A study at Western University, Canada looked at how both men and women rate photos of potential partners. It found that if they were told in advance the person was honest, they were more likely to see the person as fit, in good health, and with a kind and attractive face.
2. Be yourself.
Agreeing with things you don’t? Saying you like things you hate?
Pretending to be someone you are not is is an intimacy blocker. How can the other person connect with you if they are not even aware of who you actually are?
Nobody is the same all the time. But in general we havecore values that dictate what we like and don’t — which leads to the next point.
Whatever your values are, they are not going to change any time soon, pandemic or no. And dating those who don’t share them just leads to endless conflict and misunderstandings.
4. Going slow is always a good dating rule.
photo by: Kate Trifo
Rushing in to things rarely works when there isn’t a pandemic, and a virus doesn’t change that. It takes time to get to know someone. Forced intimacy is generally false intimacy, including thinking you are ‘soul mates’.
In the case of Covid-19, not rushing takes on new meaning. Going to actually meet someone now has a risk factor. So now more than ever it’s about taking your time, and listening and trusting your own instincts. Don’t make excuses for someone else at the expense of your own wellbeing.
5. Stick to your boundaries.
Think that somebody can’t overstep yourboundaries if you are just chatting over FaceTime or Zoom? Think again. Boundaries are often psychological.
Any time you are letting someone talk you into doing something you don’t really want to do? Whether that is talking when you have other things to do and want to go, meeting up when you don’t want to break lockdown rules, or things like phone sex? You are losing your boundaries.
6. Don’t use someone else.
Yes, this new pandemic reality of working from home has you bored. But if you really don’t like someone and know they like you, and are stringing them along to amuse yourself?
Remember that your actions feed your unconscious information about yourself. If you deep down know you are not being the sort of person you want to be? It’s going to lower your self worth.
Started texting someone from a dating site non stop? Telling them increasingly intimate details of your life? Or even things that you don’t tell friends?
It can be easier to ‘spill our guts’ to someone we haven’t even seen over video, and can temporarily ease loneliness. But it also backfires. You can be left feeling vulnerable if it goes too far. Or, if the other person back off, left feeling rejected.
Time to stop breaking your own dating rules and finally find the love you deserve? Book a session with a top London therapist now. Or use our booking platform to find an affordable UK-wide therapist or online therapist today.
Want to share your advice about healthy dating rules with others? Use the comment box below.
Andrea Blundellis the editor and lead writer of this site, and has studied counselling and coaching. She used to teach a course called ‘the Dating Detox’.