Known to “Zone Out”? The Dangers of Dissociation
By: Victor Jeg
We can all ‘space out’ now and then. We get to work and realise we haven’t noticed a thing we walked past, or find we are have mindlessly eaten our way through the entire pack of biscuits.
And when big life change comes, again, it’s a normal response to feel overwhelmed. Anyone who has lost their job, or lost a loved one, knows that days can roll together in a sort of fog.
But what if you zone out more often then most? If you constantly find that at the very moment you need to be sharp-witted or share your feelings, you are lost in the clouds and unable to come down?
Then you could be suffering a more serious psychological response called ‘dissociation’.
What is dissociation?
Dissociation is when instead of staying present in the face of stress you exit your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations and zone out. It’s considered a defence mechanism in psychoanalytic theory.
By: Andrea Rose
And what is a defence mechanism? They are coping methods we develop as children to handle difficult situations and feel less pain.
Dissociation, for example, is actually a very smart tactic for a child growing up in a stressful environment. Connected to the brain’s primal ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ stress response, the child must choose ‘freeze’ as they are too young and vulnerable to run off and obviously can’t fight against an adult. They go numb, floating away from their thoughts and feelings.
Of course the problem comes when we pull dissociation, so useful as a child, into our adult lives. Going blank when your partner wants a serious discussion or feeling like you are floating out of your body when your boss asks your opinion on a merger in a board meeting? Not so useful.
The very coping mechanism that got you through childhood, left unrecognised, will sabotage your adult life and leave you mired in shame, feeeling misunderstood, and even unable to reach your potential.
What does dissociation look like? Signs to watch for
- you often feel ‘spacey’, ‘floaty’, or like your brain is ‘foggy’
- you might even get sleepy whenever life gets challenging
- people say you are really calm under stress, but the truth is you are just numb
- the more stressful a situation, the less you can think clearly
- you can have a sense you are watching your life instead of in it, as if life is a movie you are watching
- when people ask how you are feeling you find it difficult to know
- others often get frustrated as they think you aren’t listening
- you have delayed reactions – what you really wanted to say or do in a situation a day or several days later but very rarely in the moment
- you might sometimes even feel disconnected from your body, as if you aren’t quite in it
- you can easily overlook important details and forget moments
- you had a difficult or traumatic childhood
- you suffered abuse as a child or teenager
Why me? How dissociation develops
By: Shelby Steward
Again, as a defence mechanism, dissociation develops when you are young and need a way to escape feeling threatened.
Of all defense mechanisms, dissociation is the one most related to trauma. Most children who suffered abuse, either sexual abuse, physical abuse, or emotional abuse, develop the habit of dissociation. Children growing up in violent or unstable environments are also common candidates, such as children of addicts.
The dangers of dissociation
Why does it matter if you tend to ‘vacate the premise’ when life gets a bit too demanding? There are several reasons to be concerned, which can include:
- you miss opportunities as others think you aren’t interested when you are
- others see you as cool and aloof when you really aren’t
- you miss out on the chance to communicate how you really feel
- you upset others by not being responsive when they need you to be
- when you do decide how you think and feel (days later) it’s too late
- you don’t actually process your reactions and emotions but repress them
- your repressed emotions can lead to depression and anxiety
- relationships can suffer, leaving you dealing with loneliness
- you can under-perform in life if you disassociate too much
- you can settle for unhealthy relationships and situations because you overlook reality and details
And, if your dissociation goes unrecognised and unresolved and you then experience more life trauma, there is a higher risk of developing a more serious dissociative disorder, such as multiple personality disorder or depersonalisation-derealisation disorder . These can include symptoms like not recognising yourself in the mirror, feeling like your body isn’t part of you, or feeling like you are more than one person.
What can I do if I have a problem with dissociation?
Defence mechanisms tend to be so second nature it can be hard to even notice when they start and end. Writing a journal in the evening can be helpful. Where in the day did you dissociate? What do you really feel and think now, compared to what you thought you did when zoned out?
It’s suggested dissociation is also connected to the nervous system. It’s as if your body is a computer that reaches overload for input then just shuts down. It could be postulated that those with traumatic childhoods would be more likely to have a sensitive nervous system that overloads – jumpiness is a major symptom of PTSD, for example.
So work to find ways to ground and calm yourself. This might be taking up mindfulness meditation, or yoga, or trying visualisation techniques that help you feel centred.
A counsellor or psychotherapist can be quite necessary to truly break the pattern of dissociation. He or she can make sure you have the support and safe environment necessary to navigate past painful experiences, and try new and more effective behaviours.
Talk therapy can be intense, and for someone with a habit of ‘checking out’ under stress there is a chance you’ll be more overloaded and feel the urge to disengage even more. So it’s important to seek a therapist who is experienced and understand how to work with clients with dissociation.
Harley Therapy only offers therapists who have at minimum five-year clinical experience, and provides therapists worldwide via Skype counselling.
Do you have a question about dissociation we haven’t answered? Ask below in the comment box.
I had a driving test, at first I was extremely nervous and could seem to settle my nerves with breathing techniques, I started convincing myself I had already failed, then straight after a tricky manouver I zoned out and right before a round about with 2 cars turning right, my examener had to put the brake on me actually failing, I told him I convinced myself I had failed and he told me I hadn’t. But it was the zoning out that got me worried.
Hi Jill, thanks for sharing this. It does sound like dissociation. If as a child we trained ourselves to zone out when we felt in danger or like someone would think we were not good enough and hurt us, that pattern can continue to adulthood. Whenever stress arises the zone out will start. Breathing techniques are good, as is mindfulness. But if you suspect it might be all connected to a certain experience or time in your life when you felt unsafe, and if this pattern is making life really difficult, it’s worth talking to a counsellor about it.
Hey i have a problem zoning out alot and sometimes not realizing that i did sometimes i see something like visions and alot of times its blank. I always feel numb emotionally. My gf worries cause i zone out alot in a very short time period like im in a trance. She said i zoned out for mins at a time and she has a hard time snappin me out of it. Is there a way i can get control of it?
It does sound like dissociation. You can’t ‘control’ dissociation as it’s an ingrained reaction to stress of the primal brain. What you can do is get to the bottom of what is behind it, often a childhood trauma or a stressful experience later in life. If you are open to chatting to a counsellor, it’s might be worthwhile to do so. If you don’t have the budget, try googling ‘low cost counselling’ with your area code.
I have major moments that I do not remember. Like my sister says I was there for the birth of her 3rd child. I don’t remember it at all. No matter how hard I try. When my family talks to me I tend to zone out. There have been moments where I have been on such a euphoric high its like I am completely and uncontrollably drunk and don’t remember all the details. I have had sex and not remembered.
Hi Shannon, it would be a great idea to talk about this with a mental health professional if you haven’t already. A counsellor or psychotherapist, for example. Those are fairly serious lapses of memory, and it might be connected to something other than just dissociation. We can’t give any kind of diagnosis or advice without knowing you, as it would be inaccurate, but, for example, euphoric highs with blackouts of memory can be part of bipolar disorder. Hope that helps.
Unfortunately the term can be vague unless you clearly and obviously check out, or do something out of the ordinary when conflict arises.
The phrase “zoning out” isn’t appropriate in my opinion, and it could be easily confused with having alot on your mind, lack of brain nutrients, problems with sleep which are more likely the issues.
It’s a term many people who actually experience dissociation use to describe what they go through. But words are of course personal, and depend on what works for the person experiencing it. To us, what matters is that you find whatever word helps you communicate best with your therapist so that you can deal with any issue you have. If zoned out doesn’t work for you, use something else. We’d personally, for example, use ‘brain fog’ to describe the state which results from exhaustion or dehydration. We have an article on that too http://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/foggy-brain.htm
I am under pressure at work.
The other day, at my desk, I would be working, and then drift off. When I “awoke” it was as though I was “coming to”. Only to find my coworker puzzled…handing me a stack of papers saying she didn’t know what to do with them. Then she told me I got up from my desk, stood in front of her desk, shuffled her papers, then handed her mine saying she needed to do the work. I have no memory of this what so ever.
Later, I was on the phone with tech support. I don’t remember any of what was said until just before hanging up I said Thank you.
I was taken to the hospital,heart and brain checked out. Discharged with orders to rest for a couple of days of returning to work. I’m kind of freaking out here.
Hi, i experienced ALL of the symptom of Dissociation like my reaction was always too late, sometimes i thought i was stupid, because i didn’t react on the situation even good or bad when it happened. Also i read in some article that i have a symptom of Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety disorder and many other Mental Illness, i think all of this was all related, i admit i have a stressfull childhood until now at the age of thirty. I don’t know what should i do, i try to inquire in a Psychiatrist but the payment was too high.
Oh dear, not fun! But we are very glad that you were medically checked out. Do continue to check in with doctors if it doesn’t improve after several days rest, naturally. We can’t make any diagnosis without knowing you. But just to say that if you have experienced anything difficult lately, emotional shock can cause such temporary dissociation. Hope you feel better soon.
First of all, good for you for trying to seek support. Secondly, try not to panic and analyse yourself via internet articles. We can all find many mental disorders we have apparent symptoms of, but a real diagnosis involves having such symptoms for a long time and in a very pervasive way. It could just be that you have experienced enough trauma as a child it’s causing all of this – trauma is really powerful stuff, it effects the brain, and can cause anxiety, depression, and mood swings as well as dissociation. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who give drugs, but it’s often a better idea to go to a (much cheaper) counsellor of psychotherapist first, who can help you get to the root of your issues and give you support and processing your childhood and traumas. If he or she actually thinks it’s a disorder that will need more help, they can let you know and might be able to refer you to a psychiatrist who was more reasonable. The point is to seek help, and take it from there.
I feel zoned out most of the day, I have been to work but felt like I was in a daze all day by the end of the day I couldn’t bring myself to talk to any of my colleagues and when then spoke to me I just stared at them but couldn’t really understand what they were saying . I feel like I’m going a bit crazy
Is this a new thing? If so, go to your GP/doctor to have a physical checkup just in case. Many physical conditions can cause such symptoms and it’s important to catch them if so. Otherwise, have you had difficult experiences lately? It could possibly be depression. If your doctor doesn’t find anything wrong with your health, mention that you are stressed and see if they can refer you to a therapist.
I went through someone really hard as a child/ teen and I went to therapy for it. I was doing better but I’ve been noticing that I’m getting more anxious and nervous lately and I’ve been zoning out a lot. When I was in school I would to tend to zone out a lot therefore leading me to be behind in most of my classes and my grades to drop. Now that I’m driving and am taking driving school I notice that I’ll be doing a good job and have no problem focusing but out of nowhere without me noticing I zone out leading into me either almost running a red light or almost hitting something. I’ve also started to get the habit of peeling my skin off from my fingers and shaking my legs a lot. I would like to know what I can do to help me not zone out that much that way I can become a better driver and not as anxious anymore.
Hi Laura, thanks for sharing this. If you experienced a trauma as a child/teen, even if you did therapy, it might be that something else in life, a challenge, relationship, could be anything, has re-triggered something. Dissociation is often related to trauma. And it sounds like your body is exhibiting quite high anxiety. To be honest we’d suggest having another round of counselling in this situation, because it’s affecting your daily life and wellbeing by the sounds of it, even putting your life at risk if you are running red lights. We wish you courage!
When i was in the 4th grade both of parents passed away in 5-6 months. First my dad then my mom. After that i did lots of moving from state to state living with different family members. I am currently 14 years old and i find myself to zone way to much. I cant seem to concentrate in class i just sit there thinking about absolutely nothing and don’t realize it until there is commotion or a lot of movement in the classroom. When i get home i cant concentrate on doing my homework i kind of just sit on my bed for hours just staring into space. I also get frustrated very easily and when i do get frustrated it normally ends up in me crying. I was looking into why these things happen and i was wondering if it sounds like i have dissociation. As i was reading this article i realized i had quite a few of the symptoms. But i am only 14 years old
I recently started back at school and don’t cope very well with exams and stress. I’ve had some fights with friends and had a very stressful start back. For the past week or so I have been completely zoning out as if there is nothing else around me. I don’t even think, it’s almost like my brain is empty. My friends are worried because of it being so constant and other friends are annoyed at me for not listening or paying attention to them. I’m really confused and starting to get worried myself I feel like I’m going mad. I’m not eating as much and I don’t really want to go out or see anyone. I have some other things going on but I’m still unsure of why I’m feeling like this
Hi I “zone” out in class all the time. I tried useing music to stay focussed, but that stopped working, then I turned to drawing, but it’s not working anymore. I’ve tried explaining to my mother that I can’t controll it, and I’m trying, but she just say’s that I’m allowing it, and need to stop. She won’t get the help I need, because she says it’s all fake. What do I do?
Thanks for sharing this. We’re sorry to hear that you were brave enough to reach out to someone but were told your issue isn’t important. There can be any number of reasons why it is happening. It might be simply that you do not like what you are studying. IF you are at high school, it can be a case of trying to find an angle that keep you interested, but if you are at university, it’s worth talking to a careers guidance counsellor to see if maybe you are studying things to gain your family’s approval that simply are not your heart’s calling. Otherwise, have you suffered great stress lately? Or a difficult experience? This can cause dissociation. If it has been an ongoing problem in your life, it could be related to an old trauma. We’d suggest you talk to your school counsellor, who will be more understanding and can offer some customised advice! Hope that helps.
Hi Sarah, you haven’t said why you have just started back… do you refer just to going back over summer, or have you taken a break do to stress? It does sound like you are suffering from depression. Classic symptoms include foggy thinking, change in appetite, less of an interest in socialising. Has something stressful happened lately?
Hey I’m young but everything seems weird… I’ll be sitting in class and then I look somewhere and zone out and I’m not thinking about anything. Then after a while I notice I’m gone I notice my eyes are extremely heavy as if I’m in a dream or so… I have no idea what to think… it’s like I’m on some drugs but I know I’m not because I don’t do that.
Hi Tacy, that does not sound like a fun thing to experience all the time. We can’t give you a diagnosis without knowing more. It might be nothing to worry about if you are teenager, as recent research shows the teenage brain goes through a lot of hormonal changes that can cause fatigue and zoneout, especially when school starts early and the teenage brain is actually not designed for that! But if you have had difficult experiences lately, or trauma in the past, it can be depression or PTSD. So it really depends on other symptoms and your personal history. If it is possibly depression or PTSD, seek help. Otherwise, try to practise good self-care, such as eating better, getting as much sleep as you can, and doing exercise. Boring advice, but really helps with the teenage years when your body is effectively going through a lot of physical and hormonal changes.
Oh my goodness that is a very, very tragic thing for a child to go through, we are so sorry to hear this. And to be followed by constant moving, right when the best thing would have been stability and a chance to mourn. Such trauma causes post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, even if you are young. And feeling unattached to reality, often floating away, is a part of PTSD. As is crying and being very emotional. We actually have an article on PTSD in children https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/ptsd-in-children.htm. If you don’t feel you have PTSD, then it can also be that you are depressed, and disassociating to avoid painful feelings. It’s a survival technique that might have served you well at first, but at some point all those feelings have to be faced so you can feel alive again. The most important thing is that you deserve support. Is there any way you could somehow get in touch with a counsellor or therapist? Would your family be okay with helping you with that? If not, is there a school counsellor you might feel okay talking to?
Hey, I was just wondering how common it is. I zone out quite a bit but nothing too serious, every other day I won’t zone out but I feel as if I’m watching myself go through moments. If I’m walking down the street I might zone out and just start believing that I’m watching/thinking about walking down the street. It usually takes me five or so minutes before I realise I’m actually in life, I guess? It doesn’t happen so much that it’s going to jeorodise my education or ruin my life or anything, I just wanted to know how common it was. Thank you for your time x
Hi, I’m 22 now. This has been going on since I was a kid. I find myself constantly in my head. Almost like a movie where things that aren’t real happen. For the example, I think about people I have graduated with. I end up thinking about situations where one is in love with me. I also think about times we hang out. For example like we are going skiing or snowboarding. Note haven’t talked to some in five years; yet they are their in my brain. It is like I can’t get them out of my head. It’s like a movie Playing in my head. I can see my self in it… it makes me think I’m delusional. Even as kid I would go up to my room, lock the door, and just be in my head. I like it that way. It wastes a lot of time unfortunately. I just want it to stop. I’m an adult. I have told my psychiatrist and councillor they don’t say anything about it. I’m not sure if I am dissociating or not. I do remember what happened in the movie. Not always so much of the details around me. I zone out during walks that is when it comes the most or when I listen to music. I’m an adult I need help. I can’t continue to disappear in my head. Can you tell me if this is dissociation? It interesting because I feel like I know these people like have been friends forever. The truth is I’m not. We don’t talk at all. I have bpd so I know dissociation can be part of that. It is safe or Normal for this to happen? Is it something I can get rid of?
Hi Lena, we don’t know enough about you to say if it’s ‘normal’. For example, are you sleeping well lately? Are you under a lot of stress? Do you have a health condition, are you on medication? These things can all affect our sense of ‘being in reality’. Sometimes it’s just being a teenager, where our brain is actually growing and changing and we are stuck in sleep patterns that don’t match what our body needs because we have to stick to the hours of school. If you have other symptoms, such as low self-esteem, low moods, or very negative thoughts, then your tendency to zone out might be psychological and you might want to have a chat with a counsellor.
Hi Caroline, it sounds less like dissociation, where we are watching ourselves in real time, then a form of coping. You are using fantasy to perhaps feel better when life is really hard and you feel lonely, which is entirely understandable, and shows you have a powerful imagination. You inner self is finding a coping mechanism to help you get by. What worries us here is that you are seeing a psychiatrist and a counsellor and yet neither of them wants to talk about this. Have you made it clear this is upsetting you and you want to talk about it? As for ‘is it normal’ what is normal? We all do the best we can with what we are given. Your brain is trying to cope. And there is nothing ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ about that.
I space out sometimes, almost everyday, i dont think about anything, just a long hard stare at the wall. My boyfriend tries to get me out of it but he has to touch me or get in front of my line of vision because i dont hear him calling my name right next to me. I sometimes do the same thing when i wake up only i dont know where i am and have a goal of trying to figure it out looking out windows and trying to recall my memory of ever being there, and like staring at a wall it takes a lot to get me out of that trance.
When zoning out I stop breathing what does that mean
We can’t give you a diagnosis via a comment box, so if you are stopping breathing all the time you might want to talk to a GP and have a checkout. Otherwise, anxiety an leave us feeling unable to breathe.
Hi there, that sounds like dissociation. Worth having a chat to a counsellor about!
Hi I am not sure if I have asked this question in the past or not so I will say sorry for repeating myself if I have. I read about dissociation on your website and was wondering does it have to be linked to something that happened in childhood or can it happen for the first time to an adult who went through a stressful experience in adulthood? Hope that makes sense
Hi Lucy, it makes sense. Dissociation occurs due to trauma. And it doesn’t matter when the trauma happened. For example, adults who go fight in wars often experience dissociation after as they have PTSD. Hope that helps.
I zone out all the time, even when driving the car. I almost reared ended someone once but at the last second I snapped back and hit the brakes. I am really over it. I had a rough childhood/teenage years – never really felt with it and never fit in anywhere at school, or home really.
My adult life isn’t much different. Sometimes I can feel great and the day flows really well and I don’t forget anything and have a good day…That only occurs 1 out of 100 times. Every other day is the same. Exhaustion, Zoning out constantly, overthinking and under-achieving, lack of motivation in my work and in my hobbies, and no drive to try something new or push myself in a new direction. I really need some help don’t you think?
Travis, it sounds like you are really suffering. So yes, help would be wonderful. The tiredness, zoning out, overthinking and underachieving might be related to past trauma and therapy could help you find a road through. It also sounds like there is some depression going on. Would you be willing to seek some support? If so, do read our articles on here on finding a therapist that is right for you. The most defeating thing of all can be that the first time we seek therapy we think we have to accept any old therapist and end up with one we don’t feel right with, then we reject the support. Make sure you find someone you can click with and who offers a type of therapy that clicks with your issues. We wish you courage!
Hi, I grew up a happy child and had great parents, my childhood was normal and thankfully without major losses or traumas. But I still have zone out, compared to my sibling I don’t remember much about my childhood not even events and trips that lasted for weeks. and I tend to zone out a lot when I’m around people but lately it started to affect my work, apparently I skip entire conversations and important details. So how do I deal with this? because even though all the reasons mentioned in the article are logical but never applied in my case.
Hi Sirine, thanks for commenting. First of all, do get a medical checkup to ensure it’s not related to a physical illness. Then we’d suggest you talk to a counsellor. It could be simply down to the fact that you are making life choices you don’t like, such as working a job your parents thought was a good idea and you don’t. This alone can cause dissociation. Or it might be that there are things you have glazed over about your childhood that you now need to look at. Whatever the case, very worth seeking support over and taking seriously.
I wasn’t really sure if my ‘zoning out’ was a symptom of my ADHD or not. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child but I also had a pretty difficult childhood growing up, separate from the whole ADHD issue, (and I am certain that I have some form of phobia to yelling now too) but I’m pretty sure I had always had a zoning out problem, even when I was really little? Anyways, now that I’m older, I tend to zone out of conversations all the time, without any memory that I had participated in them, and I also zone out while I’m driving a lot too. My job is pretty high stress and I have to constantly check with people to make sure I heard them right before continuing with a task I was given because I have zoned out when my coworkers have spoken to me before. Should I consider it a form of dissociation? Or am I just over thinking things?
Kathryn, thanks for sharing. We can’t give a diagnosis over a comment box, obviously. But we can provide information you can then look into. Yes, zoning out is a sign of ADHD. We recommend you some research on new definitions of ADHD. It’s especially noted that girls are more likely to always be dreaming/inwardly distracted as opposed to the outwardly evident form of distraction that was originally thought the only distraction symptom (which some feel has been behind many girls with ADHD not being diagnosed). Yet you reference a difficult childhood. Dissociation is also a symptom of PTSD. ADHD vs PTSD is a highly debated topic. Some feel that many people diagnosed with ADHD actually have long-term PTSD from childhood trauma, and not ADHD. ADHD and PTSD have very similar symptoms, and a high level of children diagnosed with ADHD in America were found to come from unstable, economically challenged and/or traumatic homes, and yet it wasn’t being addressed. Again, we can’t diagnose, do you have ADHD, PTSD, both? Does one of your family members have ADHD, showing a genetic component? Have you had treatment and help with your childhood trauma, thus showing the dissociation might be from the ADHD? In fact the real question here is, do you have the support you need. Labels are just labels. They don’t really change anything. Only seeking support and working through things can do that. So if you haven’t already, we’d highly suggest seeking out a talk therapist who has experience with childhood trauma, possibly one who integrates EMDR. Hope that helps.
I think i have been suffering from this “zoning out ” since i was 9. I am 16 now but still at times i find myself looking at a person and realizing i cant hear or process anything they are saying.Sometimes when i am in the middle of sentence ,i stop short suddenly and just stare absentmindedly.Later people tell me what i did otherwise i cant remember at all. I did suffer from sexual harassment and abuse when i was small.I alse take a lot of time to complete something that is quite easy.I have a hard time concentrating as well.Is this dissociation or something normal?
Hi Claire, it could be dissociation, but we can’t make a diagnoses without knowing someone properly and certainly not based on a comment. This sort of spaciness can, on one hand, be the result of changing hormones in adolescence. On the other hand, you say you suffered from harassment and abuse. This would make you a candidate for dissociation. Note that zoning out can also be part of long-term PTSD from trauma. Have you talked to anyone about this? Someone you trust? A counsellor? It would be a good idea if you had the courage.
Since I was about 10 years old, I started to hold my breath where I do completely zone out. Typically tilt my head to the left, place my fingers on my neck and hold my breath. I can’t see anything and my hands will twitch or make weird movements – it will last for 20 seconds or so. If someone talks to me I am unresponsive even though my eyes are open and snap out of it. In school I didn’t have the control to control when I do it, it just felt necessary. Moving into some college, I trained myself never do it in front of people and only sitting down. If i do this standing up, most likely I would fall. I am 31 and suffer from a lot of anxiety from different places in my life. I also do this about 10-20 times a day depending on my activities. I have never met anyone nor have doctors ever defined it. It’s intentional, but not in an OCD type of way.
Hi Lauren, it seems as if you have created a way to feel calmer, as a sort of survival tactic against anxiety. It would be the same sort of habit as something like thumb sucking. You would basically be attempting to stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system (holding your breath stimulates the vagus nerve). The problem is not really the habit, it’s the extreme anxiety driving the habit. If you dealt with the anxiety, we are willing to bet that with time this habit will fall away. We’d highly suggest that you seek a counsellor or therapist to work with, one you feel you could learn to trust.
I have a husband who is under a lot of stress with his work. He is not happy about it.
One day he came to my bedroom and tried to strangle me and I almost got killed if i didn’t defend myself. I wasn’t talking to him for few days because i was so shocked and angry.
Last night we talked about it and he doesn’t remember the whole day incident.
Is he having problem with his brain or is it due to too much stress. He could not believe what he did to me other day.
Now I am really worried. what should we do about this? Do you think he needs to see a therapist?
People can have ‘psychotic breaks’ which is different than dissociation. Was it in the night? Was he at all sleep walking? We can’t say without knowing both of you what happened. It could be one of many things. Sometimes when people do things they are ashamed of they can even choose to ‘forget’ it and talk themselves into believing something else. Long story short, anyone who is under too much stress needs support. He might need to talk to HR to see what they can provide. His insurance might cover some counselling, for example. If not there are many private counsellors who see people over this exact issue, work stress.
I’m really struggling with zoning out. I feel like I’m just going through the motions and always in a battle with myself to stop zoning out. It’s like I’m on autopilot and I’m just a body, as my mind is somewhere else vaguely worrying or not really thinking anything. I’m so tense all the time, I get angry at myself for being in this state so often. I feel scared to be around people in case they notice or I shut down and can’t respond in the way I need to. I’m getting worried about driving as well, when I zone out and I almost feel a bit reckless like I know I’m not fully paying attention but I can’t stop and let it happen.
Hi Alex, we really can’t diagnose anything in a comment, and we don’t know anything about when this started, if there is any precedent, etc. Assuming you have no health issues and there is not a need to see a GP (there are medical conditions that can cause spaciness) then do consider going to see a therapist. They can help you get to the root of this.
I’m not sure if this is me or not. I check out for all the symptoms but it seems like my entire life is on autopilot instead of just zoning out here and there. (There was a scary moment when I was driving but the speed limit was 25mph so it wasn’t too scary but a bad sign that I zoned out behind the wheel. I’m already a teen driver this is just what I need!) I’ll just be day dreaming constantly and even now my head feels foggy but I’m still obviously in control for this. I look at my schoolwork and I know it’s easy, I’ve gotten months of work done in only a few days before, but I try to read it and my brain shuts down and suddenly hours have gone by. I was conscious the whole time just not getting any of it. I found out last year that my family religion is actually a cult and since I can’t remember anything or dates and sometimes say something happened a long time ago when really it was just last week or something was recent but it was months ago, a friend online who has been helping me with coping that I’m not going to die in Armageddon said I might have disassociated myself (its pretty common actually) and that’s why I can’t remember names, faces, times, places. It’s all random of what I can and can’t remember. Most of my memory is gone when it pertains to my family, or things brought on or affected by the religion aka everything. And it effects my schoolwork too and family life which is a problem because I have to pretend I believe in this cult for another year so that I don’t depress my mom. (She’s got depression and has tried to commit suicide multiple times since I was 3 over much smaller things than her last chance at being a successful parent leaving her religion aka believing her living child is dead) of course, it’s not all bad. I still remember lyrics to weird al songs and can recite lines from cartoons with my brother with perfect memory! Things like being at school before I went homeschool I can remember quite well, albeit mostly memories of how stressed I was because I’m not allowed to be friends with worldly kids unless they want to listen to me preach. I also have great humor about this and now that I seem to have all the bugs in the system identified I just need to figure out how to get my brain working like it should be… I’m smart enough to get this far as a 17 year old, I should be able to do my friggin homework. So far my memory has improved after I stopped beliving in my religions strict rules and I’m trying to stop isolating myself, but schoolwork and social gatherings still have me in outer space. Is it disassociation? Or something else? I really need to solve this because until I can focus on school and driving I can’t get a job and without a job I can’t be independent. I’m a Jehovah’s Witness btw.
There are a bunch of things to consider here. You are living under huge amounts of stress and qualify as experiencing trauma. Extreme religion tends to feed one a steady diet of fear and control, which is one side of the stress, absolutely. And it often takes a lot of time to get over being in a cult when we reach adulthood. But you then very casually mention your mother is mentally ill and tried to commit suicide. That is HUGELY traumatic for a child. If a child thinks they almost lost their mother, yes, they will dissociate in order to protect from further pain. This is likely all compounded by having a teenage brain, which is going through hormonal surges which causes further brain fog. In summary, all things considering you sound very practical and sharp, so cut yourself some slack. Stop expecting yourself to be perfect and start giving yourself as much credit as you can for what you are achieving. You are getting by which is in itself amazing. Then reach out for any support you can. If there is a school counsellor you feel comfortable talking to, it’s a good start. There also might be free helplines and support groups for teens locally (in the UK there are several all in this article – bit.ly/mentalhelplines). Look for forums online of other people surviving being in the JW world. Do what you can to get through this and get to college, where you will finally have the chance to make your own choices. If your grades are suffering so bad you are worried you won’t get into college, then definitely speak to the school counsellor. Try not to think extreme thoughts. There are always solutions. Worse case scenario, if you have to take a year off school before college to work, say, try to see that you are young, that you can get there, and that what matters is that you keep putting one foot in front of the other, not how you compare to what others are doing. They are not you. They are not going through what you are.
Having been diagnosed with dissociation, my husband is awaiting an appointment to see a psychologist to gradually explore his childhood traumas. I believe he possibly has ptsd too as he is easily startled (he is a retired Police Officer), I also thought that dissociation was a sub-category,
but the psychologist disagreed as he doesn’t have flash-backs. The severity of his dissociation has increased to the detriment of our relationship as well as that of the family. I can leave a room & when I return he’s briefly dissociated; conversation is nigh on impossible. His diagnosis has taken years as no one would believe me & professionals thought it was anxiety; consequently I have read just about everything published on the subject & have noticed so many articles speak about ‘grounding’. Over the years I have tried all sorts of techniques to help my husband, but he doesn’t actually realise when he’s dissociating & also doesn’t believe me when I tell him – going as far as to imply I’m lying. This is what causes most of the arguments & puts enormous pressure on me. My issue though is ‘grounding doesn’t work for him, so how do I deal with this when he doesn’t know or accept that he’s dissociated?
Lindy, it all sounds super hard. PTSD is actually, in the big picture, a fairly new diagnosis, and the way the brain processes trauma is still only now being understood with ‘diagnoses’ and treatment shifting all the time. So what matters here is trusting your instincts. For example, you feel your husband has long term PTSD, flashbacks or not. If this is so, exploring childhood traumas right away could be detrimental and re-traumatise him. It would be an idea to try therapies that stablise his physical symptoms first instead, such as PTSD and EMDR. Other therapies we can’t personally recommend as they are not recommended by the BPS are hypnotherapy, BWRT, body therapies, and neurofeedback. There is a good book on trauma called “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk which we recommend that covers some of this. All this aside, we see another perhaps more pertinent issue going on. Your husband is not wanting the treatment you want him to have and you are spending all your time and energy trying to ‘fix’ him. Unfortunately, therapies work when someone wants to do it. And another question to ask here is, do you need some support yourself here? Even just to deal with this stress and look at the dynamic of your relationship? Sometimes the best way to help others is to help ourselves first and set an example. Just a thought.
My wife zones out a lot. Once she was walking home blindly and almost got run over. There are times when friends are talking to her and she blocks out and sometimes starts crying when her friends are joking around and laughing. I have been seeing this since she was in 8th grade, but it seems as if it is getting worse. What should I do?
Hi Pawan, have you talked to her about it? What does she think it is about? Does she feel she needs some support? Unfortunately you can’t change this for her, she’ll have to want to get help. But if she was willing to chat to a counsellor it would be helpful. Crying when others are laughing definitely sounds like there is a psychological issue there. But to be safe we’d also suggest a physical checkup. There are physical conditions that can cause brain fogginess and emotional swings.
My traumatic experience, my son died seven years ago in an accident at home. Earlier this year, around his birthday, which is the hardest time of the year for me, I thought my client was going to say something about the death of my son, at HER court hearing. I couldn’t handle it. I was supposed to testify at the time and my brain shut down. Since then I’ve had several episodes of what I would call kind of “spacing out” when stressed, but not in the sense of ADD, it’s like my brain’s trying to escape and I don’t feel grounded. That can happen right at my desk, but the worse part is when I have to speak publicly, like at a meeting, or court, my brain wants to do the whole shit down thing—voice & breathing restriction, blood pressure slows, (I think), and sick to my stomach when I’m really trying to fight it. From looking things up, I’ve wondered about addrenal fatigue—or maybe PMDD, because it’s worse then it seems. I think all of it seems to be related to fight or flight, along with PTSD, because I have the jumpiness at night when I wake up and can’t get back to sleep. Also, any research on long term effects of the drug that’s in Benadryl, that could be related? I’ve been using that to help me sleep a few times a week the last seven years. Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you!
Jennifer, we are sorry to hear about your tragic loss. That is an awful lot to go through. To be honest PTSD alone could cause all these symptoms, and after such a sudden loss then you would likely have PTSD. PTSD is a very physical diagnosis, and can include dissociation, breathing tightness, floating, feeling sick, exhaustion, all of it. Have you gone for diagnosis? Because it is one distinct trauma that triggered your symptoms you might want to look into a therapist who offers EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprogramming. It can help lower the physical response you are having. As for the Benadryl, we would recommend you talk to a medical doctor about that, we are not qualified to say. We wish you courage.
I zone out, forget things, and miss details on a regular basis. I feel like I’m in a fog or on autopilot a lot of the time. I constantly feel like an idiot. Today I even ran a red light. A SOLID red light. In my hometown where I know my way around. I was reading a sign on a billboard and… I don’t even know where my head was. Naturally, I tried to be extra focused on my driving all the way home. After having a close call, this would normally be easy. This time, it wasn’t for some reason. I’ve had this problem to some degree all my life, but it’s gotten worse throughout the years. My husband thinks I have ADD, which could be true, as it is similar to this. I didn’t have a perfect childhood. I had depression, few friends, and the way my mom treated me would probably qualify as emotionally abusive at times. It wasn’t what I would call a “bad” childhood though. I wasn’t traumatized or physically abused or anything. I’d like to go to counseling, but my insurance doesn’t cover that, and there’s no way I can afford it.
I just started high school and I’m struggling. I frequently zone out in class unintentionally. I’m trying to pay attention and I’m listening to my teacher attentively, but then the next thing I know they’re talking about a different topic because I never realized that I blanked out. I also hate showing my real emotions, leading to some people calling me fake. I always put others before myself, like I’d rather repress my feelings to help someone else even though I get depressed and lonely from doing so. The weird thing is that when I get depressed, I just get very lonely and I don’t want to get help or talk to anyone, but I don’t wanna end my life either. I just want to leave the world if that makes sense. Also, my mind blanks out when I talk to other people too. I can’t remember anything, like names, faces, and conversations, and I only realize what I actually said in a conversation after it ended. I never feel like I belong. Even though I love my friends, I never belong in only one friend group, but my friends vary drastically. I’m also very different from my family; so different that sometimes I feel like I’m adopted even though I’m not. I feel more comfortable around guys than girls, but I definitely identify myself as a girl, so I feel out of place when I’m hanging out with guys and girls. I also feel like I’m more mature than the rest of my classmates, and I like to talk to upperclassmen more than freshmen sometimes, but I feel like not all of them want to get close with me because I’m younger than them. It might just be the stress and drama in my life that’s making me feel like this, but I feel like there’s something else that’s wrong with me.
Danielle, we don’t have to be physically abused to be traumatised. Note how you admit your childhood was traumatic then try to justify that it was not that bad. If you were depressed and struggled to connect to others and your mother was very hard on you, that’s more than enough to leave you with ongoing problems as an adult including difficulty with focus. Repressed emotions take a lot of energy to keep repressed, leaving us with few resources in the present moment. You say you can’t afford therapy. Have you looked into low cost options in your area? We have an article that might give you some ideas on where to start http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. And you might find our post on therapy and money an interesting read http://bit.ly/therapymakesyoumoney. Hope that helps!
hi, lately I’ve been zoning out A LOT. to the point where I dont even remember what happened when I was out of it. everyone around me has noticed and it’s spiked up a lot of questions. I’m only a teen but my dad has emotionally abused me constantly to the point where I sort of shut down and start crying at random times. what should i do? I’ve gone to therapy for anxiety and depression in the past but it didnt seem to help.
Hi Monica, it’s really hard to hear that the therapy didn’t work. Was it a counsellor or psychotherapist? Or a psychiatrist who didn’t listen and just wanted to bung you onto drugs (our pet peeve)? Did you feel comfortable with the therapist and have any say in who you worked with? Therapy can be a bit like dating, we need to find a good match and it can take some time. Anxiety and stress alone can cause tons of zoning out so it’s hardly surprising. Add in the fact that you are a teen, which means your brain is still growing and you are experiencing hormonal surges, and ‘fuzzy head’ is almost certain. In an ideal world we’d suggest you try to find another therapist you actually feel comfortable around. We don’t know your age and how long you have to live there for, but it’s a matter of finding any and all support to help you get through to that time. Often moving out and striking out on your own helps immensely, such as going off to school. Have you tried a school counsellor? Do you have friends you can talk to? Another great tool you can use anytime for free is Mindfulness, proven to help with stress. You can learn with our free guide to mindfulness bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout. We wish you courage!
It’s interesting that you want so much to seek what is ‘wrong’ with you. Why is there something wrong with you? Because you don’t feel like other people? Or because you are stressed and anxious? You’d be amazed to discover how many people are stressed and anxious secretly. High school is HARD. People deal with it in different ways, and some are better at hiding it than others. Assuming you know what everyone else is going through and it’s not the same as what you are suffering is just that, a big assumption. The problem with obsessing on how different we are is that is forms an energy that pushes everyone away. What if, for just one day, you tried to find the one thing you had in common with every person you meet, instead of focussing on the difference? What might you learn? How might you then listen to people and be open to them in a way that might make you feel less lonely? As for not wanting to talk when depressed, that is normal. Most people when depressed want nothing to do with anyone. Which is why it’s so important to seek support when we are feeling okay and not wait for the next round of feeling down to hit. We’d also point out that in your strong focus in how you are different and what is wrong with you you actually manage to avoid talking about any real causes of stress. Is it family related? Past trauma? There is again nothing ‘wrong’ with you if you have family issues and trauma. You’d be joining a large percentage of the population. The thing is to seek help. Speak to a school counsellor, or read our article on how to ask your parents to help you see a therapist http://bit.ly/talktoparents./ We wish you courage.
Hi just read this information. I find myself with tired mind, no thoughts, just heavy. My body has energy, I find my self existing just quiet. I am a survivor of childhood sexual, mental, emotional, physical abuse. Was on the street since I was 12. Heroin addict and my mind feels like I am high. I have been clean 27 years. I also experience colors brighter and leaves on trees animated. I know to just sit still. Its happening more often the older I get. I have a new psychologist she is young and I at times feel as if I am talking but not heard. I am sure I am but just my thinking. This article had information that was simple and helpful. I just want to learn to walk through it without meds. Thank you for the info and everyone who shared!
Dee thank you for this brave sharing. It sounds like you’ve made great progress. And congrats on 27 years clean! Just to say, have you bought this up with the new psychologist? Told her you feel you are talking but not heard? It’s a great thing to discuss. You can share it in an open way, “I could be wrong but I want to share that I feel when I talk I am not heard”. Therapists are not perfect, it’s possible she could improve her listening, and maybe she’d appreciate the feedback. At the very least you could get to the root of that feeling. Also just to say that seeing things as brighter and clearer can be both an affect of being more still and mindful, more in the present, but also trauma. Have you ever had a fast shock? Notice that everything around you is sort of 3D, clear? The mind seems to go into ultra focus with shock. We still have a long way to go with understanding trauma, but you are certainly not the first person who has survived trauma who seems to have very acute senses. Maybe one day we’ll discover trauma heightens senses long term?
Hey, I don’t just zone out when something is wrong. I always do it. I could be in the middle of a sentence and just zone out and stop talking. Today I almost zoned out while at the mall, not thinking about where I was going. Luckily my cousin started talking to me and brought me back to reality. I’ve always zoned out a little bit. But now I’ve been real stressed so now I zone out a lot more.
Hi Jess. If stress makes you zone out more, it could be that there is an unresolved trauma in your past you might want to chat with a counsellor about. Note we aren’t saying that is the case, just that if you do know there was trauma or neglect, do reach out for support. Stress triggers unresolved trauma and we zone out more and more….
hi there, I have been diagnosed as having ptsd from childhood. as time goes on im finding that I zone out quite a bit. when stressed. im a musician and sometimes when I feel stress, I zone out duing the event as im playing im still playing but ignoring the other musicians, the have brought that to my attention. more recently, my new girlfriend notices that I zone out during kissing. now that I look back on my life I can see that when things get stressful , I do zone out. I have been through also of trauma as an adult as well. my ex husband, father of my children tried to commit suicide in front of me , both of our children also tried to commit suicide. any suggestions, ive been to a psychiatrist who says I have ptsd but dont see them regularily..
Hi Kathy, we are going to make a big guess that you are in America. We find it really depressing that psychiatrists there diagnose people and give them drugs but then don’t ensure they have the support they need. You need to find a counsellor or psychotherapist who can help you work through the traumas at the root of your ptsd and help you find coping methods. We have a lot of articles on here on how to go about doing that, how to find a therapist, etc. You can see a lot of change, but struggling along by yourself rarely leads to any….. we wish you courage!
I didnt have the most normal of childhoods when i was younger. My dad left when i was a toddler and I have experienced my mum in both physical and emotional abusive relationships. I was bullied extremely and spent allot of time moving houses and schools and i was extremely down as a child.
I was always described as a day dreamer throughout school and college and was told that i would just zone out and be completely vacant. What i find strange now is that my life is going great I have a great job and a beautiful girlfriend but I find myself quite frequently zoning out and having periods of feeling numb, its getting more serious. The other day i was driving home and i managed to zone out by the time i zoned back in I had already rear-ended another car. luckily everyone was okay and im in the process of sorting out my insurance. Im just at a loss as what to do. I dont have time in my everyday life for therapy but i can go on feeling numb and zoning out all the time.
It’s interesting you say you ‘don’t have time for therapy’, which takes about one hour a week. When do you become a priority, exactly? Because life does not change, it’s not possible, if we put ourselves last. Or we are happy to spend hours cleaning our car, going out with friends, saving money for a house, but no time on ourselves. Good mental health does not fall out of the sky, we have to work for it. Something to think about. As for what you are speaking about, a leading cause of lack of attention is ‘trauma brain’. If your brain is so busy repressing past memories and emotions that you ‘don’t have time’ to process (don’t have time? Or are afraid to? Normal to be afraid) then your brain has little juice left for the here and now. So you can keep just getting by, or you can make the time to deal with it…. and if the relationship is new, or getting more serious, note that love can trigger trauma. Someone else daring to see us as worthy if deep down we are sure you are not can cause distress. We need to take the time to process the difficult childhood experiences that led us to believe we are not worthy when we are.
I was diagnosed with fugue states over twenty years ago, dissociation is a new term for me but makes more sense. I didn’t at the time have any help in how to deal with what was happening. It wasn’t explained to me that it was triggered by stress and anxiety, therfore nobody helped me deal with things differently. I never saw anyone with any knowledge of the condition, I always had to try and explain it to them!
I suffered childhood abuse and if this is the cause then after all this time I don’t think it’s fixable. There is no way I am prepared to see a psychologist now to dig all that back up again and run the risk of it creating even more dissociative states.
So my question is, does it actually matter if the person experiencing the condition isn’t wanting to resolve it anymore? It’s being managed and monitored and that’s the best I can do. I can’t face dealing with it. It feels too late to be resolved.
Hi K, we are horrified to hear that you were not offered proper support. And we can entirely understand you’d feel that it was hopeless. Trauma has the tendency to leave the best of us feeling that way. The thing is, if you are so convinced you don’t want to change anything, why are you here, researching symptoms? Is it possible a tiny part of you isn’t willing to give up on yourself that easily? And suspects, or rather knows, it’s not too late? Of course it isn’t. The mind doesn’t have an expiry date, the brain is not rigid as not once thought but has ‘plasticity’, is open to change. If you are suffering dissociation, you probably have long term PTSD, or ‘complex PTSD’, c-PTSD. http://bit.ly/comptrauma And a therapy that goes back over the past would indeed trigger you and not be a good starting point. But are you aware that a lot of therapies that deal with therapy do not dive into your past, particularly CBT? http://bit.ly/CBTTherapy But focus more in helping your thinking patterns using the here and now? We recommend you read our article on therapies that actually work for trauma. http://bit.ly/therapyfortrauma and try to open your mind to the fact that it’s far from too late. We wish you courage.
Hey, first of all I admit that I do need help but the think the issue is ‘help with what’ most of the time in class, with my friends, at home I usually zone out and I start thinking about something else maybe something I should have said or done but didn’t and I start up a conversation in my head with d person then I say it to them and I form a response but I’ll still be bothered and when I see the person I won’t be able to say how I really feel or point out what I think hurt me and even if I do(rarely) I end up crying and my chest then hurt. I like to say that I’m a strong and can’t be intimidated but most times if I have something to say to someone it just pops in my head but I say something else and I end up bottling it up because I feel it might hurt them or they might judge me. I don’t think i have a shady childhood but I do know that am used to keeping things to myself because what I say or how I feel never matters, and they always told me how to act and what I’m might to do and not. Am not allowed to talk back and my opinion is always wrong to people. It’s just like no one sees me like am just living in a different world hoping to meet someone who understands and sees me. Most nights I cry my self to sleep because no one to talk to that really understands me that’s why all I do when am in a tight situation is just to cry and never talk about it but its still in my heart but good news is that am learning to forgive people its still a work in progress. Most times I feel like I’ll die of loneliness, I stopped hanging out cos I always see me self in a negative way and I always talk with in my head and sometimes say it out loud , I just zone out of life a lot. Please I will really appreciate it if you can help this is my first time saying this and I really wish I could find out what my real issue is because its affecting my whole life in general
Hi MJ, it sounds like a combination of anxiety and depression, made worse by the very real difficulties of being a teenager, meaning you are dealing with wild hormone fluctuations that also affect moods. In fact when we are teens our brains are still growing! And we not only dealing with peer pressure we are also trying to figure out who we are and form an identity. So it’s a pretty challenging part of life. This aside, anxiety and depression are things you definitely could use support around.Is there a counsellor at your school you’d feel comfortable talking to?
Hi first of all, i can’t thank you enough for replying, I almost thought u wouldn’t. But nope there isn’t someone I know of that’ll understand me or even listen. Well maybe I haven’t tried but from judging from my previous school its total a bad idea. Uhmm the thing is that psychological therapy isn’t taken serious in my country, i mean i havent heard of one. Which brings me here, think you can still help?
Hello, I think I have a problem of which I think is dissociation. I’ve researched symptoms, and I experience a lot of what is presented. It seems to have started some time recently and feels as if it’s getting worse.
Some symptoms I experience:
I find myself staring at one spot, not really thinking anything
Find myself rocking back and forth (sometimes accompanied by the above)
Randomly getting lightheaded and dizzy, or feeling like my mind is foggy, or that I’m floating. I feel really detached, almost the same feeling as when you’re having intense deja vu, minus the familiar feeling part of it.
Completely lose track of what I’m doing or talking about. This happens frequently every day.
Sometimes feel as if I’m someone else. Like I would be walking down a hallway at school and feel like I’m not even walking, like something else is controlling me entirely.
Feeling distant. One minute I would be very talkative with my friends, and the next I would feel like I don’t want to talk to them at all, forcing fake smiles and one word answers. It happens so spontaneously. And my emotions don’t chaange when this happens, I feel the same but yet I can’t think of a way to properly interact with them.
I’ve seen that dissociation is most commonly caused by abuse or trauma, but I can’t recall any time I’ve experienced any of this. If it would be anything, it would have to be some sort of emotional problem, but I really don’t know what. I would like to be able to pinpoint what exactly is going on in my head, since it tends to get in the way of things sometimes. Thank you for taking time to read this, I appreciate it.
Hi MJ, we don’t know what country you are in? So we aren’t sure what to advise. There are some countries for example in the Middle East that don’t have good support but there are sometimes charities to help young women. You can do therapy with counsellors in other countries over Skype but you have to be 18 or have your parents permission. In the UK there are many charities for young people, you might find their websites useful. Mind UK, they are a great site. The only other thing we can say is that it’s really really hard being a teen. Especially if you are in a religion or culture that is harder on girls than boys. Things do change when we leave home and have a life of our own, and we have to hold on with all of our might and do the best we can to get to adulthood.
Hi there, dissociation is also experienced by many teenagers. Being a teenager is probably one of the hardest parts of life. Not only is your brain still growing, flooding your body with all kinds of hormonal surges and meaning you are tired and have mood swings, you are trying to figure out who you are and dealing with mood swings. If you are a naturally sensitive person, you might deal with this stress by checking out. It does not mean you have a trauma necessarily, it can just mean that right now you are finding life overwhelming and this is your response to stress. Of course if you haven’t had a physical checkup recently with your doctor get one! These things can also be conneted to blood pressure or other physical illnesses, best to rule that out! Then we’d recommend finding someone to talk to about life stress. If there isn’t a close friend or family member, consider your school counsellor, or, if you are brave enough, ask your parents to help you see a counsellor – we have an article on how to best do that here http://bit.ly/talktoparents.
When I “zone out” i typically have a hard time focusing on the outside world even though I can still hear and see everything. If I zone out in a serious conversation with my boyfriend I can hear him but I never have an immediate answer because I cant think of anything to say or how I feel. When I zone out I usually get super tired and yawn a lot, feeling like all I want to do is sleep. Other times when I zone out my eyes will lock on something without me focusing but i cant turn away unless I really think about turning. My mind is always blank though.
Hi Madds, you’ve described different ways of zoning our that many of us experience very well! If you feel this might be related to past trauma and is actually dissociation, do consider seeking support.
Hi. My names Ann. I’m 17 years old and I’m worried. I’ve been zoning out since I was a child and for the past 2 years it seems I’ve been zoning out way more then usual (about 13 times a day) I wasn’t so worried about it because I didn’t think zoning out could be a bad thing until I was sitting in the car and zoned out while looking out the window to the clouds and I just saw the home I was raised in from when I was 5 to 11. The sun was shining bright like it was the middle of a summer day but then I walked inside the door of the house I was raised in and all of a sudden the sun just went away and it was pitch black, not a star in sight. It felt like my whole world fell apart, I hear my parents yelling, my mom yelling for help and all of a sudden I couldn’t move, I couldn’t go help my mom. Then it was like I was in the future about 2028. It seemed to be I had no where left to go. You see I’ve been failing high school since last year (my freshman year) and everytime and I zone out in class a lot so I thought homeschooling would be good for me but I started suffering depression in 8th grade and recently it’s felt like it’s not there until I go to sleep. But on to the other zoning out thoughts. I failed high school, my boyfriend left me, and my family hated me. And I just came back to reality. And started searching for something that’ll help me realize what’s going on.
Hi,
I constantly find myself zoning out. I’ll be at work, home, driving, or anywhere, then suddenly it happens. Im still aware of what’s going on around me, but it’s like im not really there. It feels like im outside looking in. My body starts to tingle and i slowly start to realize that I’m there in the moment, but it feels like I’m not really there. It only lasts a couple minutes, then i literally have to shake it off and force myself to focus.
For example, I’ll be at work inputting My inventory in the computer then suddenly i just stop and zone out. Im staring at the computer and i can see it, but I’m not really seeing the words on the screen. ive stopped everything and i don’t notice at first, but then i slowly strat to realize and force myself to get back to reality.
Hi Emily, yes sounds like dissociation! As the article discusses, could be past trauma, could just as much be that you are bored with your current life and you are literally trying to escape it….
Hi Ann, dissociation is a classic response to stress and anxiety. It’s clear you’ve been facing a lot lately, so it’s your brain trying to handle everything. It’s also common in teenagers, as a teen response to stress. We’d highly suggest you ask your parents to let you see a counsellor, you can find our advice on how to talk to your parents about this here https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/how-to-talk-to-your-parents-mental-health.htm and how to find teen mental health support http://bit.ly/teenmentalthealthhelp.
I zone out all the time. People often comment about the glazed look in my eyes and know not to talk to me when I’m like this. People have had full blown conversations with me and I’ve not realised. Thankfully all my friends just accept me like this and tend to find it funny. I am also an extremely jumpy person. My partner often asks me why I’m jumping or flinching. I have been through stuff and think this is a reaction to that. It would be nice to engage better with people.
I was driving home today and zoned out. When I came to I was on the wrong side of the street and cars were swerving to miss me. Nobody got hurt and nobody hit anything, thank goodness. It scared me half to death, and I’m afraid it will happen again and I’ll actual crash. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember (some point in kindergarten) and weve always said that I’m just forgetful or I wasn’t paying attention. The part about trauma made me think it was more likely that I have disassociation because I was adopted as a baby’s, but my mother only fed me enough to keep me alive and I was extremely stiff when my loving adoptive parents got me. I can’t remember (that was a long time ago so duh) this happening but I can “feel” it. I just don’t know what to do or say to my parents about it, because if I can’t even drive anywhere, how am I going to get a job and take care of myself when I’m an adult? I don’t know what to do.
Hi Elisabeth, how does that make you feel, that people find it ‘funny’? Do you find it ‘funny’? Or are you rather slightly worried. We guess the latter as you are on here reading this article. We’d say, why not gather up your courage and go talk to a counsellor about this? They are symptoms that deserve to be taken seriously.
Hi Sarah, from what we understand you are saying, it seems you were severely neglected by your birth mother before adoption? That could definitely have traumatised you and made brain changes http://bit.ly/traumabrain. We are surprised nobody around you is taking this seriously, have your parents and teachers not offered to help you get counselling? Do your best to find some. Read our article on help for young people http://bit.ly/teenmentalthealthhelp and how to ask your parents to get you help http://bit.ly/talktoparents
Do I have this? I’m a teenager with a period, and I switched to online school this year after a year of normal high school. Some mornings I feel fine, but I’m not the computer for a few minutes and I get all odd feeling again. I feel like I’m watching a movie most of the time, to the point where I can’t remember what I was just asked to do (clean the cat’s litter box) and have to be reminded a few times. I also stress clean. When my grandma passed away a few years ago after Alzheimer’s I cried for 5 minutes tops and then (since I went and sat in the car) I read a car mauel. I was fine. I visited her a lot, towards the end, with my dad in the nursing home, made sure her sheets were clean, etc. I cry when a close family friend dies, but then the feeling goes away in a few days. I haven’t gone through anything that I would say was bad or horrible, just stress. I pull almost straight A’s in school, and I volunteer at an elementary school a few times a month. I can spend a whole 8 plus hours on the computer and get two assignments done some days. Finally downloaded two apps to track where I spend my time and to lock my browser down. This movie experience seems like it’s gotten worse this semester – my dad and I cleaned a friend’s wound (skin graft, stitches, etc. No gore) with no difficulty. Never felt sick or icked out, and his wife was having a difficult time with it. I run calls on the fire department, nothing crazy, just a broken leg, heart issues, dog bite, closed head trauma (no gore). Doesn’t bother me. I just worry about getting in folk’s way or doing something dumb. I usually cry at least twice in the week or two weeks prior to my period and I argue with my brother a lot (PMS or no PMS). I just feel like I’m stuck in a movie and if I mess up too bad, everybody will “reset” themselves to redo the scene. I eat well, and am in good physical condition. I saw my GP the other day, all seemed normal. Is it ADD? Weird PMS? Lack of nutrients? Just a teenager brain? Am I just a shallow person?
It could very well be just teenage brain combined with mourning your grandma’s passing in your own unique way. The brain is actually still growing when you are a teenager, we have an article on it https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/teenage-brain.htm So hormones and sleep cycles are all over the place and it can lead to fuzzy thinking, particularly as the teenage brain is not cut out for the 8-3 school system, it is on a different cycle. Probably many teenagers would feel a lot happier if school started at 11! In any case, you sound very self aware, and like you have support, but the one thing that is a red flag to us is that you are no longer at school but studying at home. We are just wondering if there’s any way you are a little lonely? You mention family and volunteering at an elementary school, but do you have people your own age to be around? And finally just to say, if you ever do feel totally overwhelmed, then reach out for proper support. Find a help line or speak to a counsellor. http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines
Hi, i noticed i have been packed with work (and being a junior i know it is normal) but my stress is at a all time high! Four project due in one week….FROM ONE CLASS!! I notice that i zone out when i speak or after i speak. My vision seems to get foggy or i stare off on something, if feels comfortable and i want to stay that way but i feel like i look weird so i force myself to stop staring into space. EVEN AS I TYPE IM SPACING OUT ON THE LETTER T.
Hi Jazzmin, sounds like good old stress. If you have trouble with time management and dealing with stress, most colleges or universities offer free classes on how to manage your workload, or free to low cost counselling. Worth looking into.
i have a habit of hearing only key words and replying accordingly, without any link like how, why, when or where, its just like some topics name….and then i start telling stuff about it, just to get involved in the conversation.
Hi Nia, that’s interesting. We don’t know you and we can’t diagnose without knowing someone let alone over a comment box. This doesn’t the way you describe it sound like disassociation. It could be all sorts, stress, anxiety, ADHD, autism, a learning disorder, or perhaps just boredom and you need to find friends who actually interest you. Or perhaps just the way you wrote it up, we can’t really tell. If you feel you have an issue, if it’s making you feel lonely, seek counselling and a professional opinion.
Hi, I don’t know if I have this, kind of just stumbling on the internet for what it could before I really want to spend the money to see a doctor. I sort zone-out but I realize when I’m doing it and try to snap myself out but it’s getting harder to do that, it seems like I have no control over my own conscious. I had a traumatic childhood which has sort of haunted me all my life. So the stress is definitely there. I also have been getting really aggressive and angry towards all myself, friends, and family when I really don’t mean it. I just don’t think as sensitivity lately. I also seem to “talk” to myself but it feels like its not me… It’s like a verbal voice I can’t control.
I feel zoned out all the time like I’m barely even living my life, and I have extremely bad memory loss. I’m so zoned out a lot that I’ll forget what I was saying in the middle of a sentence, forget what I was talking about, or forget vocabulary in general. It’s really difficult for me to feel a lot of emotions like I can watch an entire surgery video without flinching, and I know this probably sounds bad but I can’t get myself to feel sad when someone I know has passed or something serious happens. I can’t get myself to feel excited or happy about things either. I got to see my favorite band that I’ve been obsessed with for two years & could barely feel a thing while I was there. A lot of times when someone asks what I’m thinking I’ll realise that my mind was completely blank like I wasn’t thinking about anything at all I was just staring off into space. I’m not afraid of death or getting hurt & sometimes when I think about pain I actually want something to happen to me cause then I can actually feel something? I don’t enjoy Christmas or my birthday or hanging out with people very much anymore because of how little I react or feel about things. I’ve been through some traumatic things when I was little but I don’t remember them affecting me very much at all when I was young & the things I went through were definitely not as traumatic as something like abuse or sexual assault. I’m just really confused cause I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I don’t think it’s just a normal symptom of depression. Especially since it’s been going on for over a year.
Hi Mary, for us the clue would be that you said “I had a traumatic childhood’. Trauma, if we don’t take the time to heal it and resolve it, tends to catch up with us. Something can trigger it an suddenly we are snapping at others, stressed. We’d advise a counsellor or therapist here over a ‘doctor’. You might want to consider starting with a round of CBT. It’s a short term therapy which helps you gain control over your thoughts and is very good for anxiety and stress. We’d also suggest you read our article on what therapies work for trauma, as some can make things worse instead of better! http://bit.ly/therapyfortrauma
Hi Zoe, we aren’t sure how old you are. This is on one hand a sign of teenage angst, we get a lot of similar emails from teens. But you mention a difficult childhood so it could very well be depression and anxiety. We’d suggest you reach out for support. If your school has a counsellor it could be a good start.
I’m 14 and I grew up in a very abusive home with no father and my mom Is CRAAZZZYYY i was at a friends house when it happened and her and her mom got into a slight argument and I just felt like I went out I was looking at myself from the outside my friend said that I was even responding to a yes or no question after a few seconds and I only heard mumbling in the background where gthe fight was happening my mon always says I have these crazy diagnosis even when I dont when I was 6-7 I was put on extreme medication that basically zombified me and eventually gave me voices she would always say around me this kids so crazy one day she might even burn down this house with everyone in it most of my problems are situational and I almost feel like shes putting these problems on me so she doesn’t have to focus on her own also shes so 2 faced in front of normal people shes a amazing mom of 2 mentally I’ll kids who works and goes to school and her life is so hard when behind closed doors shes actually abusive and treats me and my sister as slaves I’m only 14 but I feel like im 18 the things I have gone through no one will know how they feel til their 60 if you have any advice from someone a bit older please tell me also do you know if this could be dissociation?
I tend to zone out alot but what gets me worried is that after I have this really bad studder and I almost never studder . Do you think it is linked to something else?
Hi CW, we don’t know, but we would advise seeing a medical doctor for a full check up.
Kamryn this sounds really tough. And it is true that often parents who have their own issues do project it all onto their children. In fact you will rarely find a child with ‘issues’ who doesn’t have a parent with issues. You don’t sound crazy to us, you just sound like a kid having to deal with a lot of instability with a mother who is very stressed out and sees herself as a victim (which is not the healthiest mindset and can be very hard on you as her child). Do you have anyone at all to talk to in privacy who you can trust? Is there a counsellor at school you would feel okay talking to? Or an adult you really trust? As for whether you have dissociation, when we are young dissociation is actually a healthy coping mechanism. As we are unable to just walk out the door and live on our own, then it’s the only way for our brains to cope. So it’s to an extent ‘normal’. It just unfortunately means that you are seriously stressed by what is going on around you. Which again is normal as it sounds tough. The thing to focus on is trying to take good care of yourself until the time you you are old enough to move out. Another good thing to know about is help lines, they are free to call and the people on the other end are happy to listen. If you are in the UK our list of help lines is here http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines if you are in another country do a google for a help line for teens and keep the number to hand.
Hi. To the outside world I seem like I’m really easy going and relaxed, but in reality I fear that this is just a way of coping with the fact that I don’t really know who I am. I would like to be somebody that can distinguish like from disklike but I often am not in touch with my feelings enough to know. For example my family is going through a big change at the moment, I’ve been saying I’m fine (as I always do) for months, then the other day somebody asked me and it was as if somebody pushed a button and I was crying uncontrollable, but before that I didn’t even know I was sad. I have a huge fear of losing touch with my self and spend so much of my time obsessing over this, whether what I am doing is authentic and ‘me’. It can be really tiring. I also find it extremely difficult to wake up in the morning, I think I feel overwhelmed by the day ahead and prefer to play out situations in sort of controlled dream-like state (I then get frustrated with myself when I do finally wake up because I have wasted the day and feel horrible and lazy). I am 21 by the way.
Another thing is that I sometimes struggle to speak and get mind blanks, particularly when talking to more than one person- like if im talking to a small group or table, I will suddenly freeze and not be able to speak/act naturally, which often results in me going bright red, even when im not really that embarrassed, its just like an automatic reaction that I can’t control. I don’t know, its like that part contradicts a lot of the detachment I feel, its like im suddenly hyper-sensitive.
Hi Becca, are you still living with your parents? Its’ quite normal for a young person to not who they are, if they have not let home and come from a family that does everything together. It’s only when we move out and start to make our own choices we learn who we are. What seems the real problem here is not identity but anxiety. Anxiety causes a lot of negative overthinking. And you are definitely very negative with your thinking. You’d benefit from CBT, a type of therapy that helps you have more balanced thoughts and helps lower anxiety. Good luck.
I came across this article/website and instantly related. In my most recent relationship, a few times now where we have had a disagreement (normally over something quite small) I then somehow find myself thinking how did it get to here? It feels almost as if it’s gone from 0 to 100 & I have no idea how, I don’t remember things I’ve said until my partner reminds me & then I realise I was in the wrong. I had a great childhood but I did have an emorinally abusive relationship previously, could this be why?
Hi Faye, we obviously can’t answer that question based on a comment or over a comment box. We don’t know you, your history, or this relationship. We would say, however, that we don’t choose abusive relationships unless our childhood gave us negative self beliefs. Choosing abusive relationships is a sign of low self-worth. So we’d imagine that there is a lot more going on here and this issue in the latest relationship is just a symptom of something bigger that stretches right back to childhood and has pervaded all your relationships to date. We’d say use the search bar to research our articles on low self worth, unhealthy relationships, impulsivity, and maybe even borderline personality disorder (we are not at all implying that you have BPD, again, we don’t know you, but the ‘0 to 100’ comment makes it something to look at, that is all), and if at all possible book some counselling. Good luck!
Wow. I suspected that I might be struggling wth dissociation but didn’t want to self-diagnose too quickly so I’ve been going through lots of readings on the subject and this is by far the best article I’ve come across. It’s clear, concise, informative and a near perfect description of my experience, which is a bit scary to be honest.
I’ve taken quite a bit of time to observe my patterns overall and I’ve noticed this dissociated state is generally triggered by feelings of overwhelm, shame, loneliness / disconnection or fear.
What tends to happen when I slip into this state is that I have this very strong need to be distracted with YouTube/Netflix etc. as well as play a game on my phone at the same time because just 1 of them isn’t enough. I isolate myself, stop replying to messages from friends/family and it’s almost as if I lose access to my social skills because my ability to have a conversation goes down the drain; I can’t think clearly, critically or make associations at all (the inability to make associations hurts the most because I lose my wit and cannot participate in banter whatsoever). I get tunnel vision and sometimes my vision will get blurry — as if it’s easier for my eyes to slip into a blurry vision state and it takes more effort to refocus to seeing clearly. In general, I don’t wear glasses and have no eyesight issues; I just have this ability to make my eyes “change focus” similar to using a DSLR camera. I start to avoid eating and generally only eat what requires almost no thought or preparation (aka unhealthy processed snacks, frozen dinners, ordering delivery etc.). My memory goes out the window and it becomes very difficult to remember what my priorities, goals or even daily tasks are, I have a hard time remembering the names of things (e.g. a water jug or an oven) and who the people I have in my life that I can lean on (like friends and family). Learning / retaining information becomes incredibly difficult, I stop exercising completely and end up rotting in bed / on my couch / in my office chair, my breathing becomes shallow, I become afraid of interacting with people around me and quite often feel very jumpy around others. Overall, I just ended up wasting hours, days, weeks on end doing nothing while being zoned out.
Over time, I’ve observed that certain life events that could’ve played a contributing role:
— Growing up around verbally / emotionally abusive narcissists (did not know what a narcissist was until my old therapist asked me to observe my environment generally to identify my triggers. When I presented her with my recordings, she was shocked because I never mentioned them because I didn’t see anything wrong with how they treated me. I thought that was normal). I’ve cut them out of my life now but there were in my life from the time I was born to age 24.
— Moving to a city 2 hours away half way through high school. I was terrified of meeting new people despite wanting to connect with others so badly. This resulted in a significant increase of avoidance behaviours, loneliness and not making many friends, which was a new experience for me because I’d always had lots of friends prior to this moment in my life. Also, one of the most painful things was that I felt largely rejected by my old group of friends (out of a group of about 30, only 2-3 stayed in touch). When I’d go back to visit, a loud minority in the group would tell me that I don’t belong with them, to go back to my new city and that I’m not part of the group anymore, stop trying to be but obviously in a much less pleasant way. This went on for a few years because I didn’t want to break off from the group but the separation from this group of old friends caused me a few years of emotional pain. Also, not having anybody I could talk to at this stage in my life wasn’t helpful either (couldn’t trust family friends as they were the narcissists, couldn’t tell my old school friends that I was struggling to make friends at the new school because of my ego and was unable to talk to my parents or my sibling because our relationship at the time was pretty bad. We didn’t have any other family around us nor did I have any other family members overseas that I had a close connection with.
— Going to a university where I knew nobody. I made a few friends but largely, the loneliness and isolation and feelings of not belonging became more chronic, and anxiety + depression took over.
— My first job out of university which I’m still in 2.5 years later has been a big source of being excluded and not feeling like I belong on a daily basis. The environment isn’t toxic, the people are kind people, but I’ve played a big role in ruining this environment for myself by being socially awkward due to being in a dissociated state, excluding myself so I could avoid feeling rejected and other unhelpful behaviours. Lacking a core group of friends both in my personal life and work life has had serious impacts on my career progression.
Connecting with others is something I’ve noticed that can reliably get me out of a dissociated state, into the present moment and back to being my outgoing, social, witty, intelligent, high performing, productive, healthier (physically and mentally) self.
However, putting myself in situations that allow me to experience connection (i.e. not isolating myself) and being in a positive enough state of mind so that I can have regular conversations that aren’t negative, depressing or socially awkward/repelling in some way has been a major struggle over the past decade. I’ve succeeded in pushing through in moments here and there but not consistently.
I’ve been through group and 1:1 therapy where I’ve made loads of progress in other areas but haven’t been able to solve this dissociation problem yet. At the moment, I’m looking at EMDR therapy in hopes of solving this issue — what are you thoughts around EMDR and my situation in general?
Sorry for the long incredibly long comment but I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you so much for writing this article!
We are glad it helped! EMDR is mostly recommended if you have one distinct trauma, over several traumas. But always worth a try. Otherwise CBT is worth a go, it really helps stabilise the thinking patterns that trigger a stress response. Good luck!
I was searching the web for something I could relate to…and I finally found this article. Whenever I go driving, I get nervous and can’t seem to focus. I zone out and don’t see or hear anything…it causes me to run stop signs and run myself off of the road. I don’t know what to do, I’m scared…nobody believes me. Please help 🙁
Mariah, we can’t diagnose over a comment box, but just to say that anxiety in and of itself causes this. You say you get nervous driving. If you go into anxiety, and your fight, flight or freeze response goes off, you will feel out of your body and unable to think https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/fight-or-flight-response.htm We’d suggest you seek some support for anxiety and/or try the self help tools mentioned at the end of the article we just linked to. Good luck!
I haven’t had any trauma in my life. But I zone out/lose focus a lot when talking with people, and often miss out on a lot of pieces of important information even when I think I am actively listening. I notice this especially when I see video or hear audio of the conversion that was taking place. The process is similar to re-watching a film and noticing loads of information you missed before. I also realise it takes a lot of mental energy for me to actively take in what people are saying sometimes and so I zone out to regain my focus. I could also relate to a lot of the ‘signs to look for’ sub-heading.
Hi George, stress, anxiety, and depression alone can lead to ‘zone out’. As well as ADHD, and also thing like Aspergers. If it’s upsetting you, or a real problem for you, then you can always book a session to talk to someone about it. If it’s very recent, then do of course consider a physical checkup to rule out any physical/medical reasons for it.
hi. im kind of freaking out because this is the first time this has happened to me and i dont know if it was dissociation or not. i was sitting in my shower just about to shave my legs when i zone out on a tile of the shower. i started to get tunnel vision and see a fading purple to green light. then a few minutes later (i dont know if it was a few minutes actually. it felt like my entire concept of time was gone) i get this fog/mist coming to my face and dissipating repeatedly. it kept happening until my entire vision of my body was kind of clear/ silver like. i could see my stomach hyperventilating because i didn’t know what was happening and i was scared. i couldn’t pull my self out of it though. i finally managed to get up almost 45 minutes later. i guess i had a somewhat traumatic childhood and have and am still struggling with depression. (not diagnosed or medicated) but i just would like an opinion on this or anything to help because i am scared that this might happen again and i have absolutely no clue what it is. thank you so much.
Hi Izzy, we can’t give you a diagnosis over the internet, we don’t know you and that would not be a good idea. We’d say it’s well worth going to talk to someone about. First, get a physical checkup with your doctor, as things like low iron or thyroid issues can also cause similar symptoms. Best to rule those things out. Otherwise, anxiety can definitely cause such moments, and it can often come hand in hand with depression, especially if you know you are already depressed but aren’t getting any support with it. If your physical health ends up being fine, then do consider some counselling. We are in the UK, where the first line of treatment, unlike America, is not medication. Therapy itself might be more than enough.