Countertransference – When Your Therapist Loses Objectivity
By: Icare Girard
At heart, therapy is a relationship between a client and a therapist. And, like any relationship, sometimes the boundaries can get tricky.
There are two words related to this in therapy – transference and countertransference.
Transference is when you unwittingly put feelings for someone from your past onto your therapist. For example, you might find yourself acting rebellious around your older male therapist, showing up late and being rude. This could be a case of unconsciously identifying your therapist with your rather controlling father (read our piece – “How to Handle Transference‘ – for more).
Countertransference runs the other way. It is when your therapist puts his or her emotions and experiences onto you.
A term coined by Freud himself, the term was originally used to refer to a therapist’s reaction to transference. Nowadays it is also used to describe any emotional entanglement where a therapist does not maintain professional objectivity and boundaries.
What does countertransference look like?
Yes, a therapist developing a romantic interest in a client is countertransference, and the sort we see most about in the media. But it’s only one form.
Countertransference is present whenever a therapist brings in their own experiences to the extent they lose perspective of yours. It is there when their emotions from their own past and life colour their response to you, or they let their personal opinions stop them from being objective. It involves a therapist mistakenly prioritising his or her emotions and needs over yours.
This includes when a therapist does the following:
- takes out a bad mood on you, being snappy for no particular reason
- shares too many stories about themselves (over-identifying with your stories)
- offering sympathy instead of just empathy (again, over-identifying)
- issues judgements related to their perspective not yours, such as a therapist going through a divorce making negative comments about your spouse when you tell a story of her/him
- offering a lot of advice instead of just listening and reflecting and letting you decide on your next actions
- pushes you to take an action you don’t feel ready for
- is too worried about you as if they want to ‘save’ you
- asks you for irrelevant details (over investing in your story)
- wants to relate outside the therapy room
- gets angry with you over a belief you share they don’t agree with, no matter how unpopular your viewpoint
What about countertransference as a response to transference?
By: thekirbster
The example of transference above was a client being rebellious and rude to a therapist who is triggering memories of their father.
An appropriate therapist response would be to talk to the client about the lateness, or notice and ask questions about the rebellious attitude to find its cause. If the therapist recognised that he was being seen as a father figure, he could then use this as a springboard to explore the client’s father issues and how it affects his or her other relationships.
Countertransference , however, would look like a therapist allowing himself to be offended (perhaps bringing in annoyance towards his own child who had been misbehaving lately). It would be in the therapist reacting by being strict or stern, or even bringing in forms of ‘punishment’ such as cutting ten minutes off the session for each five minutes you are late.
The difference in responses here makes it clear how countertransference can shut down, instead of forward, a client’s progress.
What stops countertransference?
First of all, a therapist’s training. Proper training at a good school means a therapist is very aware of countertransference and knows how to self monitor and manage such impulses.
Second is a therapist’s experience. The more experience a therapist has, the more they know their own reactions to clients. And the more they know how to set personal boundaries.
Third is supervision. Therapists working for an organisation as well as for some umbrella therapy companies will all have a supervisor they check in with (while still maintaining their clients’ privacy). If you choose to work with a solo practitioner, this might be one of the questions you choose to ask them in your first session. Do they have anyone supervising or supporting them?
A brief history of countertransference
By: Abhijit Bhaduri
Countertransference is a term attributed to Freud. He felt it important to keep very strict boundaries between himself and clients. His first written record of the term is in a letter to Jung. Freud tactfully advised Jung to not get personally involved with a certain client. (Jung was less concerned with clear boundaries with patients and did indeed get involved with the woman).
The concept of countertransference has almost always been questioned. In 1919 a close associate of Freud, Hungarian psychoanalyst Sadnor Ferenczi, wrote that he worried a therapist being too clinical and unemotional could come across as a sort of ‘freeze-out’ to the patient. He felt this would halt a patient’s progress, not promote it.
Countertransference is a concept that is still heavily questioned today. Freud himself eentually questioned it, in much later correspondence with Jung.
Different therapies and their approach to countertransference
Classical Freudian psychotherapy, or ‘psychoanalysis’, still maintains perhaps the greatest distance between therapist and client. It is the type of therapy where media clichés of an aloof therapist watching over a client on a couch come from.
Many modern forms of therapy, however, now believe a personal bond between therapist and client is not only to be expected, it is helpful. Schema therapy in particular believe that this bond should be fostered. It encourages something it calls ‘limited reparenting’, where the therapist stands in for the healthy parent the client never had.
When countertransference can be useful
Conscious transference is when a therapist chooses to share the affect the client is having on their feelings. It can also involve a therapist sharing an experience they have that relates to what a client is sharing, if appropriate.
Why would this be useful? It can help in the following ways:
- the client and therapist understand each other better
- it allows trust to grow (the client does not sense the therapist is hiding things)
- clients can gain a clearer perspective of their affect on other people
- new ideas can grow about how the client can interrelate affectively with friends and family
In summary, unlike unhelpful countertransference that is geared to the therapist’s needs, useful countertransference is carefully geared to the client and intended to positively assist their growth.
What do I do if I think my therapist is experiencing countertransference?
Bring it up in a session if you feel comfortable and safe doing so. A professional therapist should deal with it well, listening and staying calm. Of course be prepared to listen to what they have to say. It might be that you have also been seeing them in ways that involve transference.
You might want to consider getting a second opinion. This could involve asking to speak to their supervisor or speaking to the clinical director.
If it doesn’t go well, or the countertransference continues, try not to give up on therapy itself . Instead, seek a new therapist who is more appropriate.
Of course if your therapist at all crosses the boundary of patient respect, do not put yourself in a vulnerable situation. Don’t return and report them to the professional boards, or the authorities if relevant.
Harley Therapy is an umbrella organisation that only works with therapists trained in well-respected institutions and who have a minimum of five-years clinical experience. You can begin therapy with our therapists at three London locations or worldwide via online therapy.
Still have a question about countertransference? Ask below.
Hello,
I just have a quick question about counter-transference. In one of my textbooks I’m using there is a question that asked which scenario is counter-transference and I’m sure I’m just overthink the answer but I can’t decide which one is right. The scenarios are: a) not wanting to give a client a massage, b) a client asking personal questions or c) going out to lunch with a client. I think its the second one but I wasn’t 100% sure.
Thank you so much!
It would be going out to lunch with a client, I’m afraid. With the second one, if the therapist then answered all the questions and spent the session talking about him or herself, not adept enough at diverting the client back to their own issues, it would be countertransference. But a client asking personal questions by itself is just a client testing a therapist’s boundaries, not countertransference, it’s only in how the therapist reacted to that that any countertransference could be present.
How can use information on transference , countertrasference and resistance to help in my practice?
Thanks,
Hi Alicia, it’s a very big question, do you mean your therapy practice? It’s something any professional and accredited training course in counselling or therapy covers.
I am still under divorce trauma, one day I noted my therapist wore a ring (which I thought was just a piece of ordinary jewelry) it reminded my failed marriage and I felt a bit hurt. I told my therapist the following session how I felt. All of a sudden she said yeah since couple of months ago I am wearing the ring and I am getting married in a short while.
In no intention I was asking her and she disclosed it…
I congratulated her but still, I felt hurt, because it reminded my unsuccessful marriage again.
In this case it sounds like transference not counter transference. Your therapist is a person with a life, she’s free to get married and wear a wedding ring and that has nothing to do with her clients, it’s her personal life. You are transferring your pain and rage onto her. If you are still upset about it you should tell her again and be more honest about how you feel, aka, that you feel angry she has that ring on. It can be a doorway to explore. She’s a therapist, she’ll understand. Otherwise all this resentment is going to get in the way of your therapy.
My therapist texted me on a Sunday after I had a date on Saturday because she’d asked me to text after my date and I hadn’t texted her yet because needed space and I was actually in a trigger and didn’t want to reach out. Since I was in a reactive place my response was curt. I said he wouldn’t stop talking and she said maybe he was nervous and I said ‘yes I’m aware, there’s more to it. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow in our session and she texted me back saying maybe I didn’t mean to but my text felt like a slap. I apologized but then got more triggered and basically freaked out and asked her if she was going to stop working with me. She didn’t respond but started our session the next day asking me why I didn’t realize I was in transference and that I knew Sunday’s were her day off and that it would be sad if we couldn’t text anymore. She was upset. I felt so small and bad about the whole thing and ashamed that I didn’t stop my reaction in our text exchange but when to an old place. So was she in countertransference? When she said we couldn’t text anymore like we had I felt abandoned suddenly. I wish I’d been in a more mature place when she’d texted but I was stuck in my reactivity about her forceful way in general in my life.
Hi Jill, given that you also left a comment about your therapist telling you to have an affair, and now you are telling us that you and your therapist text, we are rather miffed. None of this is normal therapist behaviour. It sounds like a lot of boundaries are being crossed. Most therapists do NOT have text relationships with their clients and certainly would not start this sort of little dispute. What sort of therapy is this? Where did you find this therapist, is she registered, where did she do her training? Unless you are doing schema therapy for borderline personality disorder, in which case the therapist can do ‘reparenting’, and might offer limited contact between appointments. But even so, none of this behaviour you are talking about is at all normal or showing any signs of clear boundaries.
Thank you for your reply. Regarding the affair, she put the idea in my head and though she didn’t say ‘Do it’ she was the one to put it in the pile as an option after I told her I was happy I declined. She painted a picture of what it would be like to have the affair and made it sound so exciting, that I may not meet someone again with such a strong connection, and get me in touch with my sexuality in new ways, etc. She also did the same with me getting 2 dogs. She researched breeds, convinced me of breeds I initially didn’t like and then spent sessions talking all about dogs and how to train them. The second dog I was trying to tell her I didn’t want one at that time. I’d already been in contact with breeders and when o was clear and said O have reservations she said the breeders could feel my indecision and I had to act and she countered and negated every reason I mentioned for not wanting a dog at that time.
Anyways, I stopped working with her recently. A serious health crisis woke me up. I had phone sessions with her for 14 years, twice a week. She let me email and text her and I wish she’d set a boundary around that. She was in my head. I was emeshed. She’d tell me about her boyfriend, use her own life experiences to ‘teach’ me about relationship rather than work with the content of my life. It’s sad. I started working with her when I was 23, I was lost shattered and dissociated from complex PTSD and she told me I didn’t have a self and met me in my suffering. It was in person to start but we both moved. I didn’t realize I needed in person trauma work. She just kept telling me how mean I was to myself and I just had to tell my superego to stop. She’s not licensed and is trained in an alternative modality. And just sad situation overall that I let her authority come before my own inner knowing. And it’s too bad becuase I needed a therapist to help me stand in my own authority/individuate and look at my pattern of giving my voice away. And also teach me about being safe and regulating my nervous system so I don’t act from my hyperaroused place.
Hi Jill, we always recommend working with a licensed and registered therapist.
Can you suggest any articles or resources to underline that counter-transference issues are not the fault of the client. This is for a new client whose prior therapist crossed boundaries (admitting counter-transference) by acting as a friend (non-sexual) to client while continuing as their therapist, then abandoned client and withdrew all contact. This has traumatized client, who feels it must something wrong with them and is grieving the loss. Thank you.
Hi Marilyn, the dynamics within a therapeutic relationship, both transference and counter-transference, are highly nuanced and very individual so it’s hard to comment. Regarding other references, nothing coming to mind, but will ask around and post if I find anything. Best, the Editor
My last therapy session, strange thing happened. I have a lot of trauma from childhood, violent abuse and sexual abuse and I am in therapy to make a meaning out of my story – something I never talked about with anyone other than siblings who had similar experiences.
I started the therapy sharing my recent experiences of extreme procrastination due to my school work and loss of motivation for my goals. Therapist said could this be due to Covid19? I said maybe but I have been quite integrative recently and feel the void of people interaction is making me see myself clearly as I can get lost in relationships and interactions, so I am actually enjoying being alone with my husband and dog. So I go on try to articulate my inner feelings. Then she asked me again could it be my travel plans that have been thwarted recently (big trip and small trips cancelled due to Covid19), I said maybe but I feel more emotionally drained and that my reaction is too steep to trip cancelation (which also happened before to me…I travel a lot). Again I keep going trying to explain how my school work is triggering me too far off from today’s issues. Then I said I feel as if I do not trust people and there is this fundamental feeling that I do not trust people maybe not 100% but a very deep way. She said could this be the splits you speak about sometimes that you are split and one split is your trauma that does not trust others and the other split is you trust others. Every time she interrupts my trail of thought, I was quiet for while to let her questions sink (which tells me at the moment, I was not fragmented but was fully integrated), so I said I feel now I am not in split and actually I feel I do not trust you but the fact I am telling you this also makes me feel I trust you. After this my therapist lost something in her and started to speak over me (which rendered me quiet) and said that could be untrusting me to others? She understands me 100% believe me she said that she understands me 100% (in the past few times she said she does not understand me) so I was confused. Regardless, the next few minutes, she berated me about how much she understands me. How hard she tries to understand me but will not lose her self and has her own defenses, and countertransferences and past and has to be honest. Thank goodness I was in the present. I was quiet and then I said I do not feel safe. And she kept asking me to respond and I said I feel silence is OK sometimes. Anyhow, I felt shut down but also hold myself (I experienced dissociation as part of my ptsd). I am utterly confused. I worked with her over a year.
Maybe this is projective identification, but I was not out of my body, in fact, for a long time, I felt aligned. If anything, I was expressing feelings very well and was feeling my body. Long story short, our next meeting is long weekend so I agreed to a month from now meeting. Now my question is what to do? I feel (and felt) she is having a bad day or was triggered but I caught myself falling into caring or soothing so I stayed in my own space so to speak. Now I still want to work with her even though I found her frustrating, uncaring and sometimes maybe undermining, I also know a lot of my transferences are similar BUT I have recovered, and integrated a lot while working with her. I am invested in recovering and making meaning out of my story from childhood. I have high tolerance for high frustration due to my trauma, but I am also realistic and do not put myself under the care of immature or abusive professional now I am just wondering what my next steps are. My gut says to start repair is her responsibility but also if I had a blow up like that with my husband my responsibility would be 50/50 but here, I feel I need her initiation to move the relationship forward and I am open but do not want to initiate apology. I do not feel apology admitting I do nt trust her was extremely freeing for me and did not take anything from me. I am not sure how to approach or respond…and maybe no one knows but I feel concern for her but also I want to move beyond this and get back to my journey but I am afraid of bad energy with her.
Hi there. We see a lot of red flags here. For starters, a good therapist reflects back, doesn’t try to put ideas in to a client’s head. So we find her feedback more directional than it should be, in our books. It’s as if she’s trying to control what direction you take. Secondly, discussing trust issues with a therapist should not be reacted to like that. It’s normal and expected for clients to experience trust issues. It should be a springboard for what is raising your trust issues, not a personal battle between you. So we don’t know what to tell you. Changing therapists can be hard, and, as you say, there have been benefits. But if it really went down like this, we would say there are certainly better therapists out there (as well as worse! Sadly, therapists are people, and like any job, some just aren’t good at it). Yes, therapists are people, they can mess up. So if she apologises, it could mean you break through to new levels of trust. If she doesn’t, then you might need to decide what comes next.