Are your ‘friends’ people you can be your authentic self around? If not, it’s time to learn how to find friends you actually like.
How to find friends you actually like
1. Learn what friendship truly is.
Friendship is often mistaken in our modern world for ‘not being alone’. But when we base friendships on escaping our fear of loneliness, we rush into relationships that might not really be right for us.
Social media doesn’t help. A modern malaise seems to be spending time with another person or group not because we feel comfortable and accepted or are actually enjoying ourselves. But because the people in question, or the experiences they afford us, make for good photos for our social media feeds.
Friendship is not about keeping company, it’s about keeping the right company. A friend is someone we can be our full selves around, and can trust or grow to trust. And they are people we don’t just share hobbies and habits with, but personal values. Which leads to the next point.
You might find that you have a core belief developed in childhood that you don’t deserve love, or are unlikeable as is. This would see you unconsciously sabotaging your relationships to ‘prove’ these beliefs true.
5. Learn to let go of people.
This can be a hard one for many of us, especially if we are afraid of being seen as ‘mean’ or ‘thoughtless’.
But it’s actually far kinder and honest to let go of people we aren’t actually happy around then to keep them about out of obligation.
You might find, after an honest and blame-free conversation with the person in question, they are secretly wanting to let the relationship go too. Letting go doesn’t mean you can’t leave the door open. We can change so much in life that who knows, in another decade or so you might find that you are suddenly on the same track again and end up friends once more.
Harley Therapy connects you to warm, caring, and experienced counsellors and psychotherapists in four central London locations. Not in the UK? Consider online counselling which can help you wherever you are.