“I Think I Was Abused as a Child” – What to Do Now
Dr. Sheri Jacobson
May 16, 2022
By: fotologic
“I think I was abused as a child, what do I do now?”
Do you have symptoms that might mean you were sexually abused as a child? Or are you having snippets of what seem repressed memories flashing through your head, and you are worried they are real?
“I Think I Was Abused” – What to Do Next
Here are the steps to take to protect your mental health while navigating worries or memories about abuse.
1. Don’t immediately accuse people.
Rage is a common response if we suddenly suspect we were abused.
Many people experience a a strong impulse to go after the abuser, or call everyone that knows them to let them know “I think I was abused by this person”. It can seem, in the moment, the ‘right thing to do’.
But here’s the thing. Discovering you might have been abused puts you in a very vulnerable mental and emotional state. Even if anger and the cortisol rush of stress is making you feel energised and powerful, you aren’t. If someone turns around and accuses you of being dishonest, or picks a fight you aren’t ready for, not only might you lose support from people you need on your side, you might find your mental health deteriorating quickly.
It’s not that you can’t or shouldn’t make a case of abuse! It’s that the best time to do so is when you have had time to work through your emotions and thoughts and are feeling more stable. And it’s also something to do when you have support to help you navigate any fallout.
2. Don’t assume just because you have symptoms you were sexually abused.
By: Martin Cooper
Sexual abuse is sadly common. It’s estimated one in four children experiences some sort of sexual abuse. The reality might be higher. And many people block out memories of sexual abuse. So yes, maybe you were abused.
At the same time, the symptoms of sexual abuse – dissociation, depression, body image issues, low self-esteem, promiscuity – can also be from other sorts of trauma and adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).
In our society sexual abuse has the most shame around it of all traumas. So it becomes the one we all assume is the problem if we have symptoms but no memories. But this means other very real and also serious traumas and mental health problems which might be the actual issue can get overlooked.
The best thing to do here is to accept that something has happened to give you mental health symptoms. It might be some sort of abuse. Then reach our for professional support for the symptoms, tell your therapist what you suspect, and take time to work together and see what surfaces.
3. Don’t obsess over exactly what happened, obsess over what you are going to do next.
By: Robert Nunnally
One of the easiest ways to completely re-traumatise yourself is to become obsessed about knowing ‘exactly what happened’.
Of course this is normal, and is part of many people’s process of healing. We want to know the details. And it’s okay to feel really angry, frustrated and sad that you can’t get the facts.
But until someone builds a time machine, we can’t go back in time and find out exactly what happened to us. We simply do not have any control over finding out the exact facts. All we can do is accept that something difficult and tragic happened, and we have some facts but not all. And then we can focus on what we DO have facts and proof about – our symptoms.
You can’t change the past but you can work to manage your symptoms. And that is what is actually going to help you progress towards healing, not obsessing on details you’ll never be sure of.
4. Minimise other stressors.
Learning we might have been abused is an incredibly difficult and draining process. It is not the time to take on anything new if you don’t have to. Now is not the time to look for a new job, pick a fight with a friend, or set a challenging goal.
In fact it’s the time to lessen any unnecessary stressors. Are there social events you can say no to? Obligations you can back out of? You need down time to process your emotions and be with those who support you.
The only new thing you want to be doing here is building a support team and seeking out help, like therapy, self-help books, and support groups.
5. Up your self care to the maximum.
This is absolutely the time to be as kind and gentle with yourself as possible.
Yes, you might want to binge on all the food in the refrigerator or drink an entire bottle of wine yourself. But here’s the thing – this is self abuse. Isn’t it enough that there is abuse in your past?
How can you send a message to yourself you deserve to be taken care of? Can you go to bed early, say no to the social event you don’t want to go to, start taking long walks, take that bubblebath you always mean to but don’t get around to?
6. Do find support.
Be wary of reaching out to people who won’t be able to handle your experience. Feeling letdown is just one more thing to feel bad about you don’t need.
And be careful you don’t mistakenly turn to someone who is a gossip. It’s up to you when, how and if other people find out about your experience, not someone else.
If it is possible to reach out to more than one person, that is ideal. Working through abuse memories can mean you need a lot of support, and it isn’t always fair to expect one person to provide all that.
This is why it’s also highly recommended to find any and all support elsewhere. There are online forums which can be useful, and you might want to consider a support group. Google to see if there is one in your area.
If you are feeling desperate, or are having suicidal thoughts, reach out to a free helpline. Read our article on “Mental Health Helplines Available in the UK“.
Why it’s so important to seek professional support for sexual abuse
Thinking we were abused attacks our sense of being safe in the world. So it tends to cause anxiety and panic. If you already had anxiety or other mental health issues, they can worsen.
And if memories of abuse start to surface, then you can also start to experience symptoms of trauma. This can look like feeling dissociated from reality, being jumpy and edgy, having huge emotions you don’t understand, and wanting to hide away from the world.
Without support, it can all spiral into a mental breakdown or self-abusive behaviour including self-harm.
Some people do try to navigate abuse in childhood themselves. Over many years they might reach a level of acceptance. But that same level of acceptance can be achieved in a fraction of the time with the right support.
Why leave yourself to live a half-life when help is actually available?
Would you like to speak to a highly trained, warm and friendly therapist who can help you if you think you were sexually abused? We connect you with top therapists in central London locations, and now worldwide via our new platform where you can book online and phone therapy quickly and easily.
Still have a question about what do do if you are feeling “I think I was abused?”. Post below in our public comment box.
Recently, I’ve been feeling like a terrible person. I cannot shake this thought. I am very privileged and in all ways other than mental am living an amazing life right now. I am about to graduate from high school, and I am surrounded by family and many friends who love me very much. However, I can’t stop thinking about the possibility that I have done something horrible that I can’t remember. Thinking I might have been an abuser of others when I was a younger child, I have been thoroughly scouring my memories to make sure I have a clean conscious. However, after reading one of your articles I believe I am some sort of abuser. When I was very young I would engage in sexual play with my neighbor, and even though I really had no way of knowing what I was doing was wrong (or did I? I am really doubting my own memories now), it still was perhaps some sort of abuse. We are still friends and she (as far as I can tell) is in no way apprehensive of me and still comes over to hang out on occasion. I have also engaged in “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” type activity with other kids, and due to this history and the fact that I know I have always been a pretty sexual person, there is some slight chance that I have done this kind of thing, maybe unwillingly, with other kids and I’m just not remembering it. When I was going thru puberty and sexually maturing I had many many fantasies, some of them really make me squirm now, and sometimes I wonder if they were just my imagination or if I actually did something like that to a much younger child. Now I go out of my way to not touch people, especially kids, and I am very very aware of my words and actions. Sometimes I feel good and can tell myself confidently that I am a good person and that I have not engaged in non-consensual and potentially traumatizing sexual activities, but sometimes I feel awful and, to be honest, near-suicidal. Any advice on this dilemma? Thank you for reading this
Henry, thank you for sharing this, it’s very brave, and I’m sure other readers out there will have shared your experience. We can’t give you ‘perfect’ answers as obviously we don’t know you, and we can’t give any kind of ‘diagnosis’ over the internet or a comment box. But a few general things to think about. It actually sounds like you are suffering from a lot of anxiety and depression, you even mention suicidal thoughts. Out of all those loving friends and family members, do you have someone to really talk to? Or are you actually pretending all is great? As that doesn’t sound such a perfect life…… that sounds like a lot of pressure to pretend things are ok. First, you are not a terrible person, you are a human, and being a human is tricky at times. And at some point we all mess up, hurt others, etcetera. What is important is intent. You say did not intend to do things to harm others, and now you feel terrible. You are making an effort to figure this out. That is commendable. And all this said, we aren’t sure what happened. If it was games of “I’ll show me yours, you show me mine” this is actually normal behaviour. Children are naturally curious about bodies, some more than others. Many children engage in mutual touching games. There is however a line that this can cross over from normal to troublesome, there is a good infographic on this page https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx. But if it was just a child’s game of ‘show me yours’ that doesn’t cross the boundaries mentioned in the infographic, and you feel bad about it, couldn’t you talk to your friend openly and honestly about it? As for sexual fantasies, fantasies are often wild and ‘out there’, that’s why they are fantasies and not reality. And unless you are having fantasies of abusing children, then they are not a huge concern. So without knowing the whole story, we’d say, your experience might be unharmful. If the sexual play between you and other kids was more than just show and tell, then we’d point out that can be a sign you were abused yourself, as can having fantasies about abusing children (if that is what the fantasies are about, again, we don’t know). Nobody is born with a desire to abuse a child, they are generally abused themselves and it becomes a cycle. Abused children can act out by then abusing others. In summary, we suspect somehow there might be a lot more going on for you. It might just be, given how hard on yourself you seem, that you feel you have to be perfect all the time, and this is giving you severe anxiety which is manifesting as thinking you are an abuser. It might be, if the experiences were more than just touching and the fantasies about abusing kids, that you have some past trauma to look at. In summary, we’d HIGHLY recommend you seek professional support as soon as possible. Suicidal urges are serious. If you are in the UK, there are free help lines where you can talk to really understanding volunteers who do not judge http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines if you are in the USA, do a google for some. Then we’d say, can you ask your parents for help finding counselling? There are tips to do so here http://bit.ly/2mtpPum or if not read our article on tips for getting mental health help as a teen here http://bit.ly/teenmentalthealthhelp. We wish you courage and hope you find some support soon!Until then, try to go a little easier on yourself. You don’t have to be ‘good’ all the time. It’s okay to be sad, angry, and sometimes to do stupid things. You are doing the best you can, and that is all anyone can hope for.
Thank you so much. I think this is what I needed to hear. While I do not think I was abused, I was exposed to pornography quite young. Even before that, when I was engaged in sexual play with friends of a similar age, I looked at the infographic provided above and I see that the activities were very much normal. As for the porn at a young age, this probably contributed to my really advanced fantasies. Again, thank you very much for this advice Harley Therapy. Also, I have a good psychologist at school who can help me through some of this stuff.
Great to hear Henry! Sounds like you are under stress and going through anxiety. Anxiety throws us into a state of fear with overwhelming, illogical thoughts, and we can obsess on certain things……
Am adaeze and am 18 now
I don’t know where to start and I feel like living this world.
When I was 5-6years we have a driver in our house and I wasnt close to my parents, I never knew I was abused till I entered secondary school when they started talking about sex,I felt that I was lacking something
My mother never gave me an advise as a child.i wanted to tell her but she never cared I feel like dieing because am feeling the consequences now
Daizy we are sorry you are feeling so bad. But you are more than this one situation, this one trauma, you are a young woman who probably has many things to offer others and the world, please do not let this situation win. What you need is someone you can trust and talk to. Is there someone you can talk to? A trusted friend? Is there a counsellor at school? Is there a free help line in your country for teenagers? (If by chance you are in the UK you can find them here http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines). Not only is childhood trauma difficult, being 18 is difficult. Try to take things one day at at time. Seek someone to talk to. And read our article on self compassion. If you feel completely let down by the world, remember that you don’t have to let YOURSELF down. Try each day to treat yourself as your own friend. http://bit.ly/selfcompassionlearn. Ideally you could talk to a counsellor. Is there any chance of that in your situation? (We don’t know what country you are in)
Hi I think I was sexually abused at a young age before I was 14 when I was 15 years old I lost my memory after a prolonged three hour panic attack at school I am 26 years old now after my severe amnesia state I could not remember my name or anyone I spoke like a child and had panic attacks for months I have not got my memories back but still speak like a child feeling four and seven I have a bear and started self harming when I was 18 I self harm occasionally every month I regress a lot haven’t had a relationship I want my memories back but I know they never will come back I am rebering events before I was sixteen and certain disturbing incidents but as it’s a family member I won’t post on here I am 26 and have huge dissociation whenever I see a younger girl I burst into tears self harm makes everything better I can manage it so I won’t stop
Hi Jess. We understand that self harm can feel like it ‘works’. It’s a coping mechanism. And when we are feeling really desperate it creates a little window where our painful thoughts and emotions are numbed. But as you can see, it’s not working long-term. The pain keeps coming back. You are experiencing serious symptoms – dissociation, regression. You have to seek support. If you are on a low budget, read our article on how to find free to low cost counselling http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy and if you want to talk to your parents so that they can help you find support, we also have an article on this here http://bit.ly/talktoparents. If you are in the UK also look at our list of free help lines you can use where trained listeners are very nice and happy to help http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines
I’m a 20 years old female and I have almost all symptoms of having being abused as a child. I suffer from depression and anxiety since I was just 7, and even though sometimes I get a bit better, it always come back. About a year or two ago (when I happened to suffer a form of abuse through the internet by my class mate who also was my male best friend) I started to put the pieces together and now I think I might have been sexually abused as a child, probably somewhere between 2 and 6 years old. I have some very specific memories from when I was 4~6, like names from people I’ve never seen again, but, in general, I barely remember a thing from that time, and even less before that (but I guess it’s normal since I was too young). I have a really anxious profile compared to my twin sister and I tend to develop a lot of phobias, most of them being temporary, but some (such as aichmophobia and androphobia) are long lasting. Also, I slept in my mom’s bed until I was like 12 because I was too scared to sleep alone or just with my twin. Now I actually remember saying something about dreaming of an old bald man with a big nose laughing at me or something when I was around 4 or 5 years old, but, curiously enough, I had forgotten about having those dreams until some time ago. I went through a lot of therapists while growing up, and all of them asked me if I was abused and I always said no, even though denying it felt strange for some reason. One of my other diagnosis is alexithymia, so I don’t really know how to express myself, but I’m getting tired of feeling like this, I always feel like the worst person alive, I’m scared of too many things, and not leaving my room (and locking the door) has become a routine every since I got a separate bedroom from my twin like 5 years ago. I always had a very low self esteem, to the point of developing anorexia and bulimia at 9, and also even to this day I always feel guilty about everything, even when it’s clearly not my fault or when there’s nothing to feel guilty about. I have extreme trust issues, had various episodes of self harm since I was 13, tried suicide 2 times and recently I was admitted to a psychiatric clinic. Also I never really liked the idea of sex and always considered myself to be asexual, even though I feel romantic feelings toward men (rarely, but I do), and it’s almost like I physically can’t talk about sex out loud, because I feel sick and nervous. And I just keep thinking that there’s something bigger behind all that, something that I don’t remeber (in this case, abuse). I look at the photographs and I was such a hapoy child, I loved to wear makeup and dress in cute clothes, and I keep wondering why at some point I suddenly stopped being who I was. Well, there’s a lot more I could say here, but the thing is, I’m too embarrassed to talk about all of this to my therapist or anyone else (just saying it here with a fake name and with the guarantee that no one will know who I am and because I’m from another country), I feel like no one will take me seriously and I fear I’ll be humiliated just by suggesting something might have happened because I never mentioned anything about it and because it sounds a bit too dramatic and absurd, but I don’t know what to do. I’m also afraid of bringing this possibility up and in the end it not being true, I’ll feel like I lied. I feel like I have all the signs, but I can’t express them because either I don’t know how, or I’m too embarrassed to do so and I’ll feel guilty if I say something without any proof and end up being ridiculed
Hi Sarah, sounds like you’ve been going through a lot. Statistics estimate 1 in 4 or 5 (depending on the research you look at) children went through abuse. The reality is probably higher. We say this just to present this scenario. If you met one of these many, many people who suffered abuse, would you want them to hide it? Would you make them feel ashamed for talking about it? Or would you think they did something wrong? Or treat them as if they did? Unless they ‘proved’ it? Because….then why are you treating yourself that way? While talking with your family might be tricky, and now might not be the moment, talking about abuse with a therapist is the most normal thing. Therapists hear it a lot, and they don’t judge. They are trained in dealing with abuse and trauma. That is what they are there for, to hear and help with everything. And for therapy to work, you need to trust your therapist. Yes, there are bad therapists out there, this is true. Is there a reason you feel you can’t trust your therapist? Are they sharing what you share with your parents? They shouldn’t be….As for ‘true/not true’ as we talk about in the article and other comment responses, you’ll never know for sure, unless we find a time machine. What matters is getting support to talk through your feelings and symptoms and find ways to feel better. In the end it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, what matters is that you find ways to feel better and more stable. If it helps, start talking about it by being very honest that, ‘I’m worried I was abused but really am not sure, I worry have the symptoms, but I can’t be sure. But can we talk about this worry?”? Any therapist with any skill will be more than happy to discuss this. And even if for some strange reason it doesn’t go well, could it really be worse than all this tremendous anxiety you are already going through around it? We wish you courage.
Hi.
I have been reading your site and I feel like I have symptoms of child abuse but can’t fully remember. I’m 27 now. My mum and dad got divorced when I was around 2? My dad had an affair with a woman who later he got partial custody of me. I remember some hazy foggy memories of him coming home drunk And kissing me, I did t like it because he would smell awful. (I don’t know if this is him just being loving or if it was abuse) but then I have another memory of him actually carrying on for sometime… I don’t think he ever touched me but if I can’t fully remember could he have? He used to start arguments with his wife so I was exposed to domestic violence a lot… and have seen him hit her. I have an awful feeling this was because of me? I used to deface one of my dolls by putting pins in her eyes and making her look like a goth barbie almost like a voodoo doll. I used to get really aggressive and have bursts of anger and I still do now and I feel guilty for almost everything. I just don’t know what to do I don’t know if I was to suppress these memories as me and my dad have an okay relationship… we don’t talk much but meet up every other month for a meal and a catch up. I feel so lost with these memories. I also had sexual experiences when I was 7 with my cousin and we would okay “mummy’s and daddy’s” and I also wet the bed right up to being 11. I was exposed to pornography at house Where there were older kids and they were laughing at it when they showed me when I was about 9? It’s something I haven’t really thought of until the last three years but all these memories are slowly coming back
Hi H, we can’t say based on this limited info, we’d need to know you and do several sessions, and even then many of us don’t know what happened but just have to work with symptoms. We would say don’t jump to conclusions based on this info you have given. Emotional abuse and neglect can cause very similar symptoms to sexual abuse. They are both trauma. So you could have trouble with relationships, anxiety, guilt, shame, depression, etc from emotional abuse and neglect and from witnessing violence etc. As for the child sexual play, we have a new article on it here https://bit.ly/childplayabuse. It’s normal for kids to engage in sexual play and look at pornography, but it can sometimes be abuse, as the article explains. Then we advise reading our article on what to do if you think you were abused http://bit.ly/dealwithabuse. Finally, what is clear is that your childhood was unstable and it’s resulted in anxiety for you and you do need support. We would highly advise you seek counselling or therapy to talk this through. Best, HT.
As an adult we grow straight but why we play these you touch mine ill touch yours with the same sex in childhood?
Hi Anshita, we have an article all about this issue here https://bit.ly/childchildabuse Best, HT.
I am not sure if I was sexually abused or just naive in participating In sexual acts but my same sex cousin is 3 years older than me and when I was around 7 years old she used to perform and get me to perform sexual acts on her. I didn’t know what this was at the time but she seemed to know a lot about it. It was never penetrative sex but clitoral stimulation the more I think about the memories I feel more disgusted In myself I don’t like I will ever get over this feeling. My Aunty is very open about her sexuality and sexual encounters and always was in front of my cousins so maybe that is the reason my cousin knew a lot more about sex and masturbation than me and wanted to try things but I still can’t get my head round whether I was abused or just naive. I would appreciate if someone could give me the answer I’m looking for and a solution for me to get over this trauma.
Hi Rebecca, we have an article about this here https://bit.ly/childchildabuse. Best, HT.
Hi, my name is Maria
I am a 25 years old woman and I think I was abused as a child. I have had the same dream of being abused since I was a kid, but always thought it was just a dream. Recently I have been going through really depressing times that are damaging the relationships I have with people I love. I don’t really know what is happening to me I feel really depressed for no apparent reason. My parents got divorced when I was 3 years old, I lived domestic violence all my childhood and had a really tough time because of this during adolescence. I remember I was punished in school (I was 8 years old) for explaining to a classmate how sex was. Also, I remember being kissed by my female cousin (2 years older) and not saying anything about it to anyone ever. I feel like I was a precocious child, but in contrast, I have always felt guilty and uncomfortable when talking about sex. I developed bulimia when I was 15 and haven’t had a healthy relationship with food since then. I hated to sleep alone in my bed when I was in my mother’s house so I slept with her every time I visited her home. I moved back to my mother’s house when I was 23 and have developed chronic insomnia, I have started to forget the things I do, sometimes entirely periods of time.
I am not sure if the dream I have had is real or not, if it is something my mind makes up, or if it is a memory. I don’t know if my experiences are normal things that happen to people or if something is wrong with me. I decided to look for information and ask you about this before going to a therapist because I am really afraid to bring this up and then find out it is not real, and I am just someone that is losing her mind.
Hi there Maria, no proper registered and professional therapist would ever make you feel you were losing your mind or that there is something wrong with you. Our life experiences form us, but they are not who they are. And emotional symptoms do not make us crazy, they make us someone dealing with emotional difficulties. Do not at all feel afraid to bring all this up, therapists hear things like this all the time. What we would say is that while you are focussing on ‘is this or isn’t this true’ as the main question, it’s not actually the main issue. You have had a lot of trauma by the sounds of it, instability, exposure to violence. These all produce similar symptoms to sexual abuse. And the real issue is, how can you learn to navigate your symptoms, learn who you are and what you want, set boundaries and make choices that work for you, feel grounded and emotionally stable. Memories and dreams are never certain, nobody out there has a reliable memory of childhood as that’s not how the brain works. Many of us never get to the point we know what did or didn’t happen in childhood. What is clear is that your brain is telling you that your life has traumatised you and you need support. So be proud of yourself for gathering your courage and deciding to try therapy. It’s not always easy, it’s a process, and at times can be hard, but it’s worth it. Find a therapist you can grow to trust over time (with this sort of background you’ll never feel at ease with someone immediately). Give it at least four sessions before deciding if it’s the right therapist, it can take time to feel a click.
My name is Lara.
I’m 13 years old, and I want to clarify that I know that I’m a preteen and there’s a chance I might just be very paranoid.
For some time now, I’ve been wondering I might’ve been assaulted as a child. I developed depression, anxiety, and body image issues when I was (which were worsened by my autism) in third grade. Before the ages of 5-6, I lived in America and then Switzerland, and I can’t remember anything but snippets of memories from ages 4 and under. I understand this is pretty normal since kids forget things all the time, but it’s not entirely just snippets. There are gaps in my memory in between 6-8, and since I was very small I have had nightmares about being sexually assaulted before even knowing what it meant. Even now, I still have trouble with remembering things.
I started noticing these things when I realized I had an intense fear of being touched anywhere close to areas considered inappropriate (vagina, breasts, etc.) and was always scared and made extremely uncomfortable when I saw any sexual imagery or scenes on TV. I’m always doubting myself when it comes to taking my mental issues seriously, but I can’t tell if my suspicion that I was assaulted is truly rational or not.
Hi Lara, we honestly can’t tell you based on a comment, as we don’t know you and your life, and furthermore a large percentage of people never have clear memories of abuse. What we can say is that all these symptoms can come from other things as well, all kinds of psychological trauma can cause similar symptoms. We notice you seem to have moved a lot a a child, instability and constant change can be hard on a child, for example, and leave you with anxiety and low self-esteem. And it’s normal for a 13 year old to fear being touched sexually, particularly if she has no trusted adult to talk about sex with. We live in a society where kids are having to live through far too much sexual imagery being thrown their way, and it can be overwhelming or cause sexual anxiety if you don’t have support to feel comfortable in your body. So what is clear is that you have anxiety and low self-esteem, we also sense you might be lonely. Is there anyone you can talk to? A trusted adult? We think it would be ideal if you could work with a counsellor who could help you learn how to manage your thinking so it causes less anxiety and low moods, and can work with you to help you see your inner resources and your value a a person. Plus can create a safe space to discuss if you were or weren’t the victim of sexual abuse. We have an article here on how to ask your parents to help you see a therapist http://bit.ly/talktoparents. Otherwise don’t be afraid to call a mental health help line where there are friendly people waiting to help. If you are in the UK there are several just for young people where you can also text or email if that is more comfortable for you. Find a list of help lines here http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. Finally, being a teen is hard. Everything can feel overwhelming particularly if you are on the spectrum. Try to go easy on yourself, to take life one day at a time, and know that although growing up is hard it’s worth it, and things can get easier with time as we find our identity and become independent. Best, HT.
I constantly unconsciously without realizing play with my genitals, like squeezing and stimulating it a bit, sometimes my hands go in my pants or my I pull down my pants a bit, I know this is a weird question but is this a sign of sexual abuse.
Hi Vegito, no, it isn’t. Masturbation in all its form is normal. Sometimes we can use it as stress relief in an unconscious manner. Best, HT.
I don’t remember how old I was or my big sister but we are 4 years apart. I am 23 years old now. I remember being really young & one day my sister & I were in our room & she got down from out bunk bed (she slept on the top & I slept bottom). She then told me to stand up & I did, then told me to rub my clitoris on to hers because she just wanted to know what it feels like. I remember I pulling my pants down & doing what she told me to do & I started to feel weird so I stopped & I told her I didn’t want to anymore but then she said “I just wanna know how it feels” & after that I think I did it again but I’m not sure on that answer. I’ve been thinking for a couple years now if I have been sexually abused by my older sister when we were both younger but also without being able to shake the thought that she knew what she was doing was bad.
We can assure you that we do not add any fake comments; it’s against our values, and would not benefit us in anyway. We won’t be posting your reply so as not to minimise other people’s experiences.
Forgive me for my poor English it’s not my first language
Im 15 years old girl and i think that i was sexually assaulted by one of my relatives when i was younger but im not sure and the only prove i have is my dreams and blury memories
I dont know if it’s just my brain making these memories or it actually happened
I started getting some flashing memories when i was 12, of me playing as a kid and then someone touching me in my private places, i can describe the room, what and where it exactly happened, but all from my dreams and these blury memories
I brushed it off as “it’s all this social media stuff, it’s making my brain rot”but the memories didn’t stop there and i started getting dreams about it
I started to doubt it when i became 13 and searched it up, i am aware that i have childhood trauma but it’s not because of sexual abuse but emotional abuse and traumatic experiences
I read some articles that saying “if you can’t remember your childhood, or only remember horrible stuff from it, it might be because of some kind of traumatising experience you’ve went through as a child”
I always believed it was because of the abuse I’ve seen as a child but not sexual abuse so i told myself to move on and never thought about it again
And then the dreams started to be so detailed as if my brain is trying to tell me something i thought maybe it’s a sign
I still can’t and don’t believe it actually happened, i told one of my trusted friends so they can confirm that im just imagining but i found them telling me to contact a professional as this might have actually happened
I feel gross and bad because i don’t even know if it actually happened, and that im just accusing someone innocent because im not okay
I can’t contact a professional because i dont want my family or anyone to know about this so i thought online therapy would help but im still not sure
I dont wanna ruin the life of the person who i suspect assaulting me because he is now living a good life and it’s too late because years has passed
Hi,
Dunno where do I actually start.. I think it all starts when I was 6, when me & a male friend of mine weren’t watched over by our parents and we’ve exposed to some intimate scenes on TV between a man n woman. So we’ve thought ’bout why don’t we try this with our mutual female friend at kindergarten (I know this sound crazy and unreal, but believe me it is). So at z beginning we started with physical touching to her “private parts” whenever no one is watching for us at KG. Then it developed to making sex positions -with clothes on- with her and it kept on a single year.
Later on.. a (couple yrs older) male cousin of my friend started doing the same with us, but in addition to *sexual intercourse from behind*. We loved it then and happened that we took turns all three together (of course he had privilege of being older so he wouldn’t let us “penetrate in him, I guess we didn’t even grow P at that time but whatever.” So, this horrible thing last for a couple of years and we’ve been introduced to some of that my friend’s cousin friends whom were all doing the same to younger kids and sometimes they forced them (sexual abuse).
••I remember one time when a (40 yrs he was I think) male friend of my dad made up with Me (kissing on lips). Don’t really remember whether it was only a single time, I recall several times he did it while we were hiding in a dark place in my dad’s workplace. I remember that I didn’t really had an opinion on it. means that I didn’t like it n didn’t hate it. I guess I only enjoyed it with kids at my age.
Time flew.. my friend and I grew a bit older and did the same thing to younger kids (same as happened to us and what We saw older boys do). And in a certain point we were nearly 14 We found about pornography and porn sites (a friend told us about it n showed us some movies). And it was more interesting to us, So we decided we’re never doing it again (gay stuff with eachother and other kids).
We grew up with porn addiction as a result, We’re 21 now and deadly STRAIGHT. But the weird thing at that time we didn’t have certain Sexual orientation (in terms of gender), We were open to both boys n girls.
That’s said I feel okay now. But deep down iam aware that this left me a million psychological issues that maybe I haven’t found about yet, And kinda feel so much sorry for myself and my terrible experience.
One last thing for parents and future ones, TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDS, WATCH OVER THEM AND BE CAREFUL WHAT TYPE OF MEDIA THEY EXPOSE TO & FRIENDS THEY MAKE.
I think I was sexually abused as a child. I don’t remember most of my childhood. And up to this point(I’m 13) I still struggle with my memory and remembering. I think it started when I was about 7 or 8 and I just forgot everything, I was missing about 2 years of my life and I just couldn’t remember. There is just so much time that I’m missing and I have all of the symptoms. I read other’s stories and mine is shockingly similar and it just makes me worry. Also, recently I’ve just been seeing this face, of a guy with no right eye. And i just keep getting flashes of these hands on me and being in pain. I’ve always been a very outspoken and loud as a child. And then at some point i removed myself from my family and cut off my friends. I was very sheltered as a child, since my mom was sexually abused(and for literally 4 generations, my mom and back have all been sexually abused) she was always paranoid and never let me go far. But sometimes, since sshe has brain disabilities she would just leave me alone and my dad would be at work or drinking all the time, so i dont know. I stopped hugging people, and i stopped touching anyone, i became very suicidal and started self harming for a while. I was depressed and anxious and always so paranoid that someone was watching me or was going to rape me and i was just scared and always felt like i was being touched. I don’t know how to describe it, i just feel like theres a weight on me or someone is touching me and it jsut makes me nauseous. I also have had random migraines and panic attacks over little things that made me think of when i was a kid. I slept in my moms bed for about a year when i was younger, and i still dont entirely know why, but i think i was scared at night, but not like every child is afraid of the dark, i was afraid of someone coming in. I’ve lways felt so uncomfortable without my door closed, and calm especially when it was locked, and i never knew why, but im slowly peicing everything together and its just so stressful, but i just cant stop picturing his face, and the hands. Jesus Christ, the feeling of hands drives me insane. And I frequently hallucinated for a long time, so I could be making this up in my mind out of fear and just foreboding, i dont know. But i just want it to stop, all of it. I’m not suicidal, but I self harmed a few days ago for the first time in months and i just feel like crap and the second i did, I felt better and stopped thinking, like my brain just shut off and I wasn’t nauseous like I constantly am, and I wasn’t feeling the weight and the hands, I was just empty, like I used to be when I self harmed.
Hi. My names Grace, I’m sixteen and I think I might have been sexually abused as a child. I can not remember barely anything until I was fourteen and we moved out of my old house. I always put down not being able to remember my childhood to the trauma of my dad dying when I was ten but now Im starting to think that there may have been something else going on. I’ve been having these nightmares of being sexually abused for a year or so now and according to my mam and my limited memories, I was showing lots of signs of being sexually abused. As much as I hate to admit it, I need to get it off my chest. When I was younger, my sister and I used to play this “game” where we would lick each others private parts. I feel like such an awful person although I know that it was consensual. I cant help thinking I’m a terrible person and I don’t know what to do. I feel so dirty and shameful. Any advice would be appreciated.
Hello- I’m not sure how old this post is, but I’ve always thought I was abused as a child. I’m 42 now. Also, apparently, I drew pictures of male genitalia a lot as a child, and my aunts brought this up to my parents, who did nothing.
My severe concern right now is that I REALLY think it was my father, whom I am (or was up until I distanced a few months ago when this really started) close to.
I have memories of him standing at the end of my bed. Or is it him? I can never see the face, but I remember it being him if that makes sense
I suffered from SEVERE nightmares and bed wetting as a child. My mother would ridicule and pick on me every time I wet the bed, as far back as I can remember.
My parents divorced when I was 12. Im the middle child of three children, and all of us have severe mental illness and addiction issues… we are intelligent and were always popular in school, but I always felt different. I suffer from extreme guilt and shame and have a “everything is my fault” complex, and I was always told things were my fault. My mother was abusive in every way. Physically, emotionally, psychologically. I don’t have any memory of her being sexually abusive towards me, but her sisters two sons were severely abused by their own father, and I have one memory of that man babysitting all of us once.
My point is- my siblings and I don’t have any memories of our childhood. We remember a lot of fighting. My mother and her entire family have severe mental illness problems, none of which have ever been diagnosed, which always makes me feel even more crazy.
My mother started to date an alcoholic who would show up in my room in the middle of the night. I’d wake up to him massaging and touching me. I was about 10-12, I can’t remember.
I remember always being afraid to go to sleep and trying to sleep with one of my siblings, but it never mattered because he’d find me wherever I was and touch me. That’s all that happened, him touching me and trying to coax me. I never reciprocated. One night I finally lied (the fear made me immobile) and got the courage to say I needed a drink from downstairs. I shot up and went down and he followed me and kept grabbing me and making advances. I remember ducking down when he tried to block me from leaving…. And running to my mother’s room screaming; “MOM. HE TRIED TO RAPE ME”
The next day she explained to me that he didn’t mean it and it wasn’t a big deal. She even accused me of being too promiscuous and that’s what made him do it. He came
Home with an expensive gift for me, a wind up ceramic piano that played Beethoven. I don’t even know how he knew I’d wanted that for so long. It was at the local hallmark store and I’d stop in and wind it and wind it, admiring the beauty of the paint etc. anyway….. so I was abused but then felt guilty when I was given a gift the next day. I’m still so fucked up and my mother married the guy and they live together, but it’s such an unhealthy and toxic marriage. My mother and I don’t speak. She accused me of choking her to cut off her air supply- she even told my siblings I tried to kill her.
Her alcoholic brother lives with her and her husband. He lived with us when I was a toddler, my mother has mentioned, but I have no memory of that. He’s a very odd one. Drinks a 36 pack a day. Lived in a tiny camper while his wife and kids were in the house. Always was quiet and gave me the ABSOLUTE creeps as a child and still does
Makes very immature sexual jokes every chance he gets.
Now back to my father.
I never felt weird in front of him but had these strange memories of him being at the end of my bed. He was always far too sexual. Talked about girls and kissing and going to hooters. Made sexual references and innuendos the topic of literally every single conversation.
He now does it in front of all of his grandchildren and my brother and I get a really weird sick and angry feeling. We get confused and uncomfortable l- like we know it’s wrong, but it must not be because that’s our dad so we must be wrong and crazy and over reacting and it’s not a big deal
The first time I felt uncomfortable
Around my father was after my step dad started to show up in my room. I would disassociate.
I didn’t trust.
So I have NO idea what’s real and what’s not.
Now present day. I suddenly and unexpectedly became my father’s full time care taker this year.
I’ve become the maid. The servant. Wound care, cooking. He does not leave the couch literally all day unless it’s to use the restroom. I know he’s taking advantage of me and I don’t want to believe it- again- I’m a horrible awful daughter and it’s all my fault he’s only 65 with foot amputations and neuropathy. No friends. No social life. Won’t leave the house.
But. Then I realized – I always had to clean the house even as a child. He never did. He never had any friends and only hung out with us and our friends – his kids. Then when the grandkids were born- we all felt as though he had an extremely unhealthy obsession with them all
It made us all so uncomfortable
But he’s always there if we needed money. If we needed help.
That’s normal. He went to every single sports game every grandchild played…. Picture perfect
Except for watching game of thrones in front of them
Except for asking my 7 year old niece if he could be her valentine and getting mad at her and making her feel bad and wrong when she said no.
Walking around in a towel sometimes.
Not often because he never gets up.. but when he does, my skin crawls
He will get up when my two year old son is in my bedroom alone, and just stand at the door- but has now started to go in and sit on the bed next to my son. My son always says no!! But he says that to everyone, however, I can’t help but wonder if my son gets a weird vibe too.
He gets mad when my two year old son won’t hug or kiss him and say things like “he hates me”. It’s so uncomfortable.
My self care is shot. I’m so exhausted that I can barely even move now. And he just sits there. Won’t eat unless I cook- and if I don’t cook- he will eat an entire bag of chips and cookies and god knows what other junk- and it always feels like a punishment
Memories are slowly coming back. Idolized my dad. He had my back in everything. Took my side in everything and answered every single time I called.
I idolized someone who literally ate himself to death and is depressed and passive aggressive and inappropriate with the children!!!!!
And I won’t stand for that.
I’m so confused. I have so much anger and rage and I’m wondering if he’s a pedophile. I really am.
But I have no idea if this is made up because of some other trauma. And it’s killing me. It’s killing me and it’s killed my relationship with my dad, but it’s WEIRD that he asks my 7 year old niece if she has a boyfriend and if they kiss. He’s done this with all of the kids. It’s weird that he gets mad if they don’t hug or kiss him. It’s weird that he has no friends. It’s weird that he does NOTHING but sit on his phone from the moment he wakes up until he goes to sleep while I, a single mother, am dying. I’m drowning with all of the house work, wound care, his pills and appointments and groceries and cooking and cleaning and errands. Garbage. All of the bags of soda cans he’s accumulated. Moving his shower chair every time we need to shower and then moving all of our toiletries and sons toys in and out before and after we shower so they aren’t a trip hazard for my dad
He. Just. Sits. There.
And i clean and go crazy chasing and playing with my son- trying to focus on being a mom, while this awful energy fills the place- putting all of my childhood puzzle pieces together because I’m seeing and remembering that it was ALWAYS this way.
I don’t know what’s real. I don’t know if someone other than my
Step father did something. I don’t know why I’m so disgusted, ashamed and angry to be around my father and also don’t want my kids around him
What have I made up. What’s real. I’m going insane
Hi i’m currently 15 and throughout the past year or two I have been having memories of back when I was around 5-8 Im not exactly sure what age I was when it occurred. I had this friend who was a female, like me, and she would always try to kiss me while hiding behind the couch and stuff like that. I am pretty sure I was 5 and she was a year younger. I had always told her I didn’t want to and it either stopped or I eventually gave up and let her I can’t remember but I know at some point it became more than kissing. It became very sexual and I can’t remember if it was years later or not it all is very cloudy. But she would tell me to take off my clothes and lay me on the bed. I am not going to say it was all un consensual because I don’t believe it was, but she would rub my private areas and squeeze my chest which wasn’t even developed considering how young I was. It was a reoccurring thing and I don’t remember how long it went on for. I remember one time specifically where she told me to lay down on her bed and she started to rub me on my lower areas and she would make moaning noises while I just laid there. She called it the undercover game as we would go under the covers. It makes me sick to my stomach whenever I think about it now and I don’t know if it was cocsa or not because it is all so blurry and I don’t know if it was just because we were curious. Although, I never did the “if you show me yours i’ll show you mine” with any other kids which is what is making me think it wasn’t all just curiosity. I worry that maybe she was experiencing some sort of sexual abuse and that is where she learned it from. Ever since it all started I became very hyper sexual and started watching porn at a very young age. The thing that bothers me the most is I can’t remember when it started and I don’t remember if she asked me and i said yes or if she just started touching me. I want answers but I don’t know what to do.
Hi, so maybe im just crazy for think of that…but everytime i just kiss a men i feel realy dirty. Sometimes after a simple hookup i have to clean my whole body and i even hurt myself by doing it and the thougth of sex scares me a lot. I also have a strange relation with men, in general, i fear them e and always think they could or they will abuse me and i feel bad for it. I dont know if this is normal or im just spiriling. Sorry for any gramatical error english is not my first language.