Your partner is amazing, so obviously it’s your fault.
Apologising because your partner is ‘perfect’ so you assume any issues are yours? This again relates to low self-esteem and poor core beliefs about yourself.
Putting others on pedestals and refusing to see their flaws can also be about a fear of being let down or making mistakes. Pretending things are perfect means we avoid getting hurt, or feeling stupid.
It might be that you were let down badly as a child, or punished if you made mistakes, so you’ve learned to block out reality. The problem is that nobody is perfect, and the other person might feel stressed by your demands they be so, and eventually walk away.
You are apologising because your partner is right, you do everything wrong.
In a relationship where you started confident, but now find you say sorry for anything and everything? And at first you weren’t sure that was fair, but your partner always finds a way to show you how you actually mess everything up? How flawed you are? And let you know how lucky you are to be with him or her?
You always apologise so other people don’t abandon you.
If you apologise for things you don’t actually feel you did, but you’d rather do that than be left on your own? You have abandonment issues and possibly anxious attachment. These can stem from a childhood where you couldn’t rely ona parent to be there for you when you needed them.
If you are so terrified of being abandoned you will manipulate the other person to stay – make up stories, pretend you are sick, or even threaten them – then it can again be borderline personality disorder.
You say sorry for everything because then life is easy.
Apologising to conserve energy could be seen as ‘being easy going’. But the refusal to engage that marks an ‘easy going personality’ can hide a deep-rooted fury at the world. Somewhere along the way something happened you couldn’t control, or that you were powerless to fight, so you gave up trying.
But finding professional support can be the best thing we do for ourselves. A talk therapist creates a non-judgmental, safe environment to explore our thoughts and feelings, and asks the questions that help you move forward faster.
Ready to raise your confidence and improve your relationships? We connect you to London’s top talk therapists. Not in London? Find a UK-based registered therapiston our booking site, or try one of our online therapists from anywhere in the world.
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