If you are convinced it was ‘love at first sight’ and slept together the first night, or moved in together after a few weeks, and suddenly have doubts? With good reason. You probably don’t know the person you are dating. The chemical buzz of lust is wearing off and you are facing a near stranger.
3. Do you share values?
Spend time understanding personal values and identifying yours. Then learn those of your partner.
The one thing that builds a solid relationship that lasts is shared values, not shared hobbies, taste in music, or lifestyle choices. If you don’t share values then your doubts are valid.
4. Is the relationship authentic?
Can you fully be yourself around the other person? Do you fully accept their real self?
If you feel you have to be what he or she ‘wants’ for the relationship to survive, or or constantly wish they’d change, then your doubts might be a red flag your relationship is false. An authentic relationship can’t be built on play acting.
5. Are you still communicating?
Been in the relationship for a long time, even have children, but suddenly have doubts? Paranoid he or she is not happy, or worse, cheating?
If your doubts coincide with alife change you’ve made, then the doubts could be valid.
For a relationship to survive we need to be living out the same book, so to speak, if not be on the same page.
If you have decided toquit your job and donate your time to volunteering, and your partner, who met you when you shared the same dream of a wealthy lifestyle has not reached that same change of heart? Then it might be time to talk.
Are the doubts coming from you and your own issues?
The above questions don’t quite apply? Then maybe it’s you yourself the doubt is starting from. Here’s how to tell.
1.Do you doubt yourself?
Do you struggle to make decisions? Say one thing, then quickly correct and contradict yourself? If your life experiences have led you to doubt yourself, then it’s highly likely you will project that doubt onto those around you.
Trust issues are from within, even if it’s easy to project them outwards. Yes, your lack of trust can inadvertently attract people you really can’t trust, but your own experiences have created this perspective.
3. Do you secretly think that the world is a dangerous place where bad things happen?
Even when we don’t realise they are our beliefs at all, we make decisions to ‘prove’ our hidden beliefs right.
If you took the message on board as a child that the world is dangerous place? You’ll see danger everywhere, including in those around you. And, yes, you might even choose partners who are a little dangerous.
4. Do you feel fear in relationships?
You might have fear of intimacy, which leaves you plagued with endless relationship doubts. They serve as excuses for you to push the other person away, a slave to your fear.
5. Did you experience neglect or childhood trauma?
Why would any of the above apply to you? Why would you be walking around doubting yourself, unable to trust, and thinking the world is a dangerous place?