Counselling Articles

Identifying And Analysing Your Core Beliefs

Most of us will battle at some point in our lives with thoughts and feelings which threaten to derail our success and happiness. While we owe a great debt to cognitive behavioural theory, as it has shown us the important link between thoughts and feelings, another vital aspect of dealing with our emotional world is understanding how our personal core beliefs consistently affect the way we think, feel and act.

What Are Core Beliefs?

Core beliefs include the thoughts and assumptions we hold about ourselves, others, and the world around us. They are deep-seated beliefs which often go unrecognised and yet they constantly affect our lives. Here are some examples: I am ugly; everyone else is better at their job than I am; the world is full of selfish people and everyone just wants to take and never give. These are all core beliefs. Our whole lives are dictated by such inner beliefs and, most importantly, sometimes our core beliefs are wrong.

If you look at the examples above you can guess at the influence they would have. In thinking that you are ugly you will no doubt struggle with your self-esteem and confidence. If you think everyone is better than you are at their job then you may well feel small and unimportant. If you consider that the world only wants to take from you then you may find yourself reduced to cynicism, locked in a prism of seeing the world and its people in a negative way. This will affect what you offer to the world and what you are willing to give and share. Core beliefs affect what you achieve and how you operate in the world at large. Negative, and often inaccurate, core beliefs – like the ones above – will drastically reduce your chances of joy and self-fulfilment in life.

What are your personal core beliefs and are they accurate? Here are some questions to help you look at the views you hold about yourself, other people and the world around you:

Questions for yourself:

Do you think you are confident, clever, pretty, ugly? Are you good at your job, a good parent, an interesting and lovable partner? Do you see judgement and criticism in your view of self? Do you think you are better than everyone else? Do you feel worthy of love and happiness?

Questions related to others:

Do you think that others are luckier than you? Do they always get the breaks and you never do? Are they all smarter than you? Is life easier for other people than it is for you?

Questions on your view of the world:

Do you use words like ‘everyone’ and ‘no-one?’ Do you see the world as one big mass of people or recognise the variety that exists? Do you see only the ugliness or the beauty in the world? Do you see the good actions of people alongside any bad ones? 

Identifying Your Core Beliefs

Thinking through some of these questions, and others which you can consider for yourself, you can begin to recognise some of your inner, deep seated core beliefs. To further uncover your core beliefs you need to begin listening to the views you hold about yourself and others. Notice your ‘self-talk’ as it is called in counselling circles. Are the words you use about yourself and others largely negative or positive? Do you celebrate your victories or focus on your failures? Do you look truthfully at what you are doing in your own life and what others are doing? To help this process along, begin writing your thoughts down as you identify your core beliefs.

Analysing Your Core Beliefs

As you begin to analyse each of your core beliefs, ask yourself if they are accurate. If you are finding negative core beliefs which are holding you back, consider where they may have come from. Are you hearing the voice of a parent from your childhood? Are you hearing echoes of a partner who pulled you down and undermined your self-esteem? In finding the origins of some of your core beliefs it can help to change them. If you are really struggling with this process then it can be helpful to look to a trusted friend or counsellor to help you.

It’s not easy identifying and analysing your core beliefs, but doing this is helpful if you want to root out negative and inaccurate thought patterns. Core beliefs form the foundation for your life. They underpin how you live life and they directly affect how fulfilled your life will be. It’s worth making sure that your core beliefs offer a true picture of yourself, others and the world around you. Your happiness really does depend on it.

© Ruth Nina Welsh – Be Your Own Counsellor & Coach

What is Dependent Personality Disorder?

Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) is a disorder characterised by a pervasive and excessive psychological dependence on other people. This means that people with dependent personality disorder depend on others to meet both their emotional and physical needs and have a self-perception of being unable to function without the assistance of others. They see other people as much more capable to shoulder life’s responsibilities, and to deal with the complexities of life Other people seem powerful, competent, and capable of providing a sense of security and support. Dependent individuals avoid situations that require them to make decisions, or accept responsibility for themselves; they look to others to take the lead and give continuous support. dependent personality disorder judgment of others is distorted by their inclination to see others as they wish they were, and not as they are.   Individuals with dependent personality disorder view strong caretakers, in particular, in an idealized way; they believe they will be all right as long as the strong figure upon whom they depend is accessible.  When a close relationship ends people with dependent personality disorder may urgently seek another relationship to give the care and support they need. Individuals with dependent personality disorder fear rejection and lack self-confidence, they also fear separation and constantly try to cope with their anxiety of abandonment. Being alone leaves the sufferer feeling helpless and uncomfortable. Being with anyone is considered better than being alone. When a relationship ends, the person is devastated. Read the rest of this entry »

The Difficulty With Fertility

Fertility, having a family and being a parent are huge parts of our ideology growing up. We are flooded images of the happy family unit with 2.4 children and a happy, safe home environment. But what if these best laid plans don’t come to fruition? What if your fertility becomes a problem, and how can you expect to be emotionally affected?

Fertility treatment can be a very difficult time for any couple to cope with and can feel like a never-ending cycle of timetabled sex, calendars and pregnancy tests that lead to the soaring highs of expectation and crushing lows of disappointment when pregnancy is not forthcoming. It can be easy for everyday life to become secondary to the schedule that such treatments such as these put on you; holidays can be put off or cancelled, work commitments suffer and other opportunities can be ignored due to the all-consuming quest for pregnancy. The negative emotions associated with the peaks and troughs of such treatments make it easy for negative emotions such as sorrow, frustration and anger to bleed into all areas of life. Read the rest of this entry »

Four Sources of Help for Hoarders

Nowadays it seems that rarely a week goes by when we don’t see a programme on hoarding on the television. We watch in horror and fascination at uninhabitable rooms crammed full of stuff, stairs overflowing, blocked passageways and unusable, dangerous, kitchens and bathrooms. In the midst of this chaos is the hoarder – an individual who doesn’t always know and accept how bad things have become. They seem blind and deaf to their families’ distress.

Maybe we are fascinated because we all have a little, or a lot, of the hoarder within us. In fact, the most helpful and accurate way of thinking about hoarding is that it exists on a continuum – from minimalist living at one end through to overflowing chaos at the other. We all exist somewhere along this continuum and hoarding is always a matter of degree. Many of us struggle to part with things and we almost all have a room, or even just a closet, which is overflowing and fit to burst.

The extremes of hoarding we see on these TV programmes, though, have not occurred overnight. A person has been travelling along the hoarding continuum for many years and, over time, the problem has crept out of control. It is important to know that there are three main pointers which indicate we may have a real problem with hoarding: Read the rest of this entry »