A studyfound that people with low self-esteem sabotage relationships by asking for ‘indirect support’. This means we act sad, sulk, or whine to get the support we need, because we are not confident enough to directly ask for it. And it backfires, leading others to reject instead of support us.
1. Therapy helps you define what success really is.
Many of us are chasing someone else’s idea of success. An idea our parents or our culture taught us, and we never questioned. Or something our peers or a partner believes and we go along with.
No wonder it never feels enough. It isn’t anything to do with what we, deep down, believe is success. Therapy helps you figure out who you are outside of the influence of those around you, and what matters to you personally.
2. You will learn your unique personal values.
What matters deeply to you when all else falls away? If you found out you had one year left to live, what would you do with your time? Would you still be living up to your partner’s idea of money and stability, or would you create a charity, or embrace adventure?
The moment you start aligning your choices with your personal values is the moment you start feeling successful. Things feel easier and happier, because you are suddenly enjoying what you are doing and feel like life has purpose.
3. Therapy gives you clarity, then helps you make a plan.
photo by Glen Carstens-Peters
The idea that therapy involves lying on a coach and saying whatever comes to your mind as a therapist sits nodded? It’s vastly outdated. This comes from the first form of therapy, psychoanalysis, but there have been many other schools of therapeutic thought since.
There is nothing like having to check in with someone every week to keep you on track. When we know someone is going to ask us how things went, and if we took the steps we said we would? We are far more likely to reach success.
6. You’ll find yourself less distracted and more productive.
Think of holding a beach ball under water and the effort it takes. Now try to do that at the same time you make an important business call. Sound odd? It’s actually kind of like the balancing act you are running all the time if you have many repressed emotions and experiences, which take a lot of bandwidth.