No Motivation? When It’s time to Be Concerned
by Andrea M. Darcy
We all lose steam now and then.
But when does having no motivation go from a mental time-out, to a serious issue that needs your attention?
What is low motivation?
Motivation is when you feel driven to do things. In a very basic way, we are motivated to get out of bed. But we are also motivated to go to work, to see our friends, and to have goals.
Low motivation means we feel uninterested in doing things. We start to cancel social events, perhaps call in sick to work when we aren’t, don’t make that gym class.
No motivation happens when we just don’t want to do anything. We avoid our friends, stop going to the gym at all, go to work only if we have to, and possibly start to self-sabotage. We mess up the work presentation, end relationships, miss important meetings.
When having no motivation is normal
Lounging around the house in a tracksuit is actually normal behaviour post a big life change like a redundancy, breakup, or bereavement. It’s as if our mind needs a timeout to recuperate.
It’s also normal during teenage years. The teenage brain and body are in flux during adolescence. And it and it can mean teenagers can feel spaced out, moody, and uninterested in such things as thinking about their future or cleaning their rooms.
Low motivation evidently happens when we agree to do something we don’t like, or don’t say no when we want to.
If you took on a project at work you hate, or you agreed to plan a friend’s wedding but really didn’t want to, low motivation is your mind’s way of protesting. Your energy often returns when you get honest and ask for help, or quit the project.
And finally, having no motivation can also be a symptom of a physical health condition. This includes chronic fatigue syndrome, hyperthyroidism, epilepsy, and brain tumours.
When low motivation is a GOOD thing
Low motivation can be a wakeup call. If you listen to what it’s trying to tell you, it can mean you make decisions that leave you in a better place.
For example, if you suddenly find you have lost all motivation at work, it could be a sign that you need to take a good look at whether you are living from your own values. It might be time to assess what your career goals really are, and how you can reach them.
Going for a few sessions with a coach or counsellor might mean your life turns around in a way you could never have imagined before.
When the blahs are a mental health concern
So when does low motivation go from a normal stage you are going through, to a mental health issue? When it has gone on for too long, and when it is jeopardising your day-to-day coping.
Look for things like the following:
- it’s gone on for six weeks or more
- it is worsening or unchanged
- you are losing interest in talking to friends and family
- your low motivation is accompanied by increasingly negative thinking
- you are having suicidal thoughts
- you aren’t sure anymore why you lack motivation (or there was no trigger).
Mental health issues and disorders connected to low motivation
If you are trying every tip you can find on the internet about getting motivated but it’s just not working? It could be you have an underlying mental health issue or mental disorder that needs attention.
Depression is the most common mental health issue that has low motivation as a symptom. The onset of low motivation is for many long-term depression sufferers a sign they are falling into another cycle.
[Read our comprehensive ‘Guide to Depression’ for more on its symptoms.]
Other mental health issues that involve low motivation include:
What do I do if it’s a loved one with low motivation?
If your loved one is diagnosed with any of the mental health issues above, trying to push them to do things might be counterproductive.
Work to accept them as they are, and do not call them lazy. They are not. They are currently unwell, and need your patience.
Some encouragement is of course fine, but if they say no, do not make them feel guilty or flawed. They are likely doing the best they can. And what seems to you like just a bit of cajoling might feel to them, in their sensitive state, like a lot of pressure. Focus on small steps, keep your eye on the future, and try to remain as positive as possible.
If your loved one does not have the support they need, approach any suggestion they seek it with care (read our article on “Telling a Loved One They Need Counselling” for good advice here).
And if it’s me who has no motivation?
If your low motivation has an obvious trigger like a life change or career issue, self-help can be a good start. If your low motivation feels unmanageable, or has been going on for longer than you are comfortable with, consider talking to a coach or counsellor.
If your low motivation has been going on for months or even years, if you struggle in all areas of life because of it? And don’t understand what causes it but can’t seem to push past it? Or if you suspect you have one of the mental health disorders above, it is essential to seek support.
Talk to your GP or book a counsellor or psychotherapist privately.
Harley Therapy is here to help if you have no motivation lately. We connect you to registered, experienced counsellors and psychotherapists both in central London who also offer online therapy.
Have a question about having no motivation? Or want to share your thoughts on motivation with other readers? Use our public comment box below.
Andrea M. Darcy is the chief editor and lead writer of this site. She left a film career to train as a person-centred therapist and then ended up becoming a successful mental health writer who has penned thousands of popular articles.
I have 17 interest and 10 things I need to do but I don’t seem to have to energy to do them?
Hi Richard, the article addresses several reasons for why this might be, such as depression or just choosing things that aren’t aligned with your actual personal values but are instead things you think you ‘should’ do.
Dad passed away last September I’m tired no motivation interest is little to none in everything no interest in appearance stress very easily sleep most of day just live for bed what’s wrong with me
Rosemary, have you read about the process of grief and bereavement? It’s actually normal to go through months of highs and lows when we lose someone we love. You might find our articles useful – http://bit.ly/bereavementgrief and http://bit.ly/griefmyths. Seeing as it’s being going on since September, it does also sound like your grief as turned into a bout of depression – again, not uncommon. Have you considered some grief counselling? It can be such a huge relief to talk to someone who ‘gets it’ but also isn’t invested in the situation. You can say anything without fear of upsetting someone!
Ever since I moved again I’ve lost most to all motivation. I can’t get up for school (or when I do I rarely go). My grades are suffering tremendously. I can’t fall asleep at night. My anxiety is through the roof to where I feel I might throw up. I just want to get better.
Hi Skyla, we are imagining you are a teenager. Look, it’s tough being a teenager. Especially when the brain is still growing and the sleep patterns of a teenage brain have been shown by research to not at all match a schedule of getting up at 7am! So many teens find it hard to get up in the morning as it goes against their growing/changing brain’s natural sleep cycle. So that’s one thing. But it also sounds like the move has been really tough on you. If you feel sick to your stomach then you have serious anxiety and it needs addressing. Do you have anyone to talk to about this? If not, would you feel comfortable talking to your school’s counsellor? Or would you be able to ask your parents to help you see a counsellor? We have an article on how to approach that here http://bit.ly/talktoparents
For years throughout school and even now when it comes to initiating a task for anything around being productive, I just cant bring myself to start it. Even thinking about my future, thinking about going to college or a future goal/career, i just have no movivation to even think about it, let alone do research, and I still have no idea why. Its gotten to the point that i think something is wrong with me. I can stay in bed all day wasting the day away watching youtube. And if im asked to do something, i have to be told multiple times and still then ordered to do it qfter time has passed. (This isn’t ADHD/ADD as i was disproved of having it)
Hi Eden, we can’t diagnose you over the internet and certainly not over a comment box. Diagnosis requires working one on one with a practitioner who can get to know you, and we’d advise you seek some counselling sessions to get to the bottom of this. It could, for example, be depression. And also do get a full medical checkup as there are physical things that can cause low motivation and low energy, from something complex like hormonal imbalances to more obvious things like a bad diet full of junk food – research is increasingly connecting gut and mental health, so you might want to start with self-care, ie, a healthy diet and exercise.
In the last 4 yrs ive had 3 separations/divorce a hysterectomy and 4 bereavements all while also trying to support a family member with alcohol problems and have elderly parents. Im struggling with being thrown into benefit system due to divorce and now can hardly drag myself out of bed.
Trish, it sounds very much like depression. Hardly surprising given all that you’ve been dealing with. Could you talk to your GP and get on a waiting list for some free therapy? They might quite quickly get you some self-guided online therapy even, depending where you live.
I’m only 15 but on and off for years I’ve been unable to get motivated to do things I want and need to do.
For example, I love writing. I have frequent ideas I would love to actually write out but I just can’t get myself to write. I want to do it, I have an idea, I don’t have writer’s block, but I still just can’t do it.
Another, arguably more concerning example, is I can’t do chores. It’s not that I loathe doing them or anything, I actually want to so I can help out my mom, but again, I just can’t get myself to do it.
The longest period of time I can remember in the past two years that I’ve had motivation for was about two weeks. During those two years, I’ve had periods of going without motivation for over double that and sometimes even months at a time.
It’s seriously affecting my life and isn’t getting any better. In fact, it’s kind of getting worse. I’ve talked to counsellors about it before but all the advice they can give is something akin to “just do it.” It’s of absolutely no use to me since when I try to push myself to do something during a period of no motivation I start to feel like a physical force is holding me back. It’s almost as if gravity increases tenfold and any attempt I make to do what I want to do only makes it harder to get up to do said thing.
Sorry this is so long, but I’ve been desperate for help for awhile and I just typed out what I felt.
Hi Cam, what sort of counsellors where those?? A properly trained counsellor or one with any training at all would NEVER say ‘just do it’. In fact a counsellor doesn’t give ‘advice’ at all. They simply listen and ask good questions. So perhaps that was just a career guidance person or church person? You are 15. There is some normalcy to feeling lethargic and not wanting to do something as a teen. Your brain is still actually growing and you are under the influence of a lot of chemicals and hormones. So if this has been an issue since you hit puberty, might be partially related. It’s also been found that the teenager brain is not suited to getting up at 8am, hence a lot of teens are tired all the time. If school was changed to 11 to 6, it would probably match the circadian rhythms of a teenage brain much better! Otherwise, if you have any family struggles, past traumas, or any additional signs like negative thoughts and low self-esteem, you might have mild depression, which would be worth talking to a REAL counsellor or psychotherapist about.
I’m 21 I dropped out of high school and don’t yet have a GED. I have no motivation to even get a job… am I depressed or is it something else?
Hi Catie, we can’t say over the internet and not knowing you for starters, but definitely not with that little info. It could be many things. We’d advise you get a full medical checkup to rule out a physical cause, and then book a session with a counsellor to talk about it.
in 2009 my wife had a major stroke that really messed up her mind i lost home and everything left kids in texas and moved to tenn to get help with her she’s only 60 now she’s in a nursing home having trouble with job and don’t have motivation to do my job go to gym or anything and miss my kids don’t know if i have depression or if its something else i also think i have social anxiety i have always had trouble talking to people any help or ideals
George that is a LOT of overwhelming change for everyone. Not only did you lose your wife in some ways, as she’s now unable to take care of herself and as you say her mind is messed up, you lost your home, time with your kids… it’s hardly surprising you are struggling. It could be depression, depression and anxiety, you might even have a case of PTSD…. we would highly suggest you speak to someone. Take this seriously. Find a counsellor or therapist you feel comfortable around. It’s okay if you are nervous, they will expect that. Give it three of four sessions and see if you think you might grow to trust them. If you are on a low budget, we have an article to give you ideas on how to find support http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy and also try googling your post code and ‘low cost counselling’ as well as ‘support groups’, there might be a free men’s support group in your area. Don’t be afraid to call a free help line if you are feeling very low. We are in the UK but we hear there are many in America, the Good Samaritans are definitely in your country too they are a great resource. In summary, do take how you feel seriously, you need support and you deserve it, we wish you courage!
I’m not motivated to do anything, I have no interests other than eating junk and I’m not good at anything since the past 1 or 2 years. I also have a very low self-esteem and no confidence and I hate myself for being this way. Also, I’m 16 years old. Am I depressed?
Hi Aishwarya we can’t diagnose someone over a comment box! Being a teen is difficult. Hormones are all over the place, your brain is still growing, you are trying to figure out who you are. Many teens lack motivation as they are simply tired all the time, because in fact the teenage brain can be on a cycle that doesn’t match school hours (teenage brains would be better waking up at 10 or 11, not 7!). So on one hand, a lot of teens are very self critical and lack motivation. It can help to just realise that teenage years are hard, and try to be a bit more compassionate to yourself. You are doing the best you can. On the other hand, if you are worried, why not talk to someone? Have a chat with someone you trust, talk to a school counsellor, or call a hotline. If you are actually depressed they can get a better idea of it and even steer you in the direction of support. If you are in the UK you can find free hotlines in this article http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines
5 years ago my father died, 7 months later I suffered a disabling illness, where I went from able bodied to regularly very poorly, weak and a lot of time off sick, this led to me losing my job and my car, over the next year I developed an autoimmune condition and was bed bound and unable to mobilise relying on my wife to care for me. I had a mental breakdown and attempted suicide. She ended up abandoning me after ambulances were called by my mother who I had texted goodbye to (I was on a high dosage of prednisolone and it caused a psychosis I was to discover later which is why I tried to end it) and had to have social care look after me because she was neglecting me. The house hadn’t been cleaned for months, I had to urinate in bottles as I couldn’t get to the toilet due to the mess, but didn’t have energy or strength to tidy it. I do of course bear some of the responsibility. A few months later I had some recovery after a lot of treatment and I was able to mobilise a small amount, get downstairs, get to a car, sit in the garden etc. As time went in my strength grew and I started dating. I did also have an issue with cocaine, I spent any money I had using it as an emotional crutch. I eventually met my new partner and we decided to move in together, as my landlord was selling the house I lived in, so we had to move a 3 bedroom house and a 1 bedroom flat into a 2 bedroom bungalow. Things were ok for a year, I started my own business and worked hard at it. However, 8 months later I got into severe financial difficulty, my wife, who I am currently divorcing, maxed out the credit cards that were in my name. This resulted in me having to file for bankruptcy. My business was a small law practise and, as a bankruptee, meant I could no longer trade, so last October I closed my business. On January 1st my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, in February my grandfather died, and in May so did mum. As the only child I have been left to deal with the estate, they rented, and had very little money.
I haven’t had much motivation since dad died, and it feels like it is just downhill. My current partner is amazing and stands by me but she is frustrated by my lack of drive. I have no ambition anymore. I am clinically depressed but trying to get mental health services is either an extremely long waiting list or too expensive. I feel trapped in a never ending cycle of bad luck and lack of motivation to get out, because when I start, something else comes along to push me back down again. I don’t know what is wrong with me, or if I can be fixed.
I should also mention I was abducted and raped at 6 years old. I am in my late 30’s now.
Hi Brian, we are sorry to hear you’ve gone through all this. Feeling unmotivated would be completely normal in this case. You might have long term complex PTSD, for example, or at the very least as you say depression. Nobody who has depression is motivated. So stop beating yourself up. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You’ve gone through a lot and you are doing the best you can.
Hi, I’m 72 and have severe arthritis. I struggle with housework and my home is really cluttered but I can’t seem to get up any motivation to get it sorted. I also don’t cook any more. I can’t stand up for long and use 2 sticks to walk around the house. I can’t even take my dog for a walk now. I don’t think I’m depressed as I am not unhappy. I do put visitors off as I can’t make tea etc. I can still drive but only go out for appointments.
Hi Sylvia, in this case we wonder if it’s more a case of being hard on yourself over not having motivation. If you have severe arthritis and use sticks it’s a lot to expect of yourself to get all the housework done alone and take your dog for a walk as well as entertain guests! It sounds like you need some support and help around the house and to congratulate yourself for all the things you can do, such as still driving and doing your best to keep a household running.
Ive wasted the majority of my life stuck in depression, oh well.
It’s a choice you are making. There is tons of help available for depression these days, even on a low budget.But the first step is to actually want to change, and to be willing to give up as identifying as unhappy and depressed and to form a new identity. The next step is to find support.
I have just started my 2nd year at university and have not got any motivation to do anything. I also have epilepsy. I have been struggling to go to sleep for a while but once I’m in bed I have no trouble getting to sleep. Lately I haven’t been interested in food and am staying in bed for a long time before getting up. I don’t know how to start feeling better and even though I want to do many things.
Jenny, we can’t diagnose someone based on an internet comment, but it could be that you are depressed. Read our article on different kinds of depression here https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/types-of-depression.htm. Or take our ‘stressed, depressed, or both?” free quiz here https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/quiz-stressed-or-depressed. Regardless of whether it is or isn’t depression, your moods are evidently affecting your daily life and coping. So it really is time to seek some support. Have you checked to see if your school offers free or low cost counselling? You’ll find it in UK and USA universities. Don’t be afraid to give it a go, that is why the service is there. and a counsellor is non judgemental, they’ll create a safe space to explore what is stressing you at this time.
I have been dependent on opioids and benzodiazepines for 18 years following 2 unsuccessful neck surgeries. I discontinued these meds 15 months ago and went through what I supposed is ( Post Acute Withdraw Syndrome) ever since. I’m not sure if this is something that will go away over time due to a chemical imbalance in my brain or this is how I’ll feel the rest of my life. I have no interest in anything at all . When I get up in the morning I go straight to my recliner and that’s where I’m at the rest of the day. After 15 months I’m starting to lose hope that I’ll ever feel normal again.
Brett that sounds really tough. Two neck surgeries must have been fairly scary. If it did in any way traumatise you, the drugs might have blocked your processing of that. The fact that they were unsuccessful would have also been traumatic. It is possible that now you are not on the drugs all the unprocessed feelings and responses around the experience are sitting there waiting to be processed. And when there is a backlog of emotions/responses we can feel so overwhelmed our brain uses the defense mechanism of blanking out. Unfortunately it also blanks out everything. We are left zombie like. So what we’d suggest is you consider talking to someone about this. Explore a bit. Easy? No. Possibly scary as well? Yes. But sometimes the only way is through. You might even want to find a therapist who uses clinical hypnotherapy, if that is of interest. Best, HT p.s. you might find our article on depression and injuries interesting https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/injury-and-depression.htm
Thank you so much for your response. It really means a lot to validate some of my feelings. I think you are 100% right about feeling like a zombie as well as seeking some therapy.
Brett, you’ve been through a lot. So we’d see it as getting some support, someone on side who is non judgemental and supportive and who creates a space you can vent in without having to worry about consequences.
I’m one of the happiest, most positive people out there. Always a list maker, and until I was around 55, I could knock out 50 things on my daily list and wouldn’t go to bed until I had finished the list. For about 8-9 years now, however, I am motivated to do almost nothing unless it is required by my profession, or related to my pets. My formerly immaculate house is a mess most of the time, and I procrastinate or ignore about any other needed tasks. Yes, I’ve lost both parents, a brother, and several other dear ones, but I am so not a griever and I am at peace with their passing. I have self confidence, am social, sleep well, and find humor in everything. I’ve always been a super achiever, but these past several years, I just don’t care much about accomplishing anything and I want that drive back! I have a great life, get regular physicals (always healthy results). I’ve had several injuries over the past decade which have curtailed working out like I used to, but other than that, not much has changed. Any ideas why I’ve become so lazy and unmotivated and how to turn it around???
Hi Lynne, you sound like a high achiever. Is it actually ok to you to be sad? Or a mess? As we have an inkling it isn’t. There is a sense here, even in this being just a comment, of holding yourself to a high standard and judging yourself if you don’t meet it. Note that you call yourself lazy, that’s a harsh judgement. Also, in our humble experience, being ‘so not a griever’ never works so well. Grief isn’t really a choice. Although we can choose to completely suppress it. The little problem there is that it is like holding a beach ball under water. It takes a heck of a lot of energy to keep all that sadness in check. And what happens when all our mental and psychological energy is being used to repress things? Our mind and energy is taken, and the rest of our life starts to slowly unravel. The more we valiantly try to protest we are ok, the more things fall apart. So we’d say it could be a backlog of built up repressed emotions, could be a type of burnout. But whatever the case, we’d say that self judgement stops us from being honest with ourselves. What if is was okay to not be perfect? And what if it was brave to be a mess? In summary we don’t think this is something to overlook. We think it’s something to dive into, preferably with some proper support. We aren’t here to push therapy on anyone, but over achievers can really benefit because the therapy room becomes the safe space to be less than together when they aren’t comfortable with doing so in front of others, even those they trust.
Very good points. Thank you!
Glad you found it useful!
I always feel unmotivsted with school and cleaning but its weird because i perfectly fine doing stuff like odd jobs for people but i want to but i cant my dad says it because im lazzy its been like thisfor years now and its getting worse how do i explain it to my dad that im not lazy
Hi there, is it possible this is the wrong question? That maybe what you need to explain to your dad is that it makes you feel underestimated and pretty bad that he would call you such a thing? Which is a pretty terrible and unsupportive thing to call a kid. And that it’s a shame he can’t recognise what you do do? You sound like someone who doesn’t like being told what to do but enjoys doing things when it’s your own choice. Pretty normal with teens… which is a time of life when you are determining your own identity and personal boundaries. Sometimes it can help to pay less attention to the fact that it’s something you are being forced to do and instead focus on the way it benefits you. For example, how can school and doing well in it benefit you? What can you get out of it? Make it more about you and less about them. Good luck!
hi
for the past couple of months I have had little to no motivation to do much of anything. It isn’t like I don’t want to do these things, like college work or going out, but no matter what I tell myself I usually end up not doing anything. I come up with all manner of excuses to not do things or to explain why I haven’t done it. I procrastinate so much that even when I have time it feels like I don’t. I’m so far behind on my work now and it just keeps piling up but I just can’t be bothered to tackle it. I can barely sleep anymore usually up till two or three in the morning even though I’m tired as hell. Even when I do get a good nights sleep I still struggle to get out of bed in the mornings. My friends mean so much to me and I love that they’re trying to help me with this but more often then not now I just don’t want to be around them. It’s just a bit exhausting being around them sometimes but I don’t want to hurt them by shunning them. I don’t really get what’s going on and I hate what feeling like this is doing to me. Its ruining my chances of getting the grades I want and of getting into a good uni. I don’t know what ill do if I fail at this point because I have no backup plans. I have no idea how to get myself back on track
Hi Elisha, sounds like depression. Is there a counsellor at your school you can talk to? Most colleges and universities provide free to low cost counselling to their students. We’d advice you gather up your courage and go talk to someone about this.
I am 20 years old and epileptic. I used to be the most motivated and eager kid you find. I used to be punctual, hardworking, extremely driven and motivated. I’m not these things anymore. I do have a desire to excel at everything, but there’s no motivation to take action. My grades went from straight As to failing high school math twice and wasting two years before crawling into a really crappy university. Even now, when I know I have that fresh start and I need to develop new skills and learn, I can’t be bothered. I just want to sleep all day. I’m never sleepless. I could sleep whenever I’d like. This is really affecting my life. It’s really hard to get myself out of bed to take a shower too. I don’t know if I’m going through some lazy years or if I’m actually demotivated. I hate it like this. Someone please help me understand what’s going on.
Hi Amnah, sounds hard. We obviously can’t diagnose someone we don’t know based on a comment. So we can’t tell you what’s going on, but we can tell you it sounds like you need to go see a doctor and then a counsellor. A doctor could rule out any physical issue or side effects from a medication that is causing possible low grade depression. If there was not a physical issue, a therapist could help you get to the bottom of your lack of motivation and depression. In either case, not something to ignore. Best of luck.
I have been dealing with depression for a long time. My best friend died last year and someone I’m close to her 12 year old died of cancer a couple weeks ago. I haven’t been taking any of my meds (including my synthroid – I don’t have a thyroid) I’m not having suicidal thoughts, but like I wouldn’t care if I died. I don’t k ow if that’s something to go to the hospital for or not.
Victoria, it sounds like you really need support here, that’s a lot of loss, and it’s more normal than you think to consider dying yourself after those you really care about have….and you are engaging in self harm (not taking meds you need to survive is a form of self harm). If you really feel you are going to commit suicide, definitely do call emergency services. Otherwise, if you aren’t wanting to call a therapist, would you Have consider calling a help line? They are free, and the people on the other end are trained volunteers that are happy to talk with you. If you are in the UK here is a list of great help lines http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines if you are not in the UK google your area and the word help line. We wish you courage
hi there
i have been retrenched twice and i lost the motivation to perform and excel in my work. thinking of changing my job but i do not feel like working at all. i feel anxiety at work and i was never like this. i used to be motivated and would not give in to pressure.
these days i feel burn out and i always thought of hiding out in the countryside and living a simple life.
this has been goinig on for a year plus. what should i do?
Hi Grace, we aren’t sure what you mean by ‘retrenched’. But what is clear is that you don’t like your job and are having ideas of escape. It sounds like you might know what you want but not how to get there, or like you don’t believe that you can actually have a life you like. You have convinced yourself you are stuck, when really none of us are, we have free will. So you might want to work with a coach. They help you look at what you really want, and what is stopping you from getting it, including your own negative beliefs. Then together you make a step by step change to moving forward in ways that work. Good luck!
I moved to a new house in November with my husband and 2 teenage boys. Since then I have had trouble sleeping. I haven’t felt any motivation to get the house feeling homely. I struggle getting house chores cooking cleaning done which is so out of character as I was always so house proud in my last house. I find I’m always anxious and don’t care about what I look like and am happy to stay at home and do nothing. I then feel this is not me and hate myself for not doing things and feeling like this. Please any help would be appreciated
Hi Fiona, was it also a new city/country? What about this moving house was upsetting for you? Sounds like you are possibly depressed. So we’d imagine there is a lot more to this situation than just the new house. Is there any chance you’d consider some counselling? Could be a great relief to have someone unbiased and confidential to talk to ….
I’m 16 years old and for the past few months my motivation to do anything has greatly decreased. My grades have been suffering a lot because of this, and even though i feel horrible about it I still can’t focus on my work for more than 5 minutes. At night I find it difficult to fall asleep, and I have started sleeping for 11 hours at least. My food intake has become very irregular, some days i’ll eat a lot of food and still not feel full, and some days i just don’t want to eat anything. I am an introvert, but i still love hanging out with my friends, but ever since quarantine started for me I haven’t wanted to talk to any of them. I wish I could talk to my friends about this but I’m pretty sure they won’t understand me, as they are all very hard working and motivated and know exactly what they want to accomplish in life. I thought about talking to a school counselor, but that’s not possible now because of the Corona virus, and in my school practically no one talks to the school counselor about their problems, so I imagine that they wouldn’t be sure what to do. I was curious if i have depression, so i took a few online tests to see my results, and they all said i had moderate-severe depression. Is this true?
Savi, please go and look at our recent articles. You’ll find we’ve posted several about living through Covid and quarantine, and more importantly, you’ll find that what you are experiencing is actually normal. Even the sleep and appetite disruption, or wanting to withdraw… we have one article on what it does to your brain. Your entire body is changing because of less activity and a set of strange circumstances. You might be feeling depression simply as it’s a lot to take on, what is happening in the world, and if you are a sensitive person or had any previous stressful life experiences, you might be struggling more (we also have an article up on how to navigate lockdown as a sensitive person). But rest assured that MANY of us are. Many of us have found ourselves completely thrown off kilter with all the changes. As for those other people who are apparently all doing well, we’d say, that sounds like a big assumption. For all you know they are struggling to but are afraid to admit it, even as you are. As it sounds like you are in a circle of friends that are not transparent or close. What we would say reading this is it sounds like you have no support system. Friends you are not able to be authentic or open with (which is in some books not even friendship, worth noting), and it doesn’t sound like you have family to talk to. We’d say, for now, given the state of the world, go easy on yourself. Teachers know students are struggling, it’s to be expected. Do talk to a counsellor, as that is what they are they for. It’s again an assumption that nobody does, maybe just your friends don’t, but if nobody used them then they wouldn’t even be there. All you need to do is call up and book an appointment, they’ll explain from there. We’d say go to the counsellor not just as you are struggling now, but because it seems you are too hard on yourself, and make assumptions constantly over see a full perspective, with those assumptions always leaving you at a deficit. A counsellor can help you have a more rounded perspective, learn to give yourself some credit and recognise you are more than just your achievements, and also help you learn how to grow supportive relationships and a support circle. Best, HT
I am 17 years old and have been struggling with motivation problems for most of high school, but my junior year has been a little more rough. Especially with Covid. I find it very hard to get up in the mornings, even though I used to be able to get a good early morning start. I also often find myself with little to no appetite. I’ve found myself in situations where I have opportunities to do things I usually would love to do, but feel no excitement or am too tired to want to.
It’s also come time to start applying to colleges and big scholarships, but I get so distracted by little things that don’t matter that the day goes by too quickly. Even though I know these things are important for my future, and I want to go to college so badly, I can no longer find the motivation in me to get these things done. I mean I’ve even struggled to get myself to apply for a job. I feel stuck and it’s hard to talk to my family cause I’ve been so good about this growing up. It wasn’t till this year that I’ve really struggled with this.
Hi Abby, totally normal to feel low motivation since Covid, for more on that use the search bar and find our articles on covid or try searching ‘coronavirus’. As for why you are sabotaging college, we can’t tell you over a comment box, we’d have to know you. But it would be a great idea to work with a counsellor on this anxiety and sabotage. We also notice you don’t have open and honest communications with your family, which implies to us there are issues there. Most schools have free counsellors, would you feel comfortable going and talking to the one at yours? They are there to help. You’d be surprised how many students suffer anxiety, depression, and sabotage just before the transition of leaving school. It’s a lot of change, and you might be afraid of all the differences ahead or even of being on your own. Best, HT
I’m 33 and have great artistic abilities and a college degree in healthcare. Problem is I can’t find a REAL job. I have no real stability in my life and it bothers me. I work temp jobs for a week or so and then quit because I feel like a failure.
I work out about 4-6 days a week. I’ve always taken pride in my body. It seems to be the only 1 thing I have control over. Problem is for about 2 months I have had 0 interest in working out. I don’t eat healthy either, which is not common for me.
I’ve put my all into finding a job that fits me, and it’s draining because my opportunities seem to be limited to dead end jobs. I’ve lost the motivation to work out. I’m not sure if I’m depressed or something else. I feel dizzy sometimes and my eyesight seems a tad bit different. Bright light kind of bothers me all of a sudden. Worst of all, since I don’t have a job I don’t have any healthcare to see a doctor. I just don’t know how to pick myself up and move forward.
Hi Lexci, we would need to know you and a lot more about you to be able to say what the issue is. For starters, right now, with what’s going on in the world, a LOT of people are feeling unmotivated, anxious, depressed, and unable to do their usual activities. So try to cut yourself some slack. Could be depression, yes, and also feels like you just aren’t sure of who you are or what you want (note you mention artistic abilities, what made you mention it? Is there a chance you don’t actually WANT to work in healthcare, and you are sabotaging? Just a thought). A bit of life coaching would be helpful and you might, with some research, be able to find something low cost. It will help you get clear on what is really blocking you, what your values are, what beliefs are holding you back, and how to move forward. Best, HT.
Hi there Hartley,
I’m 26 and feel unmotivated most of the time and have been this way as long as I can remember. My life’s been a mixture of good and bad like most people. However, the bad experiences have weighed heavy on me recently. I feel like there’s a fog over my brain. I believe in myself one day then the next I feel worthless. I’ve also become all to aware of what I lack and struggle to value what I do have. I’ve never had a job that I wanted, I’ve never had a girlfriend and have had very little sexual encounters. Basically I’ve been locked into an unmotivated state for years and am worried I’ve ruined my life for good. I will say that I’ve been smoking weed without any major breaks since I was 17, I’ve used cocaine and alcohol almost every weekend for 2 years and I’ve neglected my diet at times too. I know my comment is a mess because there’s so much more to this than I can explain right now. I believe in my intelligence and I’m constantly learning new things about various subjects. Still, I think I’ve become too pensive and find it hard to move from the my thoughts space to actual actions. I’m a lyricist and love music and hope to become an established touring artist. There’s always something holding me back and I’m sure the drugs have been the biggest culprit but I don’t think that’s only trigger. I would like some tailored questions that can further breakdown what is going on really. I apologise for the lack of structure of my comment I currently feel foggy which annoys me as I pride myself on my intelligence and mental acuity. Yet I continue to deteriorate. Thank you and I look forward to your reply.
Hi Bryan, it sounds like depression. A set of questions isn’t the answer. What you need to do is get support. We wouldn’t blame it on the drugs, no, that level of substance misuse (which by the way is substantial and serious) and lack of self-care happens because we are hiding from thoughts and feelings we don’t like, which generally come from difficult childhood experiences. The substance use is the symptom, not the issue. We hear you justifying it and trying to convince yourself you have no reason to be unmotivated or upset, that you ‘should’ be feeling and doing better. There are no shoulds. You are you, you feel what you feel, experiences affect you as they affect you, and the truth is that things aren’t going so well and you have to make a stand for yourself now, gather your courage, and get help. Don’t see this as a negative. We all have our own journey in life. Some of us have to go on the journey of self healing, but then along the way we become a person we never knew we could be, and it helps us connect to and help others. Best, HT.
I’ve lacked the motivation to do necessary tasks for a few years, since I was about 14 or so. There’s no cause that I can discern, it just seemed like it happened at some point. Like everything I did just lacked any sort of purpose. Even if I tried to scare myself into imagining the bad things that would happen if I didn’t do those necessary tasks, it would only freak me out and I would just end up distracting myself by reading or going on YouTube or whatever. I think I’m just really lazy, but it’s gotten to the point where I’m considering suicide to avoid the consequences of my actions (or lack thereof), which I’m aware is extremely selfish and probably stupid but I don’t know what else I can do. I have no idea how I can get any sort of help because I know my parents won’t help me and I’m taking college classes online. I can’t drive anywhere either (I wasn’t motivated enough to get my driver’s license apparently). Everything just feels like it’s out of my control but I know it’s not, but it still feels like it is, you know? Do you have any advice for me?
Hi Michelle, it sounds a lot like depression. Depression isn’t laziness. Not at all. When we are depressed our brain just kind of shuts down. It really is hard to do things, it’s not in your head. The fact that you can’t talk to your parents and feel they wouldn’t want to help you says a lot about your relationship with them and your family. It sounds lonely. Our advice is, you’ve got to find some support. Suicidal thoughts are a big deal. Just because your parents won’t take you seriously doesn’t mean you can’t take yourself seriously. If you are at college that would mean you are legally an adult, and can book a therapist without their permission. Note that most colleges in UK/Canada/USA now offer free to low cost counselling. Contact your college to see what they have in the way of help. In emergencies, call a mental health line. That’s what they are there for. Or seek low cost counselling, you can learn how to find it here http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. Finally, are you still living at home? We find with a lot of young people aged 18-25, if you are still living at home, it can be the lack of independence that also adds to depression. You are ready to find your own feet in the world and make your own mistakes and step into being an adult but are stuck under the power of your parents still. If you can’t move out and be independent, given the global situation, start looking at ways you can be more independent. You might find some tips in this article https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/overbearing-parents.htm. Best, HT.
Thank you for the great article. I’m 43, dad of two beautiful kids and married. I’ve been diagnosed with depression (17 out of 20 symptoms on a checklist) and I’m on two antidepressants, which I take regularly. None the less, my motivation has taken a skydive and the problem is I don’t want to work on it. I acknowledge it’s not ‘right’ but I’m not interested in improving my situation. My outlook, on meds, is nihilistic at best. Things like ‘purpose’ are for me purely human constructs that carry no tangible weight in the greater scheme of things. I contemplate suicide, but would never go through with it for many reasons. I can’t say I’m happy in my marriage and have committed adultery once. I should definitely see a therapist, right?
Hi Daniel, we are going to guess you are in America, given you were given two antidepressants and not offered therapy. Medication is great for masking symptoms and creating space to work out why we have those symptoms. That is all it does. It doesn’t fix anything. We personally find it upsetting that any doctor would put someone on antidepressants without also referring them on to therapy, but this seems to be an American phenomenon, leaking into the UK, where we are based. We also want to say that meds can backfire, some people feel more instead of less depressed. You really need to tell your doctor you feel nihilistic. They might be a very bad combo for you, and we can’t stress how important this is. There is a risk of suicide on anti depressants, please take this seriously. Book an appointment to see that doctor TODAY and if he doesn’t take your concern seriously go get a second opinion asap. So we would say a resounding yes, see a therapist. Depression is proven by years of research to improve with therapy. If you don’t want to do a deep dive into your past at the moment, there is a short term therapy called cognitive behavioural therapy, CBT, which focusses on helping you notice then manage the link between your thoughts and moods. With commitment to its tools it can revolutionise the way you think and mean you find yourself way less prone to deep mood dips. It’s a great stabiliser. From there you might feel stronger and more ready to try a longer term, deep diving therapy, like one from the humanistic school of thought we can’t say as we don’t know what your issues are other than depression. Best, HT.
Hi, thanks for this post. It seems to fit with how I’m feeling at the moment. I’ve been struggling to motivate myself in all aspects of my life for some time now. I’m in my early 40’s, happily married with kids, have a good job, nice house, etc. Basically, there’s nothing for me to worry about but in turn I can’t find motivation that will make me want to achieve any goals. I have had issues with depression in the past and have gone to counselling which really helped but this doesn’t feel the same. Everything just feels flat, every day is the same. I’m not unhappy with where I am but I also don’t have anywhere that I want to get to. None of the normal triggers seem to do anything for me (relationships, money, travel, etc.).
Hi Ron, we’d say, try to go easy on yourself. There has been a massive rise in low motivation, we see it right across the board, and it’s connected to the world situation. Even if we think we are not bothered anymore about the entire pandemic, there is a sort of psychological fatigue and all round apathy we are seeing that is lowering many people’s ability to set and achieve goals or even affecting their daily coping. And it’s exactly that flat feeling you are talking about. Not depression or anxiety, just, ‘meh’. This article touches on it https://harleytherapy.com/blog/posts/bored-of-everything. The blahs. We’d suggest lowering your expectations of yourself and expanding your time containers for goals. If you had a goal you wanted for this year, give yourself an additional year to get there. Try to focus on what is going right each day, no matter if it’s just small moments. Best, HT.
I’m 13 and Haven’t had motivation for A very long while, Perhaps a year even.
I’ve never liked school but I Don’t have motivation to get up in the morning let alone study for whatever tests coming up.
Nothing really traumatic happened in my life that started this, I honestly have no idea what it is. It’s at the point where I want to sleep all day and only wake up when nobody else is around, I Don’t want to talk to anyone anymore, I’d rather suffer alone, but I Don’t know how I can carry on like this, No goals or reasons to even live apart from the fact it would cause everyone stress. I spoke to my mom about this ages ago, she just didn’t care. I already found it hard to do it back then, so after she just didn’t seem bothered I Can’t find it in myself to talk about my feelings.
I Don’t know what to do, I can’t get a therapist because I Don’t want anyone to question, I’d have to explain everything, and in my family if you cry you just get bullied, I hate it And I can’t stand it much longer.
I don’t know what to do anymore
Hi there Saffiyah, sounds tough, and really lonely. Being thirteen is really challenging. There are so many things that can be happening. School gets harder, and then at aged thirteen did you know your brain is actually growing? That alone, along with hormones can cause changes in sleeping patterns and moods. The reason a lot of teenagers want to sleep in and are alert only in the afternoon is not because they are lazy or lack motivation, it’s because their brains are actually often in a different ‘circadian rhythm’, which is the natural cycle of wake/sleep our bodies are designed for. If school went from noon to 7 we are convinced teens would do much better with everything. And around 13 we also realise that we aren’t a kid anymore. We have growing up staring us in the face, which can feel exhausting. Life is not going to be just about fun and it can feel very boring indeed. All this aside, there could be other things bothering you, we don’t know you or your life history. It’s a red flag to us that your mother didn’t seem to care about how you feel. Sometimes parents don’t mean to be terrible, they are just caught up in their own dramas and don’t really realise how upset we are. Sometimes they really just aren’t great parents. We don’t know the full story. If you had courage to try to tell her again that’s worth doing, in case she really just doesn’t realise how much you are struggling. Although it is concerning that you said you have to pretend to be fine to be accepted and that you are judged for not pretending to be fine. That is quite toxic, and exhausting. So look, if your Mother really is a no go zone, we’d really like to think you could find someone else to talk to. How would you feel about talking to the school counsellor? Or is there another adult you trust? Also give a google for free and confidential help lines for teens in your area, there are several in the UK if you are here, that you can call, text, or email, you can find a list here http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. There are really friendly people waiting to talk at such charities, don’t be afraid to call if you are feeling particularly low. The good part about being a teenager is that you start to realise you are not your family. That you are an individual who will be deciding what she wants to do with her life for herself, who one day will be totally independent making all her own choices. You just have to keep hanging on in there. Try to notice each day one or two things, no matter how small, that are going right. Some people even write these things down in a ‘gratitude journal’. Then we can go back on the really tough days and have a read to remind ourselves that life is made of tough bits but good bits too, if we just keep going. Best, HT.
I have lost three immediate family members in the space of fifteen months in 2018 and 19, two to cancer and one to a heart attack, the heart attack I spent 30 mins trying to resuscitate a corpse before the ambulance arrived. I looked after all three before they passed. I was left with a toxic and verbally abusive family member that puts me down all the time and uses intimidation to control me. I suffer from depression and anxiety after a breakdown in 1998 that left me with social anxiety disorder , this toxic half brother drove me to attempted suicide with a wicked regime I spent a day and a half in hospital. he’s still toxic. I have no interest in anything any more, don’t want to see people or go out. I feel worthless now. I am constantly broke, and can’t get my career off the ground. and with Covid everywhere. I’ve just given up. I only post here really not out of being desperate, but robotically almost for possible advice. I have nothing to look forward to and feel like the universe is trying to destroy me. It sounds dramatic, but my bad luck seems boundless and never ending. The odd part is, I feel content, switched off now, and accepting that nothing is going to get better. I worry that this may be something that could lead to me ending it properly this time. Worry might be the wrong word, as I really don’t care.
Hi Peter, sounds an awful lot for one person to deal with. There’s no use in beating yourself up for low motivation here, that wouldn’t be the main issue. It would be depression and anxiety. Depression makes us feel switched off and numb. You say you are ‘left with’ this toxic brother but what we aren’t understanding is what is driving the choice to be around him. Sometimes the best thing we can do in this kind of situation is get out on our own and take a break from family so we can remember who we are and what we want (we are assuming you are an adult over the age of 16). Is it a question of money? We don’t know what country you are in but if you are in the UK then there is a lot of support in the form of housing aid and unemployment benefits, and countries like the USA and Canada all have benefits available, it’s not a lot but enough to help you become independent. All this said, when we are depressed and/or in a state of shock (that’s a very traumatic experience, trying to resuscitate someone) we do understand it’s very hard even to make those steps to get help. But see it as one big push, gather up all your energy and make those phone calls. If it all seems much to navigate don’t overlook a charity that helps with mental health, in the UK that would be Mind, there are local chapters everywhere and they can help you get your life organised and even perhaps connect you with free/low cost counselling such as grief counselling. Although ideally after that sort of trauma also a therapy that directly deals with trauma without making you rehash what did/didn’t happen and retraumatise you, so, for example, EMDR therapy or CBT therapy. Note that if you are in the UK you can talk to your GP who will also put you forward for free counselling. Here is an article with ideas for other ways to get free/low cost therapy http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy and here is a list of free, confidential help lines in the UK http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. We wish you courage. Best, HT.
My life has been in a downward spiral for years, sometimes it seems I am cursed. Life goes from one bad event to another. I lost my wife and daughter 7 years ago. I don’t know why I am still living. I have no interest in anything anymore, I blocked friends from my life so long I don’t have any anymore. I look forward to death. I was in a really bad motorcycle accident 3 years ago, I knew it was the end, I was so relieved, it was finally over. I’ve never felt so peaceful, while in tremendous pain from hitting the side of a car with my body at a speed no human should survive. I felt happiness. Now I feel like I was robbed of death. Why didn’t I die. Why must I continue to live when all I want is this to be over. Now I slowly kill myself with smoking, poor diet no exercise. Now I endure a long slow painful death because I don’t have the courage to end it myself. Now I feel like such a coward because I don’t. I was once a very strong man, now I am a wasted vessel of self torture. My wish to the world, no one ever has to live this way. I tried counseling medication and been hospitalized for attempted suicide. Why is it so wrong to want to die? Why can’t I find the courage to kill myself? I am so miserable and negative I stay to myself and try to keep myself from bringing negativity onto others.
Hi Scott. What we see here is a lot of dysfunctional thinking and unhappiness, yes. But here’s the thing. It also seems that you mistake yourself for your thoughts. That is like thinking a software program is the computer. You aren’t all these thoughts. You aren’t even your feelings. Who you are is much more profound than that, and we’d suggest that, given you are here reading about motivation, making an effort to still learn and advance, on a certain level you know that. On a certain level you actually very much do want to live, just not with all these thoughts, feelings, and horrible survivor’s guilt you carry. I mean if you could wake up tomorrow, with a few million dollars in your pocket in a place where nobody knew you and your history, would you really want to die? Or do you want to just die to what you experienced? And the loneliness it made you feel? So you say you ‘tried counselling’. We hesitate to ask what sort as if it was just general counselling after such an immense trauma, or even well intentioned grief therapy, it could have just gone and made you feel worse. Unfortunately there is a lot of poor referrals that happen and even therapists who don’t understand trauma. Have you heard of EMDR therapy? Eye movement therapy. It is a short term therapy designed particularly to help with a clear life changing trauma, to reprogram the brain away from its brutal and excruciating pain patterns. Use our search bar to find articles on it. And read our article on trauma therapy here http://bit.ly/therapyfortrauma. We’d also suggest you learn mindfulness, which helps you separate the real You, capital Y, from all the ‘you’, the crazy thoughts and emotions. You can learn it for free in an hour, it’s easy, but then you have to put it into practice, daily. It’s proven by research to lower anxiety and be good for PTSD. http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout. Otherwise, if you have the courage, also consider finding a support group. Grief blinds us, leaves us feeling totally different than all others, but there are many people out there suffering from tragic loss who actually would not find you miserable and negative and unbearable, but just a person doing his best in the face of immense grief that they entirely understand. Best, HT.
I have absolutely no motication anymore. Just going to work (which is an hour drive both ways) is maddeining. When I get to work, I simply want to go home. I do not talk to anyone, don’t want to do anything. It has never been this bad before. The only thing I DO do, is play video games briefly on Sundays when my wife is at work. It feels like a chore to even breathe anymore. I am seeing a therapist, a psychiatrist, and even going to marriage counseling. My depression is far worse than it has ever been. I am 42 years old, and to be honest, things just don’t change. A huge issue is my work. My job bores me to tears, but I make good money. I have been here for 16 years, and would love to quit and just try something different. I am doomed to be an office worker for the rest of my life with no purpose. I cannot change careers because I do not have the time to go to class as I do have responsibility to my wife and animals at home. I cannot, NOT be home. She is a nurse so she works long hours. I basically sleep (not well), eat, work, repeat. Nothing fun to look forward to, nothing interesting in my life. It really is, maddening. I currently have different medical problems to add to it. Ovaries aren’t working, found something in my breast, and have both hips have torn labrums. I technically started a new department, so I am on probation again, and the reason I left was because my boss was a nightmare, so I had to have a voluntary demotion. It’s like, nothing ever works out… I don’t even want to leave my house anymore..
Hello, We don’t think this is a question of motivation, just depression. When we are depressed our mind literally can’t function well. Beating ourselves up for not being motivated when our brain is low functioning just increases our depression. It’s clear you have created a life you don’t like but are afraid of changing it. What happens, if we don’t gather courage and make changes, is that depression hits and making change becomes out of reach. You say you are seeing a psychiatrist, are they an actual therapist? Do they help you work through your issues and set goals that move you forward? Or are they just prescribing medication? We don’t know what country you are in, but here in the UK psychiatrists tend to just diagnose, prescribe meds, and do check ins. Talk therapy is carried out by a counsellor or psychotherapist instead. Meds don’t change our life. They just lower our symptoms. The point (although some medical systems have lost the point in their drug prescribing frenzy, like in the USA) is to lower the symptoms so you can then do proper therapy that helps you move forward. Otherwise nothing will change. What we see here is what is called rumination, where our mind is essentially addicted to negative thought cycles. We literally can’t see the positives. For example, you mention that you make good money, are married, seem to have a home and pets, all things others very much hope for in life, but things you aren’t able to acknowledge at this time. Rumination also blinds us to opportunity even if it right in front of us and leaves us with doom thoughts, such as believing that despite living in a world where millions of people change jobs monthly we are somehow doomed to be the one person who can’t. We’d suggest CBT therapy as a great place to start, as it specialises in breaking negative thinking cycles and doesn’t dive into your past. You might also want to consider career coaching and general coaching. Coaching is about setting goals and achieving them, and not about endlessly talking about your past, which is better done when you have stablised. Until then we’d suggest looking into a gratitude practise http://bit.ly/gratitudepractise and then also learning mindfulness, which is a free and easy to use tool that helps with anxiety and depression and is used by many therapists in their work with clients http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout. And then stop beating yourself up. Most people who have a job they hate and spend hours getting to feel unhappy. It’s a normal response to a crap situation. Now get out there and get the support to change it. Best, HT.
I have no motivation i don’t know when it started all i know is that it continues to get worse. getting out of bed is so hard, i struggle to do things i like as seeing my friends, playing games ect. i’m finding it hard to watch, drink water and get dressed. self care doesn’t exist showering, brushing my teeth, washing my face. I don’t do my assignments at school. I do the things that feel forced on me like football attending school and work but that’s about it.
Hi Mikayla, we can’t diagnose anyone based on a comment but those are symptoms of depression. Do you have someone you trust to talk to about this? Could you talk to the school counsellor? Or would your parents help you get some support if you are under the age of 18 and can’t do it for yourself? We have an article on how to talk to your parents about mental health and getting help here http://bit.ly/talktoparents. Best, HT.
I feel I have had low motivation my entire life, however since March 2020 (the onset of covid lockdown, and a life living at home with no work, and then Working from Home for an entire year in a very high pay, but low mentally stimulating IT job i.e. financial work), my motivation has been near rock bottom. I have motivation to work at the minimal sufficient level to keep my boss happy (which is about 1 hour of work in what would normally be an 8 hour work day). I have motivation to eat, sleep, shower. I have lots of motivation to have daily sexual relations with my long term partner. But… aside from this, I don’t have the motivation to do things such as the many jobs around the house to fix things, taxes. My mind is not brimming with endless ideas, I no longer work on my own programming pet projects (I justify that they may make some money, but never enough to make a significant difference to my monthly income I get from my non-mentally stimulating financial job). I have some motivation to socialise with others, and go out.
I find with all these things that I don’t have the motivation to do, it’s not that I’m terrible at, I’m actually very good at mental, physical and social activities, and when I take part, I find it very rewarding. But then when I’m not in the situation, and just at home, I don’t feel motivated to do these things.
Essentially I feel I need someone else to control my life. Whether it’s my parents forcing me to take part in sport, or do other chores, or a school teacher or a boss. I feel I didn’t fully develop this skill. I’m so impressed how others have the motivation to do stuff that they’re not that good at, and won’t ever become the best in the world or to a level to realise monetary significance. I know my perspective of reality isn’t quite correct (or conforming to a norm, if one exists), and pretty warped.
I have multiple properties, wife and kids, great job prospects (IT). As far as my generation goes, I’ve done very well. Perhaps I’ve a sense that I’ve accomplished all the big things that the game of life has in store for me. The rest is just an exercise, no different to an uneducated peasant labouring away on a field.
Other details: Wife and I are chronic marijuana users for many years. However, I’ve never had issues severely affecting my motivation. Flash forward to March 2020 Covid Lockdown, I had some motivation to work on my own project for a few months. Then I had my first and only psychotic episode, which left me in a mental ward for a month. I think this caused me to rethink my life and the purpose of the universe. Arriving to a conclusion that the universe is infinite, and my spirit has most likely experienced the exact same life at some point in the past from now to infinity. I feel like I’m outside the game of life, and it’d be better for this reality for me to participate. I just can’t frame my mind in a way that justifies doing more than the minimal work to survive, minimise pain, and maximise pleasure. The abysmal economic future in the western world, suggests to me that I, and most of my generation (unless they’re already multi-millionaires) will become state-supported pensioners or equity releasing property owning pensioners with not a penny to pass on to their children. So things like this depress me (childhood expectations that I would live a better adult life than my uneducated baby booming parents). Sorry to introduce politics in to this, my mind tends to bring everything together.
Hi there H. First of all, you are far from alone in all of this. It seems the pandemic has created a serious issue with motivation for many, along with mild depression (which you very well might be dealing with, although we can’t diagnose that without knowing you). In a way, it’s done us all a favour. It’s been like a giant flashlight on all the things we’ve been going along with that actually, deep down, we don’t like and never have, but have been tricking ourselves into going along with by having a distracting social life or travelling often or whatever else it was the pandemic ended. So basically you realise you hate your job and you hate chores. Why do you think that means there is something wrong with you? Sounds to us like there is something RIGHT with you now. You are waking up to what you truly want in life. The depression happens as the fear sets in. Instead of thinking, how could I create a life where I didn’t have to do these things? You are assuming there is no choice. There is. You can live any life you want. Sure, there will be sacrifices and compromises. Less properties perhaps. But maybe not. That depends. What we do know is that there is no ‘way it is’, except in our heads. We have a lot of freedom in the Western world, if we are willing to question and compromise and hone in on what REALLY matters. The only thing missing here from what we can see, given you don’t seem to actually have a financial issue but quite the opposite, is 1) giving yourself permission. You are living as if some big teacher in the sky is watching you and you have to follow some rules. What is that about? Where does that belief come from? 2) Giving up caring what others think, a process that takes time but is a game changer 3) raising your self esteem enough to actually believe you deserve a life you like 4) finding a sense of meaning 5) getting some accountability into your life. And then outsourcing the jobs around the house, why do you feel you have to do them? Where did this belief come from? So regarding the accountability, there are TONS of people who can’t function without it. At. All. We have different brains. Instead of wasting time trying to be what you are not, find ways to make what you are work. What we think would do wonders for you is quite simply a life coach. They basically focus on giving you accountability, clarity, and then a sense of purpose. Existential psychotherapy might be interesting on the level of helping you create a life that you feel has meaning and has you jumping out of bed. And CBT therapy, a short term therapy that focuses on the hear and now, would be helpful for learning to manage your thoughts so that the cycle of negative thinking to despair is broken. You might be able to find a CBT-informed life coach, that might be just the ticket. In any case, we see a lot of options here, you just need help to see them and step forward. Seems really like you are in that moment where you are about to break out of the cocoon. It always feels the worst right before the step up to the next level, right before we gather our courage to try something new. We hope you have the courage to reach out and get some support. best, HT. p.s. comparing yourself to others is shown by research to be a one way ticket to feeling terrible. If you must compare, try ‘downwards comparison’, shown to do the reverse. Compare yourself to either previous less accomplished versions of yourself or people doing worse than you. We also suggest you use our search tool to find our articles on self compassion and also mindfulness, a free tool we think you’d really benefit from.
Hi HT, I am a senior in college majoring in music with goals of becoming a successful touring artist/singer-songwriter. Ever since I was really little I’ve been involved in the arts. I was signed up for piano lessons at around age five and just kind of went on from there. I have a lot of natural talent, and eventually, my mother started to get me gigs, probably starting when I was 12. She claimed it was to make me feel better after I had a few seizures, but at the time and even now I’ve experienced no correlation of enjoyment. Anyway, ever since music turned into a career choice for me, which was still very young, under the age of ten anyway, I’ve been supported, encouraged, and pushed by my family. However, constantly for the last decade, I’ve also heard that I have no drive. I don’t think it’s necessarily incorrect, I have very bad practice habits when it comes to instruments, and it takes a lot of willpower to make a YouTube video or social media post to promote myself. My life has not been hard by any means, I have a loving family, did really well in school, excelled in sports and extracurriculars, have friends, relationships, songs written because of said relationships, really I’ve been spoiled with positivity. I’m a very happy and content person and would like to believe I don’t have depression, but I’d also like to come to the conclusion that all of this isn’t just because I’m lazy. I sleep a ton; seemingly I can sleep for 10 hours a night no matter what I do the day before. I know sleeping is a symptom of depression, but according to my parents I’ve slept a lot as long and they can remember. Even though I never officially chose music as a career of my own accord (less of a choice, more of a calling), I genuinely find joy, excitement, and fulfillment in the field. I’ve been told I’m going to make it big by people from audience members to industry professionals. I have a lot of confidence, self-esteem, and optimism that they are right, but I often get down by thinking I could be so much further by now if I could get myself in gear. But I can’t! It’s not that I don’t want to. I WANT to want to desperately, if that makes sense… I just can’t force it out of me except in little spurts that are usually interrupted by family (I commute to school from home, have for all of college) or when I have a deadline. I do have a feeling that once I get out of the house I will be better, but I have no way of leaving at this point in time without feeling a lot of guilt that I’m wasting money or not appreciating everything that has been offered to me. I am also very busy, always have been, always will be. Currently, I’m taking 18 credits of classes and internship, as well as have 2 jobs aside from interning, school clubs, a social life, a family life, and other things that come along the way, plus the pressure to have performances that honestly, I don’t want to even look for anymore, at least not in Vermont where I live. I feel very stuck; I have for a long time but the feeling has increased as I’ve gotten older, more mature, and more self-aware. Any comments on my situation are appreciated 🙂
Hi there Autumn. We think you intuitively know what is happening here, it’s in the little comment, “I do have a feeling that once I get out of the house I will be better’. What we see here is a young woman whose life is heavily influenced, shall we say, by her family. Possibly borderline controlled. but since it all came with lots of smiles, she feels guilty if she doesn’t go along with it. You see here’s the thing. A child doesn’t need just ‘positivity’. A child needs to be HEARD. Listened to. To have her thoughts dreams and wishes really noticed, and appreciated. Not just her talents. To feel she’d be accepted even if she wasn’t talented or ‘winning’. You even feel guilty for daring to think your childhood wasn’t as rose coloured as you choose to paint it. We sense a lot of codependency, feeling you are worthy only if you are pleasing. In summary, yes, moving out would be ideal. It’s not healthy to live with parents longer than necessary, it blocks self growth, and in this situation there is even more it’s blocking, like you even getting to figure out the life you want and going towards it, instead you are living out your family’s dreams and trying to tell yourself they are yours. The reasons you gave for not moving out you give aren’t real blocks to doing so and are things we are sure you could navigate, given that big steps are always a challenge anyway. We also really think you would benefit from counselling. Most colleges now offer free to low cost counselling to students, have you looked into what yours offers? As it sounds like you could use some support to know who YOU are, outside your family, and all the expectations everyone has of you. No wonder you have mild depression, somewhere in there it sounds like the real you might have gone missing. Best, HT. p.s. just because we are good at something doesn’t mean we have to do it as a career. Talent is talent, not obligation. What would you choose to do with your life is suddenly you woke up in another country where nobody knew you or your history with a million dollars in your pocket? Worth daydreaming about and seeing what actually comes up. You might find music is really it, just not music under the pressure to be what your family want. You might find it isn’t. Both are perfectly valid choices. It’s your life, after all. You are the one who has to live it, nobody else.
I just don’t have motivation for most things because I need instant gratification I think.
I’ve been using this coping mechanism since Freshman year in college that I can always just die instead of taking responsibilities for my actions. So many times I would procrastinate until the last second, and tell myself I can either die or get the thing done super fast. During undergraduate years I was able to get by doing bare minimum and even had a high GPA. But it kept getting worse and worse since I realized that no matter how much plan I made and how much I tried to justify it to myself I didn’t really want to die or have the courage to go through. So the movitator just stopped working. Finally I failed out of graduate school because I didn’t have motivaiton to do schoolwork at all. Found a job with the help of my parents back in my home country and hate every moment of it. I tried to bounce back by working towards an online Master’s degree but I’m losing motivation again and am probably doomed this semester.
Yeah, I understand that the reason I’m losing motivation is probably because I’m doing things I’m not really interested in doing. But I don’t know what I’m interested in doing at all. Seems like all I want is chasing instant dopamine, which I can only achieve through video games. My todo list is very long and I’ve spent so much time designing and redesigning my personal productivity system but I just can’t get anything done. I’m already 25 and I feel like I should know what to do in life and work towards the goal, but here I am, refreshing social media every 5 seconds during work (except for cramming tasks hours before the deadline) and spending all my free time playing FFXIV ignoring all the deadlines at school. I need to change but I also kinda don’t want to because without the happiness I might be nothing.
So Fresky you are obviously a very smart person with good self awareness. Who is hard on himself and has faltering self esteem. We can’t diagnose you as we don’t know you and people are more complicated than a comment. What stands out though is that 1) you are very smart 2) you can in fact get what takes other people ages done very quickly at the last second 3) you are using stress via procrastination to quick start yourself, so to speak. So there are two things that lead to these patterns. One is depression, which can come in many forms. One such form is mild depression, where we keep going, but we feel blank inside. We sense several factors that are contributing here, such as first of all being right at the age most of us start to think ‘what the heck am I doing who am I’ after thinking we sorted that out as a teen then realising we didn’t (25 to 28 is when many people sort of gain a lot of self awareness, or start therapy for the first time). So in one sense it’s a normal time to feel lost and even depressed. Part of that is often as we are still under our parents influence and we really need to break free, and we sense some of that here. Being 25 but still not making decisions based on who we are and what we want is a direct route to feeling low. You say you don’t know what you are interested in, and that’s perfectly okay. Many of us don’t know naturally, and have to get to work to find out. There are some good articles here on finding your values and trying different perspectives that can help, use the search bar to find them. And therapy of course can do wonders here, in fact existential therapy and transpersonal therapy pretty much are designed just to help with this sort of issue, and those under the humanistic umbrella also focus on this, on figuring out who we are and what makes us happy. So it might be that depression caused by going against yourself is causing low dopamine and seeking a buzz. It might also be joined by repressed emotions you don’t want to deal with. You are worried ‘you might be nothing’. What does that ‘nothing’ feel like? You see the reason we distract ourselves and sabotage is to avoid feelings that scare us. What is behind the emptiness? A therapist also helps us stop dancing circles around ourselves because the way forward is always through not around. Then finally there is maybe a small chance there could be ADHD, we are not diagnosing you, but the cycle of avoidance, procrastination, then hyper focus is similar, then again many bright people also use this tactic as a way to make a life that is simply boring them more exciting and bearable. So it might just be that you are very smart and need to find your ‘tribe’, so to speak. The people who actually inspire you in a life that actually feels challenging and good. In summary, we don’t think there is anything ‘wrong’ with you. Or that you need to ‘change’. We think you are a bright person who needs to now find their own way and be true to themselves but is at the crossroads. You need to know who you are a bit more, and then to make some choices that propel you forward to environments where who you are is an asset. Could you gather your courage and book some therapy? We think you’d find it really benefitted you, just to have this space to work this out with someone non judgemental who can help you get to know yourself and make a plan forward. And finally, companies spend millions (billions?) designing the systems of social media that keep us all distracted. So you are not alone there, and it’s not something to judge yourself on. Best, HT.
Hi, I think I may have mild depression, I know I struggle with general anxiety and find it hard to make decisions but also find that I lack the spark of interest, enthusiasm and excitement for things I used to do.
I’m a musician and songwriter and I’m not playing anywhere near as much as I used to and then I get hard on myself for not. It can all feel like a chore because there’s so much of it that I need to get done.
I know deep down it’s my passion but the spark has gone and I want it back!
I’ve done extensive research on anxiety, imposter syndrome and self sabotaging beliefs and some CBT courses. The CBT courses were difficult because of this lack of interest and because I don’t have trigger thoughts that the CBT cycle works from.
I can plan things out really out and make lots of notes on a subject. But struggle to get into action, I just get stuck in overthinking and then wonder where all my time goes, which leaves me always feeling pressed for time and in a rush.
My response to anything I want to start is like instant tiredness which I’ll sometimes use as an excuse to rest instead.
Self esteem, changing beliefs, and finding the purpose / why for my music is what I’m working on but making little progress it seems.
Considering hypnotherapy or self hypnosis.
Hi Michael, there is a lot going on here, and without really knowing you we really can’t offer any diagnosis or answers. We can only ask questions. There is an assumption here that it is your fault somehow, that somehow your mind isn’t good enough and it all comes from your head. That’s interesting, isn’t it? Are you sure that is true? For example what about it exactly feels like a chore? “Music” is enormous as a concept. What are all the exact steps, have you ever sat down and wrote down every single step between an idea, say, playing a show, and the end of that idea? The show over and all financials wrapped and reported etcetera? And if you did that, which steps are the ones that are actually the ones you don’t like? Is it the business side? Otherwise? Next big question. What makes you feel you have to do all of this alone? Or do you outsource anything? Have someone you report into every week who holds you accountable? What would it feel like if all the steps that you didn’t like were done by someone else? If monitoring what was or wasn’t being done was also done by someone else? What are the excuses you immediately make for why this is not possible? Are those excuses true? You see it’s all easy to blame ourselves and think what has to change to get to where we want is US. But what about the idea that you can get anywhere you want DESPITE all your apparent flaws? And that there is nobody out there with robot like efficiency who gets thinks done well all the time, always is sure what their passion is, always enjoys it, and always feels energetic? And that is just the great American creative myth? That has spanned a billion dollar industry happy to tell you the problem is you? Dig a bit and we’ll think you find a lot of people who make it in the arts have a team behind them, whether that is a family championing them, an assistant doing lots of the boring stuff, or a coach monitoring their focus. And yet so many artists put everything on their shoulders, feel exhausted, then blame themselves. We’d highly recommend a book called “Wishcraft” by Barbara Sher which is about getting to where you want without changing yourself at all but changing the ways you get there. It’s a practical book. That has been around a long time, written by a housewife who one day decided to be hugely successful without changing a thing about herself. It aligns with the behavioural concept of CBT, which is the idea that taking actions in spite of thoughts and feelings can end up meaning those anxious and depressed thoughts are diminished. Otherwise, we wonder if a coach might be the best fit for you. They are there to hold you accountable and help you progress and don’t engage in seeing what is ‘wrong’ with you but how you can use the resources you already have to advance. As for not having triggering thoughts, we’d imagine it’s more that you don’t hear your own thoughts clearly, and mindfulness is always a great practice to develop that capacity. Best, HT.
I can’t tell if I’m just lazy or a master procrastinator….or just someone who trained their mind to do nothing to the point of physically hating doing anything. I lack the part of the brain that used to go, “you have 10 assignments due, and tests coming up next week, get started”. But I leave it to the day before and I take one look and ignore it. It’s been like this for 2 years now, and it’s at its all time worst at this moment. I’ve lost hope in myself and have 0 motivation. My dad keeps yelling at me asking me what’s wrong with me. Is it just a phase? I’m 17, maybe it’s the hormones? Maybe I’m just extremely lazy? I’m afraid to find out, I truly don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m disconnected 24/7, I’d rather stare at a computer screen doing nothing all day than do a shred of work. It’s like a mental block, my stomach knots up and twists every time I try. The fact that I can ignore 10 missing assignments and not study for tests coming up without a shred of thought for the consequences scares me. I truly don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Something I’m always told is “just sit and do it, it’s not that hard, you can play a videogame for 8 hours straight but then be exhausted after 15 minutes of studying”. I’ve never committed to anything in my life, not even in videogames, I always have to change something, but the difference is I refuse to work, my mind will instantly come up with a million distractions. I go to the library and if someone drops a pencil 20 feet away from me I feel the instant urge to get up and pick it up for them–small things like that. I toyed with the idea of having ADD but my doctor didn’t really care much when I brought it up and my dad thinks I have it but clearly doesn’t care either. So now I’m convinced I’m just a living potato who simply lacks the mental strength to do anything with his life.
Life is hell and I can count the days that weren’t a nightmare full of suffering. Its normal the lack of motivation when to reach happiness you need an effort comparable to moving a mountain with your own strength. But I still have hope, hope is the only think that keeps me alive, trying over and over to reach my goals.
Now that I accepted this, I can focus on at least reach my goals and work on my projects because even when I may never be happy, at least I will be satisfied
Hi Ken, our take – there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You are human (which is messy, for everyone, no matter how good of an act they put up) and you are a teenager who currently is having a tough time on some fronts. Life is full of ups and downs and you are currently struggling, but that is never an indicator that we are flawed. 17 is tough. On one hand you still have your parents telling you what to do and what they think you are, on the other hand having to be an independent adult is looming right ahead of you, which can be quite terrifying. Sometimes our unconscious mind can be more panicked about that than we realise, and leave us feeling quite frozen. Underperforming can sometimes be a way to hold on to being a kid, if that makes any sense. Or it can be because it exercises your new right to be an adult – to do what you want to do, not what you have been told to do. We also notice a sense of loneliness here and a feeling you aren’t heard. Your father is picking on you and not taking you seriously, your doctor didn’t take you seriously. It’s never a good feeling to not feel unseen. You mention your father a fair amount and not a mother or other family or friends, so we are guessing that this is an important but challenging relationship for you, and one that is leaving you feeling rejected and unloved. We also see black and white thinking here. You seem to believe someone must be perfect, or nothing. This sort of thinking falls under what is ‘cognitive distortions’. And that is generally a sign of depression, as is numbness and being able to do anything. In summary, it sounds like you could have depression as well as anxiety, and that you really need some sort of positive support. Do you have someone to talk to? A friend? An adult you trust? A school counsellor? Would your family help you find a counsellor to talk to? We have an article on how to talk to your parents about mental health here http://bit.ly/talktoparents. The tough thing about being 17 is that your schoolwork can seem to dictate the rest of your life. Don’t do well, don’t get into the right school, don’t get a job, etc, etc. This can make parents anxious. It’s a mess of a system, because our lives should not depend on how we feel aged 17/18. Most people find their way forward regardless, often school is not the be all and end all, but it’s a stressful time. We also don’t know if your parents are pressuring you to have some sort of future you don’t actually want and this could be some sort of sabotage, to not do any school work. But these are all great things to discuss with a counsellor. Note that when you reach 18 you can book therapy without parental permission. We think you’d benefit from trying CBT, it is not a therapy where you talk much about your past, it focuses on current day patterns and retraining your brain to not get hooked on that black and white, negative thinking that is currently ruling your days. As for ADHD, hard to say, stress/anxiety/depression can manifest similar symptoms. Also ADHD doesn’t just suddenly appear aged 15, you say symptoms have been around for 2 years. We are born with ADHD, it will be present in our behaviour as children, so you would have been either a hyper or dreamy child. If a psychotherapist felt you had it they could refer you onward for a diagnosis. best, HT.
Hi there Lautaro, it is indeed to lack motivation if we are suffering from anxiety and depression. If life is hell and all you are doing is suffering could one of your goals be to seek some sort of support? There is counselling available for all budgets these days, we have an article here on how to find free or low cost counselling if you are on a budget. http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy Counselling helps lift depression and anxiety, which can see our motivation levels naturally raise.
I am struggling with my career now. I have terrible anxiety when I am thinking about my job, I also don’t feel enjoyment at all. Whatever I do, feels really useless. It’s like living with a constant fear, not being able to relax a little from time to time. I don’t even have energy now to look for a therapist or something. Proud I found some to write a comment here, I guess I am getting concerned about all this.
Hi Nina, we don’t know you and can’t diagnose you based on a comment, but it sounds like a mix we see a lot of people suffering with since the pandemic, of anxiety and depression. We get looking for a therapist is hard but do try to gather all your energy and find some sort of help. If you are anxious about talking about your past consider trying CBT therapy, it’s short term and focuses on your current life and issues. It is also shown by research to help with anxiety and depression. Also note that it’s worth checking if your workplace insurance covers sessions of therapy, and if you are in the UK you can always talk to your GP and get referred on. Best, HT.
Been on hrt patches and fluoxetine for several months now mood low no interest in anything no emotions no routine day to day just feel lost numb flat dead can’t seem smile or be happy how long am I going to feel like this is emotional numbness from fluoxetine ? Feel existence not life not cooking not shopping clothes or food feel cracking up nonplan day to day life just feel lost
Hi Natalie, you need to go and speak to the doctor who prescribed these together and be very clear about what your symptoms are. If medications are not working then you need to deal with that. Medications are not magic, they don’t work for everyone, and combining medications often needs adjustments, HRT in particular can need tweaking. And then we’d ask if you were just described fluoextine we are guessing for depression, or were also offered therapy? We are actually against the American way of prescribing mood meds without therapy as mood meds are bandaids they cover symptoms but they don’t solve them, they don’t get to the root of them, the proper use of mood medications in our opinion is to create a stable window to then do work on yourself with the support of a counsellor or therapist, not just to get on meds then spend the rest of you life on meds. Finally, if your moods only became low during perimenopausal years we do hope that HRT was well explored first as perimenopause and menopause can cause depression and anxiety that can be really assisted by HRT alone in some cases with some counselling. Best, HT.
Ever since I moved to the UK to attend university, I’ve been trying my best to be as productive as possible in all areas of my life.
I try my best to be as healthy as possible, eating a balanced vegetarian diet and doing exercise everyday for at least 40 minutes. My grades are great, and I’m not having that much difficulty keeping up with my work and exams. I’ve also made a few friends here who are nice and supportive, and we go out sometimes when uni life allows for it.
Even though things seem perfectly balanced, I can’t help but feel empty most of the time. I’m not motivated to get up early anymore, and I can’t seem to enjoy things the way I used to. I rarely ever get excited for things anymore, and when I do, it barely lasts a couple hours or so. It feels so bland. Now I just wake up late every day and stare at the wall for hours until I force myself to do something productive like working or being active.
I don’t get any enjoyment from these things anymore, but not doing them makes me feel extremely guilty and ashamed, so I try to keep up with them as much as I can. Ticking off everything from my checklist is the only thing motivating me to get out of bed, and it’s so unfulfilling. I don’t know what to do anymore. Even the things I was passionate about, like drawing and makeup, feel like tasks when I try to do them.
When I talk to my friends about this, they often tell me to worry less and not be “such a perfectionist”, but I don’t think I can be as laid-back as them. I don’t know who to talk to about this, and I feel like I’m always misunderstood. What should I do?
Ever since I graduated high school (I’m now 21), I’ve rarely if ever felt motivated or energized, and I’ve become even more of a loner.. I don’t enjoy my job but I feel trapped because everything is so expensive nowadays. Video games, music, and other media are a good escape but I can’t shake these negative thoughts and I don’t know what to do.
Hi there Dalton. 21 to 25 can be tough for some of us. Suddenly we realise that life is a hell of a responsibility and now we are in charge of it all, no more being a kid. And we’ve not even questioned who we are, or what we want. Instead we’ve done what our parents or peers expected or did. And here we are, depressed as anything. No wonder. We are going against ourselves, leading someone else’s idea of what our life is supposed to be. So first of all we’d say you sound like a self aware young man, and that means are probably doing better than you think. You recognise there is an issue, you are looking into it, so give yourself some credit. What needs to happen, Dalton, is you need to take some time to figure out who you are and what you want. And you need to question your thoughts. Are they really true? I mean here you are in a Western world were you can even afford things like video games, and yet you are telling yourself you have no choice, that you are powerless. You aren’t. It’s just that change requires courage. Taking risks. Being scared, going outside our comfort zone. But the other choice is feeling like crap all the time and suffering from depression. So what we’d suggest is to first of all see if there any kind of support. Does your workplace offer insurance that could cover counselling or coaching? CBT therapy would be helpful, it’s short term, you don’t have to talk much about your past, it helps you focus on changing your thiking and taking more action in life. Then start to do research around things like personal values, finding your purpose, developing your sense of self (we have articles on all of these things, use our search bar). Start trying to push yourself to follow interests that involve interaction over sitting in front of a screen at home. Human connection is one of the most inspiring things there is, we learn who we are when we relate with others, and can learn new things about the world. Another idea is to consider volunteering, it’s proven by research to raise moods and self-esteem and can also help us realise we have inner resources and a skillset we didn’t even know we did. In summary, it’s okay to feel bummed and overwhelmed, you are really young, and adulthood can be a bit of a shock. But keep going. It does get better. We learn how powerful we are, we start to make better choices, we can create the life we want, it is entirely possible. Also note that a lot of us end up in crap jobs when young, and they can certainly make life feel endless and pointless. Try to figure out what you can learn from the job. And keep trying to figure out what other jobs you’d like to try, and to keep moving forward. Instead of just sitting around numbing out, try to find ways to grow your skills. A lot of us end up in careers we couldn’t have imagined after a humble start. Or retrain in different things at a later age…. in summary, it’s okay to sometimes feel overwhelmed. Bummed. Defeated. Exhausted. Have a day to sit around and play video games. Then get up, dust off, and keep trying. Best, HT.
Hi there Carolina. So we would ask some very good questions here. Where did you learn that this is the ‘right’ way to lead life? What is the belief behind all of this? That to be good you have to be productive? Where did you learn that? Your parents? Instagram? From who? You see what we sense is that you actually have only a vague idea who you are. You have formed some sense of self from what you think you ‘should’ be over actually knowing who you are, what your desires and needs and values are. In some sense this is entirely normal. You are 19, and this is the time of life when we naturally ‘try on’ different identities until we figure out who we are. You are also finally away from your parents, suddenly have to be an adult and make decisions for yourself, which can be scary. So while a certain lack of identity is not unusual, it does sound like you are moving into depression. Sometimes a lack of identity can be rooted in deeper things, like a childhood where we had to be ‘good’ and ‘acceptable’ to receive love and attention from caregivers. Trouble is we get so good at acting out that ‘good acceptable’ child we entirely lose sight of who we are along the way only to have an identity crisis somewhere down the line as an adult, because always pretending is one thing – exhausting. So in summary, we highly suggest you seek counselling. You are at university, and all UK universities now offer free to low cost counselling. Take advantage of this situation and go talk to someone about how you are feeling, about your ideas of what life should be like. It’s a confidential safe space that we think you’d find highly beneficial. Best, HT.
I am a 65 year old retired female. For the last 4 years, I have lost my entire motivation for almost everything. I get my checkups and they are all good. I seem to be very healthy aside from being overweight, which I have always had ups and downs my whole life.
I see all the things around that I want to do or need to do but I just sit and think about it. I do manage to do the necessary things when I have to ie: washing, eating, grocery shopping, etc.
I remember when I worked and would only have the weekend to get things done and Sunday would come and all I would think to myself was boy if I only had more time at home how much I would get done. Well now retired I have all the time I need! I even plan in my head things that I really want to do and end up getting things together to do the project and nere I set. I don’t feel tired, depressed or anything like that. I actualy feel good aside from my normal age related things. Is there anything you can suggest I might try to turn this aroun?
Hello.
I am a 12 year old and had no motivation to do anything until I read this. I finally decided to see a therapist and it turned out that I did have depression. I found this extremely helpful and would recommend to anyone :).
Gosh Isabel that really touches us to hear that it was helpful, it’s why we do what we do. So glad that you have made that big step and got the support you need. best, HT.
Hi Melody, we’d want to know more about what has changed between now and four years ago. For example, were you still working then? Were you surrounded by others? And now, how often do you see others and do things with others? Also, we’d ask a lot more about your statement that you don’t feel depressed, and we’d want to learn about your thinking and your feelings across the week, what you think depressed and happy actually are, we’d have a lot of questions. The problem is we don’t know you, and of course we can’t help someone we don’t know over a comment, as people we are all complicated, over a simple mathematical equation. So we are left guessing. Our first guess is loneliness at play, often we don’t even realise that is what it is if we haven’t really been alone before, but if you are used to being around others and now aren’t that can cause a real lack of motivation. The other things we’d look at is if you even know who you are and what inspires you. Sometimes if we fill our lives with busy things, and life we think we ‘should’ have, when all the busy stuff stops we aren’t even deep down sure what excites us or who we are, we never took the time to figure it out. We’ve been on auto pilot our whole lives without realising it! The exciting side to that is that once we realise it we can start to investigate what we really value and try new things. Otherwise we’d really suggest if at all possible you get some counselling over this. Counselling isn’t just for when our life is falling apart, it’s also for just when things aren’t working and we can’t figure out why and need some outside perspective. There are also some forms of therapy that focus just on helping you feel purpose and motivation, such as existential therapy, but general counselling would also be helpful, we’d imagine. If you are on a low budget, we have a guide to finding free to low cost counselling here http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. We truly feel this could all change, and we wish you courage. Best, HT.
I currently lack motivation, and I’m unsure when it initially began, but I can sense that it’s progressively worsening. The simple act of getting out of bed has become extremely challenging for me, and I find myself struggling to engage in activities I once enjoyed, such as spending time with friends or playing games. Basic tasks like watching something, staying hydrated, and getting dressed have become arduous. Taking care of myself feels like an impossibility, as even simple acts like showering, brushing my teeth, and washing my face have fallen by the wayside. I’ve also been neglecting my school assignments, only completing tasks that feel obligatory, such as attending football practice, going to school, and fulfilling work responsibilities.
I have had little to no motivation for most of my life im about to turn 24 i just graduated from technical college with honors yet I have no motivation to get a job i think this worsened by the fact I have absolutely no confidence whatsoever in myself nor have I ever had confidence in myself my mom thinks I have been depressed for most of my life I have also never been in a relationship with a woman at all which combined with everything else has created a extreme amount of self-loathing on my part that is bordering on suicidal thoughts this is why I also think depression is the main cause of my lack of motivation though since its been going on so long it just feels like a part of my personality
It’s gone on for six weeks or more.
It is worsening or unchanged.
You are losing interest in talking to friends and family.
Your low motivation is accompanied by increasingly negative thinking.
You are having suicidal thoughts.
You aren’t sure anymore why you lack motivation (or there was no trigger).
I tick every single one of those boxes. I’ve been like this for years. Don’t know where or how it started, although I think my job had a lot to do with it but I can’t quit, I’m stuck. I want to do stuff but just can be bothered anymore.
I am only 14 and last year I was super motivated, I was a happy go lucky girl. Honestly if I even suggested to anyone I know, friends, teachers, parents, I don’t think any one of them would believe I have any sort of problem. Not this happy girl with good grads and a perfect life. But I’ve done my research, I know I probably suffer from moderate to severe depression. I guess I hide it. My depression doesn’t look like a bunch of crying and eating and lying about. It looks like a happy girl who seemingly has no problems but has turmoil going on inside her brain as she tries to do everyday tasks. I’m smart. I am in ASB, a band class, archery classes, volleyball, cross country, I crochet, I write. Heck, I’m reading at a 12th grade level. But school and my hobbies only seem like tasks that NEED to be done. They don’t bring me joy like they used to. I thought it was just a reading slump, but it isn’t, Maybe I just spread myself to thin this year, but I just feel numb. I’m trying to write a book, I have the whole plot thought out and every character fleshed out, but I can’t get the motivation to even write past chapter 1. I think going to the school’s wellness center would be best, but I don’t trust it. I know they will just tell my parents and make everything way worse. I mostly cope with it by imagining things in my head relating to fictional characters I like or cuddling with my cat. I would never think of ending myself, I just couldn’t. It’s not me. I have too many things to live for. The only thing I fear about this is: when will it start to affect my “perfect” grades and what will happen when my biggest anchor, my 10 year old pet cat Lala dies? I really don’t know. I’ve gone from being a little ray of sunshine to feeling numb in less than a year. It wasn’t any deaths or stress, it just happened. I mean, death never bothered me but only because I was never close with any family members when they passed away.
To wrap it up:
1) I think I’m depressed
2) I lack motivation to even do the things that bring me joy
3) I’m scared how I will react if my cat passes and if this depression will affect me negatively.
Thanks. This helped.
Hello, i’ve been struggling with motivation for what feels like 10 years at this point. It started going into middle school and i would say i went through a bit of a depressive phase all 3 years, and it continued in high school. At that point, I had gotten to the point where i was just going to socially interact. I felt as though it was too easy so i’d do what i HAD to. I barely graduated and now as an adult I still struggle to do the things i know i need to do and no matter how much i push myself i feel like i do one step and stop completely. I’m now 6 months pregnant and scared that if i don’t get my lack of motivation under control i will fail my child. I’ve always watched my family work so hard and I’m more productive at home but the want to better myself seems so hard to be consistent with. I struggle now especially because the one thing i felt even slightly motivated about was work and now with my high risk pregnancy i CANT go do that. I know the hormones are raging but i’m struggling really bad with this thought
Awesome all the solutions have costs as in you need money to get the right help this is part of my depression and why i decided to end my life.
I graduated university last year, been looking for work ever since. I’m diagnosed and medicated for anxiety which was working for 3 years, but this past month I’ve been unable to bring myself to do my housework, then my hobbies. Now this lack of motivation is affecting my job goals both in applying for jobs and my business. What steps can I take to get out of this rut? Is there things I can do or do i have to ride it out?
About 10 years ago I was seeing a psychiatrist and she told me that I suffered from chronic anxiety and depression disorder. Due to the fact that I also struggled with addiction I never followed through on it. Now that I’ve been clean for over 2 yrs I am experiencing severe bouts of depression again and I should really have no reason to be depressed. I have so much to be greatfull for in my life today but I still am feeling drained and exhausted all the time and I have a million ideas of things I want to do but can’t seem to get motivated to do anything and then I feel guilty about not doing anything and it goes on and on . This time it’s been several months and I know I need a psychiatrist again but I can’t even bring myself to make that call and in worried about where this might end up. I do t know what to do here and seriously, even if I did I don’t know if I could get myself to do it .
Is there a reason that AD/HD was not included as a possible cause for this low motivation, an extremely common symptom among those with this diagnosis?
Hello. I am 21. 2 years ago I lost my twin brother Blake. Last year I lost my aunt. 2 of the best people in my life. I have always had issues with family though. My mom never got told she was loved as a kid and she was adopted since birth. She would call me names. Like stupid, pig, little girl- when I’d be 17 years old. I am pretty scared to talk about all of this. To be vulnerable I mean. It’s not much to worry about at this point though. Comparatively. And –
I was reading a lot of the commentary and I feel for everyone here and, the therapy blog writer or writers a very kind. I am impressed. This is the kind of therapeutic support we all need. But I was going to lay it all out there to see what y’all might say. Like if y’all could see I guess what’s wrong with me. I know it’s life situations but idk why I’ve reacted to things the ways I did and such. Like who my family members and other persons are. Their mental states.
It feels like it is impossible to ever be able to tell someone everything. But my main concern was, lately I’ve been emotionally overwhelmed if not passed the point of drained. For at least a year from relationship problems (A.K.A. being gaslit everyday. And manipulated. And trapped). And 2 years with possible schizophrenia or OCD. Now recently, I saw my dad’s true side. I’ve lived in another city away from my mom for 4 years. But I have only lived with my dad and grandma and fiancé for 1 1/2 about. My dad even said he likes to mess with people to see what their reaction would be. Then proceeds to do it to me. Like pretend to get caught in the middle of flipping me off. And act ashamed. And I never noticed this from him “all my life that he hasn’t really been apart of, just every other year then get into fights with my mom and leave). So basically my situation I think I am in was at first narcissistic abuse. But now I think it is a psychopath ‘dad’ -buddy) and a sociopath fiancé. Who only wants to get married when he sees I want to leave him and puts my life in danger on the road. Like refusing to slow down a couple mph. And acts like I’m incompetent. Who are the main two people I interact with on the daily. Weak if any support system. My mom really helped for a little bit she is a narcissist or borderline person. She was diagnosed with borderline I think it was. Before she had me I think. I’ve started to feel selfish. And that I thought I was too smart. My fiance said it too. But now I’ve been forced to be trapped in a pretend to not care about what Dad has done, you have to smile and nod, kind of way. I don’t know if that makes sense all the way to anyone outside of the situation at hand. I have a lot of stuff I need to get off my chest and not feel invalidated and get an understanding to but, this is a lot I know. And anyone can and does just flip it around and call me crazy because of stuff I’ve been going through, too. Basically imagine schizophrenia and Religious OCD had a neglected baby. But I haven’t tried to hurt anyone in a mental, emotional, or physical way like my fiancé and dad has to me. For their perceived wrongdoing onto them when I didn’t look at them long enough in conversation so they think I’m not listening therefore don’t care therefore feel undermined and have to make me feel less than human. But anything is, maybe I’m not seeing it the right way that it somehow really is. I know things can be misconstrued because I’ve been there. But it didn’t happen a lot from me between my fiancé and I. But the other way around, my dad and him are like fire crackers with it. And you know? On the topic of funny stuff, but seriousness of behavior and effect thereof, they will not laugh at my jokes just to make me feel dumb and embarrassed. Like they won’t seem like the normal upset like they do when I didn’t react the right way. In fact, we will even be laughing at something they said right before. And anyway, I am sorry. My mom calls it “vomiting all over her.” Not, word vomiting all over like a normal thing to say but that’s what she means. Anyway, I should’ve kept most of this to myself but I always regret it more when I don’t say something compelling, true and important to the mind.
It could seem like I’m crazy and it really not be true after all, or a lot of it not be what I’m truly seeing. But it could also be I’m not crazy but it seems like it to professionals but this is actually something really messed up I’ve had to go through. And I just miss my brother so God dan much. It’s been getting worse and worse. And my dad just stood there and watched me involuntarily cr-bawl my eyes and strength out the other day and proceeded to talk about the guitar he’s been talking about painting in different ways everyday so blatantly not caring and even simply acknowledging that I needed a moment if not any support. Not even sounding excited and eager to talk about the idea. And I love my grandma so much but she latches onto an idea of him. Her son. But he makes things a bigger deal than they are and puts her down – about her concerns. That she respectfully brought up to me. Looking at me and waiting for me to gang up on her with him. Like my fiance and him do. They look out for each other when I asked if the other was flipping me off. But hate each other almost like jealous of each other –because the other has “more” love from me. I guess triangulating or if what it’s called in narcissism. I’m done, I’m regretfully sorry. I need to stop being blindsided and get away. Try harder. So here goes another day of Truman show torment for the tormentme.
I wish I could just post that comment on Facebook for everyone to see. The reality of the people in mine and their lives. When people come over I just want to get their number and say hey, nice genuine person!! Get away from them they will only use you and your vulnerability!! Ahhh. And I have one of the worst cases of social anxiety. I can’t even barely look my grandma in the eye and barely be able to speak to her. Never without being uncomfortable and scared. And stammering. Gd is hurts so bad. About that with her and in general feeling like a failure of a person. I’ve had it forever but ironically when my fiance leaves, it’s worse. Like around new people only, it gets worse than normal. There’s so much more. And I feel responsible for future actions that I need to figure out what to do to not let others fall victim to them. In more ways than mentioned. I get scared and know what they’re capable of doing and coming off the hinges when in fights lately. Being abusive to me in all the ways. The nicest and most beautiful person they had in their life. Betray her. Her trust and mind and autonomy. Besides Mimi of course. (Grandma).
I’m not a fan of the world, society, people in general…and other things I would mention but alas, it would be deemed “crazy talk”.
Anyway, I’m suicidally catatonic and also have pretty much debilitating chronic pain from nervous system damage that apparently can’t be healed and a bunch of other issues.
Nearly 43 years old (male), still a virgin, never had a romantic relationship with a female. Obviously there’s nothing worth pursuing there, considering my condition, situation, etc. I used to do various “artistic” and “creative” things, 3d modeling, animation, coding various programming languages, music, plants, etc. But it’s like I can’t care about any of that crap anymore.
I’m quite legit of the “I shouldn’t exist” persuasion. I do not care to exist ever in any form.