When Feeling Overwhelmed With Life Means a Mental Health Issue
Dr. Sheri Jacobson
May 16, 2022
photo by Kinga Cichewicz
by Andrea M. Darcy
Is feeling overwhelmed with life something you deal with often? In ways others don’t seem to understand?
The definition of overwhelm
Overwhelm means everything suddenly seems too much, and we don’t believe we can manage.
While some types of overwhelm are quite typical and with obvious triggers, there are other types of overwhelm that are harder to explain, and can actually be a sign of mental health issues at play.
Typical reasons for feeling overwhelmed with life
There are some things that overwhelm anyone, because they are outside the range of normal human experience and considered traumas. This could be an accident, a natural disaster, or witnessing a crime.
Other common reasons for overwhelm are life changes that take time to process, such as going away to school, breakups or divorce, a new and challenging position at work, and bereavement.
And of course we all have our limits over what we can and can’t manage, time and energy wise.
We can all feel overwhelmed if, for example, we:
- are given too much to do at work or are under tight deadline
- slept poorly or are ill or hormonal and have to navigate a full day
- are put in charge of others who challenge us in ways we aren’t prepared for
- have to do a presentation.
In these cases overwhelm is a feeling that signifies we are experiencing stress.
Stress is a response to a trigger we can pinpoint. Left unchecked, stress can lead to burnout. But with the right support, we can troubleshoot the situation and take steps to get through to the other side.
Why do I feel overwhelmed when others don’t?
But what if you are feeling overwhelmed with life and you can’t pinpoint a logic reason why? Leaving you embarrassed and ashamed?
Sometimes it’s that ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ feeling. But for some of us it’s like a storm descends and we feel lost in our reactions and big emotions.
- The dishwasher doesn’t work and you are suddenly sitting on the floor crying.
- Someone gives typical feedback on a presentation but you are overwhelmed with inappropriate rage.
- A partner says they are going out with friends and you are lost to a strange panic.
- A passing vehicle toots its horn at someone and you are overwhelmed by fear.
- Going to the doctor gives you a strange fatigue and a foggy mind.
By: fotologic
These kinds of overwhelm seem illogic because the response doesn’t match the present moment.
This happens when unresolved past issues are unconsciously driving our responses.
Psychological issues that cause overwhelm
So what sorts of past-related mental health issues might be driving your issue with overwhelm?
1. Anxiety.
Is your overwhelm physical, and triggered by a panicked thought? Your heart pounds, you feel sweaty, your stomach clenches? Are you always mentally considering potential dangers?
Unlike stress, anxiety does not tend to have a logical cause. Or we troubleshoot one thing that is causing us to feel anxious, only to feel anxious about something else entirely. It is a fear-based way of thinking that triggers the fight, flight, or freeze mode, meaning we are both mentally and physically overwhelmed.
2. Depression.
Are you overwhelmed by unexplainable sadness? And feelings that you have no future, or that things are irreparably wrong with you? Do you even feel so overwhelmed you don’t want to see friends or leave the house?
Depression means we feel hopeless and without a future, while mired in shame about our past. It too can be quite physical, with our limbs feeling made of lead and our head full of sand. Simple things like getting ready to go to the shops can feel overwhelming if depression becomes severe.
3. Post-traumatic stress disorder.
By: Karim Corban
Do you live your life on edge, scanning for danger? Do environments and experiences trigger your fight, flight or freeze response? A knock on the door, a certain smell, a certain type of person? And did you live through a trauma?
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can leave you feeling overwhelmed several times a day. Your mind and body are stuck on high response mode. You might struggle with things like sleep issues, anger problems, and addictions.
4. Complex PTSD.
Does the above sound familiar, but there was not one exact ‘big trauma’? But rather you lived through difficult childhood experiences? Or repeat childhood trauma, like sexual abuse?
Complex PTSD is a long-term and ongoing trauma response that sees you easily overwhelmed. You can be more emotional that others, and also jumpy, tense, with physical symptoms like constant colds and flu and stomach upset.
5. Adult ADHD.leaves you feeling overwhelmed with life.
Does overwhelm happen for you because you often just feel like there is so much to be done that you can’t keep up? Or because others can’t keep with you or keep misunderstanding you? And you either feel enraged or like crying?
Adult attention deficit disorder (ADHD) can cause a lot of frustration and overwhelm. It means your brain is constantly whirring, causing your problems with focus, attention, organisation, time management, and relationships.
6. Autism.
Do you feel overwhelmed by environments? Too many sounds, colours, lights, too much talking? Do other people’s emotions feel too much for you to handle? And does too much change to your schedule make you panic?
Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) refers to a range of symptoms that see you more reactive to sensory experiences and less emotional than others. You can also struggle with changes to routine.
7. Anxious attachment.
Do you only feel overwhelmed when you are in a relationship? Right when you should feel happy and in love, do you secretly feel panicky, uncertain, and even struggle to relax and sleep?
Anxious attachment happens when we did not have a parent or caregiver we could rely on for unconditional love and attention as a young child. Either our parent was unreliable, leaving us uncertain we were safe, or we were only given love if we appeased them. The end result is that we connect love with anxiety.
8. Borderline personality disorder.
Do you have emotional ‘storms’? Feel calm one minute, then an emotional wreck the next? Fly into a rage, or end up in a puddle of tears? Do others call you oversensitive, and do you punish people if you think they might abandon you? Do you tend to have fiery but short-lived relationships?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) usually stems for a childhood trauma like sexual abuse that has affected your emotional ‘thermostat’ and ability to self regulate. A main symptom is fear of rejection and abandonment.
9. Primarily obsessional OCD.
Do you have strange thoughts you are ashamed of that totally overwhelm you? That might be sexual or violent in nature? And do you then have patterns of thinking or behaviour to deal with these thoughts, like mental checklists, praying or repeating things in your head, or excessively researching to ‘prove’ you are okay?
Primarily obsessional OCD, or what sufferers call ‘Pure OCD“, is a form of obsessive compulsive disorder that means your head is a constant storm of extreme thoughts that are like mental torture. And instead of a more typical compulsive response, like hand washing or organising, you might use mental compulsions to calm yourself.
Can therapy help my overwhelm?
Counselling and psychotherapy helps all types of overwhelm, from general life stress, to dealing with life change, to any type of mental health issue or disorder.
Ready to stop living life from a constant state of overwhelm? And feel back in charge again? We put you in touch with London’s top talk therapists who can help. Or use our booking platform to find UK-wide registered therapists as well as online counsellors you can work with from anywhere.
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Andrea M. Darcy is the lead writer of this site. She left a career as a screenwriter to follow her true love, personal development. She has now written thousands of popular wellbeing articles, and also works as a therapy consultant, helping people find the right therapist and therapy.
I feel overwhelmed
I lost my job and found another but cant face it
I’ve tried getting another job but cant interview
I’m now stuck…and feel I’ve reached a crisis
Feel v quiet and cant speak
Hi Caroline, what is behind this, do you think? Is it that you actually don’t like the jobs you are going after? Or is it more related to not feeling confident from the first job loss? Best, HT.
I’ll be brief. My older wife has started getting sickly over 15 years ago and now into our 37 year marriage she is so much worse, does not care what she eats with her diabetes and over weight. I can’t stop her because she becomes angry. It kills me to be watching her the past 15 years just slowly dying and slipping away and there is nothing I can do or say. I tell her I don’t want to be alone, but she doesn’t care. We have no children and it’s always been us 2. The fear and depression of being alone one day terrifies me to death. Been on different antidepressants for the past few years, but after a few months they turn on me and make me have more suicidal thoughts, that I will not do. I just want the thoughts to stop and they won’t. I am now taking klonipin, but up to 1.5 mg a day that I don’t need as yet and buspirone hcl 7.5 up to 6 a day. Everyday is just a battle with my thoughts and hopelessness and fear and struggle to do things. My only peace time is when I am in my own bed room in my own bed. We can’t sleep together for that many years. It is my only safe zone that I relax. I have situational depression anxiety and whatever else. If I was an atheist, I would have ended my life 5+ years ago or so, but I’m not and I know that this is not the end of my spirit, but just my flesh body if I did, but I won’t.
Hi John, this sounds lonely and difficult for you. We are wondering, did a doctor just put you on meds with no offer of support? As meds mask symptoms only, but as you are clearly experiencing do nothing to help us access our inner resources and find ways to help ourselves. If you are in the UK, either go back and demand a referral to therapy or ask to talk to another GP. It’s unprofessional in our eyes that you weren’t offered support. Unfortunately UK is starting to go the way of the USA in this matter. But the NHS offers Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for example, that helps you get a handle on your thoughts and lowers anxiety (or you can book privately if it’s in your budget, we have therapists for all budgets now working over the internet here https://harleytherapy.com/) . Just to say you are also far from alone in this situation, of the dread of losing your partner and being all alone. We can be so stuck in a pattern the idea of living outside of it is indeed terrifying. Of course terror and anxiety put our mind in a trap, and the trap blinds us. We can’t see other opportunity or possibility. Our own mind lies to us. It sounds like you don’t have any social circle or things you take joy from. Is there anything you actually enjoy doing that could be a means to meet new people? We know it can feel terrifying to start new things, but sometimes after that rather nerve wracking moment of putting ourselves out there we can be so glad we did. Of course given the pandemic this might be harder than usual. But even just taking the time to consider what makes you feel good, just you, what activities and hobbies and interests might you have let lapse over the years. Who are you outside of this relationship? And then starting to move towards those interests again. You see your life sounds like it’s narrowed right down to you, her, and your home, but that is a choice you made along the way. But it’s not actually the reality of who you are or what you can be. And you can’t control her, as you’ve realised. But starting to look at yourself, where you do have control, and make new decisions to do things that make you feel good, can help. In summary, you are more than your mind is telling you you are. But you need and deserve some support right now to talk this through and realise your own inner resources to deal with this. We hope you reach out for it. Best, HT.
I work with people with MH difficulties in probably the most hopeful field of MH. Their stories can be so sad and traumatic. Sometimes they start to improve and then go backwards in term of their MH. And I feel powerless and lacking trying to help them. Often there are many tears and/or trauma. Then I start to feel all the sorrow in the world. So much sorrow. So much pain. And I feel overwhelmed. I am tearful and I can’t cope with anymore sorrow
Hi Lorraine, it’s understandably overwhelming. In counselling and psychotherapy school you have to do therapy yourself for several years of the training, it’s a requirement, and with good reason. It means we can offer full empathy without our own issues being triggered so we over identify or become overwhelmed and end up struggling to help. A registered therapist also always works with a supervisor whose job is to offer the therapist support when a case becomes overwhelming, because even after years of therapy we can be triggered working with tough cases. So a therapist is never alone in their journey and always has support, given how tough the job can be. Does your job offer this? Some form of support? If not, we’d recommend talking to your manager or supervisor about putting some sort of support in place, as it’s not really fair to expect you to manage all this alone. Or perhaps funding you to do some counselling training if you haven’t already, or to cover the cost of some counselling sessions for you. Sensitive, kind people are attracted to helping others, but we are often sensitive and kind as we’ve experienced our own difficulties in life. And we need to remember to take care of ourselves, too. It’s a bit like that emergency airplane situation – we need to put our own oxygen mask on first before we can help others with theirs. Best, HT.
The last few years I was getting overwhelmed and its been slowly getting worse and worse ,last six months my thoughts started racing and my mind is like merry-go-round till the point I feel dizzy , time races away. I started around the same time with really disturbing night terrors . My sleep and eating is all over the place . I always feel that I got migraine comming on. every day is difficult . I got BPD had relapses and got better but this feels very different to what it was . It’s extremely and alot more intense and unforgiving . I don’t know what’s really wrong with me . I am not on any medication( came off it against medical advice 8 years ago but managed without it ). and I don’t take any drugs . I feel to overwhelmed to talk to gp about it and feel the need to hide it because I don’t want to end up on medication again, back in hospital and doing therapy again . I had my odd little the funky moments that comes with BDP since comming off medication but this gone on longer and the intensity is non stop and getting worse. I tell the people I love that I am fine and they take me at face value that I am ok .. but I guess feeling overwhelmed is not genlized to one or two things but I guess I never know what’s wrong with me , I personally don’t think it’s treatable whatever it is .
Hi Kelly, the last few years, with the stress of the pandemic, has seen a lot of people with mental health issues struggle more than they usually do particularly those with BPD. First of all, we challenge the idea there is something ‘wrong’ with you. We’d reframe that. When we have strong symptoms they are there as at some point we’ve had a trauma, and on top of that we are finding life hard. They are a response to struggle, and really the brain’s rather intelligent way of trying to get our attention and say, hey! We need to manage this stuff! You have had challenging experiences, and your mind is trying to process, which all makes sense, don’t you think? Over being something ‘flawed’? If you don’t want to seek help or feel you are untreatable, well, that’s a choice nobody can make for you, but sounds more that in this moment you are in the BPD black/white thinking trap. But BPD and trauma and depression and anxiety and night terrors… they are all treatable. And we aren’t talking medication. What therapy were you offered? Sounds like you need something to help you stabilise first, that doesn’t dive into your ‘problems’ or talk endlessly about your past, just works to get you stable, like clinical hypnotherapy, BWRT, or CBT. We also have an article here on what therapies actually work with BPD http://bit.ly/BPDtreatment. Also note on the self help front mindfulness meditation is free and even a part of dialectical behaviour treatment as it’s so effective. http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout Finally, cut yourself some slack. These are tough times. You are here, continuing on, doing your best. If you don’t want to seek professional support, at least try to find some sort of support forum online, something, just try to connect to some sort of support. We wish you courage, HT.
What do you do if you have all of these things at once and still no one thinks you’re not a capable person, or that you are choosing not to try harder?
Hi Tina we aren’t sure what you mean by ‘all these things at once’. But as for ‘no one thinks you are a capable person’, do YOU think you are a capable person? You are the person who matters. And ‘no one’ is an assumption, as you don’t know everyone. If you are constantly surrounded by people who criticise you it’s time to get help with self-esteem and also with choosing a better social circle. We also don’t know your age. If you are very young, and stuck living at home with a critical family, that is hard. Often this is greatly helped when you are old enough to move out and choose how you spend your time and with who. best, HT.
same question as tina but with clarification. everything is overwhelming. im probably adhd or autistic if not both with low presentation. the way i was raised gave me anxious avoidant attachment and my life and how my interractions with my classmates and family never went as expected (i.e. every time i relaxed around them a tiny bit and was myself instead of following the “script”) i got in trouble or every time i thought i knew what i was doing so i gave it a shot but messed up and made things worse gave me cptsd. but all my life simply not being competant at something because its too overwhelming was punished so its been seemingly impossible to get the people i seek help from to believe im less than competant even sometimes. plus when something that would be overwhelming to “anybody” happens, the adhd crisis management kicks in and disguises my distress further. how does one get around competancy when overwhelmed as a defense mechanism to figure out how to be less overwhelmed in the first place?
Hi,
Very short and straight to the point.
Pretty much anything will tip me from being happyish into me feeling overwhelmed, stressed and sad.
I believe it is now affecting my marriage and I cannot help but go down hill in mood and it can last for days without actually knowing why I’ve gone down hill.
It makes me feel like leaving my marriage as I feel worse knowing I’m bringing the house down to my negativity level.
I live a normal life but constantly feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and depressed is making life hard.
Hello , I’m very often overwhelmed ,anxious, angry,sad . I feel sometimes exhausted from the mood swings and stress. I feel overwhelmed by my everyday daily life tasks and lack all concentration, focus,drive. I am a woman that is 46 that just started going through menopause. I also have been diagnosed with ptsd from many childhood traumas of molestation and deep feelings of abandonment. I went threw 22 foster homes before I was 12 . Passed around by family members because they didn’t know what else to do with me and nobody wanted me …literally. One great aunt would take me for a f ew months before I did something or she just decided I was in her way then off to an uncle..or cousin. Some were ok with me some really abused me mentally, physically,sexually. This is how I grew up . I got pregnant at 13 went through a bunch more moving around and abuse and yes multiple abusive partners as a young woman . I am now in a marriage with a wonderful man that is very patient with me 7 years married 10 together . I feel these mood swings of one minute feeling alright to feeling sheer anger over nothing and just losing my mind either crying or screaming profanity . Stomp around my house cursing loudly so that he hears me or whoever is there. Talking shit and this can go on and has gone on for hours. Then I’m left embarrassed when I come down off my charade and apologetic. I’m lucky that he is so patient and partially deaf in one ear.. I find myself so unhappy with life . So unhappy with myself and I’m never happy . Though I am in love with my husband I fear he will leave me for my behavior. I also over spend almost to extent it could be an addiction. Over the covid pandemic I started eating my feelings and went from 155lbs to 210. I’m the largest I’ve ever been. I started neglecting to be responsible for alot of important things like having any kind of organization in my life. Not in my home my thoughts or my life. I know my life needs serious help .I don’t know where to start . I know I need to start somewhere my house is a wreck because I clean everything obsessively for a day or two then I quit putting things back slack on picking up after myself and let the house get bad again. What do I do??