Do you ask people what they think or feel before acting on things? Or do you assume you know what they are thinking, then react?
Assumptions block us from seeing people as they are and can even see us living in a false, paranoid reality where we push people away over things that aren’t true.
Unless you can read minds, the only way to truly know what someone thinks and feels is to learn how to ask. Listen to what someone says, then ask them what they mean. If you aren’t sure, ask them for more clarity, or to confirm if what you are hearing is correct.
Do you think the way you see things is always right, meaning you tend to make others wrong?
People tend to back away from knowing you if they are constantly told ‘you are wrong’.
Actually, there often is no right and wrong, merelyperspective. We all see life from the angle of our own values and personalities. Ten people can be at the same event, and all will tell a different story.
There is an old saying that suggests we try ‘walking a mile in another person’s shoes’. What would life look like if you were the other person? Can you try imagining?
4. Invest in self-knowledge.
Do you change who you are depending on who you are around?
It’s so easy to focus on others being hard to trust. But if you don’t trust others, the truth might be that you don’t trust yourself. You don’t know what you’ll do next, or can’t trust yourself to make decisions that keep you safe and happy.
Slow down with the next decision you are asked to make. What is it you really want here? What decision would show good self-care?
Do you deep down just think you are not loveable, flawed, or somehow not as good as anyone else?
Core beliefs are assumptions about ourselves, others, and the worlds we mistake for facts. Unless we recognise and challenge these core beliefs we developed in childhood, we can spend our whole life making decisions under their false perspective. Such decisions will, of course, ‘prove’ the belief as ‘right’.
What proof do you actually have that you are unlovable (or flawed, or not good enough, or hopeless..). Is it possible this is just something that negative childhood experiences taught you?
What would life look like if the opposite were true? What new decisions would you make?