Sex Addiction and Counselling: Are you a Sex Addict?

sexual addiction and counsellingSex addiction is an intimacy disorder. It involves compulsive sexual thoughts and actions and tends to be progressive, worsening over time. It is also known as hypersexuality, nymphomania, or compulsive sexual behaviour.

It’s not a joke but has very damaging repercussions. Just like any other serious addiction, left untreated sex addiction can destroy relationships, jeopardise your health, cause legal issues, effect your work and career, and lead to other mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.

Sex addiction is a controversial topic as sex still remains a sensitive issue for many people. Some mental health professionals are even reluctant to recognise sex addiction as a true form of addiction or “valid” mental health issue.

Despite this ongoing debate, sex addiction is without a doubt a very real and painful issue to experience.

Symptoms of sex addiction

Sex addiction does not mean you are a raging deviant ‘sex monster’, not at all. In fact it is usually composed of sex acts that the public would consider to be completely ‘acceptable’. Sexual behaviours that occur outside the realms of acceptable behaviour are instead referred to as “paraphilias” (i.e. pedophilia, sexual sadism etc).

It is instead the frequency of sexual acts which make things veer into the realm of addiction.Sexual behaviour is a problem once it begins to affect your health, emotional wellbeing, and other aspects of your life.

Signs of sexual addiction include but are not limited to the following:

  • Intense desire for sexual control that you feel unable to resist
  • Being driven towards or engaging in sexual activities that you do not enjoy or find pleasurable
  • Using sexual behaviour as an “escape” from problems or difficult emotions, i.e. anxiety, sadness
  • Engaging in sexual behaviour despite knowing the risks or experiencing the consequences (i.e. work, health, or legal issues) of your actions, and continuing in the same behaviours
  • Experiencing trouble in personal relationships, i.e. difficulty having or maintaining romantic relationships or emotional proximity to loved ones
  • Devoting a large majority of your time engaging in or thinking about sexual activities, i.e. looking for sex online, looking at porn, arranging “hook-ups,” etc.
  • Leading a “double life” because of your sexual activities; often sex addicts make great effort to hide their sexual acts or interests from others
  • Feeling irritable when unable to engage in the desired sexual behaviour

If you recognise three or more of these signs then you or someone you know may have an issue with sex addiction.

What are the causes of sexual addiction?

sexual addiction symptomsSex addiction occurs in both men and women of all sexual orientations and ages. The exact causes for sex addiction are not known, but are attributed to a variety of causes from brain chemicals to childhood experiences. Often sex addicts also have issues with drugs or alcohol, other psychological issues, and past experiences with abuse.

Overcoming sex addiction

Sex addiction frequently remains untreated because feelings such as shame, guilt or embarrassment prevent open discussion about the subject. But it is important if your life is being affected by sexual addiction to seek professional help, and not allow difficult feelings to silence your voice. A diagnosis of sex addiction by a mental health professional is the first step in creating a treatment plan that can provide you with relief.

Sex addiction can be challenging to treat, but recovery is possible. Counselling or psychotherapy can provide effective treatment plans and if they are adhered to they can be successful. Your therapist will help you examine your triggers for engaging in sexual behaviour so you can understand how your problematic sexual behaviour comes about. Educating yourself about sex addiction can provide further emotional support and understanding for what you are experiencing.

Healthy behaviours (i.e. social support networks, sports, relaxation techniques, and hobbies) can also help to provide effective control over the difficult emotions that often come with sexual addiction.

Sessions with a therapist/counselling psychologist tend to be brief and because of this it is a good idea to be prepared so you can get the most out of your therapy. You may want to consider doing any of the following to help you better share your experiences, particularly if you find it difficult to talk:

  • Record notes about your sexual behaviour.
  • List the issues that your sexual behaviour has caused.
  • Be honest about any alcohol or drug use.
  • List the medications that you are taking.
  • Write down your questions.

Treatment options for sex addiction

Several forms of psychotherapy are typically effective for sexual addiction, including psycho-dynamic therapy, cognitive therapy, or group psychotherapy. Choosing the best form of treatment is usually based upon individual needs and circumstances.

In some cases sex addiction may also be treated with the use of medications to target any accompanying feelings of low mood, anxiety or anger. Antidepressants, mood stabilisers, anti-androgens, and hormone-releasing medications are just some of the medications sometimes used to help treat sex addiction. But drugs in and of themselves are not a recommended intervention for sexual addiction.


Sexual addiction is as serious and life-damaging an addiction as any other. The first step is admitting to the problem, and the next step is to seek the help you deserve to find your way back to feeling yourself again.

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Dr. Sheri Jacobson


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