Can’t Focus? You Might Have One of These Psychological Conditions
Dr. Sheri Jacobson
February 24, 2023
by Andrea M. Darcy
If we can’t focus it can become a major issue in life. It can stop you from moving forward in your career, and lead you to make mistakes in important areas like your finances.
Mental health conditions that mean you can’t focus
So what is behind your problem with focus? Is it just something small, or do you actually have a mental health condition?
1. Adult ADHD.
Many people with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) make it through childhood without diagnosis. Perhaps they were very smart, so teachers didn’t bother referring them. Or their parents helped cover up any less than ideal behaviour.
ADHD can manifest differently when we are adults. Whereas in children hyperactivity or extreme dreaminess is often involved, Adult ADHD can manifest more as difficulty with your focus. This includes an inability to finish things, but also ‘hyper focus’, where you over focus on the wrong things. You have a big work deadline, and suddenly spend hours sorting your file cabinet.
Of course it’s not a great idea to self diagnose Adult ADHD, because it can leave you ignoring other causes for your inability to focus that might be easier to solve.
But if you are concerned, why not take our free quiz now , ‘Do you have adult ADHD?‘.
2. Depression and Anxiety.
A common symptom of depression is ‘fuzzy thinking‘, the inability to think clearly.
It can feel as if your brain is set on low, or your head is filled with wet sand. Focus becomes very difficult.
Anxiety, on the other hand, tends to leave your mind racing on repeat. You go over and over the same stressful thoughts, worries, and scenarios. This of course leaves very little headspace to focus clearly on tasks at hand.
Anxiety and depression can often come hand in hand. Nearly a half those who have depression also have an anxiety disorder.
Curious if you are depressed? Take our free quiz now, ‘Stressed, Depressed, or Both?“.
[Know you are depressed and anxious but scared of a therapy office? Why not try online therapy from the comfort of your own home? Book today, be talking this week to someone who really gets it.]
3. Emotional Shock and PTSD.
Emotional shock, also known as ‘acute stress reaction’ and ‘psychological shock’, happens due to an extreme life change or situation that is very upsetting. The brain cannot process all that is happening, leaving you in constant ‘fight or flight’ mode.
One of the main symptoms of emotional shock is not being able to think straight, or feeling all over the place. In other words, you can’t focus.
If you read the signs of emotional shock and feel like you have always had the symptoms, a trauma therapist can help you look at whether there is a traumatic experience in your childhood that is behind it.
If you know the event that caused you shock, and have symptoms for several months or more, it might be that you have PTSD. A longer lasting reaction to trauma, it can lead to addictions, severe depression, and social withdrawal.
4. Addiction.
By: Keoni Cabral
Addiction can be behind a lack of focus. In many cases it’s an addiction that you might not even be acknowledging.
This can include shopaholism, internet addiction, social media addiction, or love addiction.
Addiction causes the mind to be over-focussed on one thing, leaving less of your mind available to take care of everything else. You are scattered, you can’t think straight, you make constant mistakes.
Other Reasons You Are Distracted
Sometimes it’s not a mental health condition behind a lack of focus, but a lifestyle issue. See if any of the below resonate.
1. Boredom means you can’t focus.
If you are in a situation you don’t like, such as studying a program at school you hate, or working a job you can’t stand? Boredom can actually cause you to daydream and seek distracting thoughts or activities. In other words, it leaves you unfocussed.
Try journaling about what it is about your situation you do and don’t like, and what actions you could take to improve it. A life coach or career coach can also be helpful – see if your school or workplace provides one.
2. Poor self-care.
An unhealthy lifestyle can behind your distraction. A poor diet including overeating can lead to foggy thinking. As can not exercising.
3. Insomnia.
The brain needs sleep to function well. Educate yourself about sleep and learn the simple changes you can make to have a better slumber. If you have not slept well in a long time and suspect you have a sleep disorder, speak to your GP.
4. A stressful lifestyle.
Stress can at first offer an adrenaline high that gives you clear thinking but this can quickly lead to a crash where we are so exhausted we can’t function, let alone focus and think well.
What do I do if this is me?
If you feel you have one of the mental health issues above, or just feel you need help making better lifestyle choices? It’s a great idea to seek support. We don’t have to be at rock bottom to talk to a counsellor or psychotherapist. In fact the sooner we reach out for support, the less chance there is rock bottom comes at all.
Ready to get your focus back? Harley Therapy connects you with some of the top counselling psychologists in London who can help. Not in London, or even the UK? Our booking site connects you with affordable therapists UK-wide or online therapy from wherever you are in the world.
Have another tip for increasing your focus in life? Or have you had therapy for one of the conditions above and found your focus improved? Start the conversation below.
photos by Bart Everson, Michael Dorokhov, Sean MacEntee, Ruby Goes
Andrea M. Darcy is the editor and lead writer for this blog. With a writing career spanning two decades, her favourite topics are now ADHD, trauma, and relationships. Find her @am_darcy
My inability to remember and focus on what I’m doing began in the sixth grade. The year before, our school’s 5th graders were split into two groups, full day and half half. I was in the half day group. When I entered the 6th grade, I spoke to a friend who had attended school full time concerning several subjects and I realized that I was drastically behind him and the others for the first time in my life.
The moment that it hit me that I wasn’t one of the smartest kids in class, I felt a jolt of fear course throughout my body, and I’ve had difficulty remembering what I’ve just read ever since. After that, I floundered through school, despite having a 150 IQ, The guidance counselors were constantly on my parents for my failure to live up to my potential.
I have only one question…What happened?
You know it could be that it triggered another trauma from previous childhood, that led to a deep core belief around not being good enough or failing. It could have left your self-esteem so entirely attached to your grades that without that to hang onto you fell apart. This happens especially if a child was not given proper attachment, where they were taught they were trusted and loved no matter what, but were given affection based on meeting certain expectations. This is not a small thing to just overlook or live with, as if you are writing about it now one would guess that it has had repercussions right into adult life and might be the visible tip of an iceberg, so to speak. Definitely worth speaking to a counsellor or therapist about.
I used to be a very happy boy with high sense of humor. I got admission into the university at the age of 19yrs to study Geology. My first year in school wasn’t that bad though I had 1 carry-over on a departmental course, which left me with the impression that I’m studying the wrong course. Later on, while in the university I started skipping classes, lost interest in my academics and eventually started hanging out with bad groups and we smoked marijuana all day. As time goes on, my relationship with the bad gang increases from smoking of marijuana to taking drugs such as royphnol, codeine, promethazine and crack cocaine. I finally dropped out of school in my final year, because I completely lost passion in my academics. Later on, I was involved in internet fraud as the only means of earning a living. All we do is surf the internet all day and night, taking drugs with the impression that it makes us smarter and widen our scope of hustle.
Now, everything has changed, as my life is now dependent on these drugs. My ability to think well and focus have been altered. I’m suffering from memory loss, and it has slowed down my progress rate. Now, I’m so wretched and have no job. I feel depressed everyday, which makes me to sleep too much. I lost my all my drives of doing things, I feel reluctant in doing anything. I seldom take my bath or brush my teeth regularly. I’m so attracted to dirt. Most time I have suicidal thought. Please I need help, to change my life and cure me from all these life threatening situations because i’m 27yrs old now.
You are not what you have done. You are not drugs, you are not fraud. You are a person. And no matter what you have done, you are important and you contain within beautiful things, too. You have been lost and scared and so you did things to try to feel better that didn’t work, and made you feel worse. But that means you know now what doesn’t work and now it’s time to try to do things that might work. The first thing is to stop thinking you can do this alone. You do need to reach out to help of some sort. You have done a lot of brave things, this is one more brave thing to do. You might feel that the easiest way is to call a helpline, so call a helpline. It’s a step. You talk to someone who doesn’t have to look at you, who doesn’t judge you, who doesn’t care if you have had a shower or not. They are a voice on the other end. Then you need to find more permanent support. There is every chance that one day you will be the one helping others, able to because you know what it is like to be lost and scared. Believe it or not you are not so old. 27 is young. There is a lot ahead. Make the call, then seek the help. Don’t tell yourself you can’t afford it, there are always free options, such as support groups (read our article on free or low cost counselling for advice https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/low-cost-therapy-free-counselling-services.htm).
i have a severe lack of focus, that caused me troubles of many parts; since childhood i suffered from it. it caused me a very good opportunities; because i do panic in situations.
i felt it is something has to do with my body chemistry, can u recommend a supplement?
mindfulness made a progress, but it stops in part where it can not treat me thoroughly from this disorder.
I’m a 2nd girl child in my family so initially no one in my family liked me. I’m a average student during childhood I have no respect in my family nobody cares me. One day I realized that when study well everyone will respect me and became topper in my school. They all gave me respect. I’m very happy. But when my ca course initially I liked but later I lost my focus and failed that failure affected me a lot, lots of health problems raised make me fail once again 3rd time I got passed but I lost my interest, confidence, focus on the course. Now I am not able to move on in my life. I’m stuck.. Please give me answer how to proceed further. I also become fattier than before but I’m not even trying to reduce my weight.
Have you looked into the possibility of adult ADHD or childhood trauma? Both can cause physical imbalances. ADHD is connected to the brain and the anxiety of trauma affects hormone levels.
It’s horrible to grow up feeling unloved and unaccepted. Because each of us is acceptable and loveable just as we are. We don’t need to do good at anything or win anything to be acceptable. We’d highly recommend you seek information on how to raise your self esteem. The more you can begin to respect and love yourself no matter what, the more you can stop judging yourself and pushing yourself all the time and just learn to appreciate the wonderful person you naturally are, the better you will feel, and the less it will matter what anyone else thinks of you. You might find our Guide to Self Esteem helpful https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/self-esteem-help-guide.htm. Also, try to figure out what makes you happy, not what impresses others or you are ‘good at’. Is it reading, singing, dancing, writing? Then do more of that, and find those who share the same hobby to connect with.
I think I have ADHD as I have all of the symptoms. I also have depression and had it for years but it keeps on going and coming back. My memory is really bad and has been getting worse. I can’t focus tbh it’s just so hard if not impossible. I literally get distracted by the smallest thing like if I’m sitting in a lobby studying or whatever and someone walks past me or walks in the lobby or whatever no matter how far they are, it will get me distracted. And if i get hyperfocused on something I love, I’ll just ignore the other important things that have to be done as soon as possible and as always whatever that gets my full concentration, it’s something that’s totally not related to school. I also have suicidal thoughts and I think about killing myself all the time. I’m also single. Literally don’t know how I can fix my life. I’m 19 btw.
Thanks for sharing Dannie. First things first, it’s ok to be single, frustrated, depressed, distracted, struggling, and 19. Being 19 is not the easiest time in life for anyone! So cut yourself some slack here. You are doing the best you can. You are trying to figure it out, for starters, googling sites like this! Now as far as ‘diagnosing’ goes….depression can in some cases cause similar symptoms to ADHD, especially if it stems for a big trauma in life. Trauma can fracture the mind, and leave our brain spending so much time trying to hide certain experiences and emotions we feel foggy headed and lose our memory. At the same time ADHD can cause depression because it makes life frustrating, so it can be a ‘chicken or egg’ situation – what came first? The best thing to do would be to seek someone to talk to about the depression and see what is behind that first, over getting caught in a cycle of ADHD treatment that never deals with unresolved experiences. If a professional counsellor or psychotherapist thinks you have ADHD they can then refer you on. (If you can’t afford therapy, look to see if your school has counselling, or search for low cost counselling for young people in your area). Consider mindfulness, too. It helps you get to the ‘you’ behind all the negative thinking and difficult moods, which are not really you, but just the thoughts and moods you are having. The you behind it all is much bigger and more powerful, and it deserves to stick around down here, we are sure of that (written by someone who did get diagnosed with ADHD, and also experienced being 19 as pretty harsh). And mindfulness has also been proven in studies to help with attention and focus – so a good deal all around. We have a free, easy to understand guide here https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/mindfulness-help-guide.htm. We hope this all helps!
I have troubles with paying attention to stuff that does not interest me, and even when i try tom focus it doesn’t last long and this is where the daydreaming comes in. I day dream all the time, one moment I will be focused and the next I will be day dreaming. Do I have a disorder or something?
It’s really hard to say just based on this. Daydreaming and constant distraction, as the article mentions, is a symptom of several health conditions, from PTSD to ADHD. You’d need to go talk to a mental health professional who take a very comprehensive and detailed look at your life, as well as use several professional questionnaires. It’s worth doing, as feeling like you can’t stay focussed in life can be hard and lead to unnecessary self-criticism. Support can help you find ways to manage better that can really help.
I am suffering from depression… i am bcome worse day by day i keep cutting myself idk what to do i cant focus on my studies when i see all of my friends studying hard day to night tirelessly i become more depressed… i have lost faith in god to be honest. My parents force me to cover myself. As i was born in a muslim family i am not even allowed to wear dress outside and have to go out wearing full covered black cloths my parent don’t even let me wear shirts at home he keep telling me to wear scarf cover my boobs bra strips.. I can’t bear it i also want to roam around like a normal teenager.. wearing nice dresses… I don’t want to cover myself.. i also started hating my parents a oot even i many times wished them to die.. idk what i am doing.. i wanted to kear martial art or dance or any other activities besides studies.. i never tried my best to study but i do pretty well studying a less… now the only thing that keep roaming around my head is how to go away fron this negative minded society.. can i be free one day😭
Zerin, it sounds so hard. You are trapped and can’t be yourself, and you want to experience life but are not allowed to. Anyone would be depressed and feel angry towards their parents. So try not to be hard on yourself about this, don’t judge yourself for finding it all overwhelming. You are doing the best you can, and that’s enough. We don’t know how old you are, or where you are living, and what options you have. If there is anyone you can talk to, that would be wonderful. For example, most schools have a counsellor that is a free service. If you really need help there are hotlines in the UK and America that are free, look up the Good Samaritans. Eventually, life changes. And if you are in the UK or America, one day you will move away from your family home. A life could be waiting ahead that you can hardly even imagine, but you have to hang in there to see it.
The best therapy is accepting that life is fucking hard. If you’re faced with hunger – real hunger – poverty, disease such as ebola, war, terrorist attack, brain cancer, MS, domestic violence… you will faster build resilience. It’s high time the western medical world stopped perpetuating a sense of helplessness, and started encouraging resilience and the enlightenment to the fact that life is absolutely about failure and pain before happiness. Happiness, the further our society becomes complacent and comfortable, becomes more and more misconstrued and out of reach. sauntering around the internet looking for the answer to eternal bliss is futile, and making a mockery of 200,000 years of human spirit. Never give up, Our forefathers and mothers didn’t.
The last year has emotionally crippled me. A sugery, Dad passed away suddenly, appears 2 siblings developed mental a illness because of it. My husband of 27 yrs cheated. Work stress of productivity and accuracy failing..2016-2017
I have been diagnosed with anxiety where makes me feel like a heavy Boulder is laying on my chest at all times. Diagnosed also w/depression. I cannot focus on my work…has me making small but costly mistakes at work and after 19 years of service they are trying to fire me.
I always do the best job I can. Maybe the high level stress job is too much anymore. Don’t want to make huge decisions in this state.
Gosh, it sounds really hard what you’ve been through. To then have your work also try to fire you does sound like the final straw. While we are not legal experts at all, we’d suggest you educate yourself on mental health and workplace discrimination. If you have a diagnosis of depression and anxiety and can prove it’s affecting your work, then you are protected by law and there are charities to help. Start perhaps by looking at Mind Charity’s explanation of it all https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/discrimination-at-work/overview/
Hi Warren, we’ve had to edit your comment as it’s against our policy to allow comments directly attacking other readers. However, we want to respond and reach out to you. It sounds like you are experiencing real stress and trauma, and we are sorry you feel so angry and upset. We imagine you’ve had some really traumatic experiences that have left you feeling overwhelmed and alone. Which is hard. Good for you for continuing on. To let you know, however, Warren, that therapy is not at all about ‘being happy’ or seeking ‘bliss’. We are not sure at all where you got this idea from. In fact we agree that chasing happiness tends to lead to always feeling life is out of reach. Good therapy is about self-acceptance and finding ways to have compassion for yourself, no matter how dark and angry and horrible you feel inside. It’s about letting yourself accept and in a safe environment feel all the things blocked up inside, even the rage, the loneliness, the secret belief you are nothing or unloveable. And then it’s about finding ways to show empathy for yourself, to see what is right about you, to start to make choices that help you feel okay, and to slowly learn how to accept others for who they are, too. We find the process invaluable. Instead of resulting in ‘happiness’ it results in a feeling that we can continue on. That hard moments will come, but we will be resilient, and good moments, too, will come. Life is a mix. So yes, never give up! Thank you Warren.
I’m currently really struggling to focus and maintain productivity at work. I have a busy workload with my current job and also a qualification which I’m completing alongside this. Despite knowing I have a lot to do, I often find it really difficult to focus on the tasks at hand and complete them. I feel like I’m more unproductive and ineffective than I’ve ever been in my job. I do a lot of exercise and have no problem concentrating on training sessions and getting these done, but these are physical whereas my job demands a lot of time sitting at a computer and using my brain – this is what I appear to be struggling with! I don’t feel I can really be honest with people at work about this lest I’m I’m pulled up for being hopeless! I find I get distracted into doing mind – numbing tasks like social media that don’t require my brain to work… I’ve tried various approaches to try and sort this out, but I don’t seem to be able to manage it. It’s like despite knowing all I have to do, my head is a shed and foggy and so nothing gets done making the situation worse!
Hi Vix, what is the difference between training and your job, beyond physical/mental? Do you like training? Do you like your job? Does training feel achievable? Does your job feel achievable or overwhelming? These are the sorts of questions that might start leading to good answers, How and What questions that help you open up your perspective. For example, if you don’t like the job and that is why you are unable to focus, how could it be made more enjoyable? If you find the tasks of your job to seem overwhelming, how can you break them down into smaller goals? Note that if you suspect that this is related to not liking what you are doing, it would be worth having a chat with a careers counsellor or coach who might be able to help you see things in a better light. Hope it Helps.
I am really struggling,
I grew up with a mother that ignored me and treated me as an extension of herself. She was also physically and emotionally abusive. I am having major problems with focus. I have racing thoughts, cant focus, and get extremely depressed. I am not caring for myself and tending to household responsibilities, I feel like my cognitive health has dramatically declined in the last few months. I have started to make stupid errors at work due to this. I’ve been at my current job for over two years which i was able to handle in the past. My manager made me go for re-education and has given me warnings. I am continuing to make errors. I fear that I will lose my job. I also fear that I may have bipolar 2 disorder.
Thank you for sharing. Emotional stress from a difficult childhood can and often does cause dissociation and depression. This all sounds like a lot to deal with all by yourself. Do you have insurance through your workplace to cover therapy sessions? Most major insurers do these days. It can feel scary to reach out for support, and does take courage, but your issues would respond really well to talk therapies. It can feel so wonderful to have that support and make a real difference to all areas of your life, yes, including work! We wish you courage……
I’m now in my late 50’s and I’ve thought long and hard about why I can’t focus on exam/test papers. I get told how smart and intelligent I am and why I am not degree qualified as I seem to out think those around me and come up with workable solutions very easily, I am articulate and very creative. I have tried Open University – dropped out, Leicester University MSc – dropped out, NEBOSH Diploma flunked the exams, recently sat an Oil & Gas diploma training course whereby I scored between 75 – 85% in the two mock exams and in the actual exam that really counted scored a FAIL with 40%. All the above have one thing in common when it comes to actual sitting a paper I can’t focus, I can’t maintain attention to the questions. I’ll read the question and forget it as soon as I’ve read it, I have to keep reading the question and keep going back to it to remind myself about what is being asked and all the time the clock is ticking. Most of my time is spent reading and re-reading and forgetting what I’ve just read.
This is nothing new, I recall at school doing okay in the class, but in the maths exam I sat there for ages trying to understand the questions but couldn’t take it in, forgetting it as soon as reading it. Having just my name on the top of the exam paper I got up less than half way through the exam and walked out.
It’s actually quite common that incredibly bright people sabotage success. What is behind it? Is it ADHD? A hidden desire to sabotage so that we are not too ‘different’ than others by shining too brightly? This all depends on the person. But what is clear here is that you are really suffering because of the pattern you have. Have you considered counselling around this? You would be able to get to the bottom of it for once and for all.
Just a note to David Harding: sometimes the smarter you are, the more clouded your mind can be with insight that the rest of society can’t see, and so it makes it hard to concentrate on the immediate things that you need to do in order to get a good grade. Just a thought.
My IQ was not as high as yours but I was repeatedly in the top smartest groups of my class, especially in Math until around 15. I suffered from parental abuse, both physical and mental, and had social services work with my family but it never fully solved the problem. I would come home worried of being punched or hurt, and would hide in my room, sometimes locking myself in the bathroom. I went on to Purdue University with a small scholarship and went on to a minor in Computer Science and a major in Mathematics. I was six classes short to a Bachelor of Science Degree and I took 3 years being a senior only to drop out and never finish at age 25. Every time I was about to finish and graduate, I would have a mental breakdown and eventually ended up moving out of the state to forget all the family problems and abuse before finishing. What is more is that I was left with debt and am now working as a stripper. I had mental breakdowns several times and suffer from repeatedly replaying scenarios from the past over and over in my mind. My biggest problem is that I can’t achieve a state of mental peace, and fill my head up with anxiety and worry instead of focus. My mind is constantly running, but not with the focus or thoughts that I want. Being able to focus is like being in heaven for me because my mind is constantly playing things that I don’t want to think of, or scenarios that I think could go wrong instead of just reading or focusing on the task at hand. I am almost over all the parental abuse because I am in my early 30’s now and have received some healing and counceling, but I am very antisocial and am afraid of almost everyone, even my friends, so I repeatedly replay conversations in my head or scenarios from people at work that I am afraid of, or managers, or landlords, even friends and exes. I can’t stop repeatedly replaying or imagining all the things that could go wrong instead of just focusing.
Thank you for this brave sharing Elizabeth. It very much sounds like you are suffering from long-term PTSD. It certainly makes life a lot harder when we are constantly on edge and in a state of anxiety. We’re glad you’ve received some help. With some trauma and PTSD, counselling is less affective and leave you feeling more traumatised, unless it works to reprogram the brain. This is why CBT and EMDR are often recommended http://bit.ly/CBTTherapy http://bit.ly/emdrtherapy. Hope that helps.
Every time I sit down or lay in bed and close my eyes, usually you’d imagine scenarios etc but whenever I do that, for example, walking down a road, gaps appear in the road and I cannot walk along to road anymore. Or if I’m thinking of jumping over something, someone or something will be holding me back from doing it; but this is all while I’m conscious and thinking. I haven’t got any diagnosed mental health issues but I need some clarity on this as I’ve had these thoughts since I can remember.
Hi Robbie, we can’t diagnose based on a comment, but it could be a number of things, including anxiety, mild depression, or low self-esteem. We actually do think this level of negative thinking is not ‘nothing’ but something worth looking into. So we would suggest seeing a counsellor or therapist. It might only take a few sessions to look at, or you might discover that this way of thinking is actually your brain’s unique way of managing repressed experiences and emotions that really need your time and attention to process. Either way we suspect you’ll feel better for trying. You might find psychodynamic therapy a good fit here. Kind regards, Harley Therapy.
I am a 18 year old student right now, preparing for engineering entrance exams. I have faced failure for the last two years , and I am feeling anxiety and depression for the last two years. The problem was low earlier but is growing day by day. Due to this I can’t concentrate on my studies and find hard in remembering things(facts). Whenever I see someone who is of lower IQ than me excelling in studies and scoring more than me, I feel depressed. Whenever I score less and can’t achieve my target, I feel the same again. I am always lost in my thoughts and dreams that I want to achieve.
The thoughts and depression isn’t constant, I have a swinging mood. Sometimes, I feel totally hopeless and can give my 100% to what I am doing.
Please help me, I will be highly obliged . Your help can change my life and help me achieve something in my life.
Hi Dravid, unfortunately the power to change your life is all in your hands, and we certainly can’t do that with a comment! You sound like you are constantly comparing yourself to others (http://bit.ly/comparingdangers). This absolutely is a fast track to low self-esteem. It also might be that you are facing enormous pressure from family. So it’s hardly surprising you’d be anxious and depressed. Stress and anxiety can absolutely make it harder for us to think straight and do well, and can feel like a vicious circle we can’t escape. The best thing here would be support. If you do have someone you can trust reach out about how much stress you are under. Of course family and friends are often too invested in our future to be able to give us the support we need but a counsellor is impartial and creates a safe space for you to unload your real hopes and fears. Could you find one? Other self-help techniques that could help would be mindfulness (http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout), progressive muscle relaxation (http://bit.ly/ProgMR), and self-compassion (http://bit.ly/selfcompassionlearn). Also, learn about perspective. Right now yours is very narrow. If you were suddenly 85 years old and on your death bad, what advice would you give yourself? Is it possible there is more to life than you are able to now see? Good luck!
I am unable to focus on my work. Every time i sit down for work, i lose interest and start surfing on the Internet or start looking on the phone. I get distracted easily and waste many hours doing this and not focusing on my work which later on makes me regret about wasting my time. Either i am distracted or sometimes i am feeling so low and sad that i just don’t feel like working. My work and job have been badly affected by all this, my bad performance let me quit my job. Now its been 10 months since i am jobless and have not been able to push myself to work. I believe if i could focus on my work and don’t waste all those hours that i sit down for work, i can achieve a lot. But this lack of focus, getting distracted by simply surfing around or my stress and sadness has destroyed my life and its has really got me worried. I don’t know what should i do, even if i have any mental health problem who should i go to?
Hi Lisa, it sounds like you might be suffering depression. Which causes distraction and makes achieving anything hard and leads to a cycle of beating ourselves up, feeling worse, getting less done, repeat….. it can feel just awful and leaves us with no self-esteem. We don’t know the full story of how you got to this place. Was it that the wrong job for you? Were you trying to do what your family wanted instead of what you want for yourself? Or does this depression stem from childhood, meaning you’ll sabotage whatever comes along? What is best is to explore questions like this with a professional counsellor or therapist who can really get to know you. If you are in the UK, you can talk to your GP who can put you in touch with mental health care services in your local area. Assuming you are on a low budget as you aren’t working, you might also want to read our article on finding low cost counselling bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. Hope that helps.
I am 29 years old and currently unemployed. I have a problem with focusing on Reading. First, I am not an avid reader, I can’t stand reading for a long time. I understand what is written when I read the words slowly but I lose focus right away and forget what I read. I only learn things based on explanations, visual or actual. I really am having a hard time to focus in reading and I get distracted so easily like when I see something, I daydream right away.
Second, every time I watch TV shows that I’m so interested to, I cannot focus on what they say. Even if I do understand, I forget it the moment I am distracted. I tried my best to listen to every words. I really like educational shows like NatGeo documentaries, but how can I learn when I cannot focus properly? I have bigger plans in the future, like so study Environmental Conservation but I think I cannot do this because I can’t even stand to read longer and I easily forget.
I wasn’t like this when I was younger, I was active in class, I had good grades when I was in Primary school, I can even memorize the periodic table during my high school year. I can’t remember when exactly was the time when my focus started to fail.
Last March 2018, I graduated from my Bachelor in Business Administration fortunately even thought I struggle a lot in studying. I am worried that if I can get a job again, my issues will affect my work performance and will ruin my career or worst, my Life.
I feel like my brain is no longer working 🙁
Ruthie we really would recommend a psychologist here, they could run you through diagnostic tools to see what is going on. We can’t diagnose over the internet, but many things can cause this. It could be trauma related, or some sort of learning disorder that for some reason is worsening, perhaps because adulthood has more stress to deal with. If the psychologist felt it was something like ADHD they could then refer you on to a psychotherapist. If there are any physical symptoms, such as headaches, eyesight changes, dizziness, do also go to your doctor/GP to have a checkup. As this is all worth looking into, we believe that they will be able to help you and that your life is far from ruined, you just need the right support!
I am 23 and I constantly find myself being unable to focus, especially on things that I am naturally not good in. For example, I was unable to focus during any form of sports such as dancing, and martial arts, or 3d construction.
Once in a blue moon, I would feel intense focus and felt that I finally could use the potential I have in all these things. I feel as if there is a ‘cloudy film’ that is hindering my true potential and abilities. When the focus comes, I am suddenly very good in my movements. (but it was very very rare)
During such classes normally, a lot of people say I got the ‘lost and confused’ look. In actual fact, my brain was not even functioning and i felt very spacey.
I have seen the psychologist before, and they said I suffered from an emotional trauma from my childhood. My mother constantly expressed that I was stupid and not good enough, and has also constantly scolded/beat me for not understanding my homework or anything she taught at that time, when I was young. Even worse, she also keep comparing me to my younger brother (who was treated a lot better as he is the favorite), expressing that he is smarter and has more ‘fortunes’ and potential.
My psychologist has told me this has resulted in an ‘in brain wiring’ that believes that I am not good enough/stupid. This perhaps triggers a constant voice in my head that says ‘I am not good enough, I am dumb and useless etc’. This voice is also deep in my subconscious, and while I do not feel it in normal times, it was extremely prominent and very loud when I was hungry/sick/upset.
Perhaps when I was doing activities I am not naturally adept in, my subconsciousness must have acted again.
Can I have an advice on how to remove/curb this stupid ‘in brain wiring’? I feel it is really a huge waste to not be able to use my potential, due to my inability to find the focus. I am still young and I really want to use the potential I really feel I have…
As a child and right up until August last year when I moved out with my partner, I was emotionally abused. I’m seeing a therapist and taking medicine for my anxiety and depression. I’ve spent nearly nineteen years of my life in a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze(I usually go with the latter.) i cannot focus on my work now without headphones on to block out the noise because I try to focus on everything around me. I’m currently training someone to help with my job, so I can’t listen to any music and this is causing a severe drop in my productivity and making me feel anxious even more. How can I cope with this until I can use music again?
Hi Madison, first of all congratulations for seeking the support you need. It sounds like there is a lot of cognitive distortion going on here, where we think only the worse and see in extremes and seek any and all ways to judge ourself and lower our self esteem (a common side effect of abuse). For example, most employers know that when you are training someone else that your productivity drops. Training someone takes time and energy. But you don’t at all make any allowances to yourself about this but seem to be judging yourself. So we’d suggest asking a few good questions here to lower the anxiety. “Is this situation forever, or is the end in sight? Is this a life or death situation, or is it a shade of grey? Have I talked to my employer about this and explained my productivity will naturally be challenged given I am training someone? Have I talked to the person I am training and suggested that for a few intervals a day we work separately during which time I’ll listen to music? How dangerous is this situation, really, on a scale of 1 to 10?” We’d also suggest you work through some CBT balance charts to come up with neutral instead of extreme thinking around this situation. You can read our article on how to do that here https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/balanced-thinking-benefits.htm.
Hello, well first of all that’s great you saw a psychologist. But what sort of psychologist does not then give you a treatment plan of what you can do next? That is surprising to us. The point of seeing a psychologist is to get help. You can’t just instantly remove things, but there are treatments that help. The first thing that would help would be if you yourself stopped judging yourself. It really is clear that you are super hard on yourself. Consider learning about self compassion. You might even want to try Compassion-based therapy. Instead of focussing on how things aren’t working, do you ever take time to focus on what does work? What is right about you? Otherwise you are replicating the critical environment your mother put you through. Other techniques to try are mindfuless http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout (it takes time and commitment, but will help with stress levels and help you feel clearer). Cognitive behaviour therapy would be good as it will help you reprogram the negative, judging thoughts that trigger your fog. If there was an exact big trauma as opposed to just constant emotional abuse, EMDR therapy is also recommended.
I am from India, I looking my Dad’s Business and My Dad and Brother used to manage this business. Now i am also managing this with my Dad and Brother.
Before i used to work in Web Development. I stop the Job and started working for my Own Company in Web Development which i like to do and in 2 just months i got good response. I started believing i can achieve many things in coming time.
But my Wife forced me to take my Dad’s business as they were already successful in that business and achieving many new heights. We live in Joint Family (Typical Indian Family)
But I wanted to something on my own.
Am managing my Dad’s business with my Dad and Brother. I don’t feel motivated and lost focus on everything. I used to work on my Web Development projects in starting when started managing my Dad’s business. But now a days completely lost.
What should i do to focus on my Work both. I am want manage Dad’s business and as well as want to work in Web Development.
Hi Vijay, that sounds really stressful. When we do things that are not what we truly want we lose our focus simply because deep down we are not interested. Especially if you are a passionate person, doing something you are not passionate about will feel like pushing against sand. It doesn’t mean you have bad focus. It means you don’t want to do what you are doing. You can either try to find a way to run your father’s business that does feel exciting to you – can you delegate the parts you don’t like to others, perhaps a part-time employee, and develop other parts of the business you do like? Or you can have a really honest talk to your wife about how absolutely unhappy you are and share with her how important your own web business was. And see what solutions you can find. Such as working only part time for your father’s business and outsourcing the rest. Of course as you said it’s a joint family, you might feel a lot of pressure to perform. But if you don’t share how you feel you might end up not only really unhappy and burnt out but resentful towards her for suggesting the change, which will mean you feel even worse. So in summary we can’t make this decision for you as we don’t know the full situation – your finances, what you can afford, how many hours you are working on each. But we suggest communication and brainstorming and being honest with yourself over judging yourself for being unproductive.Other things to look at might be what is really deep down upsetting you about running your father’s business. Is it that you really don’t like the work? Or is it that you don’t feel independent or free? When you get to the real reasons you feel so stifled by it you can find the right solutions.
14 years ago I lost my husband of 21 years in a tragic accident. Every since that day I have had trouble with my short term memory. I have just started a new job a month ago and everything that is explained to me is a blur. I can go to a grocery store and come out and can’t remember where I parked. This is getting worse as I get older. I am 58 years old and I need help bad before I lose my job!
Hi Katy, have you ever talked to someone about PTSD? If you have other symptoms like edginess, mood swings, sensitivity to noise, anxiety, etc, you could have a sort of long-term form of it. Worth looking into and seeking some support. EMDR is a therapeutic tool that might help.
Hi, I can’t concentrate on anything sence I remember. I have always believed that this is because I have low IQ. But resently I have been thinking a lot about it and I don’t think that that is the reason anymore. I can’t focus on college even crossing the road takes a lot of effort for me. I am very forgetful and worried every single moment that I will forget something. People have always told me that it is because I am artsy but it is seriously affecting every aspect of my life. Please give me advise I feel stupid not being able to complete tasks. Thank you in advance!
Hi Anna, we really can’t tell you what it is as we don’t know you, we can’t diagnose over the internet. you’d need to work with a therapist for several sessions before any real diagnosis could be made. We’d say read the article carefully, it covers many possible reasons, from a childhood trauma to ADHD. It’s all in the article so have a read. And then do reach out for support. If you are student your school might have a counsellor which could be a good place to start? They might then be able to recommend you for testing. Good luck!
I always struggle to focus in the office meetings, specially after first 10-15 minutes I struggle to understand things…. whereas everybody else in the meeting room appear to be focused and participating well.. that really make me feel bad, also affecting my not sure what I can do to get my focus back.
Hi Jo, we are sorry to hear you are struggling. The first thing to consider here is anxiety. If you are going to meetings anxious, worried about being ‘not as good as’ everyone else in the room, your anxious thoughts alone could cause you to not be able to think clearly or focus. Which means it’s worth looking at your self esteem. As it seems you are seeing yourself as ‘not as good as’ everyone else in the room. What if that were not true? What if they too were nervous and anxious and didn’t understand things? Where might this idea that you are never as smart or focussed as others come from? Is there any childhood experience that might be at its root? All worth exploring.
I am 20 years old. I am an active, smart, and athletic young man. However, in my teenage years I struggled a lot with low self-esteem, eating disorders, and obsessive-compulsivity in my exercising. I really loved soccer, and managed to be a top student whilst also being a skilled soccer player playing for one of the top teams in my city. I wanted to become a professional soccer player, and always felt my self worth was dependent on how I performed in games. For a while, I got injured, and as a result, gained weight and was unable to play for awhile. When I came back, I was made fun of, and I was dropped to a lower team. I was not given the love or acceptance I had felt beforehand when I was very successful. It was a traumatizing experience for me as I had really high hopes and dreams and it caused me to later become obsessed with fitness and always anxious as to whether I was out of shape. As a result, I developed an eating disorder, and was near anorexic, and would basically force myself to endure physical torture until I would allow myself to eat. I would often go to play in practices in winter in freezing temperatures without having eaten anything the whole day. Thankfully, I was able to eventually overcome these issues and realized I was basically killing myself and one day I decided to stop and return to balance. As things began to look better, I began to focus more on my studies and got accepted to a University in my city. I gave up my dreams on professional soccer, deeming them unattainable and too risky given my poor experiences. Adjusting to life in my University posed a very difficult challenge and I struggled a lot with anxiety, depression, and started doing poor in my studies despite always being a top student. I managed to pull myself together, and fix all my grades, but I haven’t been able to make any friends since going to University (issue exacerbated since I still live with my parents) and I am beginning to re-develop some of my old eating disorders. Additionally, other issues related to adolescence or really beginning to weigh me down. I feel like I am crumbling. What actions would you suggest taking? I exercise every day, strive to eat healthy, and do well in school but I think my lack of a good social life is really hitting me. I don’t want any excuses, I just need to know how to get back on track and achieve my true potential. It’s a struggle, but I think it is partially self imposed by long help poor beliefs about my own self. I don’t know what to do. I can’t waste my life like the way I am currently.
“I don’t want any excuses”. “I can’t waste my life like this”. Where did you learn to speak like this? From who? Someone in your childhood? You are enormously hard on yourself. You might even think it’s ‘normal’ to speak of yourself and like this. It isn’t. This level of self judgement and pushing yourself doesn’t come from thin air or doubtfully even sports, it likely stems from childhood environments and family relationships. But here’s the thing – you can’t control everything. Nobody can. You feel you are crumbling – but into what? Someone who is not perfect? Who sometimes makes mistakes and has down days? Who is like other people? What is so terrifying about that? Who is going to judge you? The one thing that you can’t control is your past experiences. And the emotions you have around past experiences might be ‘under control’ for now, but, eventually, they will surface, and in the meantime they will cause symptoms – anxiety, depression. Nor can most of us fix everything alone. We need support. And not from the family who has personal investments in us or might even be part of the problem. As you don’t have friends, we highly advise you seek proper support elsewhere. As you make clear, you are overwhelmed. And it’s serious enough that it sometimes manifests as a dangerous eating disorder. So do take this seriously. Most schools provide counsellors or access to low cost counselling. If not, don’t overlook hiring a counsellor or therapist. It’s not a sign of weakness. It takes a lot of courage to seek help, and is a sign of strength. As for finding it hard to make friends, here’s the thing. If someone is obsessed with judging themselves if they aren’t perfect, other people feel that. And worry that person will judge them, too. It can be intimidating and keep others at arm’s length. The funny thing about human relationships is that the less perfect we are, the more comfortable we become with our flaws, the more others feel comfortable around us. So the more we stop trying to impress people, the better our relationships become. We wish you courage.
I’ve been doing a lot of research recently to try to find an explanation or a diagnosis on what i’m struggling with if one exists. But I haven’t been successful. Some things I should mention but don’t feel i’m currently struggling with is that I have a history of depression (about 6 years) and I had really bad anxiety & panic attacks in high school. (i’m 20 now). Anyway, I have a lot of trouble being present, in the way that i’m always in my head and I always feel somewhere else when i’m doing something. I’m in a long distance relationship and I visited him for 2 weeks and arrived back home yesterday. I already feel like I can’t remember a lot of what we did or talked about and my memory is normally this poor. But I enjoy my time with him so much and I don’t understand why I can’t just be present! It makes time feel so short for me and everything flies by. When things are explained to me at work it’s difficult for me to grasp or even catch all of the words they are saying and it’s difficult for me to remember as well. I’m always learning on my own though and I read a lot of philosophy and study random things in my free time and i’m perfectly fine, but aside from that it’s difficult for me to grasp, process, and remember what other people tell me. I’d have a difficult time even telling you what I did or thought about a couple of hours ago. It’s really taking a toll in my personal and work life and i’m worried that it’ll affect my relationship in the future as well. Any thoughts?
Just a quick observation – you seem to be really worried about being ‘fine’. And not appearing as if you are struggling. So first of all to point out that it’s okay not to be fine, and sometimes it’s a lot more helpful to be honest if we aren’t then to expend huge amounts of energy trying to appear what we have decided is ‘normal’. The truth is that most of are not okay now and then, and it’s normal to struggle. This entire idea that ‘normal people don’t struggle and are happy all the time’, well, that’s films, not real life. You say you struggled with anxiety and depression – did you talk to someone and get a diagnosis? As we are guessing not. It sounds like you still have anxiety and the repressed emotions/ experiences and stress behind it are potentially causing you to dissociate and feel anxious within relationships. You might want to read about anxious attachment http://bit.ly/anxiousattachment and dissociation http://bit.ly/dissociatedangers. We’d suggest you do seek counselling if at all possible (most schools provide free or low cost counselling) to get to the bottom of your stress and anxiety for once and for all. Please note however that this is NOT a diagnosis. We can’t diagnose someone based on a comment. You’d need to see a professional for that. We wish you courage!
I’ve been feeling like this for years. I’ve had problems with severe procrastination, self-worth, and overall motivation. I’ve never been a good student, if something is too hard I’ll most likely give up. It’s getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning, to accomplish anything at school, and to do the things I was once passionate about. High school over these past three years has gotten harder and harder. I feel so hollow sometimes and I don’t know how else to express it. I have a partner, they help me through a lot but I still feel like an absolute failure to everyone in my life. Whenever I try to tell my parents this they don’t take me seriously. I always lie at the doctor’s office when they ask me how my mental state is. I feel silly even typing this. I don’t want a diagnosis and I don’t even know if this is serious or just normal for a “hormonal teenager” to be going through. It’s crippling and I don’t want to be like this.
Hi Sarah, you say ‘I don’t want to be like this” and yet you then state you don’t want a diagnosis and you lie at the doctor’s office. It sounds like a mix of teenage hormones and drama alongside very real depression. So you do need help, but only you can decide you will accept it. And that means getting honest. If you don’t want to talk to a doctor, consider a school counsellor or calling a hotline https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/mental-health-helpline.htm Good luck!
I went through a depressive period for over 6 months, I didn’t want to go to therapy and medication was just so strong so I didn’t take it, I believe that I’m the only person who can pull myself out of it, but at point (more than a month ago) I talked myself out of it and I’m trying to fight it everyday, I think I’m doing a good job, I try to fight back every negative thought and bad mood, but the only problem I seem to have is lack of focus and concentration and a bad short term memory, also I experience some confusion at times and it bothers me that my mind is distorted and can’t acknowledge new info, any thoughts on that ? Do I need more time to heal ? How much time do I need to get back to normal ? And is it possible to do that on my own ?
Hi Hana, sounds like you are putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself and are judging yourself against some impossible standard. What if it’s ok to be depressed? What if it’s ok to have negative thoughts and bad moods? What if most of us, at some point in life, go through depression? What if you could just take a big breath and say, it’s ok, this is part of being human? What if it was okay to reach out for some support? We agree with you that medication is strong and often not necessary. But we don’t agree that struggling alone is a good idea. The reason you’d have a bad short term memory and confusion as you are throwing all your mental energy at ‘blocking’ depression. It’s like trying to hold back a flood of water. Sometimes we need to let the flood come and ride it out. As for ‘how much time to heal’, there is no time line. We are all different. But if you want to feel better faster, you’ve got to give up this attempt to do everything yourself and get some help. Why not try a short term, lower commitment therapy? CBT is a good one if you don’t want to talk too much about your past but just want to learn how to control your negative thoughts. As for self-help, mindfulness might be a good idea here. It helps you to accept your thoughts and feelings without judgement. Try our free how-to guide https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/mindfulness-help-guide.htm. Good luck!
I am 22 years old. I am a student of Software Engineering. I am in my second year at college. In the beginning, I saw that my friends were very fast at understanding everything in class while I was mostly trying hard to understand what the professor had said and how the problems are to be solved from my friends. But I worked hard, studied online and passed the first year with quite satisfactory grades. But this year is very hectic and the number of techniqal subjects has increased. I find it very difficult to concentrate in class. Even when I concentrate and listen to the lecture I understand only small fragmants of it. My friends on the other hand are very quick at understanding concepts. They spend very little time on studying but they are still way ahead of me. I know it is not right to compare myself to others but I keep getting the feeling that I am very stupid and maybe I am not intelligent enough for this field even though I really enjoy programming and software related work.It is just gets very depressing to see others around me doing the same tasks with such ease whereas I have to take a lot of time to grasp new things. Beacuse of this issue I can’t even perform well in exams. I just go blank and make the most stupid mistakes. In my recent exams I read a question completely wrong and wrote a completely different program. My focus is so bad that I can’t even see what is written right infront of me. And completing tasks in limited time has also become difficult for me.
Hi Sarah, we are sorry to hear you are you feeling so stressed. School is one type of learning, and it’s not actually one that suits everyone. And it’s an interesting fact that some people who do well in school don’t actually do well in the workplace, and vice versa. Some people simply learn better by doing, or find the stress of being ‘watched’ and monitored in school doesn’t work for them. And the more stressed you get, the more you can’t think straight, that is in fact normal, and not about intelligence. If you are worried that it’s the right career for you, or are curious about your best learning styles, you might want to take aptitude tests of IQ tests (which are not about determining how smart you are or aren’t but how you best learn). You can do this with an educational psychologist. Otherwise talk to the counselling centre at your school they might even provide such things. We wish you all the best.
I am a guy, was born and brought up in a conservative family with a lot of rules and a strong religious influence. I was exposed to porn at the age of 12. I used to masturbate at least once every day. I wouldn’t say my childhood was normal. In school, I had a lot of friends but I can’t say that any of them were my best friends. I was the center of jokes, sometimes, my friends would say hurtful things to me but I thought they were just joking. Gaming was my only escape, I used to stay at home after school and game all night with occasional going out to play some sport. No social life. When it comes to girls, I had no puppy love or any kind of love since I was told it was wrong to do so because of my religion and was just trying to be obedient. At that time, I had no idea what I was missing out, sometimes I was harsh to girls who like me. I used to be an above-average student until my final exams when my grades had gone down due to excessive gaming. After receiving grades, which was not so bad, just average. Because of this, I was forced into a college that I did not like at all. It was a very strict engineering college in India where students were treated as prisoners and engineering was fed to us like prison food. I was distraught and my soul died during my college years. During my first year, I was doing okay with grades, still, had some fight left in me. In my second year, I had failed in a subject for the very first time. My parents said they were ashamed that I was part of their family and I should be doing some job which requires no education. This broke me as a person. After the second and third year, I had 12 arrears which I cleared in my final year and graduated. I started drinking and smoking after this. Right now, I’m doing my masters in the US with 0 self-esteem and 0 self-confidence, struggling to socialize and make friends. I had feelings for a girl whom I met during my childhood and now recently, screwed up with abnormal and creepy behavior and now she hates me. All my life, I was a pushover, being told to do things that I never liked and went with it because I was trying to be an obedient kid, which is continuing now as an adult. Now, I don’t have the confidence to live life in general, just isolated in the dark. I feel I’m just a pathetic excuse for a human being and should end myself soon.
Sam, growing up with a strict religion can cause all sorts of thinking patterns of ‘good/bad’ and ‘right/wrong’ that can mean, even if we have escaped the strict religious household, we continue to condemn ourselves. Do you really want to do that? To condemn yourself? Your thoughts are not your own, they are things you were brainwashed with. Don’t believe the thoughts telling you that you are not good enough, that you are ‘bad’, or a ‘failure’. They are not who you are, they are simply thoughts. Who you are is so much bigger, full of potential. But you have to decide to believe that. To refuse to continue the self condemnation you were taught, to determine to find your own thoughts and your own beliefs. Of course when we are in a dark place of no esteem, it feels impossible. You need support. Most american colleges have free to low cost counselling. Don’t be ashamed, go and use this service, that is what it is there for. There are also many free help lines you can call, do a google for a help line for students with mental health issues, for example. We are a UK company so only have a list of UK help lines. There are really nice people waiting to talk on the other end who are happy to hear from you. But you have to make that choice to help yourself, that first step of reaching out. We hope you do. You might also want to read our article on negative thinking https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/negative-thinking.htm. We wish you courage.
I had still birth 2 months and 2 weeks ago. It was devastating and it still is. My husband is outside the country and has been even before delivery of the baby. It was our first pregnancy.
I can’t really express the state of my mind but amidst all I’m going through, I now find it difficult to concentrate while reading. To read and reflect on a Bible chapter is difficult. I read and don’t understand.
I need help pls. I have been pushing hard to come out of my pains but it seems I am not doing it well.
Elizabeth, it sounds like you are going through (very understandable) emotional shock. We think if you use the search bar to find our articles on grief and bereavement you’ll see yourself in the symptoms. And we imagine it’s been tremendously difficult to navigate alone. And it’s very wise and courageous to realise you need some kind of support. We would recommend you seek some grief counselling, or even any kind of counselling, what is important is that you find someone you feel comfortable with or think you might grow to trust. If you are in a remote area or can’t get out, you can work with a counsellor over the internet. We’d also say, go easy on yourself. 10 weeks is not really that long considering what you’ve experienced. Such things take time to process and can’t be rushed. Lower your expectations of yourself, make choices that simplify your schedule and allow time to just be, up your self care regime, recognise that you have been through a difficult experience and need time to heal. Best, HT.
All my life I’ve had no problem learning and getting things done way before deadline. This year I started medical school and for some reason I just can’t seem to focus on anything. It’s really starting to take a toll on my work. Often times I misread words, procrastinate on projects and struggle with understanding what I’m supposed to do. It’s not that I don’t like medical school, I’ve been wanting to do this since I was young and worked really hard to get in. I really don’t know what has been going on and I don’t know how to deal with it. It takes a lot of time to get things done, even when it’s done poorly. I watch lectures of 1 hour in 3-4 hours. I take whole day to read 5 chapters in my book. My brain just feels so full. For some reason I’m also tired every day since 2 years, even tho I sleep enough. I’ve never been this way and It stresses me out..
Hi Lottie, we’d suggest you get a physical exam first before jumping to conclusions. Many things can cause fatigue and fuzzy thinking, such as thyroid issues. Otherwise we’d say that just because you wanted something for a long time or when young doesn’t necessarily mean it’s right for you now.Sometimes we focus so hard on the goal we forget to take the time to notice if we’ve outgrown it. We are not saying that is the case, but worth noting. If your physical health turns out fine, most schools offer free or low cost counselling, why not go along for a few sessions and explore this further? Best, HT.
I’ve been struggling for so many years to focus on text i’m reading, it’s like i’m trying to read but someone keeps talking to me after every few sentences and so end up loosing track of what i’m reading, it could be anything from something that happened a few hours ago to 10 years ago.
i’m in medical school, this has been going on for last 7-8 years, and i really don’t know what to do, I’ve become depressed and it’s like there is no way out.
i have an high IQ but it’s like all my potential is getting wasted, i’m so sacred of not being a good doctor, it takes me so many hours to finish a single page, and considering the amount of work they give in med school everyday, it’s just impossible to get anywhere.
Hi Zarah, could be one of many things. First of all, do you WANT to be a doctor? Or does your family want you to be one, or you feel you ‘have’ to be one. If your focus is ONLY bad when you have to read school texts, good chance it’s a case of simply not liking what you are doing and your brain/soul is desperate to do something it actually likes. We say this as we actually get a similar question a lot. And it’s often young people in medical school, interestingly, often as their parents expected it. It’s also interesting you unconsciously use the phrase ‘no way out’. And we notice you only mention this issue in relation to school, and that you seem generally unhappy and anxious about having to be a doctor. The other time we see this is when people want things TOO much. And they are afraid of being a failure so sabotage. But our hunch is the first reason somehow. Best, HT
I have a problem where I can’t focus on more that one aspect of my life at one time! For example if I want to concentrate on losing weight, everything else falls to the side (hobbies, housework etc everything) or if I decide to start up my drawing and hobbies, I can only focus on that and everything else falls aside. I’m not sure if that explains it properly and if anyone else can relate or not but I find it so difficult to focus on more than one aspect at once, and sticking to it (for example losing weight or housework etc). Is this a common thing? I don’t know if its a ‘condition’ or just laziness maybe?
Hi Gemma, first of all, nothing to do with laziness. And many, if not most, people don’t focus as well as they’d like. We aren’t all cut out to multi task either. Otherwise we don’t think it sounds like a condition, but we can’t say, we don’t know you. Focus can be a matter of brain training. So working with a life coach could help. At the very least you could learn to maximise your strengths (at least you can focus at all) and learn how to build a life that works regardless, such as learning the power of delegating. Best, HT.
I used to be a focused person and always thought i was some what smart but over the past 2 years I’ve found it hard to concentrate when studying when usually im the type of girl who loves it and has always been intrigued with psychology slim trying to do level 3 child psychology and i have days im really in to it and everything is flowing and then i have weeks where i can’t focus or get to started why is this all of the sudden?
Kindest regards
Becky
Hi Becky, did anything in the article ring a bell? We can’t say as we don’t know you, and obviously we can’t diagnose someone based on a comment. It could be any number of things. Stress, a change in living circumstances, loneliness, not liking the subject as much as you expected to but trying to convince yourself you do…. if you are worried, why not book a session with a counsellor? Most schools now provide free or lost cost counselling to their registered students. Or try some journalling and see what comes up for you. Best, HT
My struggle is a lot like Vix’s, I am having a horrible time trying to work from home. In office and around coworkers at least I keep trying, but at home I can go whole days accidentally avoiding my work and I feel bad about it and bad about myself and worried about my job- and still don’t do my work. It’s almost like the wrong side of a magnet, I get close to it or pull it up, maybe even start looking at it, and very suddenly find myself doing something else (like reading comments on a counselling blog). Everything from facebook to online shopping to watering my plants… I spend whole days doing nothing but avoiding- I can’t allow myself to do things I enjoy because I have so much to do- and I don’t do it. I am on some depression meds and might be slipping into a funk, and it’s hard to describe focus issues and whether my depression is better than when I started or not, been thinking about seeing a new doctor anyways because I feel like so much of the onus is on me like I have to really prove the meds aren’t working before we can try something else, he just keeps increasing the dose every time I say it isn’t helping and it’s been so long I don’t know if I can prove if I’m doing better or worse. When I go to work meetings I pretend I am not behind, and try to make it up in the evening and even the weekends, and still it is so hard like fighting a current to get myself into the tasks, which right now are very easy I am assigned a self-paced learning module, I just have to learn a lot of important technical information, and I know it will help me be better at my job, but it is so hard to make myself focus on reading or watching the videos or whatever I am supposed to do. Sorry for the rant. Do you think this sounds more like ADHD or Anxiety or Depression or something else?
Hi Rochelle, our first question is, do you actually LIKE your job? If not, then that could easily explain all. Sometimes it just take the courage to admit we made a wrong career choice and then to get some counselling or coaching to build a bridge to a new direction. By coincidence we published a new piece on working from home and unhappiness this week, we think it will be enlightening https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/working-from-home-mental-health.htm. As for ADHD, it wouldn’t affect just your worklife, but your relationships, your finances, all sorts. It sounds more like you are doing things you don’t like, and might be a person who prefers social connection. Again, read the article. Best, HT.
I have anxiety and i CANT FOCUS MUCH ANYMORE!
I have a big brain fog and I don’t know what to do.
Anxiety occupies a lot of our brain and can make focus hard. Have you sought professional help for your anxiety? CBT is a short-term therapy proven effective by research.
I find it hard to focus while reading Ill easily get bored making me frustrated. IF I’m learning a subject in class I easily get bored & use my phone instead. I feel stressed & anxious wanting for time to fly by fast. Whatever I learn I can’t remember it only for a few minutes but then I´ll forget.
Hi Delia, we hope that the issues discussed in the article might explain some of this for you. Best, HT.
m finding it so hard to focus on my work, life, progress…its so hard to get over the things we had….she’s always on my mind….I long to stop this, its really affecting me, my personal life…I dont feel like talking to anyone. Worst part is we feel in love and she was already dating someone else. Now, we dont communicate anymore. Theres so much ahead of me to take care of but I keep missing her always and lose my ability to focus on anything..its hurting me a lot….I dont want to think of my past life
Hi there. Heartbreak sucks. It is a sort of grief. It takes time to move through and comes in waves. Go easy on yourself. When you are ready, it IS a good idea to talk about it though, with someone you trust. And it’s important to focus on you and your life now. It’s a perfect time to find a big goal you’ve neglected and throw yourself into a project that helps you remember who you are and what matters to you. Finally, if this goes on and on, there might be an element of relationship addiction going on, or people addiction, we have an article on this here https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/what-is-love-addiction.htm Best, HT
Hi mam, I am from India, a 18 year boy and i cleared my 12th classes with 91% and cleared CA foundation exam.
I dont know what am I suffering from as because i fill nothing is right with me. i sometime make story by own & trust them and make other trust it too cause i don’t know what actually happened. It might sound stupid but it happens with me, I mean I forget what actually happened with me or what i learn and I start believing my own story i dont when all of this started but its really its very painful and now i started making excuses to do work as because i think i will not remember what i did and thus it will not be meaningful for me.
i fill why any one will be with me cause i ultimately gonna forgot them, i think this cycle will go on. i dont know how to come out of it…..
pls help if you can…..!!!
Hi Ganesh, if we understand correctly, you are saying that you don’t feel at home in your skin. You are struggling to remember things, then don’t know what is real and what isn’t? What we notice the most here is that you start by stating your grades in school. We are wondering were you under parental stress to achieve these grades? Stress and parental expectations can make us feel exhausted, confused, and with a bad memory. You are a person, not an achievement. At 19, you are only at the beginning of your journey of life, of figuring out who that person will be. When we finally are independent of our families an able to make decisions for ourselves without having to live up to everyone else’s expectations we can start to figure out what we like and what we want from life. And we can recognise our own personal values, not the values of our parents. Then we can build a life based on those values that has meaning for us, personally. In summary, you sound very stressed. We suspect you are under pressure. If you feel that the pressure is too much, do you feel comfortable talking to your family about this? We feel you need to be seen for who you are, and for what you offer, not just what other people expect you to be. We suggest you try to be nicer to yourself. Imagine if you were a good friend, how would you then treat yourself? Try to let yourself not be perfect, to accept yourself even if you make mistakes. Life is not about being perfect but about growing and learning, and that requires a lot of mistake learning. If you do have access to counselling, then it is always helpful, too. Best, HT.
I suffer from anxiety and it really sucks. people has been mean to me because of my anxiety. now i can’t focus because of it i don’t feel safe i just committed suicide in my classroom without no one noticing which makes it even more depressing and now i get annoyed of all small sounds and i feel dizzy.
Hi Joel, anxiety does indeed suck. It means our brain is hijacked by wild thoughts. And your body and mind are in ‘fight flight or freeze’ mode, which is why you feel dizzy and sounds are more acute, anxiety is a very physical issue. But anxiety is not who we are. Who we actually are is someone apart from the anxiety. So we need help to learn how to manage the anxiety so it doesn’t camp out for free in our heads all the time and so we can remember who we are and the resources we have. Who have you talked to about this? Sometimes other kids or teens can’t understand anxiety simply as they haven’t gone through it, but there are many adults who totally get it. Is there an adult you trust? A school counsellor? CBT might be a good therapy to find access to, it’s a short term therapy where you don’t really talk much about your past, you just focus on getting your thinking more balanced an under control so it doesn’t lead you to spirals of anxiety and low mood. If you have nobody to talk to and are in the UK, you can talk to your GP. They can then refer you on to therapy. Also note that most western countries have several free help lines and organisations for young people and mental health. In the UK these offer free and confidential text, phone, and chat support. You can find a listing of free UK helplines here http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. Don’t feel nervous to call them the volunteers are happy to talk with you. And if you really want to hurt yourself or others you can call emergency services. Finally, it’s hard being a kid/teen/ young person. Hold on and try to take it one day at a time. When we finally get to be independent, making our own decisions, as an adult, a lot can change. Best, HT.
I have issues with focus and I get distracted easily. I am 34 and this really started off as just having too much to do and worry about, but it does not seem to wear off. I forget what I read and I often lose interest in conversations that I may be having. Those close to me keep pointing this out, and it makes me feel incapacitated and I withdraw and self-loath. The usual culprit is phone scrolling. I do not know what to do. I feel unmotivated to do anything that requires my attention for a long period and I am falling behind on my commitments because of procrastination.
Hi MS, given that this started later in life we can rule out ADHD which is present from childhood. So what we would ask is, what is stressing you out in life? Are you moving in a direction that inspires you, that means life feels full of meaning, or a direction where you feel you are doing what you are ‘supposed’ to do, to win the approval of those around you? Note that phone scrolling is generally a symptom, not the issue itself. It is a habit of distraction. But the reason we turn to distraction as we are depressed or anxious, and we are having negative thoughts and painful feelings we want to avoid. Until we deal with these core issues we will not see change, so just stopping phone scrolling would just mean you’d find another distraction. Sometimes these episodes in life happen and are a good thing as they are our mind and body screaming to us that we are not listening to ourselves. We are not living out our personal values, we are not making choices that work for us. We would highly suggest you seek the support of a counsellor or psychotherapist who could create a safe, confidential, and unbiased space for you start to get to know yourself and what you really want from life. Otherwise, there are many wonderful self help books out there about finding your values, setting boundaries, seeking purpose. Use our search bar to find our pieces on this site full of useful action tips. Best, HT.
I was a bright,energetic and happy when i was a kid,i always love adventuring,try new things and a really fast learner,and always wanted to take the lead of everything i didnt care what other people think,i just love what i do, and whenever i found a thing thats really fascinating to me i would study them in depth,try to master them,or practice them alot,But since i entered a boarding school for 3 years i’ve almost lost them all because of constant bullying,depression,i feel like i cant escape for 24/7,and the worst part is you are a roomie with ur friends that will bully you everytime and that goes on for 3 years,after i graduated from there i feel alot has change something on me has been missing,sometimes i cant focus,i lack interest in anything i have a suicidal tought sometimes.i really hate those feeling,i want to change that i tried my best,but i think thats not enough,i need help im 19 yrs old now i feel like i can be a really succesfull man but that lack of focus and depression is holding me back i feel like my time is running out. what should i do to fix it.
Jay, we are sorry to hear all this. It sounds like boarding school was horrifically traumatic for you and that you had no trusted adult to turn to to help. Which is just awful. Bullying is a form of trauma. It affects our brain, and we can be left depressed and unable to be ourselves. The fact that you sometimes have suicidal thoughts means this is serious and you need to find support. This does not make you weak or not a man, anyone who was bullied can use support, it’s a very difficult experience. And it’s a sign of courage to reach out and get some. We don’t know what country you are in. But see if there is any support you can access, if you are at college in USA/Canada/UK most offer free or low cost counselling, for example. Otherwise, here in the UK you can go talk to your GP for a free referral to therapy or if you want to pay for private therapy you are old enough to do so without parental permission if you are 18+. If you can’t access therapy yourself or pay for it, could you ask your parents to help you with the cost of therapy? We have an article here on how to talk to your parents about mental health. http://bit.ly/talktoparents.Also check to see if there are any free help lines for young people, there are many in the UK you can call, email, or use chat functions with for free. As for feeling like time is running out, a lot of young people feel that way, it’s as if becoming an adult puts this strange sense of pressure on everyone, but we are here to tell you that 19 is just the beginning of your life, and there is no rush to be anything, life is not even really about being something in particular, just about being. About experiencing, and discovering who you are. So try not to listen to those thoughts in your head making you feel pressured. Finally, know you are not alone with feeling this way after boarding school and bullying. You might want to see if you can find a forum with others who share your experience so you can realise this. As for self help tools, journalling and mindfulness might be helpful, use our search bar to find our articles on these topics. But again, we’d highly suggest you find professional support as you have depression and suicidal thinking and might even have PTSD, it can happen from bullying. Hang in there. It’s tough being a kid and teen, stuck living out the decisions of the adults around you. But now you are an adult and get to start making decisions for yourself, things slowly do change. Best, HT.
Recently it seems like I can’t focus on work, i keep rubbing the wound on my toe though its bleeding and hurt then I feel like I have no one around. My family keep stressing me with financial problems, asking for money, and I don’t even certain with my future plan.
Having negative thoughts and overthinking everyday. Is that may be signs of a mental health issue?
Being worried, guilty, feel worthless, not being good enough, maybe I should just gone?
Sometime I even think if I’m not here anymore, will they be sad? or think about me maybe
Should I get a medication? can’t trust anyone anymore, felt so lonely, want to cry sometimes but can’t
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