Therapy is not a magic wand. It does not make you another person entirely, or give you a perfect fairytale life.
But it can indeed help your love life, and here’s why.
5 Ways Therapy Helps You Find Love
1. Therapy helps you figure out who you really are.
Imagine if you hired someone to build your dream house for you. And they said, great, so what does it look like? And you said, I have no idea, but I expect you to just build it for me.
That’s sort of what it’s like expecting someone to love you and build a strong relationship with you when you don’t really know who that ‘you’ is. Is it any wonder others find you confusing, or that you go along too easily with others’ desires only to then then panic and run from love?
If you grew up having to please others and do what is expected of you, then the real you gets lost in the shuffle.
When we grow up in a loveless environment, we tend to then form unrealistic ideas about love on one hand. And on the other, we harbour unconscious core beliefs that push love away. These can sound like, ‘love is dangerous’, ‘I can’t be myself and be loved’, or ‘if I love someone they’ll just reject me’.
A therapist knows what love and healthy relating is. They’ve studied it, they are hopefully living it, and they have worked to help many others live it too.
Too many of us don’t even know what deeply matters to us, and what we actually want from life and relationships, until we attend therapy and have a non-judgemental therapist who isn’t invested in our choices to talk to.
We live blinded by the expectations of our families, friends, and colleagues. We don’t even realise we are trying to impress others, we only know that we are unhappy.
Is it hardly any wonder if you have been sabotaging all your relationships with the success-driven, family-orientated partners who look good on paper (and match your parents’ values) when they don’t really match your true personal values? When really deep down you long for a creative, adventurous, and free life, for example?
[Read our article on personal values to know more and start finding yours today.]
5. Therapy gives you a weekly example of what a solid, trusting relationship actually is.
Every week, by meeting your therapist you get a chance to relate to someone else who has healthy relating skills. This in itself can start to change your ways of being around others.
For many, therapy is also their very first time actually trusting someone with all of whom they are. Trust is at the core of all lasting romantic relationships, so learning it is a true game changer.
Did you know that there are certain types of therapy that are designed just to help you with your relationships? Sign up to our blog now to receive an alert when we publish the next piece in this series, ‘The Types of Therapy That Help Your Love Life“.