No Motivation? When It’s time to Be Concerned
By: Jennifer Boyer
We all lose steam now and then.
But when does having no motivation go from a mental time-out, to a serious issue that needs your attention?
What is low motivation?
Motivation is when you feel driven to do things. In a very basic way, we are motivated to get out of bed. But we are also motivated to go to work, to see our friends, and to have goals.
Low motivation means we feel uninterested in doing things. We start to cancel social events, perhaps call in sick to work when we aren’t, don’t make that gym class.
No motivation happens when we just don’t want to do anything. We avoid our friends, stop going to the gym at all, go to work only if we have to, and possibly start to self-sabotage. We mess up the work presentation, end relationships, miss important meetings.
When having no motivation is normal
Lounging around the house in a tracksuit is actually normal behaviour post a big life change like a redundancy, breakup, or bereavement. It’s as if our mind needs a timeout to recuperate.
It’s also normal during teenage years. The teenage brain and body are in flux during adolescence, and it and it can mean teenagers can feel spaced out, moody, and uninterested in such things as thinking about their future or cleaning their rooms.
Low motivation often happens when we agree to do something we don’t like, or don’t say no when we want to.
If you took on a project at work you hate, or you agreed to plan a friend’s wedding but really didn’t want to, low motivation is your mind’s way of protesting. Your energy often returns when you get honest and ask for help, or quit the project.
By: Kevin Hutchinson
And finally, having no motivation can also be a symptom of a physical health condition. This includes chronic fatigue syndrome, hyperthyroidism, epilepsy, and brain tumours.
When low motivation is a GOOD thing
Low motivation can be a wakeup call. If you listen to what it’s trying to tell you, it can mean you make decisions that leave you in a better place.
For example, if you suddenly find you have lost all motivation at work, it could be a sign that you need to take a good look at whether you are living from your own values, what your career goals really are, and how you can reach them.
Going for a few sessions with a coach or counsellor might mean your life turns around in a way you could never have imagined before.
When low motivation is a mental health concern
So when does low motivation go from a normal stage you are going through, to a mental health issue? When it has gone on for too long, and when it is jeopardising your day-to-day living.
Look for things like the following:
- it’s gone on for six weeks or more
- it is worsening or unchanged
- you are losing interest in talking to friends and family
- your low motivation is accompanied by increasingly negative thinking
- you are having suicidal thoughts
- you aren’t sure anymore why you lack motivation (or there was no trigger).
Mental health issues and disorders connected to low motivation
If you are trying every tip you can find on the internet about getting motivated but it’s just not working, it could be you have an underlying mental health issue or mental disorder that needs attention.
By: Amy
Depression is the most common mental health issue that has low motivation as a symptom. The onset of low motivation is for many long-term depression sufferers a sign they are falling into another cycle.
[Read our comprehensive Guide to Depression for more on its symptoms.]
Other mental health issues that involve low motivation include:
What do I do if it’s a loved one with low motivation?
If your loved one is diagnosed with any of the mental health issues above, trying to push them to do things might be counterproductive.
Work to accept them as they are, and do not call them lazy. They are not. They are currently unwell, and need your patience.
Some encouragement is of course fine, but if they say no, do not make them feel guilty or flawed. They are likely doing the best they can, and what seems to you like just a bit of cajoling might feel to him or her, in their sensitive state, like a lot of pressure. Focus on small steps, keep your eye on the future, and try to remain as positive as possible.
If your loved one does not have the support they need, approach any suggestion they seek it with care (read our article on “Telling a Loved One They Need Counselling” for good advice here).
And if it’s me who has no motivation?
If your low motivation has an obvious trigger like a life change or career issue, self help can be a good start. If your low motivation feels unmanageable, or has been going on for longer than you are comfortable with, consider talking to a coach or counsellor.
If your low motivation has been going on for months or even years, if you struggle in all areas of life because of it, if you don’t understand what causes it but can’t seem to push past it, or if you suspect you have one of the mental health disorders above, it is essential to seek support.
Talk to your GP or book a counsellor or psychotherapist privately.
Harley Therapy is here to help if you have no motivation lately. We connect you to registered, experienced counsellors and psychotherapists both in central London, across the UK, and now globally via Skype.
Have a question about having no motivation? Or want to share your thoughts on motivation with other readers? Use our public comment box below.
I have 17 interest and 10 things I need to do but I don’t seem to have to energy to do them?
Hi Richard, the article addresses several reasons for why this might be, such as depression or just choosing things that aren’t aligned with your actual personal values but are instead things you think you ‘should’ do.
Dad passed away last September I’m tired no motivation interest is little to none in everything no interest in appearance stress very easily sleep most of day just live for bed what’s wrong with me
Rosemary, have you read about the process of grief and bereavement? It’s actually normal to go through months of highs and lows when we lose someone we love. You might find our articles useful – http://bit.ly/bereavementgrief and http://bit.ly/griefmyths. Seeing as it’s being going on since September, it does also sound like your grief as turned into a bout of depression – again, not uncommon. Have you considered some grief counselling? It can be such a huge relief to talk to someone who ‘gets it’ but also isn’t invested in the situation. You can say anything without fear of upsetting someone!
Ever since I moved again I’ve lost most to all motivation. I can’t get up for school (or when I do I rarely go). My grades are suffering tremendously. I can’t fall asleep at night. My anxiety is through the roof to where I feel I might throw up. I just want to get better.
Hi Skyla, we are imagining you are a teenager. Look, it’s tough being a teenager. Especially when the brain is still growing and the sleep patterns of a teenage brain have been shown by research to not at all match a schedule of getting up at 7am! So many teens find it hard to get up in the morning as it goes against their growing/changing brain’s natural sleep cycle. So that’s one thing. But it also sounds like the move has been really tough on you. If you feel sick to your stomach then you have serious anxiety and it needs addressing. Do you have anyone to talk to about this? If not, would you feel comfortable talking to your school’s counsellor? Or would you be able to ask your parents to help you see a counsellor? We have an article on how to approach that here http://bit.ly/talktoparents
For years throughout school and even now when it comes to initiating a task for anything around being productive, I just cant bring myself to start it. Even thinking about my future, thinking about going to college or a future goal/career, i just have no movivation to even think about it, let alone do research, and I still have no idea why. Its gotten to the point that i think something is wrong with me. I can stay in bed all day wasting the day away watching youtube. And if im asked to do something, i have to be told multiple times and still then ordered to do it qfter time has passed. (This isn’t ADHD/ADD as i was disproved of having it)
Hi Eden, we can’t diagnose you over the internet and certainly not over a comment box. Diagnosis requires working one on one with a practitioner who can get to know you, and we’d advise you seek some counselling sessions to get to the bottom of this. It could, for example, be depression. And also do get a full medical checkup as there are physical things that can cause low motivation and low energy, from something complex like hormonal imbalances to more obvious things like a bad diet full of junk food – research is increasingly connecting gut and mental health, so you might want to start with self-care, ie, a healthy diet and exercise.
In the last 4 yrs ive had 3 separations/divorce a hysterectomy and 4 bereavements all while also trying to support a family member with alcohol problems and have elderly parents. Im struggling with being thrown into benefit system due to divorce and now can hardly drag myself out of bed.
Trish, it sounds very much like depression. Hardly surprising given all that you’ve been dealing with. Could you talk to your GP and get on a waiting list for some free therapy? They might quite quickly get you some self-guided online therapy even, depending where you live.
I’m only 15 but on and off for years I’ve been unable to get motivated to do things I want and need to do.
For example, I love writing. I have frequent ideas I would love to actually write out but I just can’t get myself to write. I want to do it, I have an idea, I don’t have writer’s block, but I still just can’t do it.
Another, arguably more concerning example, is I can’t do chores. It’s not that I loathe doing them or anything, I actually want to so I can help out my mom, but again, I just can’t get myself to do it.
The longest period of time I can remember in the past two years that I’ve had motivation for was about two weeks. During those two years, I’ve had periods of going without motivation for over double that and sometimes even months at a time.
It’s seriously affecting my life and isn’t getting any better. In fact, it’s kind of getting worse. I’ve talked to counsellors about it before but all the advice they can give is something akin to “just do it.” It’s of absolutely no use to me since when I try to push myself to do something during a period of no motivation I start to feel like a physical force is holding me back. It’s almost as if gravity increases tenfold and any attempt I make to do what I want to do only makes it harder to get up to do said thing.
Sorry this is so long, but I’ve been desperate for help for awhile and I just typed out what I felt.
Hi Cam, what sort of counsellors where those?? A properly trained counsellor or one with any training at all would NEVER say ‘just do it’. In fact a counsellor doesn’t give ‘advice’ at all. They simply listen and ask good questions. So perhaps that was just a career guidance person or church person? You are 15. There is some normalcy to feeling lethargic and not wanting to do something as a teen. Your brain is still actually growing and you are under the influence of a lot of chemicals and hormones. So if this has been an issue since you hit puberty, might be partially related. It’s also been found that the teenager brain is not suited to getting up at 8am, hence a lot of teens are tired all the time. If school was changed to 11 to 6, it would probably match the circadian rhythms of a teenage brain much better! Otherwise, if you have any family struggles, past traumas, or any additional signs like negative thoughts and low self-esteem, you might have mild depression, which would be worth talking to a REAL counsellor or psychotherapist about.
I’m 21 I dropped out of high school and don’t yet have a GED. I have no motivation to even get a job… am I depressed or is it something else?
Hi Catie, we can’t say over the internet and not knowing you for starters, but definitely not with that little info. It could be many things. We’d advise you get a full medical checkup to rule out a physical cause, and then book a session with a counsellor to talk about it.
in 2009 my wife had a major stroke that really messed up her mind i lost home and everything left kids in texas and moved to tenn to get help with her she’s only 60 now she’s in a nursing home having trouble with job and don’t have motivation to do my job go to gym or anything and miss my kids don’t know if i have depression or if its something else i also think i have social anxiety i have always had trouble talking to people any help or ideals
George that is a LOT of overwhelming change for everyone. Not only did you lose your wife in some ways, as she’s now unable to take care of herself and as you say her mind is messed up, you lost your home, time with your kids… it’s hardly surprising you are struggling. It could be depression, depression and anxiety, you might even have a case of PTSD…. we would highly suggest you speak to someone. Take this seriously. Find a counsellor or therapist you feel comfortable around. It’s okay if you are nervous, they will expect that. Give it three of four sessions and see if you think you might grow to trust them. If you are on a low budget, we have an article to give you ideas on how to find support http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy and also try googling your post code and ‘low cost counselling’ as well as ‘support groups’, there might be a free men’s support group in your area. Don’t be afraid to call a free help line if you are feeling very low. We are in the UK but we hear there are many in America, the Good Samaritans are definitely in your country too they are a great resource. In summary, do take how you feel seriously, you need support and you deserve it, we wish you courage!
I’m not motivated to do anything, I have no interests other than eating junk and I’m not good at anything since the past 1 or 2 years. I also have a very low self-esteem and no confidence and I hate myself for being this way. Also, I’m 16 years old. Am I depressed?
Hi Aishwarya we can’t diagnose someone over a comment box! Being a teen is difficult. Hormones are all over the place, your brain is still growing, you are trying to figure out who you are. Many teens lack motivation as they are simply tired all the time, because in fact the teenage brain can be on a cycle that doesn’t match school hours (teenage brains would be better waking up at 10 or 11, not 7!). So on one hand, a lot of teens are very self critical and lack motivation. It can help to just realise that teenage years are hard, and try to be a bit more compassionate to yourself. You are doing the best you can. On the other hand, if you are worried, why not talk to someone? Have a chat with someone you trust, talk to a school counsellor, or call a hotline. If you are actually depressed they can get a better idea of it and even steer you in the direction of support. If you are in the UK you can find free hotlines in this article http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines
5 years ago my father died, 7 months later I suffered a disabling illness, where I went from able bodied to regularly very poorly, weak and a lot of time off sick, this led to me losing my job and my car, over the next year I developed an autoimmune condition and was bed bound and unable to mobilise relying on my wife to care for me. I had a mental breakdown and attempted suicide. She ended up abandoning me after ambulances were called by my mother who I had texted goodbye to (I was on a high dosage of prednisolone and it caused a psychosis I was to discover later which is why I tried to end it) and had to have social care look after me because she was neglecting me. The house hadn’t been cleaned for months, I had to urinate in bottles as I couldn’t get to the toilet due to the mess, but didn’t have energy or strength to tidy it. I do of course bear some of the responsibility. A few months later I had some recovery after a lot of treatment and I was able to mobilise a small amount, get downstairs, get to a car, sit in the garden etc. As time went in my strength grew and I started dating. I did also have an issue with cocaine, I spent any money I had using it as an emotional crutch. I eventually met my new partner and we decided to move in together, as my landlord was selling the house I lived in, so we had to move a 3 bedroom house and a 1 bedroom flat into a 2 bedroom bungalow. Things were ok for a year, I started my own business and worked hard at it. However, 8 months later I got into severe financial difficulty, my wife, who I am currently divorcing, maxed out the credit cards that were in my name. This resulted in me having to file for bankruptcy. My business was a small law practise and, as a bankruptee, meant I could no longer trade, so last October I closed my business. On January 1st my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, in February my grandfather died, and in May so did mum. As the only child I have been left to deal with the estate, they rented, and had very little money.
I haven’t had much motivation since dad died, and it feels like it is just downhill. My current partner is amazing and stands by me but she is frustrated by my lack of drive. I have no ambition anymore. I am clinically depressed but trying to get mental health services is either an extremely long waiting list or too expensive. I feel trapped in a never ending cycle of bad luck and lack of motivation to get out, because when I start, something else comes along to push me back down again. I don’t know what is wrong with me, or if I can be fixed.
I should also mention I was abducted and raped at 6 years old. I am in my late 30’s now.
Hi Brian, we are sorry to hear you’ve gone through all this. Feeling unmotivated would be completely normal in this case. You might have long term complex PTSD, for example, or at the very least as you say depression. Nobody who has depression is motivated. So stop beating yourself up. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You’ve gone through a lot and you are doing the best you can.
Hi, I’m 72 and have severe arthritis. I struggle with housework and my home is really cluttered but I can’t seem to get up any motivation to get it sorted. I also don’t cook any more. I can’t stand up for long and use 2 sticks to walk around the house. I can’t even take my dog for a walk now. I don’t think I’m depressed as I am not unhappy. I do put visitors off as I can’t make tea etc. I can still drive but only go out for appointments.
Hi Sylvia, in this case we wonder if it’s more a case of being hard on yourself over not having motivation. If you have severe arthritis and use sticks it’s a lot to expect of yourself to get all the housework done alone and take your dog for a walk as well as entertain guests! It sounds like you need some support and help around the house and to congratulate yourself for all the things you can do, such as still driving and doing your best to keep a household running.
Ive wasted the majority of my life stuck in depression, oh well.
It’s a choice you are making. There is tons of help available for depression these days, even on a low budget.But the first step is to actually want to change, and to be willing to give up as identifying as unhappy and depressed and to form a new identity. The next step is to find support.
I have just started my 2nd year at university and have not got any motivation to do anything. I also have epilepsy. I have been struggling to go to sleep for a while but once I’m in bed I have no trouble getting to sleep. Lately I haven’t been interested in food and am staying in bed for a long time before getting up. I don’t know how to start feeling better and even though I want to do many things.
Jenny, we can’t diagnose someone based on an internet comment, but it could be that you are depressed. Read our article on different kinds of depression here https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/types-of-depression.htm. Or take our ‘stressed, depressed, or both?” free quiz here https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/quiz-stressed-or-depressed. Regardless of whether it is or isn’t depression, your moods are evidently affecting your daily life and coping. So it really is time to seek some support. Have you checked to see if your school offers free or low cost counselling? You’ll find it in UK and USA universities. Don’t be afraid to give it a go, that is why the service is there. and a counsellor is non judgemental, they’ll create a safe space to explore what is stressing you at this time.
I have been dependent on opioids and benzodiazepines for 18 years following 2 unsuccessful neck surgeries. I discontinued these meds 15 months ago and went through what I supposed is ( Post Acute Withdraw Syndrome) ever since. I’m not sure if this is something that will go away over time due to a chemical imbalance in my brain or this is how I’ll feel the rest of my life. I have no interest in anything at all . When I get up in the morning I go straight to my recliner and that’s where I’m at the rest of the day. After 15 months I’m starting to lose hope that I’ll ever feel normal again.
Brett that sounds really tough. Two neck surgeries must have been fairly scary. If it did in any way traumatise you, the drugs might have blocked your processing of that. The fact that they were unsuccessful would have also been traumatic. It is possible that now you are not on the drugs all the unprocessed feelings and responses around the experience are sitting there waiting to be processed. And when there is a backlog of emotions/responses we can feel so overwhelmed our brain uses the defense mechanism of blanking out. Unfortunately it also blanks out everything. We are left zombie like. So what we’d suggest is you consider talking to someone about this. Explore a bit. Easy? No. Possibly scary as well? Yes. But sometimes the only way is through. You might even want to find a therapist who uses clinical hypnotherapy, if that is of interest. Best, HT p.s. you might find our article on depression and injuries interesting https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/injury-and-depression.htm
Thank you so much for your response. It really means a lot to validate some of my feelings. I think you are 100% right about feeling like a zombie as well as seeking some therapy.
Brett, you’ve been through a lot. So we’d see it as getting some support, someone on side who is non judgemental and supportive and who creates a space you can vent in without having to worry about consequences.
I’m one of the happiest, most positive people out there. Always a list maker, and until I was around 55, I could knock out 50 things on my daily list and wouldn’t go to bed until I had finished the list. For about 8-9 years now, however, I am motivated to do almost nothing unless it is required by my profession, or related to my pets. My formerly immaculate house is a mess most of the time, and I procrastinate or ignore about any other needed tasks. Yes, I’ve lost both parents, a brother, and several other dear ones, but I am so not a griever and I am at peace with their passing. I have self confidence, am social, sleep well, and find humor in everything. I’ve always been a super achiever, but these past several years, I just don’t care much about accomplishing anything and I want that drive back! I have a great life, get regular physicals (always healthy results). I’ve had several injuries over the past decade which have curtailed working out like I used to, but other than that, not much has changed. Any ideas why I’ve become so lazy and unmotivated and how to turn it around???
Hi Lynne, you sound like a high achiever. Is it actually ok to you to be sad? Or a mess? As we have an inkling it isn’t. There is a sense here, even in this being just a comment, of holding yourself to a high standard and judging yourself if you don’t meet it. Note that you call yourself lazy, that’s a harsh judgement. Also, in our humble experience, being ‘so not a griever’ never works so well. Grief isn’t really a choice. Although we can choose to completely suppress it. The little problem there is that it is like holding a beach ball under water. It takes a heck of a lot of energy to keep all that sadness in check. And what happens when all our mental and psychological energy is being used to repress things? Our mind and energy is taken, and the rest of our life starts to slowly unravel. The more we valiantly try to protest we are ok, the more things fall apart. So we’d say it could be a backlog of built up repressed emotions, could be a type of burnout. But whatever the case, we’d say that self judgement stops us from being honest with ourselves. What if is was okay to not be perfect? And what if it was brave to be a mess? In summary we don’t think this is something to overlook. We think it’s something to dive into, preferably with some proper support. We aren’t here to push therapy on anyone, but over achievers can really benefit because the therapy room becomes the safe space to be less than together when they aren’t comfortable with doing so in front of others, even those they trust.
Very good points. Thank you!
Glad you found it useful!
I always feel unmotivsted with school and cleaning but its weird because i perfectly fine doing stuff like odd jobs for people but i want to but i cant my dad says it because im lazzy its been like thisfor years now and its getting worse how do i explain it to my dad that im not lazy
Hi there, is it possible this is the wrong question? That maybe what you need to explain to your dad is that it makes you feel underestimated and pretty bad that he would call you such a thing? Which is a pretty terrible and unsupportive thing to call a kid. And that it’s a shame he can’t recognise what you do do? You sound like someone who doesn’t like being told what to do but enjoys doing things when it’s your own choice. Pretty normal with teens… which is a time of life when you are determining your own identity and personal boundaries. Sometimes it can help to pay less attention to the fact that it’s something you are being forced to do and instead focus on the way it benefits you. For example, how can school and doing well in it benefit you? What can you get out of it? Make it more about you and less about them. Good luck!
hi
for the past couple of months I have had little to no motivation to do much of anything. It isn’t like I don’t want to do these things, like college work or going out, but no matter what I tell myself I usually end up not doing anything. I come up with all manner of excuses to not do things or to explain why I haven’t done it. I procrastinate so much that even when I have time it feels like I don’t. I’m so far behind on my work now and it just keeps piling up but I just can’t be bothered to tackle it. I can barely sleep anymore usually up till two or three in the morning even though I’m tired as hell. Even when I do get a good nights sleep I still struggle to get out of bed in the mornings. My friends mean so much to me and I love that they’re trying to help me with this but more often then not now I just don’t want to be around them. It’s just a bit exhausting being around them sometimes but I don’t want to hurt them by shunning them. I don’t really get what’s going on and I hate what feeling like this is doing to me. Its ruining my chances of getting the grades I want and of getting into a good uni. I don’t know what ill do if I fail at this point because I have no backup plans. I have no idea how to get myself back on track
Hi Elisha, sounds like depression. Is there a counsellor at your school you can talk to? Most colleges and universities provide free to low cost counselling to their students. We’d advice you gather up your courage and go talk to someone about this.
I am 20 years old and epileptic. I used to be the most motivated and eager kid you find. I used to be punctual, hardworking, extremely driven and motivated. I’m not these things anymore. I do have a desire to excel at everything, but there’s no motivation to take action. My grades went from straight As to failing high school math twice and wasting two years before crawling into a really crappy university. Even now, when I know I have that fresh start and I need to develop new skills and learn, I can’t be bothered. I just want to sleep all day. I’m never sleepless. I could sleep whenever I’d like. This is really affecting my life. It’s really hard to get myself out of bed to take a shower too. I don’t know if I’m going through some lazy years or if I’m actually demotivated. I hate it like this. Someone please help me understand what’s going on.
Hi Amnah, sounds hard. We obviously can’t diagnose someone we don’t know based on a comment. So we can’t tell you what’s going on, but we can tell you it sounds like you need to go see a doctor and then a counsellor. A doctor could rule out any physical issue or side effects from a medication that is causing possible low grade depression. If there was not a physical issue, a therapist could help you get to the bottom of your lack of motivation and depression. In either case, not something to ignore. Best of luck.
I have been dealing with depression for a long time. My best friend died last year and someone I’m close to her 12 year old died of cancer a couple weeks ago. I haven’t been taking any of my meds (including my synthroid – I don’t have a thyroid) I’m not having suicidal thoughts, but like I wouldn’t care if I died. I don’t k ow if that’s something to go to the hospital for or not.
Victoria, it sounds like you really need support here, that’s a lot of loss, and it’s more normal than you think to consider dying yourself after those you really care about have….and you are engaging in self harm (not taking meds you need to survive is a form of self harm). If you really feel you are going to commit suicide, definitely do call emergency services. Otherwise, if you aren’t wanting to call a therapist, would you Have consider calling a help line? They are free, and the people on the other end are trained volunteers that are happy to talk with you. If you are in the UK here is a list of great help lines http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines if you are not in the UK google your area and the word help line. We wish you courage
hi there
i have been retrenched twice and i lost the motivation to perform and excel in my work. thinking of changing my job but i do not feel like working at all. i feel anxiety at work and i was never like this. i used to be motivated and would not give in to pressure.
these days i feel burn out and i always thought of hiding out in the countryside and living a simple life.
this has been goinig on for a year plus. what should i do?
Hi Grace, we aren’t sure what you mean by ‘retrenched’. But what is clear is that you don’t like your job and are having ideas of escape. It sounds like you might know what you want but not how to get there, or like you don’t believe that you can actually have a life you like. You have convinced yourself you are stuck, when really none of us are, we have free will. So you might want to work with a coach. They help you look at what you really want, and what is stopping you from getting it, including your own negative beliefs. Then together you make a step by step change to moving forward in ways that work. Good luck!
I moved to a new house in November with my husband and 2 teenage boys. Since then I have had trouble sleeping. I haven’t felt any motivation to get the house feeling homely. I struggle getting house chores cooking cleaning done which is so out of character as I was always so house proud in my last house. I find I’m always anxious and don’t care about what I look like and am happy to stay at home and do nothing. I then feel this is not me and hate myself for not doing things and feeling like this. Please any help would be appreciated
Hi Fiona, was it also a new city/country? What about this moving house was upsetting for you? Sounds like you are possibly depressed. So we’d imagine there is a lot more to this situation than just the new house. Is there any chance you’d consider some counselling? Could be a great relief to have someone unbiased and confidential to talk to ….
I’m 16 years old and for the past few months my motivation to do anything has greatly decreased. My grades have been suffering a lot because of this, and even though i feel horrible about it I still can’t focus on my work for more than 5 minutes. At night I find it difficult to fall asleep, and I have started sleeping for 11 hours at least. My food intake has become very irregular, some days i’ll eat a lot of food and still not feel full, and some days i just don’t want to eat anything. I am an introvert, but i still love hanging out with my friends, but ever since quarantine started for me I haven’t wanted to talk to any of them. I wish I could talk to my friends about this but I’m pretty sure they won’t understand me, as they are all very hard working and motivated and know exactly what they want to accomplish in life. I thought about talking to a school counselor, but that’s not possible now because of the Corona virus, and in my school practically no one talks to the school counselor about their problems, so I imagine that they wouldn’t be sure what to do. I was curious if i have depression, so i took a few online tests to see my results, and they all said i had moderate-severe depression. Is this true?
Savi, please go and look at our recent articles. You’ll find we’ve posted several about living through Covid and quarantine, and more importantly, you’ll find that what you are experiencing is actually normal. Even the sleep and appetite disruption, or wanting to withdraw… we have one article on what it does to your brain. Your entire body is changing because of less activity and a set of strange circumstances. You might be feeling depression simply as it’s a lot to take on, what is happening in the world, and if you are a sensitive person or had any previous stressful life experiences, you might be struggling more (we also have an article up on how to navigate lockdown as a sensitive person). But rest assured that MANY of us are. Many of us have found ourselves completely thrown off kilter with all the changes. As for those other people who are apparently all doing well, we’d say, that sounds like a big assumption. For all you know they are struggling to but are afraid to admit it, even as you are. As it sounds like you are in a circle of friends that are not transparent or close. What we would say reading this is it sounds like you have no support system. Friends you are not able to be authentic or open with (which is in some books not even friendship, worth noting), and it doesn’t sound like you have family to talk to. We’d say, for now, given the state of the world, go easy on yourself. Teachers know students are struggling, it’s to be expected. Do talk to a counsellor, as that is what they are they for. It’s again an assumption that nobody does, maybe just your friends don’t, but if nobody used them then they wouldn’t even be there. All you need to do is call up and book an appointment, they’ll explain from there. We’d say go to the counsellor not just as you are struggling now, but because it seems you are too hard on yourself, and make assumptions constantly over see a full perspective, with those assumptions always leaving you at a deficit. A counsellor can help you have a more rounded perspective, learn to give yourself some credit and recognise you are more than just your achievements, and also help you learn how to grow supportive relationships and a support circle. Best, HT
I am 17 years old and have been struggling with motivation problems for most of high school, but my junior year has been a little more rough. Especially with Covid. I find it very hard to get up in the mornings, even though I used to be able to get a good early morning start. I also often find myself with little to no appetite. I’ve found myself in situations where I have opportunities to do things I usually would love to do, but feel no excitement or am too tired to want to.
It’s also come time to start applying to colleges and big scholarships, but I get so distracted by little things that don’t matter that the day goes by too quickly. Even though I know these things are important for my future, and I want to go to college so badly, I can no longer find the motivation in me to get these things done. I mean I’ve even struggled to get myself to apply for a job. I feel stuck and it’s hard to talk to my family cause I’ve been so good about this growing up. It wasn’t till this year that I’ve really struggled with this.
Hi Abby, totally normal to feel low motivation since Covid, for more on that use the search bar and find our articles on covid or try searching ‘coronavirus’. As for why you are sabotaging college, we can’t tell you over a comment box, we’d have to know you. But it would be a great idea to work with a counsellor on this anxiety and sabotage. We also notice you don’t have open and honest communications with your family, which implies to us there are issues there. Most schools have free counsellors, would you feel comfortable going and talking to the one at yours? They are there to help. You’d be surprised how many students suffer anxiety, depression, and sabotage just before the transition of leaving school. It’s a lot of change, and you might be afraid of all the differences ahead or even of being on your own. Best, HT
I’m 33 and have great artistic abilities and a college degree in healthcare. Problem is I can’t find a REAL job. I have no real stability in my life and it bothers me. I work temp jobs for a week or so and then quit because I feel like a failure.
I work out about 4-6 days a week. I’ve always taken pride in my body. It seems to be the only 1 thing I have control over. Problem is for about 2 months I have had 0 interest in working out. I don’t eat healthy either, which is not common for me.
I’ve put my all into finding a job that fits me, and it’s draining because my opportunities seem to be limited to dead end jobs. I’ve lost the motivation to work out. I’m not sure if I’m depressed or something else. I feel dizzy sometimes and my eyesight seems a tad bit different. Bright light kind of bothers me all of a sudden. Worst of all, since I don’t have a job I don’t have any healthcare to see a doctor. I just don’t know how to pick myself up and move forward.
Hi Lexci, we would need to know you and a lot more about you to be able to say what the issue is. For starters, right now, with what’s going on in the world, a LOT of people are feeling unmotivated, anxious, depressed, and unable to do their usual activities. So try to cut yourself some slack. Could be depression, yes, and also feels like you just aren’t sure of who you are or what you want (note you mention artistic abilities, what made you mention it? Is there a chance you don’t actually WANT to work in healthcare, and you are sabotaging? Just a thought). A bit of life coaching would be helpful and you might, with some research, be able to find something low cost. It will help you get clear on what is really blocking you, what your values are, what beliefs are holding you back, and how to move forward. Best, HT.
Hi there Hartley,
I’m 26 and feel unmotivated most of the time and have been this way as long as I can remember. My life’s been a mixture of good and bad like most people. However, the bad experiences have weighed heavy on me recently. I feel like there’s a fog over my brain. I believe in myself one day then the next I feel worthless. I’ve also become all to aware of what I lack and struggle to value what I do have. I’ve never had a job that I wanted, I’ve never had a girlfriend and have had very little sexual encounters. Basically I’ve been locked into an unmotivated state for years and am worried I’ve ruined my life for good. I will say that I’ve been smoking weed without any major breaks since I was 17, I’ve used cocaine and alcohol almost every weekend for 2 years and I’ve neglected my diet at times too. I know my comment is a mess because there’s so much more to this than I can explain right now. I believe in my intelligence and I’m constantly learning new things about various subjects. Still, I think I’ve become too pensive and find it hard to move from the my thoughts space to actual actions. I’m a lyricist and love music and hope to become an established touring artist. There’s always something holding me back and I’m sure the drugs have been the biggest culprit but I don’t think that’s only trigger. I would like some tailored questions that can further breakdown what is going on really. I apologise for the lack of structure of my comment I currently feel foggy which annoys me as I pride myself on my intelligence and mental acuity. Yet I continue to deteriorate. Thank you and I look forward to your reply.
Hi Bryan, it sounds like depression. A set of questions isn’t the answer. What you need to do is get support. We wouldn’t blame it on the drugs, no, that level of substance misuse (which by the way is substantial and serious) and lack of self-care happens because we are hiding from thoughts and feelings we don’t like, which generally come from difficult childhood experiences. The substance use is the symptom, not the issue. We hear you justifying it and trying to convince yourself you have no reason to be unmotivated or upset, that you ‘should’ be feeling and doing better. There are no shoulds. You are you, you feel what you feel, experiences affect you as they affect you, and the truth is that things aren’t going so well and you have to make a stand for yourself now, gather your courage, and get help. Don’t see this as a negative. We all have our own journey in life. Some of us have to go on the journey of self healing, but then along the way we become a person we never knew we could be, and it helps us connect to and help others. Best, HT.
I’ve lacked the motivation to do necessary tasks for a few years, since I was about 14 or so. There’s no cause that I can discern, it just seemed like it happened at some point. Like everything I did just lacked any sort of purpose. Even if I tried to scare myself into imagining the bad things that would happen if I didn’t do those necessary tasks, it would only freak me out and I would just end up distracting myself by reading or going on YouTube or whatever. I think I’m just really lazy, but it’s gotten to the point where I’m considering suicide to avoid the consequences of my actions (or lack thereof), which I’m aware is extremely selfish and probably stupid but I don’t know what else I can do. I have no idea how I can get any sort of help because I know my parents won’t help me and I’m taking college classes online. I can’t drive anywhere either (I wasn’t motivated enough to get my driver’s license apparently). Everything just feels like it’s out of my control but I know it’s not, but it still feels like it is, you know? Do you have any advice for me?
Hi Michelle, it sounds a lot like depression. Depression isn’t laziness. Not at all. When we are depressed our brain just kind of shuts down. It really is hard to do things, it’s not in your head. The fact that you can’t talk to your parents and feel they wouldn’t want to help you says a lot about your relationship with them and your family. It sounds lonely. Our advice is, you’ve got to find some support. Suicidal thoughts are a big deal. Just because your parents won’t take you seriously doesn’t mean you can’t take yourself seriously. If you are at college that would mean you are legally an adult, and can book a therapist without their permission. Note that most colleges in UK/Canada/USA now offer free to low cost counselling. Contact your college to see what they have in the way of help. In emergencies, call a mental health line. That’s what they are there for. Or seek low cost counselling, you can learn how to find it here http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. Finally, are you still living at home? We find with a lot of young people aged 18-25, if you are still living at home, it can be the lack of independence that also adds to depression. You are ready to find your own feet in the world and make your own mistakes and step into being an adult but are stuck under the power of your parents still. If you can’t move out and be independent, given the global situation, start looking at ways you can be more independent. You might find some tips in this article https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/overbearing-parents.htm. Best, HT.
Thank you for the great article. I’m 43, dad of two beautiful kids and married. I’ve been diagnosed with depression (17 out of 20 symptoms on a checklist) and I’m on two antidepressants, which I take regularly. None the less, my motivation has taken a skydive and the problem is I don’t want to work on it. I acknowledge it’s not ‘right’ but I’m not interested in improving my situation. My outlook, on meds, is nihilistic at best. Things like ‘purpose’ are for me purely human constructs that carry no tangible weight in the greater scheme of things. I contemplate suicide, but would never go through with it for many reasons. I can’t say I’m happy in my marriage and have committed adultery once. I should definitely see a therapist, right?
Hi Daniel, we are going to guess you are in America, given you were given two antidepressants and not offered therapy. Medication is great for masking symptoms and creating space to work out why we have those symptoms. That is all it does. It doesn’t fix anything. We personally find it upsetting that any doctor would put someone on antidepressants without also referring them on to therapy, but this seems to be an American phenomenon, leaking into the UK, where we are based. We also want to say that meds can backfire, some people feel more instead of less depressed. You really need to tell your doctor you feel nihilistic. They might be a very bad combo for you, and we can’t stress how important this is. There is a risk of suicide on anti depressants, please take this seriously. Book an appointment to see that doctor TODAY and if he doesn’t take your concern seriously go get a second opinion asap. So we would say a resounding yes, see a therapist. Depression is proven by years of research to improve with therapy. If you don’t want to do a deep dive into your past at the moment, there is a short term therapy called cognitive behavioural therapy, CBT, which focusses on helping you notice then manage the link between your thoughts and moods. With commitment to its tools it can revolutionise the way you think and mean you find yourself way less prone to deep mood dips. It’s a great stabiliser. From there you might feel stronger and more ready to try a longer term, deep diving therapy, like one from the humanistic school of thought we can’t say as we don’t know what your issues are other than depression. Best, HT.
Hi, thanks for this post. It seems to fit with how I’m feeling at the moment. I’ve been struggling to motivate myself in all aspects of my life for some time now. I’m in my early 40’s, happily married with kids, have a good job, nice house, etc. Basically, there’s nothing for me to worry about but in turn I can’t find motivation that will make me want to achieve any goals. I have had issues with depression in the past and have gone to counselling which really helped but this doesn’t feel the same. Everything just feels flat, every day is the same. I’m not unhappy with where I am but I also don’t have anywhere that I want to get to. None of the normal triggers seem to do anything for me (relationships, money, travel, etc.).
Hi Ron, we’d say, try to go easy on yourself. There has been a massive rise in low motivation, we see it right across the board, and it’s connected to the world situation. Even if we think we are not bothered anymore about the entire pandemic, there is a sort of psychological fatigue and all round apathy we are seeing that is lowering many people’s ability to set and achieve goals or even affecting their daily coping. And it’s exactly that flat feeling you are talking about. Not depression or anxiety, just, ‘meh’. This article touches on it https://harleytherapy.com/blog/posts/bored-of-everything. The blahs. We’d suggest lowering your expectations of yourself and expanding your time containers for goals. If you had a goal you wanted for this year, give yourself an additional year to get there. Try to focus on what is going right each day, no matter if it’s just small moments. Best, HT.
I’m 13 and Haven’t had motivation for A very long while, Perhaps a year even.
I’ve never liked school but I Don’t have motivation to get up in the morning let alone study for whatever tests coming up.
Nothing really traumatic happened in my life that started this, I honestly have no idea what it is. It’s at the point where I want to sleep all day and only wake up when nobody else is around, I Don’t want to talk to anyone anymore, I’d rather suffer alone, but I Don’t know how I can carry on like this, No goals or reasons to even live apart from the fact it would cause everyone stress. I spoke to my mom about this ages ago, she just didn’t care. I already found it hard to do it back then, so after she just didn’t seem bothered I Can’t find it in myself to talk about my feelings.
I Don’t know what to do, I can’t get a therapist because I Don’t want anyone to question, I’d have to explain everything, and in my family if you cry you just get bullied, I hate it And I can’t stand it much longer.
I don’t know what to do anymore
Hi there Saffiyah, sounds tough, and really lonely. Being thirteen is really challenging. There are so many things that can be happening. School gets harder, and then at aged thirteen did you know your brain is actually growing? That alone, along with hormones can cause changes in sleeping patterns and moods. The reason a lot of teenagers want to sleep in and are alert only in the afternoon is not because they are lazy or lack motivation, it’s because their brains are actually often in a different ‘circadian rhythm’, which is the natural cycle of wake/sleep our bodies are designed for. If school went from noon to 7 we are convinced teens would do much better with everything. And around 13 we also realise that we aren’t a kid anymore. We have growing up staring us in the face, which can feel exhausting. Life is not going to be just about fun and it can feel very boring indeed. All this aside, there could be other things bothering you, we don’t know you or your life history. It’s a red flag to us that your mother didn’t seem to care about how you feel. Sometimes parents don’t mean to be terrible, they are just caught up in their own dramas and don’t really realise how upset we are. Sometimes they really just aren’t great parents. We don’t know the full story. If you had courage to try to tell her again that’s worth doing, in case she really just doesn’t realise how much you are struggling. Although it is concerning that you said you have to pretend to be fine to be accepted and that you are judged for not pretending to be fine. That is quite toxic, and exhausting. So look, if your Mother really is a no go zone, we’d really like to think you could find someone else to talk to. How would you feel about talking to the school counsellor? Or is there another adult you trust? Also give a google for free and confidential help lines for teens in your area, there are several in the UK if you are here, that you can call, text, or email, you can find a list here http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. There are really friendly people waiting to talk at such charities, don’t be afraid to call if you are feeling particularly low. The good part about being a teenager is that you start to realise you are not your family. That you are an individual who will be deciding what she wants to do with her life for herself, who one day will be totally independent making all her own choices. You just have to keep hanging on in there. Try to notice each day one or two things, no matter how small, that are going right. Some people even write these things down in a ‘gratitude journal’. Then we can go back on the really tough days and have a read to remind ourselves that life is made of tough bits but good bits too, if we just keep going. Best, HT.