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Can’t See Family this Covid Christmas? Surviving Being Homesick or Alone

Covid Christmas

photo by: Anthony Tran

Yes, some people are celebrating the ‘Covid Christmas window’ that means they can be with their entire family.

But for others of us, who have family overseas, wary or vulnerable family members, or just coronavirus anxiety ourselves, Christmas is going to be spent alone

5 Ways to Navigate a Covid Christmas 

So how to navigate this strange season with homesickness? Or spent a holiday alone without being too depressed to leave your bed?

Let yourself mourn – within limits.

Pretending we are ‘fine’ and don’t care if we do tends to backfire. Suddenly we are snapping at friends, or reaching for that extra glass of wine when we know we will end up with a hangover.

It’s a healthy reaction to feel upset if we can’t be with the loved ones we are used to spending holidays with. And if we want to find a solution for something, we have to be honest about what the real problem is.

Of course constantly moaning to everyone around us isn’t the solution either, but can keep us in a negative thought loop and lead to depression (as well as alienate others). It’s important to take time to process emotions yourself.

TRY THIS: Have a temper tantrum on paper. Write out, as fast as you can, all the furious things that come, no matter how wild and childish. In fact the more childish the better. Don’t worry about penmanship- when you are done, rip it all up. If you don’t like writing, set a timer for two minutes and rant out loud ever single thing that comes out until your time is up.

2. Presence over presents.

Thinking about happy holidays in the past can be heartwarming.

A series of studies by American researchers, for example, found that reflecting on cherished memories can alleviate loneliness.

But thinking about how much better the past was compared to a Covid Christmas, and using negative comparison? It can throw you into rumination, which leads right to low moods.

Focusing on the future, on the other hand, and what may or may not happen? Is an easy road to anxiety.

But when we focus on the present, we notice what is really in front of us. Which is often less horrible than we’ve made it out to be, or at least manageable. We can start to feel gratitude for what we do have instead of what we don’t. 

A study on British students facing a challenging transition (in this case navigating their first year of university) found that showing gratitude can protect you against stress and depression. 

TRY THIS: Give a mindfulness meditation a go. It’s free, easy to learn, and shown by research to help with stress, anxiety, focus, and wellbeing. Use our free guide to mindfulness

3. Replace cheer with wellbeing. 

Yes, apparently it’s the season to be ‘be merry’. But the problem with alcohol, recreational drugs, and food bingeing? They are all depressants. As in, they chemically dampen your mood once the buzz wears off. 

covid christmas

photo by Sharon McCuthcheon

TRY THIS:  Replace habits of distraction with wellbeing activities, healthy things that make you feel good. Make a list of at least ten things that leave you feeling good after. It might be as simple as a hot bath or baking, or something bigger like finally ordering that DJ software and making music. What could you actually do today from that list? What other things could you go pen in your diary for the upcoming days? 

4. Choose a new tradition.

This can be a helpful thing to do with the family you are missing. What new tradition can you create amongst yourselves and then act out? Or find new ways to enact old family holiday rituals, such as by over a Zoom call. 

Rituals and traditions help our mental health. A study on rituals when mourning, for example, found they went a long way to help mourners feel in control. 

TRY THIS: Choose a charity together and making a joint donation. Or have everyone write out one favour they’d like this year, and one person put all wishes in a hat and pick out one to delegate to each family member. 

5. Make a bigger effort than usual to reach out to others.

It can feel easier to hide away from others and feel sorry for yourself. And while it’s important not to say yes to things you really don’t want to do and fall into draining yourself and being a people pleaser? Connection is not an option when it comes to mental health, it’s now realised to be a necessity.

In their 5-step plan to mental wellbeing, the NHS places ‘connect with others’ as the very first item.

TRY THIS: Make your own version of the twelve days of Christmas. Each day, for twelve days, reach out to at least one person. It could be a quick email to someone you always liked but have lost contact with, .starting a conversation with a shopkeeper you’ve never talked to before, or offering your time in a Facebook group and seeing what transpires. If it helps, make it a 12-day ‘connection challenge’ with friends. 

And when all else fails…

If your loneliness feels unmanageable, or being away from family gives you new revelations about certain family issues that you’ve long avoided dealing with? Don’t feel you have to navigate things alone.

Sometimes the best present we can give ourselves is a safe, unbiased environment to vent. Talk therapy creates this space. A counsellor or psychotherapist will understand and not judge, and most now work over video platforms like Skype for safety and convenience. A Covid Christmas won ‘t last forever, but the learnings and personal growth therapy provides will.

Need someone who gets how lonely you feel? We connect you with some of London’s highest rated talk therapists. Or use our booking site now to find UK-wide registered therapists and online counsellors who take global clients. 

Want to share your own tip for navigating a Covid Christmas? Use the comment box below. 

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    Dr. Sheri Jacobson


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