Most of us know that one couple who rushed in and stayed together.
But for the most part, moving too fast in a relationship and relying on sudden infatuation is an experience that ends as quickly as it began – and often with a bump.
What makes you the sort who always promises ‘never again’ but then can’t seem to stop going too fast in relationships?
9 Reasons You Rush into Love
1. You are Codependent.
A codependent personality means you take your sense of self worth from pleasing others. Your need to be liked will drive you headlong into relationships.
You will also choose partners who have problems you can ‘fix’, such as addictions or trouble with intimacy. In order to prove to your object of affection you are ‘good for them’, you will act in intense ways that again mean things go too fast.
While it might sound like a counterdependent would be the least likely to rush into love, it will be very intense codependent types who can convince you to give love a whirl in the first place. In their need to have you trust them, codependents can manipulate things into going very fast.
And when, as a counterdependent, you finally decide to open up? You might find you are possessive and demanding, meaning you, too, force things along.
3. You have an anxious attachment style.
Attachment theory states that in order to grow into adults with healthy relating styles, we need to have a reliable connection, or ‘attachment’, with a caregiver as a child.
If this doesn’t take place – if our caregiver is not able to provide consistent love and safety – we end up adults with problematic ‘attachment styles’ of relating.
‘Anxious attachment’ can leave you so worried aboutrejection and abandonment you become dependent too quickly.
4. You have a core belief that you have to ‘earn’ love.
Had a seemingly stable, ‘happy’ childhood home, but still find you rush into unhealthy relationships? It might be that love was not something that was provided to you without strings.
Instead of the message that you were loveable no matter your mood or opinions, you were likely taught you must be ‘good’, ‘quiet’, ‘responsible’, or whatever else your nuclear family decided was ‘acceptable’. The end result is a core belief that you must win love instead of just deserving love for who you are.
As an adult you might then find you are so focussed on being what others want, the people you date quickly suck you into their wants and needs before you even know what has happened.
5. You lack boundaries.
Personal boundaries are the limits we set on how people can and can’t treat us. In a healthy relationship, two people take the time to learn and respect each others boundaries.
If you have BPD you tend to be very emotionally intense and oversensitive with a deep fear of rejection. These traits combine to see you attaching very quickly in your search to feel ‘safe’.
8. You are a love or relationship addict.
Do you rush headlong into relationships because they make you ‘feel alive’? If you have an addictive personality, other people can be the thing that creates the ‘high’ you crave.People can also become your ‘replacement addiction’ if you have recently quit another addiction like drugs or alcohol.
9. You just have no idea what a healthy relationship is or isn’t.
It is possible that you simply were never given a good example of how to engage in a relationship in a healthy way. Perhaps you grew up with a parent who was always engaged in wild and fast relationships that went nowhere, or had parents with very little affection between them and therefore seek an idealised romanticism.