Couples Counselling in London

When a relationship is at breaking point, it can seem as if separation or divorce is your only option. But talking through your problems together with a trained relationship counsellor can help you get to the heart of your conflicts and come to value each other's beliefs and feelings.

If a separation is in your best interest, therapy can make that transition constructive over destructive, both for you and your children. 

Experienced counsellors can help you and your partner communicate better, build trust and enjoy each other’s company again. Working consistently with a counsellor you can learn how to manage and avoid issues such as:-

• arguments
• commitment issues
• domestic problems
• poor communication
• power imbalances
• breakdown in trust
• pre-marital concerns
• extra-marital affairs
• marriage guidance
• divorce support.

During your first session at Harley Therapy your couples therapist will ask what brought you to counselling, as well as take a general history of your relationship. He or she may ask questions such as:

• What issues have you been experiencing in your relationship?
• How long have these issues been a problem in your relationship?
• Have you ever been in relationship counselling before?
• What have you and your partner done to try to resolve these issues?
• What are your expectations of couples counselling?

Each further session will be around 50 minutes. Your therapist does not side with either one of you, but listens to and supports you both equally, creates space for you both to talk, and diffuses any explosive emotions into constructive sharing. 

In most cases, you and your partner will see your couples therapist over a period of weeks or months. You are both expected to attend each session, unless it has been arranged for each of you to see the counsellor separately before meeting up again as a couple.

No. Your therapist's aim is not to resolve your issues for you, but to develop your listening, communication, and negotiation skills so you can resolve your issues for yourselves. The point is that you both take responsibility for your choices and actions and for how you will move forward. 

A good couples therapist listens, observes, reflects back, and asks good questions. They create a safe environment for you to talk openly about what is upsetting you. And in some cases, they will work with you to explore your childhood and family history to identify where the behavioural patterns holding back your relationship arise from.

One therapy approach known to benefit couples tremendously is a psychodynamic approach, with a strong focus on building emotional intelligence and awareness, as well as building or rebuilding friendship between the couple. These early connectors tend to become obscured when life intervenes with all its challenges.

Additionally, unconscious psychodynamics which will have been internalised in childhood often get played out between couples, without them being aware of it. Examining these patterns in therapy, using the above approach, tends to help couples identify their own patterns and start to change them.

One almost wants to say in the early days when things are going well and both individuals are more open and generous towards each other, and wanting to be loving towards each other. It’s like saying, let's get down the basic foundation of good habits in place to help us work through any challenges we will inevitably encounter.

However, understandably, no-one is inclined to use therapy in this phase. Unfortunately, what’s more likely to happen is that people often leave it too late by which time problematic patterns and dynamics have become entrenched and harder to shift.

With that in mind, the ideal time would be when one or the other in the couple sees patterns that create problems and disrupts the relationship - be that in mood, behaviour, personality, etc. They might have tried to address it between themselves, and find themselves going round in circles, unable to resolve things or move forwards.

If one person within the relationship finds themselves starting to feel unhappy, resentful, or smaller (as a person) than they used to be, this would be the time to recognise that some external support might be required.

Accredited therapists: All practitioners are highly trained and have over 10 years of experience supporting clients through complex emotional challenges.

Tailored to you: Your therapist will adapt their approach to fit your unique needs and may draw from other helpful approaches.

A supportive approach: The therapists provide a safe, compassionate space to help you achieve lasting change.