“Why Am I So Distracted All the Time?”
Do you constantly fall short of any sort of real achievement because you can’t overcome distraction? And then secretly suffer from feelings of depression and hopelessness as a result?
While it can be easy to resign yourself to just being ‘the scattered sort’, or buy into the notion it’s now normal to be distracted because of our new internet lifestyles, there is often a real answer to the question “why am I so distracted?”
Recognising the real reason you can’t focus can be the beginning of gaining clarity of mind and the ability to finally create the life you want.
5 REASONS WHY YOU CAN’T FOCUS
1. You have Adult ADHD.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is often wrongly thought to be something just kids suffer from. Adult ADHD is real and can manifest slightly different symptoms which means sufferers can be overlooked. For example, adults are less likely to struggle with hyperactivity. They are, however, more likely to suffer inattentiveness and poor concentration.
Not everyone who struggles with focus has ADHD, though. While the label of ADHD might fit your desperate desire to put a face to your distraction, self-diagnosing if you don’t really have ADHD might stop you from finding the real reason you can’t focus and thus stop you also finding real solutions that move your life forward.
If you are concerned you have ADHD, it’s best to seek a proper diagnosis. If your doctor seems uneducated on the subject or unwilling to deal with it, consider privately hiring a psychiatrist who specialises in ADHD. It will cost, but not as much as years of distraction can when it comes to your career and finances. Or research if there is an ADHD clinic in your city or nearby – some are covered by national health services.
2. You are not sleeping enough.
By: Conny Liegl
Sleep is in some ways still a mystery, with ongoing studies and new research still coming in. Being tired is obviously bad for anyone’s focus – but why?
A recent study at the University of California on people with sleep apnea – a condition that causes disturbed sleep – made strides on the reasons by linking sleep deprivation with raised cortisol levels. High cortisol levels are known to impair cognitive function.
If you suffer from distraction on a daily basis get honest about whether you are getting enough quality sleep, not just quantity. For example, if you are sleeping eight hours but having a few glasses of wine every night, which is known for disrupting your patterns of sleep, its likely you are not getting as many REM cycles as you need to feel refreshed the next day.
If you are struggling from insomnia and have tried all the advice on how to sleep better, do see your GP. Insomnia can be caused by many things including stress, mild depression, and hormone issues.
3. You are in an unhealthy relationship.
Relationships, even after we’ve had a breakup or heartbreak, can often throw our brain into addictive patterning. They can leave our heads full of obsessive thought patterns that mean we have scant room for clear thinking towards other parts of our life.
And sadly, this sort of unhealthy distraction is easy to not take seriously, because the media promotes ‘crazy love’ as something desirable and exciting. But there’s nothing exciting about living in poverty because you’ve sabotaged a career opportunity due to relationship drama, or having a traffic accident because you are so distracted, or about being emotionally abused or worse.
If you worry you are in an unhealthy relationship, are addicted to another person, or are in a cycle of codependency, it’s important to not just think it will pass but instead seek some form of help. Consider finding support and information in online forums and reading self-help books. If your situation doesn’t improve, see if there is a support group in your area, or seek help from a counsellor or therapist.
4. You suffer from repressed experiences and emotions.
Have you ever tried to hold a beach ball under water? It takes all of your concentration and effort to stop it from popping out again. This can be what it’s like to hide past experiences you are ashamed of or keep down emotions you are afraid of.
Without realising it, all of your attention and energy can be going to repressing whatever it is you have deemed undesirable about yourself and your life experiences.
If you are often tired, have a poor memory when you think about your past, have emotional responses to things in the present that seem over the top, or have repetitive nightmares and panic attacks, it might be that something in your past has occurred that you have repressed that is leaving you always distracted.
Or you might know exactly which past experience has caused you to feel unworthy or damaged in some way, but not realise how much of your energy withholding healing the emotions around the situation is costing you.
While it might be difficult to face your fears and your past, and you might indeed feel worse before you feel better, try to take a long-term vision. Why just get by, when seeing a counsellor or therapist to work through old issues in a safe environment will in the long run lead to more peace of mind as well as energy and focus?
5. You are afraid of success.
Sometimes we choose distractions that keep us away from moving forward because on a certain level we are choosing to sabotage our own success.
There would be reasons you are afraid of success that are keeping you in the pattern. For example, you might on a deep level worry that if you were too successful you’d have less friends, your family would not feel comfortable with you, or everyone would increase their demands on you which would wear you out. Looking at your core beliefs around success is a good starting point.
Do you have troubles concentrating? Have a story to share about how you deal with it, or what you think might be causing it? Post below, we love hearing from you.
Photos by Mike Mozart, Frits Ahlefeldt-Laurvig, Andrew Braithwaite
I’m a waitress so my job demand’s to pay attention and be quick, well I am not either of those things, and I get fired of all my jobs as a waitress. I feel so dumb because I really want this job, and I think I may could do it better but I know it doesn’t matter how much energy I put on this job I am never going to be good enough because I just can’t handled it. I don’t know what to do. I’m also have social anxiety but not around the costumers, just around a couple of my co-workers. I don’t know what to do, I want a job but I am not good a anything.
Glad it was helpful. Yes, often the other person needs counselling even more, and it can be very frustrating or cause anger and resentment. But you are doing the right thing and the only thing we have the power to do, in the end, which is work on and take care of ourselves. We simply have to let go and leave the other person to choose their own way, no matter how much we feel we can see what they need.
I love what I’ve just read! Thank you so much. Everything looks reasonable and makes sense. It seems that I really need help because I can’t help my self! Everything looks possible, but a specialist will help to diagnose the exact symptoms. I don’t know how it looks to look or be normal! I feel that I am so all my life long that now I don’t know what’s normal or if there is something called normal! I need to move from the place I am in right now and live near to a therapist who can help me with what I suffer!
Glad it helped! Just to say first of all, there really is no ‘normal’ we are all unique and even people who seem ‘normal’ have their own issues a lot of the time so try not to be hard on yourself. Second of all, you can also do therapy over the internet these days, if there is nobody near you. Best, HT
Hi,
I feel some type of distractive in someways,
For example if I go driving and if I have to make 3 stops sometimes I go, “ ok where do I need to go” and that just scares me
Or if I take my phone, I say who I need to call or tex?? And at less than a second I remember but still I am so afraid this is beginning of something!!
Hi Wendy, we don’t know you so we can’t really say, but it could be any of the suggestions in the article, from physical health issues to sleep problems to stress/anxiety. For example, Covid and lockdown has left many people spaced out and unable to focus. So we’d say have a health checkup then speak to a counsellor if it’s of concern. Best, HT.
Thanks for the article, I wasn’t sure what to expect when writing this sentence on google, and I’m glad I found this article that resonated with me. I looked into the adult ADHD, still uncertain if that’s what’s happening, but started to emit doubts. The suffered from past memories quite resonated with me but can’t see anything that might have happened, except one year in my past, in high school, where I was pretty sad. So since I am aware of it, and I’m a different person now, I am not sure that’s the trauma I might have. I really resonated with that sentence “If you are often tired, have a poor memory when you think about your past, have emotional responses to things in the present that seem over the top, or have repetitive nightmares and panic attacks”. Poor memory about the past was always something I struggled with, but it’s the emotional responses & panic attacks that resonated the most. I became aware recently, and now think I overreact to things/thoughts in a happy and sad way. I started to know what are these things and patterns, so I’m starting to take action, but it keeps happening without me noticing it. The problem is that the distractions, the emotional swings, etc, they don’t impact my life that much. For the distractions, I became quite into productivity, and I’m learning about ways to get things done. And I am in a part in my life where I’m generally quite happy, realising what I want to do with my life and job at this moment, and taking actions about it – I’m 23.
So, anyway, I wanted to ask, what are your thoughts from the little insights I gave, do you think I should consult, knowing it doesn’t impact too much my life? And if so, what would be the best way to talk about these doubts, as I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is nothing to worry about – which is by the way, what my peers are saying.
I’m thinking my comment might resonate with a couple of people who might feel something is happening, but it doesn’t impact that much their life, so they just ignore it. Thanks!
Melody, thanks for this share. It’s a good question. What if we have mood swings and are often distracted but aren’t sure if it’s a big problem or not? We can’t diagnose anything without knowing someone well. But we’d start by saying that 23 is, as you point out, an age where you are starting to really understand who you are and what you want. We find most young people take up to about 25 or 28 to ‘get’ themselves, and that there can be some anxiety and moodiness just in this process, and in taking on the full responsibility of being independent. It can be stressful. So there’s that. Then, as you say, some of us need to learn productivity. This is especially true if we didn’t have a key caregiver, like a parent, who taught us how to be organised and productive. Or if we had parents who were the opposite. When you learn organisation and how to be productive, does it stick? Do you find you can ‘retrain’ your brain? Then it’s unlikely to be ADHD, where even best efforts would lead to cycles of frustration. Note that ADHD also affects relationships, finances, really all areas of life. But if you have mood swings and overreacting, and it’s concerning enough you are researching and talking to friends, then why not seek some support? Counselling and therapy are wonderful for helping you manage better. You don’t have to have something ‘wrong’ with you or be a big mess to go to counselling, it’s better to go when you have suspicions there are a few things holding you back, before that becomes something bigger. If it’s just a case of discussing your concerns and doing a few sessions, at least then you can feel sure. Otherwise, it might be there are things in the past that have unsettled you and therapy could help you sort out. If you are at school, most colleges and universities now offer free to low cost counselling, so worth looking into! Best, HT.
I actually am just reading your article and feeling that I might need to seek help and your article really helped me to identify some things about myself. I had just been sitting here getting frustrated because of my lack of my concern to absorb my assigned reading for school. So I started to look on google and came across this article. Thank you for your help.
Glad to be of help!
Hi there I came across this article, because I was looking into memory loss. I am 59 years old & have had a lot of very severe traumatic childhood. I still hold fragmented memories of a violent & grotesque nature. I often feel angry & over react in many instances. My memory loss of late is literally driving me mad. I go to run a bath & then the phone rings, & I completely forget I’m running the bath, that is until I hear water over flowing onto the floor. I’ve had the same happen with a chip pan & even forgot I’d put it on to cook my Tea, again the phone goes & well needless to say, It didn’t end well. I burnt my hand quite badly, & the kitchen was black with smoke damage. I was very lucky to get out of that one alive. If I hide things away in my home for safety, I never remember where I put them. When I am talking to people, & it could be anyone, I often come out with the wrong words. ie: I’ll mean to say turn right at the traffic lights & Instead of saying traffic lights, I’ll say something totally different, like roundabout ??? I can’t seem to concentrate when reading letters either. I read the 1st 2 lines & then forget what I have read almost instantly. These sort of things are happening most days. I recently stopped driving, in case I forgot Red, meant stop. It’s very scary some times. Yet I still seem to be able to live a relatively normal life. That said, I don’t go out anymore for fear of embarrassing myself in anyway. I’ve forgotten my PIN no, when stood at the till. I have lost many an Item too My coat or cardigan, my bag, my phone ect … I also get really upset about not being able to stop it. I feel useless & am frightened about how often & how bad thing are getting. I was tested for Alzheimer’s a few years ago & was told I didn’t have it. So it’s left me looking for answers else where. I have a number of other health issues going on & don’t want to come across as a hypochondriac. So I haven’t yet bought this to the attention of my Doctor. I have Osty & Rheumatoid arthritis & self inject immune suppressants weekly. Does this sound like ADHD to you ? I would be grate ful for your help 🙂 Thank you in advance.
Hi there Marie, we can’t diagnose anyone based on a comment, so you do need to talk to your GP. ADHD doesn’t develop at a late age, though. It starts in childhood. The only reason people get diagnosed as adults is that they managed to cope and mask their symptoms enough to get by. But symptoms were always there. So we would find it highly, highly unlikely. Memory tends to get worse with age, and mild dementia can also start early, so speaking to a doctor is very important, especially if it is risking your wellbeing. But once that is ruled out, we’d point out, as the article discusses, stress and anxiety can totally disturb our memory. And if we had serious trauma as a child, but managed to repress it our whole life, but find ourself spending more time alone when older and having these memories surface more and more… Trauma is very hard on the mind, as if we don’t process it or heal it our brain spends a lot of energy trying to manage the memories and feelings. So we are wondering have you ever sought counselling for this traumatic childhood? If not, why not? We’d highly recommend it. It can only help. It’s not a walk in the park, but it’s incredibly useful for our wellbeing to find support to process our difficult experiences. Of course with trauma it’s important you get the RIGHT support. Do have a proper read our article on therapies that help with trauma here http://bit.ly/therapyfortrauma. And then if you are on a low budget our article on finding free to low cost therapy here http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. Best, HT.