn, thanks for sharing. We can’t give a diagnosis over a comment box, obviously. But we can provide information you can then look into. Yes, zoning out is a sign of ADHD. We recommend you some research on new definitions of ADHD. It’s especially noted that girls are more likely to always be dreaming/inwardly distracted as opposed to the outwardly evident form of distraction that was originally thought the only distraction symptom (which some feel has been behind many girls with ADHD not being diagnosed). Yet you reference a difficult childhood. Dissociation is also a symptom of PTSD. ADHD vs PTSD is a highly debated topic. Some feel that many people diagnosed with ADHD actually have long-term PTSD from childhood trauma, and not ADHD. ADHD and PTSD have very similar symptoms, and a high level of children diagnosed with ADHD in America were found to come from unstable, economically challenged and/or traumatic homes, and yet it wasn’t being addressed. Again, we can’t diagnose, do you have ADHD, PTSD, both? Does one of your family members have ADHD, showing a genetic component? Have you had treatment and help with your childhood trauma, thus showing the dissociation might be from the ADHD? In fact the real question here is, do you have the support you need. Labels are just labels. They don’t really change anything. Only seeking support and working through things can do that. So if you haven’t already, we’d highly suggest seeking out a talk therapist who has experience with childhood trauma, possibly one who integrates EMDR. Hope that helps.

Hi Claire, it could be dissociation, but we can’t make a diagnoses without knowing someone properly and certainly not based on a comment. This sort of spaciness can, on one hand, be the result of changing hormones in adolescence. On the other hand, you say you suffered from harassment and abuse. This would make you a candidate for dissociation. Note that zoning out can also be part of long-term PTSD from trauma. Have you talked to anyone about this? Someone you trust? A counsellor? It would be a good idea if you had the courage.

Hi Lauren, it seems as if you have created a way to feel calmer, as a sort of survival tactic against anxiety. It would be the same sort of habit as something like thumb sucking. You would basically be attempting to stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system (holding your breath stimulates the vagus nerve). The problem is not really the habit, it’s the extreme anxiety driving the habit. If you dealt with the anxiety, we are willing to bet that with time this habit will fall away. We’d highly suggest that you seek a counsellor or therapist to work with, one you feel you could learn to trust.

People can have ‘psychotic breaks’ which is different than dissociation. Was it in the night? Was he at all sleep walking? We can’t say without knowing both of you what happened. It could be one of many things. Sometimes when people do things they are ashamed of they can even choose to ‘forget’ it and talk themselves into believing something else. Long story short, anyone who is under too much stress needs support. He might need to talk to HR to see what they can provide. His insurance might cover some counselling, for example. If not there are many private counsellors who see people over this exact issue, work stress.

Hi Alex, we really can’t diagnose anything in a comment, and we don’t know anything about when this started, if there is any precedent, etc. Assuming you have no health issues and there is not a need to see a GP (there are medical conditions that can cause spaciness) then do consider going to see a therapist. They can help you get to the root of this.

There are a bunch of things to consider here. You are living under huge amounts of stress and qualify as experiencing trauma. Extreme religion tends to feed one a steady diet of fear and control, which is one side of the stress, absolutely. And it often takes a lot of time to get over being in a cult when we reach adulthood. But you then very casually mention your mother is mentally ill and tried to commit suicide. That is HUGELY traumatic for a child. If a child thinks they almost lost their mother, yes, they will dissociate in order to protect from further pain. This is likely all compounded by having a teenage brain, which is going through hormonal surges which causes further brain fog. In summary, all things considering you sound very practical and sharp, so cut yourself some slack. Stop expecting yourself to be perfect and start giving yourself as much credit as you can for what you are achieving. You are getting by which is in itself amazing. Then reach out for any support you can. If there is a school counsellor you feel comfortable talking to, it’s a good start. There also might be free helplines and support groups for teens locally (in the UK there are several all in this article – bit.ly/mentalhelplines). Look for forums online of other people surviving being in the JW world. Do what you can to get through this and get to college, where you will finally have the chance to make your own choices. If your grades are suffering so bad you are worried you won’t get into college, then definitely speak to the school counsellor. Try not to think extreme thoughts. There are always solutions. Worse case scenario, if you have to take a year off school before college to work, say, try to see that you are young, that you can get there, and that what matters is that you keep putting one foot in front of the other, not how you compare to what others are doing. They are not you. They are not going through what you are.

Lindy, it all sounds super hard. PTSD is actually, in the big picture, a fairly new diagnosis, and the way the brain processes trauma is still only now being understood with ‘diagnoses’ and treatment shifting all the time. So what matters here is trusting your instincts. For example, you feel your husband has long term PTSD, flashbacks or not. If this is so, exploring childhood traumas right away could be detrimental and re-traumatise him. It would be an idea to try therapies that stablise his physical symptoms first instead, such as PTSD and EMDR. Other therapies we can’t personally recommend as they are not recommended by the BPS are hypnotherapy, BWRT, body therapies, and neurofeedback. There is a good book on trauma called “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk which we recommend that covers some of this. All this aside, we see another perhaps more pertinent issue going on. Your husband is not wanting the treatment you want him to have and you are spending all your time and energy trying to ‘fix’ him. Unfortunately, therapies work when someone wants to do it. And another question to ask here is, do you need some support yourself here? Even just to deal with this stress and look at the dynamic of your relationship? Sometimes the best way to help others is to help ourselves first and set an example. Just a thought.

Hi Pawan, have you talked to her about it? What does she think it is about? Does she feel she needs some support? Unfortunately you can’t change this for her, she’ll have to want to get help. But if she was willing to chat to a counsellor it would be helpful. Crying when others are laughing definitely sounds like there is a psychological issue there. But to be safe we’d also suggest a physical checkup. There are physical conditions that can cause brain fogginess and emotional swings.

Jennifer, we are sorry to hear about your tragic loss. That is an awful lot to go through. To be honest PTSD alone could cause all these symptoms, and after such a sudden loss then you would likely have PTSD. PTSD is a very physical diagnosis, and can include dissociation, breathing tightness, floating, feeling sick, exhaustion, all of it. Have you gone for diagnosis? Because it is one distinct trauma that triggered your symptoms you might want to look into a therapist who offers EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprogramming. It can help lower the physical response you are having. As for the Benadryl, we would recommend you talk to a medical doctor about that, we are not qualified to say. We wish you courage.

It’s interesting that you want so much to seek what is ‘wrong’ with you. Why is there something wrong with you? Because you don’t feel like other people? Or because you are stressed and anxious? You’d be amazed to discover how many people are stressed and anxious secretly. High school is HARD. People deal with it in different ways, and some are better at hiding it than others. Assuming you know what everyone else is going through and it’s not the same as what you are suffering is just that, a big assumption. The problem with obsessing on how different we are is that is forms an energy that pushes everyone away. What if, for just one day, you tried to find the one thing you had in common with every person you meet, instead of focussing on the difference? What might you learn? How might you then listen to people and be open to them in a way that might make you feel less lonely? As for not wanting to talk when depressed, that is normal. Most people when depressed want nothing to do with anyone. Which is why it’s so important to seek support when we are feeling okay and not wait for the next round of feeling down to hit. We’d also point out that in your strong focus in how you are different and what is wrong with you you actually manage to avoid talking about any real causes of stress. Is it family related? Past trauma? There is again nothing ‘wrong’ with you if you have family issues and trauma. You’d be joining a large percentage of the population. The thing is to seek help. Speak to a school counsellor, or read our article on how to ask your parents to help you see a therapist http://bit.ly/talktoparents./ We wish you courage.

Dee thank you for this brave sharing. It sounds like you’ve made great progress. And congrats on 27 years clean! Just to say, have you bought this up with the new psychologist? Told her you feel you are talking but not heard? It’s a great thing to discuss. You can share it in an open way, “I could be wrong but I want to share that I feel when I talk I am not heard”. Therapists are not perfect, it’s possible she could improve her listening, and maybe she’d appreciate the feedback. At the very least you could get to the root of that feeling. Also just to say that seeing things as brighter and clearer can be both an affect of being more still and mindful, more in the present, but also trauma. Have you ever had a fast shock? Notice that everything around you is sort of 3D, clear? The mind seems to go into ultra focus with shock. We still have a long way to go with understanding trauma, but you are certainly not the first person who has survived trauma who seems to have very acute senses. Maybe one day we’ll discover trauma heightens senses long term?

Hi Jess. If stress makes you zone out more, it could be that there is an unresolved trauma in your past you might want to chat with a counsellor about. Note we aren’t saying that is the case, just that if you do know there was trauma or neglect, do reach out for support. Stress triggers unresolved trauma and we zone out more and more….