If you often go on rants about how pathetic people can be, orendlessly criticise and complain about others behind their back? It is simply not an attractive energy. Even the people you aren’t moaning about can back away.
To be liked by people, we need to like people. We need to put effort into noticing what is worthy about other people, in recognising their strengths, respecting their efforts, and showing them compassion.
2. “Why don’t people like me? I don’t like myself”.
Well yes…. and no.
It’s ideal to like ourselves all the time, but also pretty unrealistic. Most people have days of self doubt and being hard on themselves. And we absolutely don’t have to like ourselves all the time to have good friends.
Self-love is a big ask, so try to accept yourself instead. How could you show yourself more compassion? What three things did you do today that you can be proud of? What is right about you? Focus on that.
3. Your target is completely off.
Always trying to be liked by people who are popular, who you think look good, or who you are sure have more interesting lives than you?
If you value loyalty and kindness, and that popularfellow student or colleague values excitement and winning? Even if they finally did like you, you might not want to be their friend after all when the buzz of acceptance wears off.
Are you constantly morphing what you say and do, and things like the way you dress, to match and impress others?
People don’t actually want to be pleased or impressed. They want to feel comfortable and safe. If you are constantly changing, it can overwhelm others. The more secure you are in who you are, the more others can relax around you.
Some of us are naturally more flexible people than others, and it’s normal as we get older to change our taste in things like music and food.
Do you talk about yourself in order to show people how likeable you are? Or complain and moan in an attempt to seem interesting? Never stop talking in your attempt to hide anxiety and seem funny?
Oversharing is actually a turn-off and can be misconstrued as selfishness.
Listening, on the other hand, helps others feel connected to and valued, which we all deep down want. It’s just that many of us weren’t raised learning how to do it, with our own parents not listening to us.
Read about listening techniques and get practicing. You’ll find that people are more interesting than you realised, and that they are interested in you without you having to brag or bully.
6. You are overvaluing the love of others.
No matter who likes or doesn’t like you, you are still you. Nobody’s love can save you from yourself, not even the biggest romance of your life.
The only saviour here is the person looking back at you in the mirror. Get to work taking care of him or her and making yourself happy. Putting pressure on others to do that for you? It scares people off.
Find things that make you feel good, even if others around you don’t get it. If you love flying kites, then get into flying kites. The happier you are with what you are doing, the more you feel at home in your skin, the more others will be attracted to you. And the more you’ll naturally meet people you have things in common with.
7. You might actually think and behave in different ways than most people.
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