7 Warning Signs You Are Suffering from Emotional Shock
Dr. Sheri Jacobson
September 23, 2022
By Andrea M. Darcy
Emotional shock hits all of us at one point or another. It’s in those moments after we live through something hard or challenging. We keep rationalising what happened, and telling ourselves to just ‘get over it’.
But we can’t snap out of feeling strange and unsettled, no matter how hard we try.
What is ’emotional shock’?
It is not actually a clinical diagnosis, but just a popular term. That said mental health professionals may use the term to help you understand your overwhelmed state after a difficult event.
And it’s not ‘bad’. Emotional shock is actually your mind and body’s normal and healthy way of processing difficult experiences. As the NHS says in their guide ‘Understanding Reactions to Traumatic Events’,
“After experiencing or witnessing a frightening or traumatic event, it is common for people to experience strong physical feelings and emotions and/or to find that they are behaving differently. This may happen straight away or for some people it may be several weeks or months later that reactions occur. These are normal and for the majority of people they start to fade and settle down within a few months.”
The problem arises if emotional shock triggers previous life trauma, anxiety we already struggled with, or if it evolves into a more serious mental health issue.
7 Signs you are suffering emotional shock
1. You feel afraid.
Something has happened that you didn’t expect, weren’t prepared for, and couldn’t prevent happening. Suddenly, life feels dangerous and unpredictable. If you are already an anxiety sufferer, you might find yourself with anxiety attacks.
photo by Mochammad Algi for Pexels
2. You can’t think straight.
You might feel as if your brain has turned to mush, or you have ‘brain fog‘.
Life might even feel unreal, as if you are disconnected and floating slightly outside of your body, watching yourself carry on doing things.
3. You are experiencing physical side effects.
When your brain decides that there is ‘danger’ around, it triggers the primal ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ response. This sends a cocktail of chemicals and hormones through your body that can manifest as things like a racing heartbeat, muscle tension, headaches, stomach upset, and random aches and pains.
4. You feel strangely exhausted.
Sleep is often affected when we experience stressful things. Insomnia is common. Although for some people stress makes them sleep more than ever, even if might be a disturbed sleep, full of dreams.
5. You are all over the place.
When the mind is struggling to make sense of a difficult situation, it doesn’t leave much headspace to deal with everything else that needs our attention.
The stress of a shock can also leave us illogic and emotional. In one moment we think, “I am bigger than this”, and we feel powerful. In the next we are lost to victim thinking, feeling sorry for ourselves and crying.
There can also be a cycle of guilt (it’s all my fault), shame (what will people think), and blame (I hate them for doing this to me).
6. You feel like (and are acting like)
photo by Jalil Saeidi for Pexels
someone else entirely.
You could suffer a bit of a temporary personality change after a shock. If you are usually social, you might just want to be alone and hide out at home. Or if you are often the sort to take time out by yourself and be practical, you might find yourself going out every night, drinking when you usually don’t. Compulsive behaviours can also be a problem.
7. Things just seem, well…. pointless.
When something happens that leaves us deeply upset, life can temporarily lose its meaning. We can have negative thoughts like, ‘Why bother, when everything is just going to go wrong?”.
When will my emotional shock stop?
Traumatic experiences will interact with your personal vulnerabilities and the any unresolved difficult experiences in your past.
This means you will have your own unique timeline for getting over shock.
If, for example, you already lost your job this year, and now have had an accident that left you injured, you might take more time to feel better than someone who just had an injury.
So some people recover from emotional shock in several hours. Others in several days, and some in several weeks. And for some, depending on what they go through, shock can even go on for six weeks or more.
Note that it is also possible to experience ‘delayed’ emotional shock. So you might think an event has not upset you, only to feel symptoms days or weeks later.
It’s months later and I STILL feel bad
Is it months after the fact, and you still are having symptoms like the above? It’s possible that you have developed acute stress disorder or even post-traumatic stress disorder. This can happen if your shocking experience triggered old, unresolved experiences, or was just simply too shocking for your particular brain to process.
It’s time to seek support if this is you.
[Read our article on “Emotional Shock vs Acute Stress Disorder vs PTSD” for more.]
But I have felt like the above my entire life
“The symptoms of emotional shock describe what I’ve been acting like for years if not my entire life. Is it possible I am living in a state of endless psychological shock?!”
Some individuals lead their life in a sort of ‘extended shock’ after traumatic childhood experiences. Or because their childhood was full of difficulties, called ‘adverse childhood experiences‘, or ACEs, in psychology.
As adults they might be constantly anxious, have sleep problems, feel unable to have close relationships, or even exhibit signs of Adult ADHD, including extreme distraction and an inability to think clearly.
This sort of ‘long-term shock’ is now starting to be be diagnosed as its own form of PTSD, called complex PTSD, or ‘c-PTSD’.
If you think this is you, do seek support. Working with a counsellor or psychotherapist can help you gently and carefully uncover your past trauma, while learning how to lessen its control over your life.
[Read more in our article, “What therapies work for trauma?“].
Be gentle with yourself
The important thing with psychological shock is to be gentle with yourself and not judge yourself. There is not a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to respond to traumatic events, and again, we all get better within our own timeline. What matters is that you allow yourself the time to heal, practice good self-care, and get support if you need it.
Ready to reach out for help? We connect you with London’s top psychologists with experience in trauma and shock counselling. Not in London or the UK? Our booking site helps you select an online therapist registered and located throughout the UK who you can talk to from anywhere.
Has this article on emotional shock and acute stress reaction been helpful to you? Do share. Have questions? Comment below, we love hearing from you.
Andrea M. Darcy is the lead writer of this site, building it from a handful of visitors to over three million a year. Trained in coaching and person-centred therapy, she herself is no stranger to living with c-PTSD.
I found this article extremely helpful. Although I cried through the whole read at least I understand what happened/is happening to me now. Thank you!
We are glad it helped! Yes, it can be very emotional to realise that you’ve actually been suffering from a sort of shock for a very long time. It can feel frustrating, too. But in another way it can be a starting point towards helping yourself move forward.
I am a mentor and life coach for people who are homeless. I read a lot on the science of emotion and found your article a helpful articulation of what happens to us when we experience stress. I like to talk to my clients in ways that help them realize their potential for learning, so I try use more than just basic explanations for those who are interested. So thanks for this not-too-esoteric explanation!
Wonderful to hear it was helpful, thank you! And the work you are doing sounds a great thing.
I am currently experiencing a disassociate episode. IS there any danger. I do not suffer from heart disease but have low blood pressure. I feel l.ike I am watching myself from outside and am having trouble with bright lights and trouble breathing. I am currently in my bed. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and have been tentantively diagnosed with a dissociative disorder.
I am sorry, I can’t find a psychiatrist right now and my family won’t be nice to me, especially any time I appear to be weak, because they think it is my fault. I am not suicidal. it just really sucks, the dissoassociatin is a painful sensation.
Disassociation, panic attacks, and emotional shock can all at times feel truly awful, as if you are going to die, but they are not known to be life threatening in and of themselves. The emotional strain and fatigue they cause can lower the immune system, causing more colds and flu, for example. But it sounds like you have had regular checks with a doctor, which is good. If you do have strange health signs it’s always good to see a doctor or to call a hotline and speak to a nurse.
Your situation sounds really challenging. It’s hard when we are struggling with emotional and mental health and others see us as ‘weak’, which really is not true. Rather it requires incredible personal strength take an interest in looking at our issues, learning more about who we are, and to admit that we are in need of support. Have you considered the help of a psychotherapist instead of a psychiatrist? They cannot prescribe drugs, true, but drugs are not always necessary for disassociation and BPD. Understanding, support, and someone who can help you make choices that see life feel safer can help immensely.
I had the shock of my life yesterday. My 10 yr old daughter went missing after school for an hour. I thought she had gone forever. I was hysterical and blacked out, and I also have concussion. I’m exhausted and tearful today. I feel like ive been hit by a truck. I dont want to talk to or see anyone. Is this a normal shock reaction?
Well thinking your daughter had gone missing would be enough to shock anyone, how horrible for you. Yes, it does sound like emotional shock. See how you feel in a few days, and if it continues you might want to see your GP. It is possible and indeed common when we have scary experiences they trigger other, unresolved past experiences and pain that can then cause a lot of emotions and issues.
Nice article. I’ve been feeling extremely underconfident in work since a long time, especially so after becoming a manager. I always struggle to be smart in dealing with people, and getting work done from people. I am the most easily deceivable person is what I feel. I was actually good at academic, and also had hobbies like theatre, photography and trekking, but I’ve lost interest in anything. I quit my job due to over load (but at times I feel some part of it could be due to my indecision and procrastination). Also my mother was ill since the last 2-3 years – kidney failure, diabetes, frequent hospitalisation s, which has been stressful too. I am very passionate about doing good work (appreciation), and a few incidents at work had shaken me completely. I struggle to think rationally and think one sidedly of problems. I ve become very negative about my abilities and this directly impacts my ability to concentrate. I have got another job, but there too I am pessimistic about the future. I found it difficult to weep when my mother passed away last month. I get a sulky feeling in my stomach and also a sharp pain in my heart when I am not able to handle work / win an argument. I always imagine being fired from work . if I choose to act in one way, I almost immediately feel bad about not choosing the other option… There’s more to it than this… Is what I feel.
I can see and understand now why my neck and shoulders tense up as they do. All due to past shocking experience experiences I’ve gone through as a child and as a young adult. I’ve been aware of the possibility of it being from those experiences. Thank you for helping me to what was going on.
Glad to be of help. Yes, tension in the body can definitely be related to past experiences! You might want to try progressive muscle relaxation, a technique that isn’t hard to do yourself, we have a piece on it at https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/release-muscle-tension.htm
It all sounds very challenging and like you are dealing with an awful lot. And like you are naturally a very sensitive person, which is always hard in a world that sadly isn’t so built for sensitive people. There is so much beauty in being a sensitive person, it makes one more understanding of others, more empathic, more generous, but unfortunately means we can be sensitive to criticism, so sensitive we even then block our feelings so we aren’t overwhelmed. And sometimes very sensitive people suffer greatly if they are not following what they truly want to do in life, but are doing what they think they should do…. It’s important to look at ways to build your self esteem and also to get to know yourself well so you can make choices that actually work for you not against you. You might find out guide to self-esteem helpful (https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/self-esteem-help-guide.htm) and also our article on how to listen to yourself (https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/how-to-listen-to-yourself.htm). And finally, do try to get out to nature even if it’s hard, it sounds like you love it and it’s proven now to be of great benefit to your psychological wellbeing…. espeically if combined with exercise like trekking.
Today I got yelled at by my boss (my first time to be reprimanded) for sending an unauthorized email. He is in the right, I see that logically, but I couldn’t focus on work, so I left.
So I’ve been sitting in bed, thinking, for the past 7+ hours, and now my head hurts.
I can be emotional at times, and do take things too personally. I’m avoiding contact with family at the moment.
It sounds like you have a strong response to being criticised, which is inevitably related to the past. If as a child you were criticised and punished, or had love withheld unless you were ‘good’ or ‘perfect’, that same fear can be triggered, leaving you having bigger than necessary reactions as an adult (which might also be why you feel to avoid your family when you are stressed) and deeply negative, anxious, and shameful thoughts if you are criticised. You might want to read about attachment theory and consider therapy. If therapy makes you nervous, you could always try a round of CBT, a shorter form of therapy that works on managing the present, and learning to manage connection between thoughts, emotions, and actions. It’s very effective, supported by research and also the form of therapy now used by the NHS here in the UK.
This explains everything I’m currently going through! Although I am managing it well, I’m so glad this is ‘normal’!
Last Saturday my sister went through a manic episode of bipolar, something we didn’t even know she had. I watched her mental health deteriorate and she became psychotic.. this scared me so much I had to ring the police for assistance for the safety of my own family. Bearing in mind my sister is 23 and I’m 24, this has been the worst and most shocking thing I’ve ever had to come to terms with! My sister is my everything we have been through everything together and I feel like I’ve lost her! I have hope she will get back to her usual self again but it doesn’t make this whole mess of a situation any easier to deal with!
I have been getting really shaky, my shoulder muscles ache and I can’t eat. My mind is constantly thinking about her and how this will effect us all. I feel so stressed yet I’m doing my best to get over this. I thought I was having anxiety attacks at first but this sounds more like what I feel and am going through.
Each day has been better, I make sure I speak to my partner and friends about my thoughts and feelings, I don’t keep myself in the house I plan to do something outside everyday and I walk everywhere and eat as much fruit as my body will allow (constantly feeling sick with every bite).
It has been only 4 days since she has been sectioned and I’m so so scared to speak to her while she’s in this manic state. I won’t give up pushing on though, I just need all the support I can get!
Hi, thanks for this wonderful article. I am surprised to see and beleive how stress works in our body. Recently I got admitted in Hosp for people prolonged stomach pain nfound to be no issues with my medical reports but pain was not subsiding completely even after giving painkillers 4 times a day. Later I was told the pain is due to my stress which creates acud in stomach and because of that getting gastetritis.
I am also experiencing shock when I hear sudden sounds even if it is of normal frequency. Day by day this is increasing now I am able to understand even this is also because of stress. I am experiencing all the above you said. Thanks for this article I will try to bring down all this to normal.
Hi, thanks for this wonderful article. I am surprised to see and beleive how stress works in our body. Recently I got admitted in Hosp for prolonged stomach pain and found to be no issues with my medical reports but pain was not subsiding completely even after giving painkillers 4 times a day. Later I was told the pain is due to my stress which creates acid in stomach and because of that getting gastetritis.
I am also experiencing shock when I hear sudden sounds even if it is of normal frequency. Day by day this is increasing now I am able to understand even this is also because of stress. I am experiencing all the above you said. Thanks for this article I will try to bring down all this to normal.
It sounds like you’ve been a lot. It’s especially scary if something like this happens to a family member as deep down we can worry we are next. But it sounds like you are very well researched on good self-care and support. Although it an be scary to see someone we love act very differently, try to remember she is still your sister, and who she truly is is bigger and beyond any behaviour or words or actions. She needs your support now. Whatever she says isn’t her, it’s the illness.
Yes it definitely sounds like you are suffering from shock or trauma. We are holistic beings, the body often shows things before we even realise where the mind or emotions are at. If you can’t attribute a trigger for any of this, or it doesn’t subside, consider if it might be an old shock – there is a theory that some people who suffer a childhood trauma can live in a sort of PTSD/ suspended shock for all of their lives, or it triggers much after the fact, in some cases years or decades later. So if dealing with the apparent source of stress doesn’t clear up your symptoms, do seek the help of a counsellor or psychotherapist who might be able to help you get to the heart of it.
My husband of more than 20 years left suddenly and without warning last year. I thought I’d cope but after a couple of months in a ‘fog’ I was advised by my GP to seek counselling. I am still working my way along my journey to understanding his behaviour, healing and finding peace. I have gone over a lot of ground and dug very deep in dealing with my pain. I am also learning that it is also he who needs the therapy but he’d never see that. Meantime I have dealt with the wounds of acute emotional shock for over a year. This article is reassuring for me to read as my counsellor often tells me I need time and to be patient. Recognising that I have been dealing with a real condition also helps me put the whole thing in a separate place so I can come to terms with it away from getting on with the reality of normal every day life. So thank you for that.
Helps reading this when going through it to realise your not alone. It’s sad and awful. Very difficult to go through. Thank you
Glad it’s helpful. It is hard to go through emotional shock, treat yourself gently.
I’m 29 already and been suffering anxiety and trauma for almost a decade now,. I was abandoned and been adopted but my adoptive parents make my situation worse,. I can’t think clearly until now and every morning I’m suffering from anxiety and it feels like I just want to hide from everyone else,. I decided to have my own family then I gave birth to my son but still the trauma and loneliness is still there it’s tormenting me,. And I’d rather keep quiet because they will just judge me or see me as a weak person,. I just always pray to God to help me of what I’m going through😭😭😭
Hi, I want to understand better my physical reaction to an event that happen to me. Last year, two days after my father’s funeral a woman came into my house and smashed up the kitchen. She was schizophrenic. I hid behind a door thinking she was going to kill me. After she had left, I remember my eyes whizzing from side to side and I had to make an effort to stop them moving. I’m OK now. But I can’t watch scary movies or anything on TV about violence. I am very careful with doors and always lock myself in the house, just in case. Can you point me to some articles to help me understand this response please? I want to understand myself better. I don’t have the symptoms of PTSD, but I do think about that incident a lot.
There is nothing weak at all for suffering after a life of difficulties. It is simply human, and it is a show of great personal strength to be able to be honest with yourself like this. But can you gather up that strength and seek some support? Nobody is made of steel. As humans things like being abandoned have real affects on our brain and its almost impossible for anyone to handle things like this alone. And while it might seem like nothing can ever change, it can be amazing how much better we can feel when we just have some unconditional, nonjudgemental support. If you are on a low budget, you might find our piece on low cost counselling helpful https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/low-cost-therapy-free-counselling-services.htm
I recently visited my sister and husband abroad and took a friend who I thought would benefit from a holiday and be company for me as well . My older sister did her usual putting me down and for the first time in my life I reacted to her . My sister bursted into tears . All three people attacked me verbally for some time and said things which I would regret if I had said them . I was proud of myself because I stood strong and did not crumble . The worst part was the betrayal of a friend who could at least have remained neutral . The putting down would never have happened if my husband had been present ( unfortunately he died eight years ago .) I do not regret protecting myself as it had to come . I must add that all my childhood my father protected me from her and later my husband . She also commented after my husband died that I had no one to protect me now ! The comment that I made to defend myself was reminding her of fathersprotection .
Writing this down has helped a lot . Thank you .
What a very traumatic experience! Did you have any form of anxiety before the incident? It does sound like you have severe anxiety. You might want to look up anxiety disorder. The incident might have ‘piggybacked’ on the trauma you were already feeling form your father’s passing, thus registering in your brain as even worse than it sounds. We would definitely suggest counselling, it can help. It might be worth looking into a therapist who also works with EDMR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, that is specifically created to help if your anxiety is based around one clear trauma.
Gosh that sounds a very challenging situation! No wonder you are feeling a bit shocked. But it does also sound cathartic and a step forward (if a difficult one). You finally stood up for yourself after years of having others speak for you. Maybe it didn’t come out perfectly, but how could it if you have never given it a go before? It is still rather momentous to finally stand your ground. Of course others will be upset. Families work on careful dynamics where everyone is supposed to play their ‘role’ and if one person dares not to then it does cause chaos. It might be hard for the friend to understand because as an outsider they won’t know the nuances or full history. The best thing to do here is to not worry what that person thinks, but to try to also see they probably had no idea what was happening. I would say that if the comment was related to your father, it might have pulled up a dynamic that is more than just between you as your sister, known as ‘triangling’, bringing in a third party. As your father is actually (even if he is no longer around) a third viewpoint present, which might have made her feel judged or raised old feelings of not being liked by her father (it does sound you were favourited?). All in all, it’s real communication which can be messy but is powerful. When things get calmer again maybe you and your sister can talk and go over things in a less heated environment – of course this might take several months to be ready for, and that’s ok, honour your own need for space.
This traumatized citizen from across the pond thanks you. I do not agree with my country’s recent actions, and have been in a situation like this since election day. Thank you for letting me know that it is normal, and that I am suffering something that is recognized – not just crazy. I feel more hopeful now.
This has helped me so much! I have experienced a horrible shock today – I know it doesn’t sound much but I was so close to a nasty car crash lucky I have no physical injuries but it really shook me up and I didn’t understand why and now after reading this it’s made me realise that it is normal to feel this way and not to be so harsh on myself! Thank you for the advice!
I was adopted at 2 weeks of age and have suffered from severe separation anxiety and depression all my life. As an adult first my sons dad suicided when my son was 8 then I watched my only son go crazy for 3 years , in an out of phsyc wards and living in constant fear of what he believed was being chased to the point of cutting his wrists and numerous other attempts until finally I found him hanging when he was 21, my 15 year marriage to his stepfather was ending at the time due to the years of related problems and I lost my husband my home of 15 years and my son who was the only relative I had and cherished though I had failed him in my inability to care for him without support and basic had run away in the last months of his life. For the next 8 years i put up with extreme verbal abuse from the alcoholic man i had let into my life as i feared being alone with no support until he then took his life last year by consuming a full bottle of home brew spirits. Finally i have peace in my life but still struggle with my emotions at times. I found this article explained very clearly the effects of trauma, thankyou.
What a very challenging series of events for anyone to have to navigate. We deeply hope you sought support as it’s really a lot to handle alone. Even without a budget there are free or low cost ways to do so in the UK, you can read our piece on this https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/low-cost-therapy-free-counselling-services.htm
So glad it helped! Did you see our other articles that relate? https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/powerlessness-when-world-events-overwhelm.htm
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/how-to-handle-anxiety-world-events.htm
Sounds scary! And yes, perfectly normal, be gentle with yourself.
I too have just two days ago experienced bumping into a small truck which suddenly slowed diwn on the motorway. Luckily there were speed restrictions of 40 mph so I wasn’t travelling very fast but I couldn’t stop in time to avoid hitting him in the back. The damage has been slight though it’s going to cist a few hundred pounds. I didn’t want to tell my children as not to upset them so only my husband knows. I’ve had to sort out the insurance etc and have felt quite awful since like losing my cool yesterday at an agm meeting when somebody said something directly to me about having taken so many holidays thus year. A sore point as I’m self employed work very hard but without a break we’d go mad with the stress.
I realise now I was still upset about the crash the evening before. I am feeling g very tired and my concentration has deserted me- in fact I nearly had a repeat of my accident the next day.
I googled emotional ‘shock’ because I suspected I might be suffering the after effects. Reading your advice has helped I guess I just need to rest and recover my confidence again.
I’ve been napping a lot after I had an anxiety attack to work this morning.
I’m going thru a divorce and guess it is normal to be in this situation.
Absolutely. Divorce is very stressful and can cause emotional upset. If you don’t start feeling better in a couple of months, due look into the signs of anxiety and depression and consider counselling. Many find it incredibly helpful when dealing with such a big life change!
It sounds very scary, glad to hear you are ok. Reading this there is the sense you are suffering a lot of stress somehow.So the accident could have triggered the stress and mild depression that was already there as well. In fact being stressed is what often causes us to have situations like this in the first place as our focus is so challenged.If you don’t feel better in six weeks, or begin to feel worse, consider talking to a counsellor. It might be that a few sessions could help you prioritise in ways you can’t see right now so there could be more time for you, or even help you make a few good decisions that could leave you feeling better about yourself and where life is heading.
Hello. Many thanks for posting your article. Reading it has been very helpful. I was told some shocking news about 3 weeks ago. I had been to a gym one morning and developed a headache in the afternoon. The next day I was referred to a hospital for a scan. I seriously expected to leave the hospital straight after with a handful of painkillers but, instead I found myself sitting down while a consultant explained to me that I’d had a stroke. I am only 51yo. I was looked after incredibly well and feel very lucky that it has left me with no physical trace but I do suspect that I am experiencing anxiety and emotional shock-like symptoms. I have tried to ‘carry-on’ and be brave but I’m feeling quite dizzy a lot of the time and feel that tears aren’t far away. The thing is, I haven’t told the majority of friends and family because I don’t want to upset them and also I don’t want to have to go over and over the experience while I’m back at home for Christmas. To be honest though, what I feel I could do with is a good hour of sitting down with a warm, friendly person so I can talk about how I’m feeling and ‘let it out’ a bit.
My mother died when I’m 15 years old it was my first emotional shock it affects me so much especially the academic level, which led to me in college I do not like it.
And two years ago I was hit by another shock impact of the the military coup in Egypt and it also affects my study .
I feel bad , guilty and ashamed of what’s happening to me and I don’t get over that
You probably need it! It sounds an awful lot for anyone to manage alone. And it sounds, too, like you have always been the strong one. If it gets unbearable, do call a hotline like the Good Samaritans. Hotlines exist for this very reason. Just being able to talk to someone impartial who is trained to be a good listener can be so healing. Also consider a support group of others who have had a health situation. It can be a relief to talk to others who know what you have gone through. And finally, don’t overlook some short-term therapy. It sounds even from your short message that asking for help and support does not come easy to you and that you are used to holding in a lot of how you think and feel. A life changing experience like this can trigger many unresolved emotions. Counselling can mean they are dealt with now and is a better route than realising years later that you are still struggling. Sometimes these experiences can be wake up calls that we need to reach out and finally make time for ourselves. Wishing you strength.
Losing a mother is incredibly hard, and that is a young age, and living in a country that feels dangerous would just make any feeling you can’t trust the world anymore worse. It sounds like you are still in the mourning process, which makes thinking clearly incredibly hard. It’s an awful lot to handle alone. Is there anyone you can talk to? Really talk to without feeling judged? Is there any counsellors or school?
Thank you very much for taking the time to write replies! It means a lot to people in my situation. All the best, Phil
I finally feel understood after reading this. I’ve felt everything described in this article for the past two years now, but spent the entire two years blaming myself. It has damaged relationships and I quit college because I just couldn’t keep up mentally. I’ve been seeing a therapist this whole time, but she has never been able to help me with this particular struggle, although, neither of us actually knew what I was going through. In 4 days I am about to leave home for 3 months and attend a missionary school and go out of the country on a missions trip for 2 months as well. My peers have told me that this sounds like a good idea (and I’m excited about this opportunity), but is it healthy for me? Should I stay home and look for a therapy/therapist that can help me?
Oh my goodness! It had occurred to me that I may have been suffering from shock/trauma the whole of my life. The second to last of eight children, I was shy and easily embarrassed. I cried easily too. Ridicule was a common means of tormenting one another as kids. Mum was always busy with housework, cooking, etc. Dad worked long hours and didn’t make time for us kids much. I felt loved however even though affection was limited to a ‘good night’ kiss. School was something I remember being excited about – until I got there. All of my school years were emotionally crippling, being made to feel inadequate in various ways. I found it difficult to make friends, was forever anxious my ‘friends’ wouldn’t like me anymore, dreaded being singled out by the teacher, etc, etc. I didn’t have any boyfriends at school as I was overwhelmed with embarrassment at the first sign of any interest. On leaving school and moving into the realms of work, I found my life was similar to that at school! I was lonely, felt unattractive (though I realise now I was actually quite beautiful) and started feeling depressed and dissatisfied with life. My first boyfriend (my older sister’s ex!lol) was the first male to show any interest in me. He wanted a sexual relationship tho I didn’t. I felt like I had to ‘give in’ to be acceptable. We married the day after my 17th birthday, four months pregnant. He was 21. After 3+ years of emotional and physical abuse, being repeatedly told I was so boring and unsophisticated, that I had trapped him into marrying me and thus ruined his life, I one day decided to divorce him. Then the trial of getting somewhere else for me and my three little girls to live, desperately trying to avoid causing my Mum any stress (an impossible task) and having to accept the proffered family ‘helps’. I finally met someone else. He seemed nice plus was an absolute genius at anything! We married after just five and a half WEEKS. We went on to have three more children. Then I found out after 11 years that he was a paedophile. Anyway, I then went completely downhill. Got involved with hard drugs and ended up in prison. Two years later I was released. I was drug free and for the first time in my life was a ‘normal’ size (8st 12lbs) instead of stick thin. It’s now 11 years since and I’m currently divorcing my third husband (another emotional wreck who stresses me out completely). I’m glad to have thought about the stress factor of my life and to have come across this article. Maybe, at 53 years old, there’s still hope for me. I’ve just been to see my Dr and mentioned the stresses of my life along with asking for counselling. He was most obliging. So many thanks for the above article. I feel better already!
That’s the way I feel after a rejection, even slight ones. The way I deal with it is to avoid any time that it might happen again, such as someone that has, over and over, let me down selfishly and without caring about it.
Finding out about ASR means that I know my feelings are real and it’s okay to stand my ground.
I liked the article. it gives insight of what i might be going currently. my uncle died 15 days before and I could not cry or if I would cry it would be just me not anyone else. since then the right side of my lower back is in pain. the pain was ok. I took some med’s for myself from pharmacy until this past week, i started having this severe right side spinal pain. I haven’t experienced this kind of pain before i have my exams too i wonder how to cope with this pain its getting extreme day by day. Any suggestions?
This site is so helpful…thank you!
I suffered an emotional blow that immediately tensed/clenched my lower back, kidney region. The left side has since relaxed, but the right side grew progressively worse and remains soar after 2 weeks. All will be well soon; however, I am waiting for the pain to go away?
You might want to try progressive muscle relaxation, you can see our article that explains how to do it – https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/release-muscle-tension.htm. Or go to our main site and under ‘guides’ you’ll find our guide to mindfulness, with easy how to steps so you can start immediately!
A pleasure. We are committed to mental health outreach so we do our best!
It really sounds like your life is moving in a direction you yourself are not comfortable with. Is this what YOU want? Or is this what those around you want, your family, friends? When we follow paths in life that are more to impress others it can cause extreme anxiety that looks like emotional shock. And if you also suffered something that caused you an emotional shock, then you might find you feel very unstable. But on the other hand, leaving home can be a powerful time where you get to discover yourself and learn your own personal power. It might be just the thing you need, a chance to at least be independent, even if in an environment that is strict and/or controlling like a missionary school. We are sending you this response after you will have left. So here’s the thing to keep in mind – although it might seem like your fate is sealed, this is not a life or death situation. You are not trapped. If you do not like the experience, you can leave. But give it a chance, see if the change of environment helps you to feel more grounded again. As for your therapist not being able to help and not knowing what you are going through, oh dear, that is worrisome. Who chose this therapist for you? Is it really a good match? Do you trust them? If you don’t feel comfortable or trust a therapist, or it’s someone you’ve been sent to see by, say, parents, or a ‘church counsellor’ you can’t trust, it’s unlikely to be beneficial. It would be much better to speak to someone you truly feel comfortable around.To hear you have dropped out of school, that’s quite a big thing to have happened, so it does seem you are dealing with big issues. See how the change of environment helps and then, if you can, try to find a counsellor that works for you, not someone chosen by others.
What a wonderful thing to hear, that you have reached out and are going to be receiving counselling. It’s courageous to ask, and now you are on a journey forward. Your life has been riddled with trauma. Reading your story (shortened for privacy) it seems there is a pattern of choosing abusive relationships and rushing towards any available affection. You say that you feel you’ve lived your life in shock. Sometimes, when very hard experiences happen to us as children, we do indeed then live our entire lives in shock, entirely lose any sense of self-esteem, and then repeatedly choose abusive relationships as if still trying to punish ourselves for things that weren’t our fault. You also mention a mother you worry about and spend great energy trying not to ‘stress’. Which is not your responsibility, you have your own needs to take care of. All of these things and more can be things you slowly unravel and understand with a therapist. You’ve been through enough for two lifetimes, but here you are, still standing. 53 is not old. It’s a great time of life, with the kids old enough to take care of themselves, to finally make time for yourself. Who knows what new strengths and joy you might now be able to discover, but we are sure you will surprise yourself. We wish you courage!
I just lost my house to a fire today and I have been showing all the signs here. I can’t sleep at all, and what’s worse is that I’m in High School and I cannot sleep no matter how hard I try, I’m still seeing my house burning and remembering freaking out. I need to sleep so badly.
I have been involved in an accident on a dual carriageway, about 50 miles per hour, the car went in to the central reservation colliding to the rails. Police came to the scene and asked series of questions about the accident. Now reading these statements they are somewhat not true. I can’t remember anything about it. Is that shock and trauma that resulted in memory loss? And saying stuff after the accident that didn’t even occur? There were no serious injuries got out the car.
Yes, emotional shock can definitely cause all of this! Memory loss, saying stuff that you are not sure now is true or not. We are glad you are ok!
What is ASR? And regarding being very sensitive to rejection, that is something that can happen if you are a very sensitive person. It can also be a sign of borderline personality disorder – a horrible name really, as the actual disorder has nothing at all to do with having a ‘borderline personality’. It just means you don’t have the emotional ‘skin’ others seem to but are more sensitive than most, especially to rejection and abandonment.
Gosh sounds painful! If the pain is very severe it is a good idea to go to the doctor just to rule out any physical problem. Otherwise, it is true that emotional pain can trigger physical pain. And mourning is an intense process that can take time to work through. It might be that losing your uncle combined with the stress of exams has caused your muscles to be tense. There is an easy guide to a technique therapists use with clients to release tension here, it’s called “Progressive Muscle Relaxation” – https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/release-muscle-tension.htm
Mindfulness is also wonderful for relaxing, and we have written a very thorough how-to guide here
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/mindfulness-help-guide.htm
Hope it all helps!
That is very traumatic! It’s not surprising you can’t sleep. Having a house burn would leave you feeling like life is very unreliable and dangerous, and that would disrupt your ability to relax. Do you have friends and family taking care of you? If your sleep still is bad after a week or so, you might want to consider seeing a doctor. In the case of severe shock or trauma a few weeks worth of sleeping pills is often prescribed so you can get back on your feet again. There are also natural alternatives that you can find at your local health food store. Be wary of turning to things like alcohol, which can make sadness or panic worse.
I found your article helpful although am still trying to make sense of what happened. I am healing from a bleed on the brain. I was taken to the GP Assessment Centre clearly unwell…on oxygen and wretching and feeling dizzy and light headed. On arrival my eyes suddenly started seeing double vision but I did not recognise it as double vision. I thought they had brought me to a place were people were cloned as twins…everyone I saw were as sets of twins and there was a lot of them. I got more and more freaked out by this….I dont like it here , I want to go home , you said you were taking me to hospital and this is not a hospital, is this a place were you have to be a twin to work here or is it a bring your twin to work day blah blah….they called me through very quickly and that heightened my anxieties even further as there was such a queue and they were taking me qright through. It was explained that the thing that was wrong with me was worse than what was wrong with other people and thats why I was being called through…there was nearly a riot numerous comments made etc about me being wheeled straight through. to fast forward the story the nurse to calm me down emptied the room of ‘twins’ and told me that the reason I was seeing twins was that I had double vision and on checking my eyes both were straight but my right eye was shaking and that is what was causing the problem as this was related to the bleed. Treated great in hospital all went well and I went home. My initial reaction to this event was to make jokes and make everyone laugh at my behaviours etc and evryone laughed with me. However this week I find that I am crying numerous times a day and feeling terrified of the events of that time and I feel scared and I dont know how to stop being scared and I cant talk about this without crying and it all feels like a mess, This bleed happened at the begining of jan and then another bleed about 5 days later. I do recognise it is early days and am making progress albeit it small steps its still progress and \I feel like every time I make another bit of progress the flash backs return and the crying starts again. I just want to know when will this level out and I can feel normal and not scared of progress and be able to leave that night behind.
Extremely a help.
Bless you for putting this up.
My shock came after a house fire where I lost everything, I was alone, family was on the other coast. . (It happened 10 years ago so I can clearly see how off this state of being was. It seemed to last 9 months! I understand house fire shock and loosing someone shock is a different feeling.
I had no idea I was in shock,… other had to tell me
My symptoms…..(It seems like you are missing key things in this article……)
1. I didn’t know how to feel… would start laughing then crying, then laughing again…and I didn’t know what I should be crying about or laughing about.
2. I was drawn strangely into the present moment, no longer in the past or future….Everything I did or thought was about now, now, now! I was oddly comforted by being in the present moment, just fear when I had to decide something.
3. I could not make one decision. Yes, I could not think straight but it was more than that, I often had to repeatedly ask others I knew. “Is this a good home?,,,Is this a good person?….Should I buy this? Should I go here?…
4, The only fear I had was from fear of making wrong decision. Terror/ anxiety, would come over decisions,… what if I make the wrong decision?..(that was a huge fear). Someone told me just decide something. That was no help for I couldn’t tell what was good or bad for me as a person.
5. I felt like I was in a tunnel. Disconnected from body. “Not like i was someone else” just completely detached. Also when people would talk it felt like they were far away from me. I did want closeness but not pity. The pity people I did push away, but I would still do that now, as those people are draining not helpful.
I also could not hear anyone, and their stories of loss, people would say that stuff to try to relate to me but the only people I felt really safe around were the honest ones that would say “I don’t know what to say…” The ones that treated me normal and did not try to take pity or sympathy. That drive me nuts.
Even a therapist tried to do that, I kept thinking shut up and talk about what I need t do to more forward, stop trying to sympathize.
I say this with a good heart for they meant well, but the worst was those that try to tell you their stories and sympathize. I needed decision help, and to be treated normal at that time.
I been shaking like my insides are quivering and my hands are shaking . My thoughts are out of order when they come out of my mouth and I and stuttering when I speak.
My oldest daughter was arrested and it hurts no matter how old your kids are when they stumble.
I feel like this article helped me to understand my being was rocked of course a bit.
To Haley Brown , I am just putting up a post about my house fire,… and after reading your post …I had forgot to add my fire related anxiety sleep problems. I had to get something prescribed to help me sleep. Not because I was dreaming about it, but I had general anxiety develop when i would think about any actions…or trying to make an action about the future. You have your family, I had a cat. 🙂 I found nature helped and I tried to listen to guided meditations on youtube to relax me to sleep. It did help.
I got into a fight at school with my ex and it wasn’t a normal fight it was physical and horrible , At the time we had still had feelings for one another so that this happen just makes me hate her. I believe i’m suffering from this because i cant think i haven’t been myself and i can’t think straight , I didn’t even really remember what happened until i saw a video of the fight , I don’t know what i should do
It sounds really traumatic. Is there a counsellor at school you could talk to?
It can be very hard to watch your children find their way forward in life into adulthood in ways that sometimes can be shocking and scary. It sounds like you have enough perspective to understand that her stumbles are beyond your control, no matter how hard it is on you. Try not to forget yourself in your worry about your children. Like the way a parent must put the oxygen mask on first in a plane, sometimes we have to take care of ourselves first to help others. Be gentle on yourself and honour your own emotions and do remember to take time to take care of yourself, whatever that looks like for you.
This is really useful, thank you for sharing, I am sure it will help others to read.
It all sounds quite traumatic and scary. And that means you just need to give yourself time. These kinds of experiences trigger any hidden fears we have about life and death and existence, so it’s normal that you’d feel really upset and have flashbacks.It would be more worrisome if you didn’t actually! These things do eventually level out, but the more you focus on when, the more you build the anxiety and feel worse instead of better. Try to focus on each day as it comes. If it feels too overwhelming, try to find support. It can be helpful to find forums online where other people share similar experiences, and if you feel really unable to bear things there are hotlines with trained listeners on the other end like the Good Samaritans here in the UK. Don’t be afraid to use such hotlines – they are there for times like this. And if you feel this is all combining to trigger anxiety and fear from any other ‘unsafe’ experiences in the past, do consider seeking counselling. Sometimes an emotional shock does this, stirs up old experiences, and we can need support to process things.
As the article covered, unfortunately I am one that is currently experiencing significant emotional shock that brings back to the surface emotional trauma and pain that I experienced years ago, and pain that I had also emotionally buried years ago. Maybe many of us are experiencing this cycle more often than we might consider.
When I read your article I realised for the first time that I had all the symptoms described.
I have suffered all of this for as long as I can remember. Racing heartbeat, panic, stomach pains, feeling like I am in another world will everyone else is living their life. It has been very helpful.
Thank you for this article . This has made more sense of how I have been feeling and how I have reacted in certain situations …. and why I have felt this way over and over and each time thinking I’ve dealt with it and moved on only to be back there a few years Down the line ….. I was abused as a young child firstly by a total stranger then a family member who was baby sitting … I don’t want to go into details but I have taken those traumatic experiences into my adult life unknowingly and I have had a couple of major breakdowns after a relationship split up and just recently being subjected a manager abusing her power in the workplace and making me a scapegoat for something that was her own responsibility she continued to use her position to make my work life as difficult as possible and isolated me from work colleagues which put me under considerable strain this affected all my relationships with family friends my partner and within a year I became unrecognisable as the person I was before this event … I have experienced a big impact on my physical health which has made me unable to work and I’m now in danger of losing my much loved job as a home career …. I am currently attending counselling with a dynamic counsellor and this is helping with my reactive depression …. but this article really clarified exactly and simply how I have felt and it has gave me the strength to understand myself … I’m sure this will be beneficial in my healing journey THANK YOU X
Yes, emotional shock can trigger other, older traumas. If over six weeks passes and you continue to feel in shock, and it feels that what has been triggered is now unmanageable, do consider reaching out for support. Sometimes, with childhood trauma like abuse, it’s actually more along the lines of a long-term post-traumatic shock disorder (PTSD) that feels more intense when other shocks happen.
If you’ve always felt this way, and you can’t put your finger on what triggered it, it’s worth seeking someone to talk to. That sort of sustained emotional shock is a sort of long-term PTSD which can be the result of childhood trauma such as abuse. It can be helped considerably with therapy.
I found my neighbor in a coma and with blood coming out his mouth. He died the next day. But I can’t get the picture out of my head, my head feels numb. Think I’m in shock. How long will this last?
That is certainly a difficult experience for anyone, and yes, it would be normal to be in shock. It could last for several weeks. If it lasts for more than 6 weeks, then do seek support. Sometimes experiences that are traumatic can trigger other experiences we have had. In this case it could however just be the shock of someone passing on in a tragic way. Do talk to trusted friends, and you might want to try some journalling. Experiences like this can trigger our own sense of mortality and getting out such fears onto paper can be helpful. We hope you feel better soon.
I had a terrible experience of caffeine overdose on the 31st of August last year and ever since i have been traumatised about the event. Anytime i think of it or see something related to the way i was that night i panic, feel confused, severe anxiety and high blood pressure, because i actually felt close to death that night. I am seeking for a way to overcome this trauma because it has lingered for too long.
If you are still feeling panicky about that situation now, six months later, it would be a very good idea to speak to someone about it. Emotional shock lasts several weeks, so in this case it sounds possible that other, older experiences of feeling ‘the world is a dangerous place’ have been triggered, and that you are suffering from anxiety. Anxiety responds well to counselling and therapy, and it’s best to seek support now before it spirals into depression or an anxiety disorder.
We are honoured to be of help. And good for you for working with a therapist, that is wonderful to hear. It can feel like a huge unravelling, to begin therapy, but bit by bit with the unravelling of old experiences we find ourselves. And it sounds like your life was pushing you further and further to seek support… and you listened, and now you are working to help yourself we are sure things will slowly but surely start to make sense. Childhood abuse can cause what really is closer to PTSD than emotional shock (similar symptoms but PTSD is long term) where you live your entire life feeling numb, anxious, floating outside of yousrelf, tired for no reason, and jumpy. Therapy can and does help. We wish you well on your journey.
I go into shutdowns over the slightest of rejections, showing most of the signs outlined above. They are happening many years after abusive relationships. Am I more likely to have PTSD or Acute Stress Reaction?
I read your description of mental shock, and it fitted how I feel after some stressors happen. Reading further, I found that I’m much more like PTSD, with some of my shutdowns lasting months. Your page did, however make a good bridge to PTSD. I’m about to see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis and to find treatment.
With Prince Harry so bravely taking the lead in mental health by talking about his PTSD as a result of his mother dying twenty years ago led me to wonder if I have PTSD.Twenty years ago I found out that my husband had been co- habiting with a woman for four years as well as living with me.I also have experienced the death by car accident of my sister,the near death of one of my children,experienced two dangerous revolutions with my children whilst living in developing countries and as a child I was continuely hit by my father.About twelve years ago I developed facial pain which has not responded to any medications and investigations reveal nothing.I have for a long time suspected that my aforementioned traumas may be playing a part.I have never had any therapy.Thank you!
Thanks for sharing with such honesty. It certainly sounds like you’ve had your share of challenges in life. And it’s not surprising you’d have signs of PTSD. Things like abuse in childhood can leave you with long-term PTSD-like symptoms, as if you live your whole life in a sort of shock. And finding out your husband had another secret life would have also been a terrible shock. And yes, some forms of psychotherapeutic thought would see things as holistic, meaning the physical body can experience inexplicable symptoms due to psychological duress (you might find another one of our articles that addresses this interesting, https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/medically-unexplained-symptoms-counselling.htm). Is there something holding you back from trying therapy? These issues are things therapy can help with, and if you’ve had the courage to navigate all that, we are sure you have the courage to give therapy a go! If price is an issue, then see our piece on low cost counselling in the UK https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/low-cost-therapy-free-counselling-services.htm.
It’s hard to say based just on this information. Borderline personality disorder could even be an option. But we’d suggest you are asking the wrong question here. Looking for a label doesn’t help as much as seeking support to see what is behind the behaviour that is causing you so much problems. The perfect label or diagnosis can’t, after all, change anything. Only gathering up all your courage to seek help can. We hope you do, as these things can improve with the right support.
We are really glad to hear you are reaching out for support! We are not sure what country you are in, but we would just suggest here that PTSD can respond well to therapy and other treatments, and doesn’t always need medication. In some countries psychiatrists only offer medication without any other form of help, which can be a short-term option, but long term does not cause lasting change. So do consider other options, even if that is medication alongside therapy. We with you well with your journey forward.
My son at age 30 ask for help after living with his dad for many years. He seems dazzle and street he says Zones Out at night he called out for his father and he told me he gave up working with his dad and has a fight.Reading this article helped understand my son. Even if we suffer pain in the heart it’s shows on our actions. His father says he needs mental help put him in the hospital, my son been with me for a week and all I see is slower speaking and zones out . I’ll call out his name and he will react What im sorry , but he does feels different. Thankyou so much if I feel he not getting better we will seek more help. Love mother.
We are so glad you found it helpful. He does sound like he is suffering, was there a shock that you think triggered it? Otherwise it could also be depression. In either case good to seek some support. If budget is a worry see our piece on finding lower cost options https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/low-cost-therapy-free-counselling-services.htm
Its good to see some literature on this subject that makes sense. I suffer from this in an extreme way. I was in a very violent relationship for 10 years, and was isolated for many years of that, trying to bring up small children. After finally getting away two years ago i am still suffering from ptsd and this. My symptoms can be really physical, feeling like I have sprained my ankle, chronic back pain, lock jaw. For a while even thought the side of my face had dropped as it does in a stroke. Along with the insomnia, heart palpitations. I have lived with this for such a long time and doesn’t seem to be getting any better even though I have had counselling specific to the abuse I received. I find now, my body can be stressed even when I dont realise it myself- its almost as if my brain is not aware anymore. Obviously I am going to access therapy again, I just hope that this condition does not have any dangerous health implications.
That sounds really truly traumatic. It’s no surprise you have PTSD. It’s sad to hear the counselling didn’t help. Was it just for a few weeks? Or months? Did you feel comfortable and like you could trust the therapist? Another idea is EMDR which some psychotherapists use with clients, or CBT therapy (cognitive behavioural therapy) which has been proven by research to help with PTSD.
Harley Therapy, your article is informative and encouraging at the same time. I have been participating in DBT for almost three years through an online psychoeducational course called DBT Path moderated by Debbie and Kathryn. There are no DBT classes in my area even though I live in a major metropolitan area. I found the class through a blog search.
Our class has international students as well as celebrities who are anonymous. The class content addresses several diagnoses. I choose to keep my diagnosis private. I am 68+ years old and have completely re-wired and saved my life through ongoing talk therapy and staying engaged and committed to DBT Path. I immediately recognized that the DBT skills were exactly what I needed. I work hard on a daily basis, even after almost three years. Dedication to self and daily practice are absolutely essential for healing to begin. If, after you investigate my recommendations, you think allowing me to refer your readers to this life-changing source, then please post this comment.
I found your site by searching “why do accidents happen when we are emotional?”.
Thanks for sharing Carol. And interesting to see how you found the piece! We highly recommend DBT for borderline personality disorder and similar issues, as well as schema therapy. Emotional shock, however, that this article refers to, is often to do with a recent trauma. In such cases something like CBT might be more appropriate. If the shock goes on for longer, and is more like long-term PTSD from a trauma as a child in particular abuse, then DBT is a great option.
Hi guys, about a year I was hit hard emotionally with some ongoing issues with family. It was series of things that happened over the course of 2 years. Afterwards I got many symptoms of the article mentions but …
my body “physically” became abnormally sensitive and I don’t understand why. (Conflict, caffeine, sugar, lights, chemicals, perfumes, soaps)
All these things literally effect me physically. This is not like me at all. Even trying to concentrate or remember too much can put a strain on my mind and even body.
Another thing is my head has had all this tension/pressure, (esp around the temple area) with nasty brain fog. Its way way worse when I eat sugar, even any kind of fruit. I literally can not do it. My blood work is normal. I don’t get it. Any insight here? (I’m not sure how I can properly take care of my body at this point)
What’s odd is before this happened I was normally mentally tough and fairly resilient. I didn’t stay down long.
Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
thank you for some very interesting comments,i have been treated over the last 5 months for long term stress with EMDR,I found it to be helpful.
One day some 4 weeks ago about 3 weeks after my last treatment i felt a twitching in my calf muscle then a burning sensation in my arms then over a matter of days i started to feel stabbing pains in my muscles as well now this has been affecting my whole body it has made me feel unwell and now weakness in my legs.Do you think these symptoms could be caused by EMDR treatment or an ongoing struggle with stress
MJP
Without being a medical doctor hard to say – definitely would be worth going for a physical checkup with a doctor. Stress can indeed cause unexplained medical symptoms (see our article https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/medically-unexplained-symptoms-counselling.htm), but make sure it isn’t an actual other medical condition that just by coincidence is happening first.
It’s interesting that you seem proud of being ‘mentally tough and resilient’. The question being, was there any previous trauma in your childhood that left you needing to be tough? If so, the recent upsets might have triggered other long buried stuff that is now manifesting as physical symptoms. The body can be trying to get your attention (there is a school of psychotherpy that focuses on this, ‘body psychotherapy’, if you are interestd) as all these symptoms seem like long-term PTSD, which can stem from traumatic childhood experiences. Of course we are only getting so little detail here we’d also highly suggest you see your medical doctor to rule out any physical condition.
My partner is a sex addict and I discovered this recently (1 month ago) and I saw ALL the chat msgs dating back a few years. Pictures, conversation of sexual acts and the thanks after each sexual encounter. I know it was addiction and there was past trauma. But as understanding as I say I am, I still feel hurt daily and at the slightest anger from my partner I start to spiral out of control emotionally. I start to cry and want to hurt myself. I’ve got weekly counselling but o think this open communication is causing me more hurt and flashbacks of the msgs haunts me. I’m hoping to get stronger to cope with this and then see if this relationship can get salvaged. I am still in love but need more time to figure this out. Sadly my work is impacted and personally I feel drained. Not sure if I’m asking for advice but I know writing this makes me feel better.
Thank you for sharing, Dee. Gosh, that sounds a LOT to go through, and would definitely be a shock. It’s only been a month, which is not very much time at all. It’s the kind of thing that can leave someone feeling like they are mourning, with all the emotional highs and lows that brings. Try to be very gentle with yourself. Focus on self care. It’s great that you are seeking counselling, which is great self care. As you said, you need more time. You might also need space, and if that’s so, and you can find a way to take it, even just a few weeks living separately, listen to you own needs here.
Thank you so much for this article – I’ve found it really comforting to see my symptoms described in this way. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for my whole adult life and in recent years have finally managed to come off all medication, finish all therapy sessions and by all respects seemed to be coping with the challenges of daily life fairly well. However, I work right by the site of the recent terror attack in London and have really struggled to get through the days since news of it broke. It’s brought back the darkness that used to consume me, I feel jet lagged with exhaustion no matter how much sleep and overwhelmed with feelings of fear and guilt. I’m knotted up with anxiety and so devastated that my tiny safe corner of this city has been horribly violated. I’m also finding it hard to be around others at work who seem to be behaving as if nothing has happened. I guess we all handle stress differently and I just need time to process what’s happened on my doorstop and build my feelings of security back up. Thank you again – I was worrying that I was retreating into my former depression so this has encouraged me that it’s (hopefully) a short term thing.
Hi,
I am suffering on light headed problem from past few months. When I hear some kind of shocking sound or shocking voice modulation I am getting light headed for some minutes and then it go away automatically. And sometimes when I watch some action movies when I listen the back ground music’s I am getting lots of goosebumps. What could be the reason . And I have noticed one thing that I am getting dehydrated when I woke from bed…What could be the causes. I feel very weak.
It would definitely be a good idea to go see a medical doctor and get a thorough check up before thinking of psychological reasons. We aren’t medical doctors so couldn’t make that diagnosis for you.
It’s inspiring to hear about all your hard work on yourself! Regarding what you are going through now, yes, if we have traumatic experiences in the past, they can create core beliefs around safety as well as neurological patterns around trauma, meaning we can be triggered more easily than others! And certainly such events are a huge trigger for sensitive people. But yes, it is highly possible it will pass after several weeks. Be gentle with yourself and try not to compare yourself to others who simply have different life experiences they are pulling from and different core beliefs. And remember that the very sensitivity that has you so overwhelmed is also what probably makes you so compassionate, open-minded, and kind to others. You might also want to read our articles on dealing with stress post terrorism https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/effects-of-terrorism-on-society.htm https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/psychological-effects-of-terrorism.htm
I have recently lost my 19 year old cat. She was my soulmate, and this is really hard for me. I worked in an outpatient psychiatric rehab center. My supervisor is the director of the program. Dumb me, I opened up to her what happened, how sad I was. She acted like she genuinely cared. Called me on my days off, leaving caring messages. She told me not to worry, if I needed a day or two to grieve, that my job woukd never be in jeopardy. Actually I received a promotion and an award for best employee. This past Thursday, I had a knock on my office door, it eas a bastard of a man from human resources, telling me I was not a good fit, and he eoukdnt elaborate anything, he wouldnt even tell me if my supervisor knows about it. He escorted me to my office, I had to give him my keys, badge, too. I had to clear out my desk, take pictures off of my wall, too. He told me that he didnt have to answer any of my questions. In shock. I got home tried to call my boss, as I felt even though she was my suoervisor, she genuinely cared, understood ehat grief I was going through. I thought she really cared. I called her eork number, went to her voicemail, so I tried her home number that she always called me from. I was on call block. I tried her work number again, and of course I was crying, and left message on her voicemail, that I was devestated beyond words and felt betrayed. About 30 minutes later local police came to my house to do a “wefare check” on me. I could not believe this. The cops knew I was just saddened and traumatized by this. They knew I wasnt suicidal or anything like that, and left. So know I really feel hurt, as not only I lost my fur baby ,this person, whom I thought genuinely cared had me fired and called police for welfare cgeck. This is absolutely devestating, hurtful,makes me feel like a fool, not to say I will never ever trust anyone again. I always did have trust issues with others, but I let my guard down to this woman and got backstabbed beyond words. Hiw unethical, and I want to report her to the Florida licensing board. She is a LMFT..family therapist. What damage that person did to me…is beyond my comprehension. Any suggestions? Thank you
I recently suffered a tragic loss my 4yr old grandson shot himself in the face with a gun his father forgot to put away my emotions are all over the place I can’t eat can’t sleep my heart keeps going into svt I’m angry and anxious and can’t seem to process that he’s gone I’m numb and scared and alone trying to help my daughter through this tragedy and everyone else that I’m slowly losing grip I’m afraid it’s shock setting in
What a horrible and unspeakable tragedy, we are so sorry. Yes, you would be in shock. It also sounds like other people are expecting you to be strong and you don’t have anyone supporting you. It would be a very good idea to try to seek some sort of external support if so. If you have no budget, and the system of the country you are in can’t offer any assistance, see if there is a support group in your area for those who have lost loved ones or children. Or try calling family charities, they often provide support for families in crisis and put you in touch with free counsellors.
The death of my Mom, last week, and how I’m feeling or not feeling has made her death harder. After reading this article, I understand my lack of feeling for my Mom’s death. I’m in emotional shock because she died so suddenly! Thank you for saving my sanity and my life!!
The symptoms you listed are exactly how I feel. An 18 wheeler (semi) plucked out in front of me the end of may. I was going around 55-mph. It totaled my van but miracleusly I took only 21 stitches to my hand and a injured shoulder. I’ve been telling people I feel foggy and disconnected for weeks. My wife just wants me to “go back to work”. I feel like a human ATM only there for cash…think I should seek outside help?
I think i’ve been experiencing this a long time alongside PTSD from a traumatic childhood experience.
I believe i’m currently dealing with a huge acute stress reaction or emotional/psychological shock. A friend of mine called me and another friend to the scene of his bike accident… and the whole experience of seeing him when I stepped out of the car, to when the ambulance finally got there has had a huge effect on my emotional state. I’ve never reacted this badly before… but every so often I feel fine and then i’m in tears questioning everything.
I wonder if I need to go see a therapist to talk about what I saw at the accident and all the events that unfolded during the wait for the ambulance etc… I found this thread after searching for answers because I didn’t know what to do 🙁
That sounds really scary, and it would be only normal you’d be in shock. Any sort of accident, especially if we feel the breath of mortality, tends to cause shock, and May is not that long ago! When we feel how fragile life is, we need a moment to recalibrate and also appreciate it. This is contrasted by a real sense that you don’t feel appreciated, supported or understood by those around you. Outside support would definitely be helpful. It can be a great relief to be able to let ourselves be vulnerable about an experience without having to live up to the expectations of those who love us but have us playing roles. And it sounds like already existing stress in your relationship has been made worse by the accident. Therapy or a few sessions with a counsellor might serve the dual purpose of helping with that, too!
That sounds tremendously hard. And losing a pet, especially if you live alone and they were your companion, is very hard. We would suggest you look into labour laws, or call a charity that deals with people who lose their job unfairly. And definitely consider having a chat with a counsellor or therapist, it sounds like you are dealing with an awful lot on your own and could use some support, especially as this, as you reference, has triggered old trust issues. We hope things get better for you.
Yes, absolutely. we certainly do not all respond to losing a loved one, and we definitely experience shock. It’s not unusual to feel nothing at all for some time when mourning, only to feel something at the strangest moment down the line. Give yourself time and lots of space and try not to compare yourself to the ways others are mourning around you. We are sorry to hear of your loss, and we hope this helps.
Hi Harley, this has happened to me and have been dealing with it for three years. Fairly excruciating and all consuming, literally. My father (whom I loved very much) did not go to my wedding due to a lie my sister fabricated (she too did not go). There was a highly, highly traumatic confrontation. This all transpired within days before my wedding, exponentially exacerbating the trauma having it tied into the most important time of my life. I can usually navigate emotional issues well, however someone then told me my father was saying that I told him not to come to my wedding (irrefutably false). This final ultimate act of emotional abuse, now accusing me of telling him to do the most horrific thing a father can do, drove me to the brink of madness. It triggered something in me. I had planned initially on immediately writing him a letter and letting him have it, but after I heard that he had said that, the letter was no longer viable. It had volcanoed. And everything else in my world went aside. Chemicals I didn’t know existed filled my neurology and took over my every thought. And this went on every single day. For an entire year. Festering. Stewing. And to make it worse, he did not contact me once that entire year during he most aggregious, abusive assault he’s ever committed. That changed my makeup so strongly, and I am an extremely love fueled person. So to be filled with hate and venom for an entire year, let alone towards the person I loved most and am genetically bonded to, altered my plasticity…..
It usually takes up to six months or eight weeks for emotional shock to subside, so it’s normal to still be upset. But the thing here is that you mention PTSD from a traumatic childhood experience. Have you been to counselling to that? If there is unresolved trauma in the past, seeing traumatic things now can trigger huge responses inside. So even if you feel you get over what you saw at the accident, there is something to be said for going to a counsellor anyway to talk about your childhood. It might lead to lowering anxiety levels you have taken for granted you must live with, and mean in the future seeing shocking things throws you a lot less. We wish you well with it.
Hi Richard, thanks for sharing. We’ve edited your comment due to space and to respect your privacy. In summary, it would be a very good idea to seek professional support. As you say, your entire life is consumed by this issue, and now your body is showing signs of the stress, and you are experiencing dissociation and lack of identity. These are things nobody can address in a comment box, they need real, professional, consistent,and ongoing support with a therapist you feel you can grow to trust. You are obviously a highly intellectual person who has researched psychological approaches, but thinking this through hasn’t worked. Therapy creates a safe space to ‘feel it’ through, and to get to the roots of the issue,over just focussing on the present day results. We hope you consider it, and wish you well with it.
My mother died suddenly from asthma when I was 36. My father & I were with her at the time. She died in the street. About nine months later I got terrible stomach pains and after nine months due to fibroids I had to make the decision to have my uterus removed. I did not have children and the decision was awful. After that I developed back pain I have scoliosis and the op I think brought about the pain. This lasted for 8 months and then a few months later my father died of a heart attack. It was a terrible shock. I am an only one. I met and married my husband and we were together for 19 years and then he left me suddenly for someone else. I was coping with counselling and then I damaged my finger – mallet finger and I am a guitarist and my lovely neighbour who has become a friend has got terminal cancer. I have gone completely to pieces with anxiety, depression and shock. Is it normal to feel like this? I have a good counsellor that I trust. But I feel blind panic as to what will happen next.
This article helped me to understand what I am going through. I have been through physically and emotionally abusive relationships and I realised, today, that the memories still haunt me today.
I work alongside a guy who puts me down daily. Until now I have just joked my way out of the feelings. Today I actually walked out of work because i was emotionally distraught by his comments. But I can’t keep walking away from someone who won’t even listen when I tell him how it affects me. When I walked away from the situation today he told me, “it’s like being at home with Sam”. Sam is his girlfriend, the mother of his children. My reply was, “Then maybe you should take a look at yourself”. With that said I ran to cry in the bathroom.
How do I cope the next time? He doesn’t seem to think he is doing wrong by putting me down etc.
Thanks for sharing. Wow, you have really been through so much. It really sounds like you have a deep reserve of grief and fear (who wouldn’t, given all of the above) and hurting your finger combined with another person you care about getting sick has triggered it all. It’s not surprising you’d feel panic. We are glad you have a great counsellor. Talk it through with him/her, and try to be patient with yourself. Sometimes life can feel too much, and it’s okay to feel that way. You are not your emotions, you are you, and from what it sounds like, that is someone resilient.
Gosh, it sounds like he really lacks respect for women, putting down his own wife that way! So it’s not personal, he is obviously angry towards women. It sounds like you did a great thing, you stuck up for yourself, which might even be a step forward? The thing to do with people like this, who are like five-year olds who can’t stop picking on others, is to set strong boundaries and use what’s called ‘the broken record technique’. You’d be amazed at how quickly they can respond to a firm clear boundary set this way. Use the search bar to find our articles on ‘setting boundaries’ and ‘saying no’. They explain all of this. Finally, we’d suggest counselling. Emotional and abusive relationships leave us in patterns of behaving and relating that means we unwittingly attract abusive types. Therapy can help you process these experiences and change those ways of relating once and for all that stop this pattern and build back your self-esteem. We wish you courage!
I had a terrible riding accident 3 days ago and now I can’t stop thinking about it 🙁 , I feel like I don’t know myself, feel quiet, low, no energy and just general odd? I suffer with an anxiety disorder and this is the worse I have ever felt. I just want to feel normal again, irrationally thoughts are now going thro my head like, is my daughter ok at school? Is my partner going to leave me? I don’t want to go near my horse again. I feel very very lost 🙁
It’s normal to feel shaken after an accident, especially if you already suffer anxiety. Try not to judge yourself for feeling overwhelmed or not wanting to go near your horse for now, and focus on good self-care. If you don’t feel any improvement after a month or so, consider talking to a counsellor. We hope you feel better soon.
I have just received a a massive shock that my husband has a Daughter. I felt like my world had ended and was beside myself. I’ve lost 12 pounds in 4 days but very very suddenly my mind set changed and I was on top of the world. He thought I had taken drugs, I couldn’t stop laughing !
What’s happened to me?
Definitely sounds like emotional shock. Highs and lows can be part of it Give yourself some time to ride it out and process the news.
this is a good article and it helped me. i wasn’t in this but my best friend was in the Manchester arena bombing and it’s affected him badly and it has for me as well. thank you, he’s alright just sometimes he gets a little worried.
Came across your site while triyng to get to grip with problems in my.past.
As a young soldier i fell in love with a foreign exchange student that visited my home town. i was always very shy of females but she showed a keen interest in me and i was over the moon.I was duly invited to vist her in her home country.She warmly greeted me at the airport,held hands on the way to her home and she seemed enthusiastic about me as the day she left. At her home she left me in her room,she slept in another. Next day i waited for her to come up after returning from college ,and she never came. She in fact then treated me from then on like a was some distant guest in the house. She had gone from loving to ice overnight. I was absolutely confused and heart broken.I tried to maintain some contact even after, as love does not die that easy and basicly tortured myself over another 5 years by writing to her.
Since then have had recuring dreams of of being there and reliving the confusion i felt there and constant searching for why she treated me in the way she did as i was just left in the air. The dreams then trigger usually other negative dreams on other themes,death,rejection,loss, failure. I usualy end up feeling lost,unsure,distant after the dreams. The incident happend when i was 20. I have been in a loving relationship for over 25 years now, but at nearly 60 the dreams come back in times of stress.. I have always told myself to manup ,be logical, move on,and during my military career and after i have come into contact others with PTSD, caused by military action,my problem seemed pathetic. But of all i have experienced this incident had the greatest lasting effect on me.
It is only recently due to the discussion about PTSD that i realised that even even banal lessons of life can hurt us to such an extent that they never leave us.
Very glad that this has helped. And we are sorry to hear that about your friend, it’s a great tragedy that it happened and it must certainly have been very shocking to be in it.
Great article. Very descriptive.
But is it normal for your surroundings or life not to feel *familiar* after a series of hard events? Everything around me looks and feels sort of like a dream and foggy. This has been going on for a year, and it’s scary. I’ve had trouble thinking clearly… it’s like my mind isnt wakeful and tuned in. I can’t hardly feel anything. Its hit my confidence and it’s humiliating. I pretend alot around others just to get through the day. I have thoughts and *questioning* myself sometimes that come out of nowhere (that I never had before) Can counseling really take care of “those” sorts of issues?
The way Ive dealt with the particular issue (s) prior that seemingly “sparked” or caused this – is to tell myself what’s ‘done is done’ and that’s all I can do. I’m not bitter, or even really sad about those events specifically.
It’s more of what’ it’s caused and left with me as I’ve explained above. So, Im verrry thrown off here. Any insight would be helpful. Thanks.
Thank you so much for this honest and powerful sharing. The brain is a very complicated machine, and it can choose to focus on the most random of things at the exclusion of all else when there is trauma. It’s also now coming to light that it can process trauma in ways that don’t fit what seems ‘logic’. So we can experience something that seems very traumatic using logic, but it can be another item entirely that ‘feels’ more traumatic. And sometimes it can all be tangled together. In your case, if you went to therapy of any kind, you might, for example, find that this is a ‘schema’, a pattern, of feeling loved and rejected, and there was another case of this as a much younger child that you have buried, with this more recent trauma being the one you can remember so all the energy/upset/rejection/abandonment appears to arise from it (but you might not, we are not implying this is definitely the case!). Or perhaps there was a bigger trauma after this memory. Sometimes this can even be a coping mechanism of sorts, as if the mind is using a less painful past memory to hide a more painful recent one. Long story short – your problem is not pathetic. Trauma is trauma, no matter what memory it dresses up in or hides behind. And if you feel haunted or upset by something, if at times it affects your day-to-day life and relationships, it’s more than enough to seek some support over. This might be the edge of something bigger that finally dealing with might be a great relief. We hope that helps!
Hi Al, thanks for sharing. Feeling disconnected like that is called ‘dissociation’ in psychology, and yes, it is actually a symptom of shock and PTSD. You might find our article on dissociation useful https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/dissociation.htm. Counselling can absolutely help this issue! And this is true even if you don’t feel or think you are upset about the issue. The brain is complex when it comes to trauma. We can have layers of trauma, and the one memory that is actually upsetting us the most might even be something that ‘logically’ is less traumatic than other things. Therapy can dig down into those layers, helping us release backed up emotions, but it also can give you tactics for handling this sort of dissociated experience. That’s why we can have a traumatic experience but mentally feel it’s no big deal but then have crazy symptoms. It acts as a trigger. But it’s not about what happened, it’s about how you feel. And if your life feels affected in negative ways, definitely worth seeking support over. Hope that helps!
I’ve had psychological trauma for 3 years now, and it has shown no sign of slowing down. I cry myself to sleep more days in a week than I don’t. I have panic attacks every 2 or 3 days. I’m facing most symptoms of psychological trauma, and I’m doing everything that I’m not supposed to be doing. At this point, I’ve given up. I can’t defeat this.
Ha, I’m screwed.
Sounds very, very hard. Have you sought professional support? We agree that trauma is pretty darned hard to overcome all alone. But there are many many ways you can indeed make wins against trauma. EMDR combined with therapy has seen great results, as has CBT therapy, for example. So don’t give up just yet!!!
Exactly how I’ve felt all through life. I had a rough childhood but always thought I was better off than others. Tried first suicide at 12, apparently it would have taken the last couple tablets left to have done the trick. Saw psychologist told him after getting tired of all the sessions it was cause my brother got a tv and I didn’t. I lied cause I didn’t know and still don’t know why i dont mind dying. Why I don’t feel like I can’t love. Lost my brother 22 years ago. Took me 10 years to utter his name. Every year is worse, the pain just doesn’t stop. Last psychologist I saw made 7 appointments with a psychiatrist ahead and he was 200kms away. His reason was that I speak to calmly about my childhood and life. So I kinda just phoned and cancelled the next day. Cause how crazy must you be if a psychologist firstly didn’t if listen to .1% of your life and less then 15min and refers you to a psychiatrist 200kms away. I don’t think there was 1 paragraph in your article that didn’t relate to me. I just think I need tablets. I’m not good at talking to people about me. I just started learning to hug my kids for love and it feels freaky every time I do this. My relationships don’t last. So I made peace with rather being on my own. I just wish I can feel.
Madelaine, thank you for sharing. It definitely does sound like you might have long-term PTSD from shocking childhood events and like there is a deep grief here. We are very sorry to hear about your experience with a psychologist. Are you in America? We seem to hear more of these sorts of stories coming out of that country. It sounds like you didn’t feel heard or understood at all, and that is terrible to hear. You need a compassionate counsellor or psychotherapist you can trust, not to feel like something ticked off a list. Sometimes, if we try to reach out for support and instead are treated coldly, it can be absolutely horrific and make us feel we are beyond support or change. You are not! Unfortunately this happens, but there are other wonderful therapists out there. Could you bear to do some research and try again? See if you can find a counsellor or psychotherapist with experience with grief, loss, trauma, and long-term PTSD.We wish you courage.
In my Childhood someone said i am mad so i am very sensitive if someone say like that i will feel a lot i will use to forget also but before 4 days my relation said you are going to be mad this makes me feel a lot feeling like right side of my brain in pressure what i have to do please suggest me
I’m a sensitive person, suffering from complex Ptsd, result of emotional abuse from narcissistic parent. I have severe depression, extremely low libido, low self esteem, people pleasing tendencies, fearfulness, nervousness, self doubt and self berating tendencies. I am on methyl phenidate. It helped me a little. My sub conscious is filled with toxic negativity for self. Kindly advise on how to cope
Hi Sai, it never feels good when someone says we are mad, crazy, unhinged.. they are all judgements and they also make people who might be sensitive or see the world differently feel punished and excluded. Pressure in the head can be a sign of anger and frustration, which is not surprising when you have an upsetting childhood memory about this your relation triggered.It’s good to keep in mind that what you feel is not really about the person talking to you now, but this repressed emotion. So try not to get to angry at the person. Instead, work to find ways to process the emotions you have about being called mad as a child. Some people find journalling very helpful, or mindfulness meditation. Of course seeing a counsellor or therapist is a great way to process difficult and upsetting experiences! And finally, what is most important is to raise your self-esteem. The more you can have compassion for yourself and feel good about who you are, the less it matters what others say. We wish you courage.
Gosh Ravi it sounds really tough. We’re glad you feel the medication helps. Have you also not been offered counselling or talk therapy? It makes us really sad when people reach out for support and are only given meds. Meds are wonderful for stabilising the symptoms and helping us cope, but to feel better we need a safe space and support to work through the roots of our issues. Cognitive behavioural therapy, CBT, is something to look into. It’s a short-term therapy that is very good for PTSD, depression, and low self-esteem and has as a focus catching and changing your negative thinking. Hope that helps!
In my younger life I’ve come very very close to being killed on the job a couple times.As disturbing as this was . I’ve recently have had a exceptional shock trauma event. I’ve never experienced anything like it in my fifty three years. I was sick and was wanting to throw up constantly for two weeks. I was constantly always thinking it would come back. It took months to feel better. I’ve got three four of the signs described. It’s been four years since this most exceptional event took place. I’ve got little patience for noise and when I’m talking then being
interrupted. Wow I get furious. Yes, I have trouble with insomnia. This event took place over a half hour. At the start I experienced that natural fight or flight response. However, I quickly said to myself “where the f.. am I going ?”. Thete was no where to run. I was relieved that I wasn’t going to die right there and then. It was enormity of this object was astonishing. I couldn’t of helped myself to continue watching. I was thirty five minutes later that it went away. I wasn’t scared or paranoid , I actually felt privileged to witness it. However, when I wool up in the morning I was sick very very sick. I wanted to throw up all the time constantly for two or more weeks. I just don’t have really any fear about anything anymore. I know I have to be careful and not foolish. This event didn’t make any noise at all. I find myself very sensitive to noise to the point of being furious. I been taking zopaclone sleeping pills 7mgs two at night. They help I still have incredible sensitivity to noise and being very irritable. Furthermore, I’ve had the stomach upsets not to much anymore. I think your site is terrific. Yes, it helps. Knowledge is good. I just came across it so I’ll give myself sometime to think more about it. I know I got the shock of my life like no other, most exceptional. I know I’m very lucky to be alive . Just as you way one can be so shocked it can shut down some organs within your body. I’m pretty sure I came to being as close to that as one can be without having organs shutting down. I realize I could be affected from this for the rest of my life. That’s life. However, I’ll definitely try and catch myself being to irritable and furious. I’ve taken anger management quite a few times and its taught me what is happening to my body when being angered. Extremely helpful. To put a positive since I’m so experienced in what shock can do to any individual. I will forever now be that much more aware in perhaps helping others. Thank you for your wonderful site. Marki
Thank you for taking the time to share all this Marki! It sounds very scary and overwhelming. And the thing about trauma is that it tends to be cumulative. So because you had already had really traumatic experiences, you might be even more sensitive than others who have not to new traumas, meaning there is even more of a profound affect on you. Have you looked into long-term PTSD? Some people question its validity which has made diagnosis hard in some countries, which we find very frustrating for those who have the symptoms and are suffering. Things like irritability and sleep problems are symptoms. However these are symptoms of other things too like anxiety and shock, so we are not at all making a diagnosis here. We are just suggesting its worth reading up on. You might find our article on trauma a good start http://bit.ly/whatistrauma. Finally, don’t feel what you have experienced isn’t ‘big enough’ to seek support over. It most certainly is! In fact if you have the courage, we’d highly advise seeking support from a counsellor or therapist who has experience with victims of trauma. Hope that helps, and we wish you well.
Thank you for your reply, I very much appreciate your suggestions. Please excuse my editing in my last comment. I use a dumb phone. Also, fngers are to chubby.
Yes, I’ll definitely look into long term PTSD.
I believe it could be very useful in my situation. In the past I’ve seen a psychologist.
I was told that I have an unusually high amount of self control.
A lacking of emotion ? I have empathy, sympathy and definitely compassion for all of life. No, I view it as just not letting your life fall all to pieces. We have to reasonably & rationally deal 24/7 with the traumatic event itself. Then trying very hard not to let it impact the quality of our daily life.
The snowball effect. I like the way you’ve put it. Thinking ” it’s not big enough to warrant interventions”
Thank you once more. Fair well for now
Glad to be of help!
My partner of 20 years suffered child abuse (physical and emotional).He definitely has attachment issue and he was sensitive to touch and afraid of rejection. Last year he become more isolated, rarely wanted to see friends and do spontaneous get together. He pushed away his parents saying that he didn’t care if the die. Also talked less with his other relatives. After we where separated for 2 weeks (I went to se my family and he went to see the only member of his family that he cares about that is gravely sick), he has complete personality shift, started yelling, calling me names, telling me to leave (from my house), make grimace at me every time I pass by, doesn’t eat the food I cocked, and sometimes does irrational things (like throwing away stuff). I didn’t get mad because I think something his obviously wrong with him, but no matter what I tried to do, he is mad only with me it seems…I can I get him to trust me again like he always did??
Man, this is exactly how it has been for me. Seriously these words came out of my mouth too. Thank you for normalizing this horrible, painful experience. Thank you!
Glad to be of help!
Chiara, what a hard situation. We are sorry to hear about all this. We can’t tell you how to ‘make him trust you again’ as the sad truth is the only person you have true control over here is yourself. It sounds like all your focus is on your partner’s needs. What about your own? Are you getting the love you need here? Do you have time, outside of worrying about him, to have your own life, your own hobbies? What is it that keeps you in this relationship, what does it give you, are there positives you haven’t discussed here, are they worth all the suffering you are going through? Good questions to start asking. Is your partner seeking professional help? He obviously needs it. If he isn’t, how is that fair to you? And would it be worth it for you yourself to seek some support here? It sounds like a lot for one person to have to handle alone.
Hi, 2 weeks ago I was taken to A&e with terrible stomach pain. It was painful but at the time not scary. Then three days later I started feeling anxious, which got worse to the point where I was having severe panic episodes. Now the panic has subsided but I’m left feeling very low. This mood can suddenly lift during the day and I’ll feel more like myself again. Does this sound like emotional shock?
Hello Alice, you don’t mention a traumatic event. For it to be emotional shock there would need to be a recognisable trigger. We can’t diagnose via comment boxes, obviously, but we would say that it sounds like anxiety and an anxiety attacks. Severe stomach pains are often caused by anxiety. We’d suggest you seek counselling or therapy as soon as you can, as this level of anxiety is, as you are aware, rather debilitating. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is short-term (aka cheaper) and very affective for anxiety. Hope that helps.
Thank you so much for your article. My husband died very unexpectedly in my arms 4 months ago. I was “frozen” for three months then began to cry last month. But the entire time since it happened i’ve been chronically tired, first insomnia now could sleep the clock round, brain fog, need to stay in or close to home etc. For first time your article said what i’ve been feeling other than needing to pull myself together. At last it has a name. Can’t do much exercise yet, bad hip etc going to chiropractor otherwise i’d planned gardening to get me through , this always works. So will concentrate on getting a routine going & reading some hard books to get brain functioning again. Thank you very much giving me a direction to focus on .
hi I don’t know if I’m in shock cause I have never been in that situation before I lost my 24 year old daughter nearly a month ago I cant concentrate I don’t feel like eating I’m seeing patterns on my curtains moving I’m suffering with a load of headaches and sickness
Hi Tina, we are assuming when you are saying ‘lost’ that your 24 year old daughter has passed. Tina we are truly sorry to hear this. If that is the case you are grieving, which absolutely involves shock. If it helps at all it’s ‘normal’ (if you can call it that) to feel like you are losing your mind sometimes after losing a loved one. Even seeing things and having sickness, all part of deep grief. Give yourself time and space to rest as much as possible. If you have nobody to share with and talk to, and you find you can’t seem to get back on your feet, we recommend you reach out for support. There are counsellors who specialise just in bereavement, and there might be a support group in your area. You can call your council or your local chapter of Mind charity to see if there is a support group for those suffering a bereavement. Grief is a journey. It can feel like riding waves, and never knowing if the next wave will be big or small. Give yourself time to heal.
Jenny, glad to be of help. But just to add that you are grieving. It’s absolutely normal to be in shock and then some when grieving (and given how your husband died, definitely shock!) With grief, sometimes the best thing we can do is just let ourselves feel what we need to feel, even if that exhausted and wanting to sleep. Grief is tough, and it is unpredictable, there are good days, bad days, worse days. It does eventually lighten. But if you are finding it unbearable, do consider a bereavement counsellor or bereavement support group. Sometimes it can be a merciful relief to have someone to talk to who isn’t family or invested in the situation. We wish you courage. Gardening sounds great too, nature has now been proven to aid moods.
Thank you, this article has helped me realise that I may be suffering from emotional shock. You see there was an incident between my husband and a work colleague that I witnessed a couple of weeks ago. They kissed following an embrace. It doesn’t sound much to have triggered this feeling but I was shocked and it lead to a huge row when I lost it completely. Made him sleep in the spare room which he took to the extreme. Left me feeling unsafe in my own home! I think I have been bottling up feelings for years that this incident just made me see red! My husband is an alcoholic and I have been trying to support him and help him reduce his intake as he wouldn’t seek medical advice or counselling. I have been feeling neglected and taken for granted for a number of years! He doesn’t seem to have any compassion for me and I don’t know what to do now. We have spoken candidly about the incident and he assures me it was just a one off – I can’t seem to be able to believe that – It has broken my trust in him! He said he would get help for his addiction and has been to see our GP for a referral, but I feel I need help too but don’t know where to go. Should I visit my GP?
Fiona, thank you for this brave sharing. Note how you downplay the experience as ‘it doesn’t sound much’. Actually, most partners would be quite shocked to see their partner kissing someone (assuming of course you mean on the mouth). Especially a colleague. We think you are on track to seek support yourself. Partners of alcoholics often fall into codependency which can take a toll on self-esteem and mean we lose sight of ourselves. Your GP will indeed be able to recommend you to some therapy, mostly in the UK it tends to just be a short round of CBT. Do try to fight for at least that much. Also, sadly, depending where you live, it can take a long time (in London the waiting lists can be up to a year!). Point out to your GP that you have had a shock and need therapy as soon as possible. If it’s not forthcoming, do consider private therapy. If you are on a low budget you might find our article on finding low cost therapy in the UK of help bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. We wish you courage, and good for you for this step!
Had much trauma over the years. Some months ago I was being bullied at work and took sick leave, and complained to the company. Two weeks ago they fired me. I was upset but became positive again. Today – BANG – utter despair, self hatred, self blame, betrayal, rage. So I was glad to read this. I was worried then ending would be all “think positive and you’ll be fine.” Glad to see it was not that.
Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you have been through a lot. We are absolutely not at all of the camp ‘think positive all will be fine’. We believe in letting yourself feel what you feel and getting it on out and accepting where you are. It is highly possible that the bullying has triggered emotions from previous trauma (as you say, ‘had much trauma over the years’) so we would add that it would be an idea to seek support if you don’t feel any changes in a few weeks. If you are on a low budget (losing a job!!) then you might find our article on free or low cost counselling helpful…bit.ly/lowcosttherapy We wish you courage, and hope that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Also, we are not sure what country you are in, but do consider your rights. If you were bullied, filed a complaint, and were fired, you might have a case for a tribunal. If you are in the UK, there are charities that can help.
Apparently this has been happening to me my entire life. I keep falling in love with people only to find out that they don’t like me back. The crushes that did end up being my boyfriends I had to leave, and sometimes I fall in love with fictional characters. My life is basically one traumatic love story after another. I used to be so social, now I just want to hid in a corner and read or draw. I can barely trust anyone, and sometimes when I’m in a room with a lot of people I feel like something bad is going to happen.
There is something I want to know though. I keep having dreams about getting serious injuries. Like one of the injuries that I constantly have dreams about is getting a huge cut starting at the top right side of my forehead, going through my right eye, down my face and neck, and ending near my right shoulder blade. Do you know what that means? I need serious help, but I feel too scared to tell my parents. I don’t know what I should do.
Virginia we can’t give you a diagnosis based on just a comment. But we don’t think you are crazy or that you should feel afraid to reach out for help or talk to your parents. It sounds like you are suffering from severe anxiety, which can cause social withdrawal, anxious dreams, and a constant feeling of danger. It could stem from a difficult experience you had in the past or a series of experiences. You’d be surprised how many people suffer extreme anxiety at some point in their life. And it really can get better with the right help, even if it feels, at this point, totally overwhelming. Did you see our article on how to ask your parents to help you find a therapist? It’s here bit.ly/talktoparents. Other ideas are to talk to a school counsellor or to google mental health help lines for teens in your country… if you are in the UK you can find out the info here bit.ly/mentalhelplines
Can shock from having a gun pulled on you make a person paralized on the left side of the body? My friend can walk and talk but has difficulty using her left hand and arm and she is having difficulty walking….and it started a day after the incident occurred….she never had this happen before the incident….Can her body be in shock?
That is a rather severe response. The best idea would be to see a doctor as soon as possible to be sure something else wasn’t triggered here.
Hello, I’m a 71 year old woman & had a heavy fall while out with my partner about 5 days ago. Luckily I don’t think I broke any bones, but it shook me up severely & also my partner. Neither of us is sleeping properly now, & I’ve sprained my wrist. I’ve had pain in the back of my neck & felt dizzy for a couple of days but that seems to have passed. But I keep feeling extremely tired, even after I’ve slept & overslept in the morning. I’m exhausted most of the time & have no strength or enthusiasm even to do any housework or anything. I also find myself feeling a bit ‘weepy’. Can you tell me if all these things are due to the emotional shock of the fall? I would like to think that I’d be feeling more or less OK by now, but I don’t seem to be making any progress, except for the pain in my neck getting a bit better. Thank you, Jen.
Hi Jen, absolutely normal to feel emotional after a fall. It can take a few weeks to stop feeling weepy even. (And this is actually being written by someone who fell randomly and fractured a hip!). This sort of thing really brings up all our feelings of vulnerability and mortality even. And if we’ve ever felt vulnerable before in life, that will all be stirred up. So give yourself a much bigger time container to feel back to your old self. I think you will find our article on injury and mood very helpful https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/injury-and-depression.htm. Hope that helps and feel better soon.
What are your thoughts about how Im feeling ? As follows :
I faced a situation which left me with PTSD when i was 15. I am now 62 and have at last had a breakthrough and have a totally new perspective. I now feel numb. What a waste of my life !!
Now what do I do ? I am looking after my mother who i knows exactly how to push my buttons n does so most days. Shes 95 n does need some help. Am i now dealing with shock of a new type? Im going out for dinner with mother today , all booked , or I wouldnt go. Id rest.
Im completely different to what i thought. Iv been kicked sideways by the rubbish that i had had thrown at me.
Hi Kay, it sounds tough. And yes, our family members are usually the ones who trigger us the most. Do you have support to handle all this? It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of emotions and when the Pandora’s box opens it can be overwhelming. Have you worked with a counsellor or psychotherapist before?
I found this really helpful, thank you. Since 2015 I have felt odd. DHS came to our home because of a really unfortunate family issue. I completely changed. I never wanted to go outside and interact with people, I’ve had a hard time making logical sentences because I can’t think clearly, I’ve fallen behind in school nearly every year and had to make a lackluster push towards the end of the year to be able to advance to the next grade. I’ve lost a lot of my friends do to this as well. I’ve had multiple dreams about my family getting killed from a massive flood, and constantly being told this was all my fault, so I started believing it. I will occasionally wake up about 6 times per night, after about every hour or so in extreme panic. I’d look out my window and just see things that I cannot explain.
Dylan, that sounds a really overwhelming experience. And if you have had these symptoms for that many years it is possible you have PTSD. We’d suggest you look into eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing therapy (EMDR). If your PTSD symptoms come from one known trauma it’s very effective. It might not even take that many sessions to see results.
Very interesting article. Very helpful. I’d like to research it more. Can you direct me to any published studies on psychological shock? Thanks.
Glad it as helpful. Hello, I’m afraid not, we get so many requests like this, especially from students, and we cover so many topics, we can’t provide the links, but a quick google and a look at Google scholar should lead you there. Best of luck.
My experience is tiny compared with these people’s traumas, but thank you for the reassurance I’ve found here. Yesterday I had an upsetting experience. As a volunteer in a Heritage /local history centre I had worked to produce a successful exhibition. Three volunteer colleagues had agreed to help me dismantle etc. One of them had the wrong date in his head and took down the whole lot a day early when I was not in the building. I felt like I’d been slammed in the stomach and I’ve been on and off in tears for over 24 hours. I know it’s not the end of the world and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just get all the crying over that day. However one colleague had said to me “it’s the shock” so I Googled and found this page. I no longer feel that I’m irrational, and hope I can get back to normal very soon.
Hi Dorothy, try not to compare your experience to others. There is every chance that this experience triggered other, unresolved painful experiences from the past and that is why you reacted so heavily. You might want to try something like journalling and see what comes up for you. If you still feel upset in six weeks, or worse instead of better, then do consider having a chat to someone about it. Hope you feel better soon!
The thing that actually bothers me is that I just don’t know why I feel the way I do, it’s not like me at all and it doesn’t make sense. I learned about a very distant relative’s death and I can’t stop thinking about it. Now this is going to sound awful, but I usually don’t feel or think much in situations like this. I acknowledge the news and move on right then and there. Not this time! I feel like this event has triggered my panic and anxiety, big time. I don’t understand why, we haven’t been in touch for over fifteen years. But I’m feeling very anxious, on edge and I have this sense of impending doom which absolutely freaks me out. Maybe because it’s usually older relatives and acquaintances who die and not ones younger than me. This is affecting me way more than it should and that’s bothering the heck out of me. Maybe because I’ve only ever seen younger people die in the news but now I realized that it can happen in real life?
We can’t tell you ‘why’ without knowing you, your history, your current life, etc. But some general things… it’s normal to be shaken by the death of someone who is close to you in age, know them well or not. People can feel very shaken just by reading something in the news. Otherwise we’d add, as for ‘why now?’. Do you have other life stress at the moment? Unresolved past issues you’ve never dealt with? Think of a cup that is about to overflow. It takes one last drop to make the cup overflow, and it doesn’t matter where the drop comes from, or what liquid it is… the cup overflows. Stress can be like that. If our stress capacity is almost at maximum, what seems a random thing can push us over. If your anxiety doesn’t ease after several weeks, we’d suggest talking to a counsellor.
About a month in a half ago, I am 30 btw, I smoked marijuana and I had smoked marijuana before, but this time O got paranoid and a fear I would never forget, i didn’t notice anything until 3 to 5 days later, where I didn’t eat,sleep or go out of fear, i didn’t want to be around people. Little by little my family would help me and I had to explain to them and they have been very supportive, is been 1 week I started taking magnesium and has helped, not completely but I still get tensed and also my brain feel weird, i feel out of it which makes my anxiety bad. I have went to the E.R twice because i did experience panic attacks. I just want to know how long will it take to feel better even thoughi have made a progress, i accepted the fear and talked about it to many family members. But why do i still feel the shock?
Hi Mayra, that doesn’t sound like emotional shock, which happens from experiencing an actual event. It’s possible, but really it sounds like anxiety disorder has been triggered for you. Anxiety is a fear-based condition, that leaves us obsessed with trying to control everything. And sometimes, if we already have mild anxiety, weed can trigger us into full blown anxiety disorder because we let ourselves lose control. Were you already anxious? Have you, perhaps, even, been anxious from a child? Do you have any childhood trauma you haven’t talked to anyone about? Do you have family dynamics you’ve grown up with that leave you feeling you need control? All these things can build up. If any of this rings true, then we’d suggest you seek a therapist. Perhaps now is the time to start to deal with things instead of just ‘manage’ and ‘get by’, as many anxiety sufferers learn to, until something like this makes them face that they have a real issue. Otherwise, we can’t discount it is not instead physical as we are not medical doctors, so we would assume you had had a full physical and blood work to rule out any allergies being triggered or health conditions. If not then something to consider, as we can’t advise beyond psychology.
Hi folks. How goes it? I “stumbled” upon your site. I was born in 1940. In the summer of 1945 I was almost “violently”’ pushed away by my mother from her bedside. My baby brother was nestling in her arms…nursing at 6-8 months of age. I was so horribly traumatized. I still remember that day as if it were yesterday. I was always aware that I was not “liked” by my mother. She loved me. Took wonderful physical care of me. But I knew she never “liked” me. Never wanted me to be around her. But…I could never understand her negative feelings about me when I was in her presence. She died in 1993. After her death I asked of a female relative…”Why did my mother never “like” me… she never wanted me to be in her presence”? Her reply to me? “Because you were a girl.”
Well…needless to say I was shocked. But I realized that I was blessed that I did not find out why my mother disliked me when I was entering puberty. I possibly might have attempted to “change” my gender identification…become more “male-like” to gain her approval.
Wow! I have finally recovered from that horrible day of rejection. I remember when I was about 12-13 years of age. I was holding an adorable baby kitten. All of a sudden I became enraged. I started to physically mistreat that “baby” kitten. I stopped myself…but I remember how much I hated that “baby”. I now know the kitten represented my brother. My brother was always the “favored” child. Even my niece recognized that her father (my brother) was the “favorite”.
Today through your site your articles helped me fully recover. The article on “Under-mothering” was especially helpful. The title “told” it all. I am finally freed to fulfill the purpose for which I was created…to teach others about forgiving and loving others…even when others have mistreated you; to be encouraging to others. Bless you all. You unknowingly helped me to be wonderfully healed. The Father Divine planned all these events in my life in order for me to serve Him by loving/helping others You folks
R-O-C-K! Peace. Cylvia!
Glad that you find our articles helpful! All the best.
My situation was simple just strange.it was late in the day at a hospital I received news that my five-year-old daughter was dying with 30% chance to make it through the night. She had just been diagnosed with ALL. Immediately after our meeting with the doctors and specialists, everything got cloudy. I sat in front of a window looking out into the night. Next thing I knew it’s 4 or 5 hours later and I’m looking for everyone. I was told I was in a trance like state, and no one could snap me out of it. They had a doctor look at me, he said just leave him alone, he’s processing.
I’ve experienced smaller, lesser circumstances similar, but, for very short periods of time. My daughter pulled through, responded well to treatment and she’s living a healthy life today.
I have always been curious as to what happened to me.
Hi Marshall, sounds like severe dissociation from shock. It was too much for your brain, so your brain dealt with it by ‘checking out’. Have you had any carry on symptoms? For example, are you currently more sensitive to stress, or moodier? If so, worth going to talk to someone about this to be sure it hasn’t given you PTSD. Best, HT.
Sally
This is the 1st time doing anything like this. I was searching for some info on my symptoms & found this. My husband is very ill, we’ve been married 49yrs. In the last 3yrs we’ve grown apart. won’t go into it all. he’s in/out hospital, has in home, H.Health care team & Hospice Choices Program which means he could have 6mths to a yr. He went in hospital again yesterday & said he felt cold inside like perhaps this time was the last time. Our 2 grown kids are distraught, I have weathered the previous admissions ok, but this one I’m experiencing differently, ***My ear feels like I have swimmers ear now moving to other ear, very lethargic, if anyone calls or wants to talk I can’t hold back tears. I’m a very strong christian woman that usually has it all together. We’re getting older late 60’s and lately I’m now having physical issues that maybe stress related in lympnodes. I guess my main Q. was the swimmers ear effect/feeling, is that emotional shock? will this travel further thru parts of me & could I lose mobilities? what do/can I do?
Hi Sally, yes, it could be shock, but more likely simply extreme stress and overwhelm and even grieving (which can often start before a loss and can involve fatigue, swinging emotions, etc). Sounds like you have really high expectations of yourself, we notice the word ‘strong’. But here you are dealing with two kids and a really sick husband and failing relationship. Then you are also dealing with physical bad health. We have a feeling you probably don’t turn to others with this as you stick to this belief you have to ‘keep it together for everyone else’. The truth is that ANYONE would be faltering and a mess dealing with all this. Being human means we have our limits. By the way, physical health symptoms can be your body’s way of trying to get your attention, there is a strong and increasingly evidence based connection of mental stress and physical symptoms. Sounds very much like you need support and self care. Is there someone you trust to turn to? Or a counsellor at your church? Do you have the budget to use a private counsellor? Otherwise, you could talk to your GP if in England. They will refer you on to counselling covered by the NHS. Or Google for a support group in your area for partners of the terminally ill. Don’t feel at all embarrassed, most people will probably wonder why you haven’t sought support sooner! Best, HT
Excellent article. Describes me perfectly. On the last day before lock down I complained about having to work with someone with Covid symptoms. The boss I trusted fired me a few weeks into lock down via text message from a job I loved and had been in for over 6 years. Emotionally I’m still a head case to this day 5 months later! I struggling with the simplistic of tasks, even making a cup of tea is a challenge. When I was a teenager I was playing badminton with my dad and he suddenly died a few years later my mum committed suicide and I think this may have had an impact on my inability to deal with my current situation.
Hi John, that’s very astute. The double loss of your parents is a seriously massive event for anyone to navigate, have you ever looked at the symptoms of PTSD? Do they sound at all familiar? Regardless, past traumas like that definitely leave us way more sensitive to present day traumas. Given that your trauma was so exact and known, you might want to look into something called EMDR (also look at our articles on it, we even have a case study where a woman explains what it was like). It’s a fascinating brain training technique that does wonders for lowering an overreactive stress response due to past trauma. And we are truly sorry to hear about the job. You might have a case for an employment tribunal by the sounds of it…Best, HT.
Hi I am Hrishikesh. I was deeply in love with a lady since 2008. I met her for about six months or more. There was a condition that was not able to live without her. She made me miss her for more that 4 months , she didn’t allowed me to meet her during that period. I was very much unable to focus on my studies and other activities. Then after months of missing her when I met her she gave me a shock by saying” don’t you ever meet me again”. I was unconscious for few moments then when I regained my awareness she broke my heart by saying ” it was your fault that you trusted me. I interact with so many persons how could I remember what I told you “. Nobody was able to understand what happened. And she and everyone blamed me for everything. I am schizophrenic since then. I was disconnected from reality.And facing lot of mental difficulties. Today also I remember those incidents and am not able to forget all the pains. And people here are not able to understand including my psychiatrist. I don’t how can I forget everything and start a new life. The memories still haunt me. Is there any healing therapy.
Hrishkesh, we are sorry to hear you are suffering so much. We would imagine this is a much bigger situation than just this woman. There could be some sort of reason you saw this situation as acceptable, like a personality disorder, we don’t know you and can’t diagnose anyone based on a comment. Or it might be that the very reason you accepted this sort of situation from the beginning, and the reason it has affected your brain like a huge trauma, would relate to other childhood experiences, traumas, and/or parenting. As many other people, for example, who grew up in a way that instilled confidence and self-care, would have not agreed to any of this. And a person without previous trauma wouldn’t be as thrown, but if our brain is already traumatised then new trauma can really decimate us. Perhaps, for example, you grew up in a family where you had to earn love, so your brain is essentially ‘trained’ to see this as normal, instead of realising that we deserve to be cared for and appreciated and to only allow those who do so into our lives over settle for less. It’s not about blaming your past, but about understanding the entire picture and spreading your focus so you can allow healing to happen. The crucial thing is that you have to WANT to heal, enough that you can accept it means giving up telling this story and seeing it as the only thing that went wrong. You have to WANT to see that you made choices here, and regardless of how horrible she was in the end, you are an adult and had power to make choices then and you have power to make choices now. Find a psychotherapist you feel you can grow to trust and can develop a working, connected, and warm relationship with over a psychiatrist who is there to diagnose and prescribe medication. You might want to look at therapies that help with trauma http://bit.ly/therapyfortrauma and therapies that help with relating http://bit.ly/findlovetherapy. Best, HT.
Thanks for this article, it explains what I’ve been through very well and is comforting to be reminded I’m not alone with my symptoms. I experienced a trauma 5 years ago when I discovered my boyfriend dead after he had fallen off a cliff. We were on holiday at the time and when I returned home to the boat we lived on I found it had sunk and I lost everything. My life changed drastically in the weeks after this, i moved cities, changed jobs and became very isolated. After about 8 months I couldn’t function normally and began therapy. It’s no surprise I had developed PTSD. A course of EMDR really helped me, it stopped the flashbacks and dissociation. Since then though I have struggled so much with stress, In particular I find my job very stressful. I have periods when I rarely sleep for weeks on end. The level of anxiety is unbearable sometimes and I have been off work for several weeks at a time with it. When the anxiety has been at its worst I have had talking therapy and the rest of the time do everything I can to stay on top of my anxiety. I spend a lot of time alone and can get overwhelmed in social situations. I’m exhausted all the time. I wonder if I still have PTSD, can it go on for this long? Or is it normal for trauma to have almost permanent effects on stress and anxiety levels? I was not like this before I experienced this trauma. Are there any more treatments or types of therapy you would suggest I try? Thanks
Hi Lisa, gosh, that is a heck of a lot for one person to navigate. PTSD can go on for a long time and we can need a lot of support along the way. You might also be still dealing with grief and bereavement, which is also a process we have to ride through. We have an article on therapies that work just for trauma here http://bit.ly/therapyfortrauma. It’s important with trauma to get the type of therapy right, as sometimes a therapy that focuses on the past where you keep talking about the past can keep you triggered. Therapies that help reprogram the brain are really useful, like EMDR. Others in this vein are CBT, clinical hypnotherapy, and BWRT. Otherwise, trauma can also make us more self aware. It can be like a giant flashlight shining on all the things we used to put up with but can no longer bear, challenging us to change things for the better. Do you, for example, like your job still? If not, is there something else you’d rather be doing now? How could you take steps toward a transition? Best, HT
Thanks for this article. I now realise that what happened to me last Thursday was emotional and psychological shock. I had attempted to approach and discuss a subject with my boyfriend concerning our intimacy and bedroom difficulties, and a health issue he has connected with this. I had chosen to do so and based my decision to do so on the information he had given me from positive and open conversations he had initiated in the past concerning how he felt and what he wanted me to know. So I approached it on those conversations and that information, and got absolutely and unexpectedly abused verbally, very badly and with not thought for what it might do to me. He did a 180 degree turnaround and said why did everything have to be about that, and that we could live in a relationship without it, and I just had to get help to get used to it, as he was, and had been apparently for quite sometime because his last relationship was sexless because the girl didn’t want it. He made me feel like a freak, like I wasn’t normal, like I was approaching something unnatural, like there was something wrong with me, blamed me and said I had the issues, not him, because he never brought it up with me, which wasn’t true, and that it was all me. I went into emotional shock, and psychological shock. I couldn’t stop crying, then he called me irational, upset, pissed off, and illogical. I had a blinding headache and couldn’t see well. I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t explain properly to the doctor what had happened, and it took me a day or two to realise it had been emotional shock, and that I had based my decision to say something based on his previous conversations, and that his 180 degree turn around was what had triggered this. I am glad to find what happened to me is perfectly normal. Now I am just numb, wrung out and worn out. I did tell him we could just have a friendship relationship, when he said bedroom intimacy wasn’t important, and we could just have affection but not that, but that just made him more angry. I am trying to get the motivation to keep doing things for myself right now. Everything seems pointless and an effort.
Hi there Lisa-Maree, relationships can certainly be hard. And you do need to be in a relationship that works for you. Given what you are describing here we’d imagine this wasn’t the only issue but that you didn’t know each other as well as you thought and there were communication issues. So sometimes we have to see things as a learning curve, take the lessons we can, and move on. Breakups leave most people tired, so that is not something to be concerned about. With time we find our feet again. Best, HT.
Hi, can you please give your advice? I have been trying to divorce my husband for domestic abuse for the last 3 years after 33 years married. The abuse was mainly psychological/emotional/financial and he knew I had CPTSD from all my childhood trauma. I have had severe anxiety and depression all my life. In January 2020 I was told I had lung cancer which turned out to be a misdiagnosis after further tests. It was TB and I had to have toxic treatment for 6 months. 2 weeks after the TB diagnosis in February, I was taken into hospital for 7 days with a Pulmonary Embolism which also needed 6 month treatment. It was at this point that my 27 year old daughter decided to abandon me, for no reason that I know of, and I had a full scale nervous breakdown and I wanted to kill myself. Then my body went into emotional shock, freezing and numbing and then the tremors started. It has been this situation for over a year now and it has broken my heart as I totally loved and cherished my child and have supported her unconditionally throughout her life. My recent health check showed 55% breathing capacity in my lungs. My consultant agrees that severe stress can affect my healing. I feel I will never recover from this estrangement and my heart is broken.
Hi there, have you had the support of a counsellor at any point? We’d highly suggest you seek some proper support, this is not something that can be addressed via a comment on a website, it’s a big, complex set of issues you are presenting that deserves proper attention. If you are on a low budget we have an article here on how to find free to low cost counselling http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. Best, HT.
Thank you. Fire raced up the hill across the road 2 days ago. The house next door blazed from an exploded propane can, being surrounded by dry brush, last year. Noticing myself focusing on my composure as I consider aspects of the situation, and not accomplishing anything else; I wondered if I’m in some sort of shock.
This article is enough to help me sort out the anxiety and be more constructive. Today, I’m still not confident in my reasoning, but another day or two, armed with your article, I hope to be back in charge.
So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Your hearts are generous.
Margaret, we think it is a normal reaction to be stressed and rather dissociated from seeing fire on the hill, particularly given what happened last year. Sounds scary. It’s very normal to have this sort of response when we are made aware how precious life is and have been close to danger. We’d suggest lowering your expectations of yourself for the next few weeks and taking it easy. If, after a few weeks, you don’t feel any better, do consider reaching out and talking to someone about this. Best, HT.
I had been through two traumatic incidents in one go 3 months ago when my dad and grandpa both died within a week. Now when I try to look back and remember any memory before that trauma happened, the first thing that strikes in my mind is , “did it really happen??”,like as if I don’t remember the memory experientially. It’s not only pertaining to the experience that I had with them both but literally any experience like time I spent with my friends, going on trip etc. This type of thing even happened when suddenly due to societal pressure my parents had to put me in a cram school for my +1 and +2 from a normal school. There I had to be there in that place like for 12hrs straight from morning 8am to 8pm in the name of preparation of the competitive exam in a over competitive environment where jealousy and tactics to pull others down the race were also a part alongwith a hectic study schedule of 4hrs of each roughly for only 3 subjects . So, coming to the point, this sudden change from a lenient and leisure sort of way of studying where I was the boss of when to study to a sort of climate where I was forced to study by others rules and where teacher-student relationship was just a mere use and throw type one; I literally experientially forgot what happened in my life until 10th class. You know like I know there things happened, I know these people but its a bit foggy where I don’t remember the feel I had with them in that specific incidence let it be anger, happy,…etc. Over that ,before, I was like self motivated to study because it was like my love, suddenly after joining in that cram I feel so unmotivated and so not in love. I’m not saying I hate studying but I just feel soo disconnected from it as if there is a unknown gap that is ever growing. Even after 4yrs I feel the same. I’m connected with my friend but whenever a discussion about any incident comes up, I feel so disconnected that I doubt do I don’t remember it. I also feel like every day like a dream in a way, you know what was the story to some extent but you feel disconnected with the content. I hope you r able to get it. Is it normal???
Hi there, so the brain is an intricate machine designed to protect you and help you survive. And some brain’s use the tactic of dissociation http://bit.ly/dissociatedangers. So yes, this is what happens, for many people this is ‘normal’ (we put normal in quotes as there is no one size fits all, humans are diverse, normal doesn’t really exist). So what would be great is to learn new ways to handle stress and stay grounded instead of drifting off, such as mindfulness http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout. And then speaking to a counsellor would of course also help, if that’s something that is possible for you, to see if perhaps unresolved traumatic experiences from childhood are by any chance involved here, as if there are any that started this habit of dissociation then it would be great to get help dealing with them. Otherwise, if you you are young enough you are still living at home with your parents, note that a lot of people find that this sort of thing clears up when they get out on their own and become independent adults making choices for themselves. Best, HT.
After repeated traumatic events in my life starting at very early age I just want to sit all the time scarcely able to take breath, tension inside so bad sometimes that my hands tense into rigid claw-like feeling. It’s worse between shoulder blades and neck. I do not want to see anyone, just sit in safety and silence. I feel completely overwhelmed and want to cry but cannot. I quit one of the jobs I worked, just got up in the middle of shift and waked out, making an excuse that was true, but not the real reason for quitting. My other job is one where I work alone in a safe and quiet place and I just text report in. Some days I am unable to make myself even get to that job. I have so many opportunities in life and cannot make good on any of them right now. I just want to sit and stare out the window and notice how beautiful the changes in weather and seasons are. Sometimes I go for days without personal hygiene. I feel like I am stuck and unable to move forward or make myself do anything, whether it is something I want to do or not want to do. I have rehearsed consequences of my behavior in not doing anything but sitting many times and this not only does not help, seems to make me feel even more unable to act. Once in a while without thinking about anything I just get up almost like in a dream and I begin to do things I need to do. Once I can begin a task I feel so happy in accomplishing things….but it is so difficult I cannot do it most days. I just do not want to get hurt anymore and every effort is just too much….just want to feel nothing and feel safe. Strangely I do not feel depressed. I feel in the protective state of shock. If Im around people I just start babbling like, talking a million miles an hour and its uncomfortable and I just want to run. I probaby have CPTSD and GAD. My doctor says he thinks I have GAD and realtionships with him have been strange. He bullies me and writes things that I did not say when I get a checkup in doctors notes. This has happened a couple times. He refused to give me valproate when I started to see a therpist, because he said the meds would make this go away and if I see a therpaist then he will not treat me. I truely oscillate between feeling paralyzed and not caring about anything. I’m so empty. I’m worried about myself. I wonder if I want to change? I have a dbt manual and cant seem to make myself use this. I do not have friends and do not answer the phone. I don’t want to.
Hi Kathleen, It sounds like you are stuck in freeze, that happens to some people with c-PTSD, they get stuck in the freeze response of fight, flight, or freeze. We’d say you are likely in freeze but do want life to be different as you have had the courage to seek help already. A therapy that helped you get out of freeze, a stabiliser, over a therapy where you talk about the past and keep retraumatising yourself would be a good start. We have an article here on therapies for trauma bit.ly/therapyfortrauma, such as CBT, EMDR, and BWRT. Medication is best used to even out symptoms so that you have enough wherewithal to do therapy. As it does not at all change any of the root causes of issues it’s not recommended as sole use. Also, valproate is used for bipolar disorder and epilepsy, so we are confused as you mentioned CTPSD and GAD. You certainly do perfectly describe symptoms of both (overtalking is common with GAD which can cause social anxiety). In summary we’d go to another doctor as soon as possible. Best regards, HT.
Thank you for writing this article. I googled “it sucks to be called weak your whole life” and this came up. This article helped me feel not so alone as I try to figure out all the ish in life.
I can’t remember much of my 70 years without trauma. Child molestation, mother accused me of liking it, she drank for a period of time, beat me. Pitted all six of her kids against each other. Lost my first baby tangled in cord, lost one of my twins, had a normal pregnancy and lost twins again MIL told me I killed my babies. My husband did nothing because he didn’t hear her say it. Both sons grew up and became very successful. I’ve had breast cancer and 7 spine surgeries. They tell me the have no time to help me once in a while. Of course they help everyone else. My mom knew what my father did to his daughters. I still after all that took care of my mm. When she fell I got no call. She had surgery and died. I was screamed at at immediately went into amnesia. All my moms belongings went to everyone but me. My son was in on all of it. He yells at me so much and yeti still help care for his twins. I went through one of the best programs in the country but they give me no piece. Just hard to live like this. I’m ok, I just wish I could find some pease in my life
Hello, for the first time, well the second, I am scared. I’ve had an interesting life, lots of lovely old childhood trauma, a physically, emotionally, financially and educationally abusive childhood. Became engaged to my coercively controlling ex husband at 21, left him at 35, went and got two degrees!
Then, and even now I don’t know why, some kind of wanting to believe the Disney dream, got back together with him eight years later, moved back in, and had to call the police.
Now, I’m scared. All the time. Scared and can’t think, cold shivers, sleeplessness. Fear.
And I don’t know what to do.
And I don’t know what or how to think.
And it turns out, this is normal, according to your article, it’s just life. And I don’t know whether that’s better or worse. But I am still breathing.
I had an emotional and stressful conversation with my younger brother (whom I feel more comfortable talking to) but I spoke about how he and my older brother have crossed the line with me and I had to let it out. I was very angry that they treat both of our parents (who are divorced, but thankfully still alive at 80+ years old). They are disrespectful to them as well as to each other and to me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I screemed, yelled, got it all out (with my husband as a mediator) and by the time morning came, I couldn’t remember what it was that I had said to my younger brother or how my phone got smashed and diabled. I feel so out of sorts since then, and I feel I have to go through it all over again, because my older brother has to also know how I feel. We have an Uncle (our Dad’s only brother) who is now on Hospice and I don’t know if I am able to handle all of this stress and emotion for much longer. I feel like I am losing my mind and that I don’t have any control of my feelings because they are not received well.
At age 34 I divorced. We had just moved and I did not work so I knew no one. My ex ended up with girl from a Dr. office, chiropractor. office. I got a FT job and 3 yrs later met a man who was very interested in me and he was separated. I soon met his mom and brother and we had to meet i court for a small claims case. When I went in I saw him Sitting by this woman and I suddenly headed for the door, short on breath and I guess such a brain scramble. I sat in the corner of the room, and when it was over I headed out the door panicing. Mostly hurt, and it has been awful for 30 years now. BUt after court I thought he would come over or come to my work. He was confused as I was what happened why I did not talk to him. I could not at the time, I wanted to run away. NEVER saw him again, he thinks I dumped him.
I’m devastated the closer it gets to Christmas. I have 2 children who we have split custody. My boy who’s 7 and little girl who’s 4 whom I love so so much. I have never missed a Christmas and even after we split up we have had 2 Christmases since which the first Christmas was done split so we both had a Christmas day with them and the kids got 2 Christmases in essence, the second year was done at mums house as I have stopped at my parents house since the break so it was done at mums and presents was done there and I seen them open there presents then they came to my parents where they had Christmas dinner. Now this year has came along and at some point she has booked Christmas eve and Christmas day away to the lakes taking the kids and there presents with them, I found out a couple of weeks ago now maybe beginning of November ISH. At that point it was come along which I was drawn aback by with this whole thing being overwhelming so I was like ok, me and mum was getting along ok so thought at least I’m with the kids on Christmas, then it’s going to cost X amount to stay which was ok and then a week or so later if I would like we could add a few more days but it will cost me let’s say quite a lot too much of an expense that had been sprung up with presents still to buy ect, so I said I can’t do that. Over the next week or so thru all sorts of reasons me and mum was not getting on again so it was getting to me thinking I am going to be blamed for ruining Christmas as it’s back to the point where everything and anything triggers mum and I’m to blame ten fold, I said about this Christmas away…it’s not looking good and I don’t want to be the blame for anything the way we keep coming to a head it wouldn’t be fair which mum agreed and said she had been thinking the same and was seemed happy about this. I was loosing sleep thinking about it for weeks and feel like I had no choice in any of this, I feel Christmas has been took.
I feel the decision on a Christmas away with her kids has been make hastily thru having a relationship break down and someone causing her to want to run away and last Christmas once the kids had been hers Christmas eve and the morning and afternoon Christmas day then I took them later and she was on her own she didn’t want that feeling again so to me feels like she’s trying to make everyone else feel her pain thru this?? I could be very wrong but I can tell you there is no way I would be feeling the right I could just take these actions on these days and think it’s ok. The presents thing has been done so they are of us both as that became an issue as it was felt as if they had better with me or with mum, she doesn’t have family around her and I do so the situation I can’t replicate and have the same as her on that front. I feel her pain and we have had a good connection like no other but in her eyes it was all on a false front. Anyway I just wanted to vent and I want to be super pissed off at her and give her loads of grief feeling like she’s playing god with my kids then it annoys me thinking this is thru haste of some guy upsetting her who’s manipulated her, she’s a very special woman and very thoughtful thru all this you wouldn’t believe, she’s been brought up without love. Her mum had her young and her dad wasn’t around and she was brought up with a narcissistic mum, who went on to have another girl with another partner which didn’t last but she loved her and her dad loved her too, she’s watched all this and wondered what was wrong with her all thru her childhood, I have grown to understand this over the past day 4 years we have been split up 3yrs. Our breakup was by me not being able to hold the fort when she was down, which is my own downfall, my own self doubts. I had triggered the relationship say a yr prior as I had looked on social media at other girls which I truly don’t know why I just put it down to human nature of looking and knowing with all my heart I would never be unfaithful, one of my mates was single at this time and my partner’s friend had came around and I had msgd my mate and had said a few vulgar things that lads do about her and was being daft wanting him to maybe get on a date or something. A guy’s version of Cupid comes in many different ways. Anyway she had my phone at some point and came across these and that was it the beginning of the end. I didn’t know how much this had impacted her as at the time I didn’t know the extent of her relationship with her mum and how much me being her safe place was an actual thing. I truly never ment any harm towards her but the damage is now done and I’m seen thru a very dark light. I wish I knew how much she held me as her safe place and I wish I knew the extent on how she had felt growing up, it’s not right how I had said nonsense about her friend I regret that but I can tell you now no words can take back the hurt she took from that and the complete flip it had on her take on me, she took away all the amazing times away together all the nice memories the connection and wholesome that we had, we didn’t have an argument for about 3 yrs maybe more of being together and had created such a lovely bubble, she had a little girl already who was around 18months old when we got together, we created so many fond memories and we was a tight unit and it got to the point we wanted to create one of us, we wanted to bring more into the world into our world and we had a job getting there but we did it! We did have bumps along the way, one being a miss carage which was a hard time, more so for mum as she had been carrying that little pea and obviously experiencing the symptoms. We got a boy and sorry my memory isn’t the best but we had a scare along the way either just before our little girl came along or after. She had an ectopic pregnancy and nearly died thru this, yes mum hasn’t had it easy at all, we had a little girl 6 months before lockdown and when lockdown came the weather was beautiful and we was in our bubble mum was more settled as the outside noise wasn’t there it was just us. In the background she was struggling at times we was as my mistake was already made, mum was say 9months or so in of coming across my msg with my friend so it wasn’t all roses but it did help us being licked down we had picnics was out in nature loads and connecting to the world and our little family was all that mattered. It came to an end really once it all opened back up again we had been offered a house which had an extra room which we was seeking as we was cramped 2 bedroom house with 3 kids one getting on towards a teenager. It was around that time when it was made that she was going there in that house next town along with room for the kids and me going my own way which I went to my parents where I’m still here now. I have plans to this coming year get a campervan work and live from as I have a campervan now which isn’t big enough to live in but me and the kids have had plenty of amazing memories in it, trips here there and anywhere, I want a static home as a base but all this will come in due time. Well this quickly became a story from me not seeing my kids open there presents on Christmas not seeing them come down the stairs in that magical moment and watch there faces opening presents and having breakfast, sharing them Christmas morning cuddles of gratitude from them, doing the dad bits of putting batteries in toys, setting toys up, playing games with them. I have been told we can video call which yeah I will be greatful but I mean what so mum has Christmas with them this year and dads Christmas is cancelled. Kids back I think boxing day so yeah Christmas done with, I am so gutted. Since hearing about the situation I have been struggling to cope, pushing it to the back of my mind. Im hoping I get invited but also I know why it was also needed I wasn’t there, I know it’s not about me I’m thinking of the kids too all the time, thinking they are going to think why do we not get Christmas or presents with daddy. Its hard not to be annoyed about it and emotional. On the day I am going to video call I don’t know where I will be because I feel so broken, I’m either going to be in bed and stay there from them going until there back or quite possibly out in my camper staying away until there back and try and make something somehow out of the situation. I can’t help but feel her doing this won’t do herself any favours, she can become her mum towards me, as her mum was with her very vicious and she strikes me as a big villain and karma will come for me. I don’t hate ppl or carry such malicious acts and feelings, I wish ppl better or hope they will see there wrongs as they grow, I know I’m not perfect we make mistakes and we have to learn from them and just generally try and get thru this tough world we live on. I feel her controlling these situations is like her inflicting karma on me which is her playing god. I can’t say this tho this is just my thought. I just feel it’s going to come back and bite her because it’s been done in haste and truly only thought of herself and her feelings alone. Anyway from me trying to look up on how to cope with this it’s probably helped me a bit writing this all down, I don’t know if anyone will read this and have any input on it or not? There are many situations we find ourselves in that we don’t want to be in and from what I have gathered over the past 3/4 years is that it will make you stronger and create more belief in yourself or there will be a lesson to learn from it. There has to be some good out of it and if you can find the good in bleak situations then that’s an achievement in itself. Overwhelming appreciation will be coming, it’s seems to me that’s how it works, we keep positive and vibrate as positive as we can, let go of grief and just be greatful with all we have and show love. On that note I will wish everyone a happy Christmas and a happy new year 🎊❤️ and whatever you are all going thru you are not alone xx
Great article I relate to. Often in the middle of the night I wake and impress myself with how clear my mind is, organized thoughts and can clearly answer a question someone may have asked during the day. Within a minute it’s gone and I can’t put to paper what I just clearly could answer. I can’t even process the same as I did a minute earlier. During all other awake times my mind races on negative thoughts and I don’t communicate well and when speaking get distracted with thoughts, can’t find words, bounce around different topics, lose track of what I originally wanted to say. In stressful situations I get defensive and don’t communicate effectively. Seems like my mind wants to advance quicker than I communicating. What can I do to be as articulate and not be distracted with other thoughts, as I am for that one minute in the middle of night.
About 15 years ago I had a very big shock, I watched my younger brother had seizure and I felt a great shock that I Shivered for weeks my mum took me out from the house to my aunties house to change environment with that I felt better, years later and even now i still feel numbness as if my spirit wants to leave my body and this happens especially when am in a commercial bus and when it happens I’ll have to start doing something, turning around or even tapping my feet to feel a bit normal. I am suffering please I need your help and a lasting solution.
Hello Andrea,
Thank you so much for your article. It’s very helpful. The only thing I would like to add is that crying isn’t always due to feeling sorry for yourself, but can be due to the hurt and confusion caused by events. Perhaps consider removing ‘feeling sorry for yourself’ given the majority of your readers are dealing with something heavy and this remark has a negative connotation. Just a suggestion, especially since I am guessing you really want to help all people and not set them back.
Thank you
A couple of years ago I went berserk. I at best suffered from panic attacks. It started with my just turned innocent & naïve 18 year old daughter dating a 37year old man who had a band that made a song about jail bait. Still thinking about it makes me cry. They are now married and he seems like a good guy, at the time though I was horrified. We all moved overseas, back to Canada leaving a job I loved caretaking at a seniors home. I left some very close mother figures there who have since passed. My father in law had a psychotic break, shit himself in the leg. He was our landing point back home. So I had to bring my children there. I thought he would be bed ridden and need my care and mostly safe. We got there and he was fine, just needed a little help to get around. My husband left my children and I alone with him and he tormented me. He badgered me constantly. He criticised my cooking, he wouldn’t let me leave the house alone without a guilt trip. He snuck up on me and listened on in conversations. I felt so stuck even when telling my husband. Nothing changed. I resorted to looking for a woman’s shelter because I didn’t feel safe. My husband got me to change my mind. But he was fine working months away. I had enough and left. It’s been four months and I am still stuck. I feel weak and unmotivated. I don’t feel like myself anymore. I try, but I can’t shake this broken feeling. I feel so many emotions very sharply and then I fell dull. I don’t know how to fix this.
Thank you for the article. I felt several simularities to myself. In 2012, when I was nine months pregnant my beloved sister whom I also considered my best friend committed suicide. She would have turned 30 in about a month. 21 days later my daughter was born and 21 days after that was my birthday and six days later would have been her birthday. In 2009 I went through a divorce and before that I was raped. I feel like my life is nothing but a sad story and wish I could overcome all of this and just be present. It’s now 2024 I’m doing better but still suffer and just want it to stop. Leaving my house it actually still very difficult and I just want to hide. Thank you.
Traumatized and can’t recover. Therapists are grifters who just damage me more with their lack of understanding and just want to take money to punish me more for my abused life. Homeless and unemployed for ten years. Waiting to die. Really just don’t want to be here at all. When my dog dies… then I can end this.
Hello. This one is an old story. At 21 I fell very deeply in love, it ended suddenly in a very cruel manner, and I fell into hard heartbreak for six months. I withdrew from friends or any close contact, just wanting to crawl into a hole and cry myself to sleep. After that I trained hard to get back in shape, began to binge picking up women (I’m quite attractive), the thrill made me think I was over it, but I wasn’t. I spent the next two decades alternating food and women and sports, weight going up and down, lots of insomnia. I was convinced I was over it, but I felt empty inside and unable to enjoy anything, despite I had many adventures in life, but everything felt somehow lifeless. A few times I cried without knowing why, triggered by a romantic film, or just being drunk in a club, alone in the toilet.
Well, 23 years after the fact, the heartbreak came back with a vengeance, triggered by a movie that reminded me of the facts, and the pain came back like a tidal wave. I lived in hell for more than a year, but this time I went through it instead of covering it with cheap thrills like food or casual sex, because I already knew they didn’t help. It was the hardest time of my life, a very deep depression that lasted more than a year, feeling real desperation to get her back, despite the time past, toying with the idea of suicide to end the pain, missing the family and the life we could have had together. Until it slowly fizzled out, the pain gradually diminished, the frequency of its bouts, until it disappeared completely. Now she’s a stranger to me again and I’ve become indifferent to her, I feel a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Now I know I spent all those years running from my pain, trying to cover it with other things, but that unresolved pain still can keep affecting you. To sum it up, it was six months of depression, then twenty something years of distymia, then a year-something of deep depression to finally get over it
Now I know you have to go through all the pain to make it go away, it’s your brain’s way to get rid of all that love you felt, which now has become an acid that burns. It’s hell but it’s worth it. I’ll remember next time, haha. .
Now I can have fun again, real fun and not just another cope. Cheers
Thanks for your article. It was helpful to see it laid out. I started with a search about how I couldn’t calm down. Feels like every time I try to relax or do something I enjoy, something is screaming “Danger!” or “You should worry about something! Something is wrong!” I’m 27 and I guess it’s been a busy year and a half. My mom is in a different state and had a cancer scare but she ended up being fine, but I’m the oldest so I shouldered a lot since my parents are divorced, then I injured my back at work and couldn’t move so I had to go to the hospital. Then I switched jobs, had a stroke 6 months in, was out for 2 months. Then, after a month of being back at work, injured my knee so bad I needed surgery, which I’ve recently had. All the while I’m mostly stuck at home because my job requires that I’m 100% I already have OCD and chronic anxiety, since I was a kid. My brain’s just felt like a war zone lately and I’m bad at talking about things so I kind of stew alone most of the time. Regardless, it was nice to find your article and see the comments and responses here. So, thank you.
Thank you for this article. Everything written fits exactly. Wish you guys lived close by