Your nice girl/guy image is getting tarnished of late because of a few…’episodes’. Perhaps yousnapped at a colleague, got caught rolling your eyes at a manager, alienated a friend… And your poor partner, you’ve really had a go at her lately.
You say you’re just tired, but the truth is, you don’t really know why you feel so moody. What you haven’t told anyone about is the growing feeling inside. You just feel…. angry. A hidden rage, and it’s growing.
Depending on your base line — what you are like socially when you are feeling balanced — this can look like suddenly going out every night, or suddenly turning down social offers to stay at home doing nothing.
Yes, we all need to take a social break now and then, and yes, some of us need to get out more. So social changes can be normal. But check in with yourself.
If you are going out way more, is there a sense of restlessness as well, as if you are afraid to slow down and face something? If you are staying home, are you feeling increasingly numb over the last few weeks?
7. You’re on a work bender. By choice.
It started as a bit of overtime. But now you are saying no to social events in favour of workaholism, and are saying yes instead to every extra contract that comes your way.
You oddly feel a sense of safety each time you tell someone no, I can’t, I’m busy working. And you try not to notice that the moment you have to stop working you feel uncomfortable in your own skin.
Snacking is out of control. And you are not able to do portion sizes anymore. It’s not a few slices, it’s the whole pizza. You go out to eat and come home and eat again. Or buy groceries for the week, get home and eat it all in a day.
The truth is there is a numb feeling that begins when you eat a lot that somehow makes you feel better.
It started as a half hour when you got home, maybe. Now suddenly you are finding yourself ‘coming too’ late at night, wondering why you’ve gone and binge watched shows yet again. You’ve started watching thing you don’t even like. But you can’t seem to stop. You might even have sneakily been watching at work.
10. There is a lot more of something else going on.
Not Netflix, but more a lot of… “Netflix and chill”? Casual sex can be a sign of depression as well if you are using to to escape your emotions.
The moment you begin aggressively overdoing one thing, and deep down you know you are trying to avoid feeling something? It’s the depression spiral.
11. A bit (or lot) of ‘why bother’ is creeping in.
Usually you are known for good grooming. But lately? You went out the house in the same clothes two days in a row, or didn’t do your hair, or shave. And you handed in a work assignment without checking it over like you usually do. It’s as if your ability to care about things is lowering by the day.
You’ve been taking risks you usually don’t.
That Netflix at work, maybe a bit of lying to friends, or even things like eating expired food that might make you sick or walking through bad areas alone at night.
It’s as if something in your is courting troubles or even danger, and you don’t know why. You never thought of yourself as self destructive, but you can’t seem to stop this secret new habit. Maybe because it gives you a sense of waking up and being alive when you’ve felt so numb lately.
Is this all sounding a little too familiar?
Starting to realise that all your unusual behaviours lately might just be depression symptoms? Have they been going on for more than six weeks and seem to be worsening? Then time to take yourself seriously.
Talk to someone you trust and see if it helps and you can get to the bottom of what is upsetting you and make a few changes. Perhaps it’s just some heavy stress in the end, and there are ways forward. [You can take our free ‘Stressed, depressed, or both?‘ quiz if you are curious].
Unfortunately, however, depression tends to lack an exact cause. It can be all sorts of things rolled together, including experiences from long ago. And we can need proper support to navigate our way forward, particularly if we feel ashamed, or uncomfortable talking with friends.
But if you can, seek some counselling. See if your workplace insurance covers sessions, or if your school has low-cost or free support. If these options aren’t available and you are on a low budget, you might also find our article on how to find a low cost counselling useful.